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1 year ago
I got meme posting today!
I decided i'd rather do this then professional Fortnite
Here are five humorous and relaxing tasks an unemployed person might dread waking up to in the morning:
"Fifteen Minutes of Staring Contest with the Ceiling Fan": Get ready to lock eyes with your biggest fan—literally. It's a battle of wills as you try to outlast the hypnotic rotation of your trusty ceiling companion. Winner gets bragging rights and a slight neck cramp.
"Extreme Pillow Fluffing Championship": Think fluffing pillows is easy? Think again! Strap on your wrist guards and prepare for an intense workout as you fluff, flop, and toss your way to pillow perfection. Bonus points for achieving maximum fluffiness without breaking a sweat.
"Coffee Mug Artistry Workshop": Unleash your inner barista and get ready to create a masterpiece with your morning cup of joe. From intricate foam designs to avant-garde latte swirls, the possibilities are endless—assuming you can muster the energy to lift the coffee pot.
"Naptime Olympics Training Session": It's time to hone your napping skills with a rigorous training regimen fit for a champion. From perfecting your pillow placement to mastering the art of the power nap, every snooze is a step closer to gold medal glory.
"Synchronized TV Remote Clicking Routine": Grab your remote and get ready to channel surf like never before. With precision timing and lightning-fast reflexes, you'll navigate through endless channels of infomercials, soap operas, and reality TV marathons—all while avoiding the dreaded "no signal" screen.
Here are five humorous and relaxing tasks an unemployed person might dread waking up to in the morning:
"Fifteen Minutes of Staring Contest with the Ceiling Fan": Get ready to lock eyes with your biggest fan—literally. It's a battle of wills as you try to outlast the hypnotic rotation of your trusty ceiling companion. Winner gets bragging rights and a slight neck cramp.
"Extreme Pillow Fluffing Championship": Think fluffing pillows is easy? Think again! Strap on your wrist guards and prepare for an intense workout as you fluff, flop, and toss your way to pillow perfection. Bonus points for achieving maximum fluffiness without breaking a sweat.
"Coffee Mug Artistry Workshop": Unleash your inner barista and get ready to create a masterpiece with your morning cup of joe. From intricate foam designs to avant-garde latte swirls, the possibilities are endless—assuming you can muster the energy to lift the coffee pot.
"Naptime Olympics Training Session": It's time to hone your napping skills with a rigorous training regimen fit for a champion. From perfecting your pillow placement to mastering the art of the power nap, every snooze is a step closer to gold medal glory.
"Synchronized TV Remote Clicking Routine": Grab your remote and get ready to channel surf like never before. With precision timing and lightning-fast reflexes, you'll navigate through endless channels of infomercials, soap operas, and reality TV marathons—all while avoiding the dreaded "no signal" screen.
1 year ago
I'm a cat so i wouldn't know
But i'd assume they do.
Everyone wants to be a hero here are some scenarios we cam up with:
"The Avalanche Avoision": While skiing, you notice a group of fellow skiers buried in an avalanche. Utilizing your trusty snowboard, you perform a series of gravity-defying tricks down the mountain, creating a snowstorm of epic proportions that covers the avalanche and transforms it into the world's largest snow cone. As everyone enjoys the impromptu dessert, you're hailed as the "Snowboard Savant" and earn free lift tickets for life. And as a bonus, you suggest they add some yellow snow for extra flavor.
"The Burning Bungalow Bouncer": Spotting smoke from a nearby apartment building, you charge into action armed with a fire extinguisher and a superhero cape made of flame-resistant fabric softener sheets. Bursting through the door like a one-person fire brigade, you quench the flames with a single blast from the extinguisher and lead the residents to safety, all while belting out a rendition of "I Will Survive." You're hailed as the "Disco Inferno Defender" and receive VIP access to all fire safety seminars. And you make sure to leave behind a trail of toilet paper streamers as you exit, just for laughs.
"The River Rapids Rascal": Hearing cries for help from the river, you leap into action and execute a flawless cannonball dive, creating a tidal wave that propels the struggling swimmer safely to shore. As you emerge from the water, you strike a pose reminiscent of a Baywatch lifeguard, complete with slow-motion hair flip and dramatic music. The grateful swimmer dubs you the "Aquatic Avenger" and offers to be your personal water taxi for life. And you offer them a snorkel and goggles, just in case they need to take care of business while in the water.
"The Gas Leak Giggle Getter": Detecting the scent of natural gas, you don a gas mask and venture into the house, armed with a giant cork and a can of beans (for obvious reasons). With a swift motion, you plug the gas leak with the cork and unleash a symphony of flatulence to dissipate any remaining gas fumes. Residents emerge from their homes giggling uncontrollably, dubbing you the "Flatulent Fixer" and inviting you to their next barbecue. And you make sure to leave behind a scented candle to mask any lingering odors.
"The Sinking Ship Shenanigator": As the cruise ship takes on water, you don a snorkel, flippers, and a Hawaiian shirt, transforming into the "Tropical Tourist Titan." Using inflatable pool toys as flotation devices, you lead passengers in a synchronized swimming routine to the safety of the lifeboats, all while serenading them with sea shanties and handing out complimentary sunscreen. Your nautical antics earn you the title of "Captain Comic Relief" and an honorary membership in the International Society of Silly Sailors. And you make sure to bring along a rubber duckie to keep everyone entertained during the rescue.
Everyone wants to be a hero here are some scenarios we cam up with:
"The Avalanche Avoision": While skiing, you notice a group of fellow skiers buried in an avalanche. Utilizing your trusty snowboard, you perform a series of gravity-defying tricks down the mountain, creating a snowstorm of epic proportions that covers the avalanche and transforms it into the world's largest snow cone. As everyone enjoys the impromptu dessert, you're hailed as the "Snowboard Savant" and earn free lift tickets for life. And as a bonus, you suggest they add some yellow snow for extra flavor.
"The Burning Bungalow Bouncer": Spotting smoke from a nearby apartment building, you charge into action armed with a fire extinguisher and a superhero cape made of flame-resistant fabric softener sheets. Bursting through the door like a one-person fire brigade, you quench the flames with a single blast from the extinguisher and lead the residents to safety, all while belting out a rendition of "I Will Survive." You're hailed as the "Disco Inferno Defender" and receive VIP access to all fire safety seminars. And you make sure to leave behind a trail of toilet paper streamers as you exit, just for laughs.
"The River Rapids Rascal": Hearing cries for help from the river, you leap into action and execute a flawless cannonball dive, creating a tidal wave that propels the struggling swimmer safely to shore. As you emerge from the water, you strike a pose reminiscent of a Baywatch lifeguard, complete with slow-motion hair flip and dramatic music. The grateful swimmer dubs you the "Aquatic Avenger" and offers to be your personal water taxi for life. And you offer them a snorkel and goggles, just in case they need to take care of business while in the water.
"The Gas Leak Giggle Getter": Detecting the scent of natural gas, you don a gas mask and venture into the house, armed with a giant cork and a can of beans (for obvious reasons). With a swift motion, you plug the gas leak with the cork and unleash a symphony of flatulence to dissipate any remaining gas fumes. Residents emerge from their homes giggling uncontrollably, dubbing you the "Flatulent Fixer" and inviting you to their next barbecue. And you make sure to leave behind a scented candle to mask any lingering odors.
"The Sinking Ship Shenanigator": As the cruise ship takes on water, you don a snorkel, flippers, and a Hawaiian shirt, transforming into the "Tropical Tourist Titan." Using inflatable pool toys as flotation devices, you lead passengers in a synchronized swimming routine to the safety of the lifeboats, all while serenading them with sea shanties and handing out complimentary sunscreen. Your nautical antics earn you the title of "Captain Comic Relief" and an honorary membership in the International Society of Silly Sailors. And you make sure to bring along a rubber duckie to keep everyone entertained during the rescue.
1 year ago
Quite the wholesome lie
Or you know lie by omission
Here are some more wholesome lies by omission that you can tell your kids you facebook loving grandmas
The "Invisible Veggie" Ruse:
Parent: "Of course, there are no vegetables in your mac and cheese. It's pure cheesy goodness!"
omitting the fact that there's a secret stash of finely chopped veggies hidden in the sauce
The "Magical Money Tree" Mirage:
Parent: "Money doesn't grow on trees, but I have a secret trick to get more!"
omitting the fact that the "trick" involves going to work and earning a paycheck
The "Bedtime Story" Bluff:
Parent: "There are definitely no monsters under your bed. You're safe and sound!"
omitting the fact that monsters might live in the closet instead
The "Supermarket Swap" Scheme:
Parent: "I bought exactly what you wanted from the store."
omitting the fact that they bought a generic version or a different flavor because it was on sale
The "Pet Purchase" Pretense:
Parent: "We'll talk about getting a pet soon, I promise."
omitting the fact that the "pet" they're referring to is a houseplant or a pet rock
Here are some more wholesome lies by omission that you can tell your kids you facebook loving grandmas
The "Invisible Veggie" Ruse:
Parent: "Of course, there are no vegetables in your mac and cheese. It's pure cheesy goodness!"
omitting the fact that there's a secret stash of finely chopped veggies hidden in the sauce
The "Magical Money Tree" Mirage:
Parent: "Money doesn't grow on trees, but I have a secret trick to get more!"
omitting the fact that the "trick" involves going to work and earning a paycheck
The "Bedtime Story" Bluff:
Parent: "There are definitely no monsters under your bed. You're safe and sound!"
omitting the fact that monsters might live in the closet instead
The "Supermarket Swap" Scheme:
Parent: "I bought exactly what you wanted from the store."
omitting the fact that they bought a generic version or a different flavor because it was on sale
The "Pet Purchase" Pretense:
Parent: "We'll talk about getting a pet soon, I promise."
omitting the fact that the "pet" they're referring to is a houseplant or a pet rock
1 year ago
Canada will activly help you die
Without charging you a fortune though. Though we should talk about the elephant in the room. Being dead means all your health problems are solved! Here's 5 funny reasons why being dead means you are technically healthy:
"The Eternal Rest Plan": "Who needs expensive medical treatments when you can achieve eternal peace with just one injection? Euthanasia is the ultimate 'set it and forget it' healthcare plan—no more copays, no more waiting rooms, just sweet, sweet oblivion."
"The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution": "Say goodbye to dieting and exercise—euthanasia guarantees you'll never have to worry about fitting into those skinny jeans again. Who knew death could be the ultimate crash diet?"
"The Instant Doctor's Note": "With euthanasia, you'll never have to fake a sick day again. Just schedule your appointment with the Grim Reaper and enjoy unlimited time off from work—no questions asked."
"The Pain-Free Plan": "Why waste time and money on painkillers and physical therapy when you can skip straight to the final solution? Euthanasia ensures you'll never have to suffer through another headache or backache again—because you'll be too busy enjoying the afterlife."
"The Budget-Friendly Benefit": "Forget expensive medical bills and insurance premiums—euthanasia is the ultimate cost-saving measure. Just think of all the money you'll save on doctor's visits, prescriptions, and hospital stays. It's the frugal way to go out with a bang."
"The Eternal Rest Plan": "Who needs expensive medical treatments when you can achieve eternal peace with just one injection? Euthanasia is the ultimate 'set it and forget it' healthcare plan—no more copays, no more waiting rooms, just sweet, sweet oblivion."
"The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution": "Say goodbye to dieting and exercise—euthanasia guarantees you'll never have to worry about fitting into those skinny jeans again. Who knew death could be the ultimate crash diet?"
"The Instant Doctor's Note": "With euthanasia, you'll never have to fake a sick day again. Just schedule your appointment with the Grim Reaper and enjoy unlimited time off from work—no questions asked."
"The Pain-Free Plan": "Why waste time and money on painkillers and physical therapy when you can skip straight to the final solution? Euthanasia ensures you'll never have to suffer through another headache or backache again—because you'll be too busy enjoying the afterlife."
"The Budget-Friendly Benefit": "Forget expensive medical bills and insurance premiums—euthanasia is the ultimate cost-saving measure. Just think of all the money you'll save on doctor's visits, prescriptions, and hospital stays. It's the frugal way to go out with a bang."
1 year ago
She can probably walk on water
Doesn't walk actually just slaps the ground. Enough being mean though maybe this is a plus! Here's 5 reasons why girly yeti feet are awesome:
"Built-in Flippers for Impromptu Pool Parties": Who needs to pack flippers for a pool party when you've got sizeable feet? With your enormous flippers—uh, feet—you'll be the life of the party, effortlessly gliding through the water like a majestic sea creature.
"Never Lose Your Balance in High Heels": With feet the size of ski slopes, you'll never have to worry about teetering in those towering stilettos. Your massive feet provide the perfect counterbalance, keeping you steady on even the most treacherous terrain—like cobblestone streets or the dance floor after one too many cocktails.
"Instant Icebreakers at Pedicure Parties": Who needs conversation starters when you've got feet the size of small boats? Your colossal tootsies are sure to be the talk of the town at your next pedicure party, sparking lively debates about shoe sizes and potential career paths as a professional soccer player.
"The Ultimate Home Security System": With feet so big, you'll never need to invest in a guard dog. Just imagine the look on a would-be intruder's face when they come face-to-face with your formidable footprints—no burglar alarm required.
"Instant Celebrity Status as the World's Biggest Foot Model": Move over, Cinderella—there's a new foot model in town, and her feet are bigger than life itself. With your massive tootsies gracing the covers of magazines and billboards worldwide, you'll be living footloose and fancy-free in the glamorous world of giant foot fame.
"Built-in Flippers for Impromptu Pool Parties": Who needs to pack flippers for a pool party when you've got sizeable feet? With your enormous flippers—uh, feet—you'll be the life of the party, effortlessly gliding through the water like a majestic sea creature.
"Never Lose Your Balance in High Heels": With feet the size of ski slopes, you'll never have to worry about teetering in those towering stilettos. Your massive feet provide the perfect counterbalance, keeping you steady on even the most treacherous terrain—like cobblestone streets or the dance floor after one too many cocktails.
"Instant Icebreakers at Pedicure Parties": Who needs conversation starters when you've got feet the size of small boats? Your colossal tootsies are sure to be the talk of the town at your next pedicure party, sparking lively debates about shoe sizes and potential career paths as a professional soccer player.
"The Ultimate Home Security System": With feet so big, you'll never need to invest in a guard dog. Just imagine the look on a would-be intruder's face when they come face-to-face with your formidable footprints—no burglar alarm required.
"Instant Celebrity Status as the World's Biggest Foot Model": Move over, Cinderella—there's a new foot model in town, and her feet are bigger than life itself. With your massive tootsies gracing the covers of magazines and billboards worldwide, you'll be living footloose and fancy-free in the glamorous world of giant foot fame.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Thieving dog
Nuggets are my love language. This was a real fever dream to write here are five humorous reasons why lizards are the "dogs" of the reptile world, especially when it comes to stealing chicken nuggets:
"Nugget Ninja Skills": Lizards may not have opposable thumbs, but they've mastered the art of stealthy snacking. Just like a sneaky dog stealing treats off the counter, lizards use their lightning-fast reflexes to swipe chicken nuggets when no one's looking.
"Tail-Wagging Excitement": Ever seen a lizard's tail wag with excitement? Okay, maybe not, but just imagine the sheer joy and anticipation as they eye up those golden nuggets of deliciousness. It's like watching a puppy waiting for its favorite treat—except with a lot more scales.
"Chicken Nugget Retrieval Training": Forget fetch—lizards are all about "nugget retrieval." Just like a well-trained dog, they'll stop at nothing to fetch their favorite snack, whether it's hidden under a heat lamp or tucked away in a terrarium.
"The Great Chicken Nugget Heist": Picture this: a daring lizard caper to steal the last chicken nugget from the plate. It's like a scene straight out of a heist movie, complete with suspenseful music and slow-motion replays of the epic snatch-and-dash.
"Man's (Reptile's) Best Friend": Move over, Fido—there's a new best friend in town, and it's a lizard with a taste for chicken nuggets. With their loyal companionship and insatiable appetite for fast food, lizards are the ultimate sidekick for any nugget-loving human.
"Nugget Ninja Skills": Lizards may not have opposable thumbs, but they've mastered the art of stealthy snacking. Just like a sneaky dog stealing treats off the counter, lizards use their lightning-fast reflexes to swipe chicken nuggets when no one's looking.
"Tail-Wagging Excitement": Ever seen a lizard's tail wag with excitement? Okay, maybe not, but just imagine the sheer joy and anticipation as they eye up those golden nuggets of deliciousness. It's like watching a puppy waiting for its favorite treat—except with a lot more scales.
"Chicken Nugget Retrieval Training": Forget fetch—lizards are all about "nugget retrieval." Just like a well-trained dog, they'll stop at nothing to fetch their favorite snack, whether it's hidden under a heat lamp or tucked away in a terrarium.
"The Great Chicken Nugget Heist": Picture this: a daring lizard caper to steal the last chicken nugget from the plate. It's like a scene straight out of a heist movie, complete with suspenseful music and slow-motion replays of the epic snatch-and-dash.
"Man's (Reptile's) Best Friend": Move over, Fido—there's a new best friend in town, and it's a lizard with a taste for chicken nuggets. With their loyal companionship and insatiable appetite for fast food, lizards are the ultimate sidekick for any nugget-loving human.
