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1 year ago
If it fits use it
Hope they cleaned it before though. Practical , so we though maybe there are more things you can use sex toys that DON'T involve sex! After all why not get all use out of them!
Here are 5 funny sex toy life hacks:
"The Silent Alarm Clock": Forget about noisy alarms—set your vibrating sex toy to wake you up with a gentle buzz. Just make sure to position it strategically so it doesn't roll off the nightstand and disappear under the bed!
"The Hands-Free Selfie Stick": Need to take a hands-free selfie? Attach your smartphone to a suction cup dildo for the perfect angle every time. Just be prepared for some interesting looks if you accidentally leave it on your desk at work.
"The DIY Massager": Can't find your back massager? No problem! Grab your trusty vibrator and give yourself a relaxing massage. Just make sure to switch it back to its original purpose before your partner gets home.
"The Emergency Candle Holder": Out of candle holders for your romantic dinner? No worries! Just stick a tapered candle in the base of your dildo and let the mood lighting begin. It's sure to set the mood for a memorable evening.
"The Secret Stash": Need a discreet hiding spot for your valuables? Hollow out a dildo and use it as a secret stash container. Just don't forget where you put it—or you might end up with a surprise during your next round of spring cleaning!
Here are 5 funny sex toy life hacks:
"The Silent Alarm Clock": Forget about noisy alarms—set your vibrating sex toy to wake you up with a gentle buzz. Just make sure to position it strategically so it doesn't roll off the nightstand and disappear under the bed!
"The Hands-Free Selfie Stick": Need to take a hands-free selfie? Attach your smartphone to a suction cup dildo for the perfect angle every time. Just be prepared for some interesting looks if you accidentally leave it on your desk at work.
"The DIY Massager": Can't find your back massager? No problem! Grab your trusty vibrator and give yourself a relaxing massage. Just make sure to switch it back to its original purpose before your partner gets home.
"The Emergency Candle Holder": Out of candle holders for your romantic dinner? No worries! Just stick a tapered candle in the base of your dildo and let the mood lighting begin. It's sure to set the mood for a memorable evening.
"The Secret Stash": Need a discreet hiding spot for your valuables? Hollow out a dildo and use it as a secret stash container. Just don't forget where you put it—or you might end up with a surprise during your next round of spring cleaning!
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Failing as a parent
Someone's getting put in a nursing home at 53
Here are five humorous suggestions for what a mom could buy herself instead of Christmas presents for her kids:
A "Mommy Time-Out" Kit: Treat yourself to a luxurious spa day complete with massages, facials, and a dip in the hot tub. After all, who needs presents when you can pamper yourself?
The Ultimate Mom Cave: Transform a spare room into your own personal sanctuary, complete with cozy blankets, a mini fridge stocked with your favorite snacks, and a big-screen TV for binge-watching your guilty pleasures.
A "Mom's Night Off" Subscription Box: Sign up for a monthly subscription box filled with goodies just for you, from gourmet chocolates to fancy wine. Because let's face it, being a mom is hard work, and you deserve a little indulgence.
A DIY Mommy Makeover: Splurge on a makeover day where you get to reinvent your look with a new hairstyle, makeup, and wardrobe. It's the perfect excuse to shake things up and show off your fabulous mom style.
A Mommy Adventure Bucket List: Treat yourself to a series of fun and adventurous experiences, from skydiving to zip-lining to bungee jumping. Who needs presents under the tree when you can make memories that will last a lifetime?
Here are five humorous suggestions for what a mom could buy herself instead of Christmas presents for her kids:
A "Mommy Time-Out" Kit: Treat yourself to a luxurious spa day complete with massages, facials, and a dip in the hot tub. After all, who needs presents when you can pamper yourself?
The Ultimate Mom Cave: Transform a spare room into your own personal sanctuary, complete with cozy blankets, a mini fridge stocked with your favorite snacks, and a big-screen TV for binge-watching your guilty pleasures.
A "Mom's Night Off" Subscription Box: Sign up for a monthly subscription box filled with goodies just for you, from gourmet chocolates to fancy wine. Because let's face it, being a mom is hard work, and you deserve a little indulgence.
A DIY Mommy Makeover: Splurge on a makeover day where you get to reinvent your look with a new hairstyle, makeup, and wardrobe. It's the perfect excuse to shake things up and show off your fabulous mom style.
A Mommy Adventure Bucket List: Treat yourself to a series of fun and adventurous experiences, from skydiving to zip-lining to bungee jumping. Who needs presents under the tree when you can make memories that will last a lifetime?
1 year ago
Or waking up refreshed
Or having a good nights sleep if we're at it. Sleep scams are on the rise though here's a few we herd abut recently:
"The Dream Catcher Con": A self-proclaimed dream guru offers to sell you a 'dream catcher' device that guarantees you'll have only sweet dreams and wake up feeling refreshed every morning. Little do you know, it's just a regular net with some glitter sprinkled on it, and the only thing it catches is your money.
"The Pillow Pyramid Scheme": You receive an invitation to join a 'sleeping beauty' pyramid scheme where you can earn money by recruiting others to buy overpriced pillows that promise to revolutionize their sleep. The catch? The pillows are just regular pillows with a fancy label, and the only thing you'll be sleeping on is a bed of lies.
"The Nap Nap Trap": A 'sleep consultant' offers to sell you a personalized nap schedule guaranteed to maximize your productivity and energy levels. After shelling out a hefty fee for their services, you realize the schedule consists of nothing but '10-minute power naps' interspersed with '30-minute snack breaks'—and you're left wondering why you ever thought you needed professional help to sleep.
"The Sandman Subscription Scam": You subscribe to a 'sleep-enhancing' service that promises to deliver specially curated bedtime stories and lullabies to help you drift off to dreamland. Unfortunately, the stories are all poorly written fanfiction and the lullabies are just recordings of cats screeching, leaving you wide awake and questioning your life choices.
"The Slumber Self-Help Swindle": You purchase a 'sleep improvement' course that promises to teach you the secrets to achieving deep, restful sleep every night. After completing the course, you realize the only thing it's taught you is how to count imaginary sheep and recite the lyrics to 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'—and you're left wondering if you'd have been better off just counting sheep the old-fashioned way.
"The Dream Catcher Con": A self-proclaimed dream guru offers to sell you a 'dream catcher' device that guarantees you'll have only sweet dreams and wake up feeling refreshed every morning. Little do you know, it's just a regular net with some glitter sprinkled on it, and the only thing it catches is your money.
"The Pillow Pyramid Scheme": You receive an invitation to join a 'sleeping beauty' pyramid scheme where you can earn money by recruiting others to buy overpriced pillows that promise to revolutionize their sleep. The catch? The pillows are just regular pillows with a fancy label, and the only thing you'll be sleeping on is a bed of lies.
"The Nap Nap Trap": A 'sleep consultant' offers to sell you a personalized nap schedule guaranteed to maximize your productivity and energy levels. After shelling out a hefty fee for their services, you realize the schedule consists of nothing but '10-minute power naps' interspersed with '30-minute snack breaks'—and you're left wondering why you ever thought you needed professional help to sleep.
"The Sandman Subscription Scam": You subscribe to a 'sleep-enhancing' service that promises to deliver specially curated bedtime stories and lullabies to help you drift off to dreamland. Unfortunately, the stories are all poorly written fanfiction and the lullabies are just recordings of cats screeching, leaving you wide awake and questioning your life choices.
"The Slumber Self-Help Swindle": You purchase a 'sleep improvement' course that promises to teach you the secrets to achieving deep, restful sleep every night. After completing the course, you realize the only thing it's taught you is how to count imaginary sheep and recite the lyrics to 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star'—and you're left wondering if you'd have been better off just counting sheep the old-fashioned way.
1 year ago
Never share your wi-fi password
3am wondering why you can't load a youtube video while your neighbor is torrenting
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
1 year ago
