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2 years ago
Growing up isn't so bad
Sometimes it's alcohol and steak. But does it make up for all the responsibility work and taxes?
We think so! Here is the backing :
"Because nothing says 'adulting like a boss' quite like channeling your inner carnivore and washing it down with the nectar of the gods. Who needs gold stars when you've got grill marks?"
"Because steak and beer are like the Batman and Robin of adulting—saving you from the mundane villains of everyday life, like meetings and paperwork, one delicious bite and gulp at a time!"
"Because when life throws lemons at you, you don't make lemonade, you fire up the grill and throw on a T-bone steak! Who cares about taxes when you've got a medium-rare masterpiece waiting for you?"
"Because let's face it, adulthood is just one big Choose Your Own Adventure book, and the page that leads to steak and beer is always the right choice. Taxes? More like t-bones, am I right?"
"Because steak and beer are the ultimate 'adulting trophies'—proof that you've survived another day in the jungle of responsibilities and emerged victorious, with a belly full of beef and hops. Take that, IRS!"
We think so! Here is the backing :
"Because nothing says 'adulting like a boss' quite like channeling your inner carnivore and washing it down with the nectar of the gods. Who needs gold stars when you've got grill marks?"
"Because steak and beer are like the Batman and Robin of adulting—saving you from the mundane villains of everyday life, like meetings and paperwork, one delicious bite and gulp at a time!"
"Because when life throws lemons at you, you don't make lemonade, you fire up the grill and throw on a T-bone steak! Who cares about taxes when you've got a medium-rare masterpiece waiting for you?"
"Because let's face it, adulthood is just one big Choose Your Own Adventure book, and the page that leads to steak and beer is always the right choice. Taxes? More like t-bones, am I right?"
"Because steak and beer are the ultimate 'adulting trophies'—proof that you've survived another day in the jungle of responsibilities and emerged victorious, with a belly full of beef and hops. Take that, IRS!"
2 years ago
2 years ago
Super Mad Terrible Mother
Another person who's going to be put in a home at 53. But we're all about excuses here, maybe she has some good reasons? As a fellow person with an IQ as large as my shoe size I thought up of these totally valid reasons why you shouldn't share your onlyfans money with your kids:
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
2 years ago
Dogshit a classic present
A tier lower then coal. We thought about this one long and hard! She was probably saying it out of the goodness of her heart! Dog Shit is wonderful! It's the gift that keeps on giving and here is why:
"Because nothing says 'I love you' like a gift that keeps on giving... fertilizer for the soul, straight from Fido's behind!"
"Forget the fancy wrapping paper, nothing says 'holiday cheer' quite like a steaming pile of doggie delight under the tree!"
"Who needs socks or ties when you can give your cousin the gift of a surprise scavenger hunt? It's like Christmas morning, but with a twist!"
"They say it's the thought that counts, so why not give your cousin a thoughtful reminder to watch their step? It's the gift that keeps on giving, long after the holidays are over!"
"In a world of material possessions, give the gift of humility. Nothing humbles you faster than accidentally stepping in a 'present' from man's best friend!"
"Because nothing says 'I love you' like a gift that keeps on giving... fertilizer for the soul, straight from Fido's behind!"
"Forget the fancy wrapping paper, nothing says 'holiday cheer' quite like a steaming pile of doggie delight under the tree!"
"Who needs socks or ties when you can give your cousin the gift of a surprise scavenger hunt? It's like Christmas morning, but with a twist!"
"They say it's the thought that counts, so why not give your cousin a thoughtful reminder to watch their step? It's the gift that keeps on giving, long after the holidays are over!"
"In a world of material possessions, give the gift of humility. Nothing humbles you faster than accidentally stepping in a 'present' from man's best friend!"
2 years ago
2 years ago
Get corrected
Twitter adds context
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
2 years ago
