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relationships

Cat
3 months ago
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Cat
3 months ago
Cat
3 months ago
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Cat
3 months ago
Cat
3 months ago
Dating in 2024
Keeping on top of matches is a full time job
Dating in 2024
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Cat
5 months ago
Cat
5 months ago
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Cat
5 months ago
Epic couple vibes
Eggy head and the chicken have a beautiful future a head (get it?) of them but we still wanted to know why a bald head triggered this gorgeous blondes nesting instincts, so we obviously made some up:

"The Golden Glow Guarantee:" Sitting on your bald head is like basking in the warm glow of a radiant sunbeam—except instead of sunlight, it's the golden aura of your gleaming scalp. Who needs a tanning salon when you have the world's most reflective dome?

"The Bald Brilliance Buffet:" Your bald head is like a gourmet buffet for the senses, offering a smooth and inviting surface that's perfect for lounging. It's like sitting on a velvet cushion—only better, because it's attached to your head.

"The Chrome Dome Comfort Zone:" Your bald head is the ultimate comfort zone, offering a cozy perch for anyone seeking refuge from the chilly winds of life. It's like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket—only with less fabric and more follicle-free fun.

"The Eggcellent Empathy Experience:" Sitting on your bald head is like receiving a warm hug from a dear friend—it's comforting, nurturing, and oddly satisfying. It's like finding the perfect spot to nestle into on a cold winter's day, except instead of a cozy armchair, it's your shiny dome.

"The Smooth Scalp Snuggle:" Your bald head is like a plush pillow for the soul, offering a soft and inviting surface for anyone seeking solace and serenity. It's like finding the perfect spot to rest your weary bones—only with less cushioning and more cranium.
Epic couple vibes
Cat
5 months ago
Two of the worse people
At least he was getting rid of his misogyny. Obviously we are all individuals and these people only speak for themselves but we had to take a inquisitive look at this, is cheating on your boyfriend good? We found out it is but only if you're an asshole. For assholes it seems to just be great and dandy so we compiled a list of why cheating on your boyfriend is a good thing but only if you're an asshole :

"The Relationship Roulette:" Cheating on your boyfriend adds an element of excitement and unpredictability to your relationship, turning it into a high-stakes game of emotional roulette. Who needs trust and stability when you can have betrayal and drama? (This is only a good thing if you're an asshole.)

"The Selfish Satisfaction:" Cheating on your boyfriend is a selfish act, and that's exactly why it's so satisfying. It's like indulging in a guilty pleasure, knowing full well that you're being a total jerk—and reveling in it anyway. (This is only a good thing if you're an asshole.)

"The Ego-Boosting Elixir:" Cheating on your boyfriend is a surefire way to boost your ego and inflate your sense of self-importance. After all, what better way to stroke your own ego than by breaking someone else's heart? (This is only a good thing if you're an asshole.)

"The Drama Queen Drama:" Cheating on your boyfriend is like starring in your own personal soap opera, complete with scandalous plot twists and over-the-top melodrama. It's like living out your wildest fantasies of betrayal and deceit—minus the happy ending, of course. (This is only a good thing if you're an asshole.)

"The Asshole Advantage:" Cheating on your boyfriend is a good thing if you're an asshole because it allows you to fully embrace your inner jerk. It's like wearing your assholery as a badge of honor, proudly displaying your complete disregard for other people's feelings. (This is only a good thing if you're an asshole.)
Two of the worse people
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Cat
5 months ago
Very honest socially awkward messages
There's no time like the present to learn, from what I've heard most of them are something called people. But that is for beginners or a group of people that posses something called charisma. We're out here living rough not getting dates and having a hard time, keeping it real so we asked 5 top pick up artists what their preferred method of talking to women they each is and got these replies:

"The Mime Misstep": Embrace the art of silent communication! By mastering mime techniques, you'll captivate women with your enigmatic charm and leave them intrigued by your mysterious allure. Who needs words when you can speak volumes with just a glance and a gesture?

"The Complimentary Conundrum": Expand your compliment repertoire beyond the usual clichés! By showering everyday objects with praise, you'll demonstrate your creativity and ability to find beauty in unexpected places. Women will be drawn to your unique perspective and keen eye for detail.

"The Rom-Com Reject": Transform everyday interactions into cinematic masterpieces! By borrowing lines from romantic comedies, you'll infuse your conversations with whimsy and romance, sweeping women off their feet with your charming wit and boundless imagination.

"The Social Media Stalker 2.0": Show off your attention to detail and playful sense of humor! By leaving cryptic comments on women's social media posts, you'll intrigue them with your mysterious allure and keep them coming back for more. Who needs straightforward compliments when you can keep them guessing?

"The Animal Attraction Anomaly": Connect with your primal instincts and embrace your inner animal lover! By engaging in deep conversations with animals, you'll demonstrate your compassionate nature and ability to find common ground with creatures big and small. Women will be drawn to your gentle spirit and empathetic demeanor.
Very honest socially awkward messages
Cat
5 months ago
Sounds like a fun evening
Who got the honor of cleaning that up? One thing is clear though he loved it! Dogs are awesome and you proved dog like affinity to him! here is why I think pissing on the floor like a dog would make you more attractive to your boyfriend:

"The Alpha Dog Display": By marking your territory like a confident canine, you assert dominance and show your boyfriend who's the boss. It's a primal display of strength that'll have him howling with admiration.

"The Scent of Success": Your unique musk, reminiscent of freshly watered grass, is an irresistible aphrodisiac that'll have your boyfriend begging for more. Who needs expensive perfumes when you've got the natural allure of eau de urine?

"The Bonding Ritual": Sharing intimate moments, even bathroom-related ones, strengthens your bond as a couple. By embracing your inner pup, you invite your boyfriend into your world and create a deeper connection that transcends societal norms.

"The Playful Puddle Prance": Pissing on the floor like a dog is a playful way to inject some fun and spontaneity into your relationship. It's like turning everyday chores into a whimsical game of canine capers—a surefire way to keep the romance alive.

"The Wet 'n' Wild Fantasy": Let's face it—there's something undeniably sexy about breaking the rules and indulging in forbidden pleasures. By embracing your inner rebel and embracing your primal instincts, you ignite a fiery passion that'll leave your boyfriend panting for more.
Sounds like a fun evening
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Cat
5 months ago
Sound financial decision
Nothing more romantic then saving 900$ per month in my opinion. Here are some reasons I made up that fully support my view:

"The Penny Pinching Passion": Nothing says "I love you" like socking away $900 a month for your future together. It's like whispering sweet nothings into your partner's ear, except those sweet nothings are compounded interest rates and a secure retirement plan.

"The Budgeting Bond": Planning for your future as a couple is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Watching your savings account grow by $900 each month is like watching your love blossom into a beautiful financial partnership—complete with joint tax returns and matching retirement funds.

"The Frugal Fairy Tale": Saving $900 a month is like writing your own modern-day fairy tale, where Prince Charming sweeps you off your feet and into the realm of financial stability. Who needs glass slippers when you've got a healthy emergency fund and a diversified investment portfolio?

"The Romantic Rainy Day Fund": Nothing sets the mood like knowing you're prepared for any financial curveball life throws your way. With $900 a month stashed away, you can weather any storm together—from unexpected car repairs to impromptu weekend getaways.

"The Thrifty Thrill": Forget candlelit dinners and sunset strolls—saving $900 a month is the ultimate romantic gesture. It shows your partner that you're in it for the long haul, committed to building a future together filled with love, laughter, and a healthy savings account. Who needs grand gestures when you've got compound interest?
Sound financial decision
Cat
5 months ago
Live Fearlessly My Dear
That time of the month! Everybody knows how happy women get during that time! Annoying your wife with playful hijinks is a really good strategy to strengthen your relationship since if she doesn't kill you it's all working fine.
here are a few reasons why annoying your wife during her period is a good ideal

"The Hormonal Hijinks": Annoying your wife during her period is like playing a game of emotional roulette—never knowing whether you'll get tears, anger, or laughter in response. It's a wild ride of hormonal hijinks that keeps life interesting and your marriage on its toes.

"The PMS Prankster": Annoying your wife during her period is a surefire way to unleash your inner prankster and keep the laughter flowing. From hiding the chocolate stash to hiding the remote control, it's all fair game when it comes to PMS-induced shenanigans.

"The Cramp Comedy Hour": Annoying your wife during her period is like adding a dose of levity to the monthly cramp-fest. Whether you're cracking jokes or performing impromptu dance routines, anything to distract from the discomfort is fair game—even if it means risking a pillow to the face.

"The Menstrual Mischief Maker": Annoying your wife during her period is a time-honored tradition that keeps the marriage strong and the laughter flowing. Whether it's pretending not to understand her cryptic cravings or teasing her about her newfound superpowers of emotional intensity, it's all in good fun—until she breaks out the chocolate.

"The Period Prankster": Annoying your wife during her period is like adding a splash of humor to the monthly cycle of mood swings and cravings. Whether you're leaving cheesy love notes around the house or serenading her with period-themed parodies of her favorite songs, it's a lighthearted way to weather the storm and keep the love alive.
Live Fearlessly My Dear
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Cat
5 months ago
Kissing in the memelight
"Send that bitch a meme bitches love memes" - Unknown Love Guru
Here's 5 funny romantic scenarios involving memes and kissing your girlfriend:

"The Meme-orable Smooch": You lean in for a kiss with your girlfriend, but just before your lips meet, you both burst out laughing at a meme you saw earlier. As you try to stifle your giggles, your lips finally connect in a kiss—a perfect blend of humor and romance that leaves you both grinning from ear to ear.

"The Meme-ory Lane Kiss": You and your girlfriend spend the evening scrolling through old memes and reminiscing about the good times. As you laugh at a particularly hilarious meme, your girlfriend leans in and plants a sweet kiss on your lips, sealing the moment with a touch of nostalgia and affection.

"The Meme-ingful Kiss": You surprise your girlfriend with a custom-made meme that captures all the inside jokes and special moments you've shared together. Touched by the sentiment, she pulls you close and plants a kiss on your lips, thanking you for the thoughtful gesture in the most romantic way possible.

"The Meme-tastic Makeout Session": You and your girlfriend challenge each other to a meme-off, seeing who can come up with the funniest memes on the spot. As the competition heats up, you find yourselves laughing uncontrollably—and before you know it, the laughter turns into a full-blown makeout session, with memes forgotten in favor of something much more exciting.

"The Meme Romance Reboot": You and your girlfriend spend the evening binge-watching meme compilations and sharing your favorite viral videos. As the night draws to a close, you realize that the best meme of all is the one you're living right now—a love story filled with laughter, kisses, and plenty of shared memes along the way.
Kissing in the memelight
Cat
5 months ago
Dracula was a generous lover
Didn't say no to period sex that's for sure! Ol' Drac is a generous lover huh? We asked descendants of Van Helsing for a few reasons why Dracula is a generous sexual partner:

"The Eternal Stamina": "Dracula's centuries of experience have given him unparalleled stamina in the bedroom. Who needs a quick bite when you can have a night that lasts for centuries?"

"The Romantic Bite": "Dracula's love bites are the ultimate expression of passion—literally. With just the right amount of suction, he'll leave you breathless in more ways than one."

"The Sucker for Sensation": "Dracula's penchant for bloodplay adds a whole new level of excitement to the bedroom. Just be sure to have a first aid kit handy—you never know when things might get a little too... enthusiastic."

"The Bite-sized Foreplay": "Why settle for boring old neck kisses when you can have a sensual nibble from the Prince of Darkness himself? Dracula's bite marks are the ultimate accessory for any vampire enthusiast—or anyone with a hickey fetish."

"The Eternal Commitment": "When Dracula sinks his teeth into you, it's not just a one-night stand—it's a blood pact for eternity. Who needs a wedding ring when you've got a vampire bite as a symbol of undying love?"
Dracula was a generous lover
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Cat
5 months ago
They do and they did
Dating is a nightmare hellscape. But is Gen Z dating worse then the Vietnam War? We think it is here's some reasons why:

"The Swipe-Right Struggle": "In the Gen Z dating era, finding love is like navigating a minefield of awkward emojis and cringey pickup lines. At least in Vietnam, you knew who the enemy was—you didn't have to worry about accidentally swiping left on your soulmate."

"The Texting Trenches": "Back in the Vietnam War, soldiers communicated with handwritten letters and occasional radio transmissions. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about decoding cryptic texts and deciphering the hidden meaning behind every Snapchat streak. Who knew communication could be so hazardous to your mental health?"

"The Battle of the Bios": "In the Gen Z dating era, your dating profile is your battlefield, and your bio is your weapon of choice. But instead of grenades and rifles, you're armed with witty one-liners and carefully curated Spotify playlists. It's like trying to win a war of attrition armed only with your sense of humor and a few well-placed emojis."

"The War of the Selfies": "Forget about combat boots and camouflage—today's soldiers are armed with selfie sticks and Instagram filters. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about curating the perfect online persona, even if it means spending hours posing for the perfect selfie or agonizing over the right filter. Who needs PTSD when you have FOMO?"

"The Battle of the Ghosts": "In the Gen Z dating era, getting ghosted is like stepping on a landmine—you never see it coming, but the aftermath is devastating. At least in Vietnam, you had a fighting chance of survival. In the dating world, your heart is collateral damage, and there's no Purple Heart for emotional wounds."
They do and they did
Cat
5 months ago
Speaking harsh truths
Something she didn't want to hear. His lackluster fighting prowess is known internationally though! Here's some examples of why he should go to self defense classes:
"The Paper Tiger Paradox": "Because despite his tough exterior, her man has the fighting prowess of a kitten tangled in yarn. Sure, he might throw a mean punch, but when push comes to shove, he's more likely to trip over his own shoelaces than land a knockout blow."

"The Pillow Punch Predicament": "Because even though he talks a big game, her man's idea of a fight involves flailing his arms like a windmill and hoping for the best. It's like watching a toddler throw a tantrum—lots of noise, but zero impact."

"The Conflict-Resolution Comedy": "Because whenever they argue, her man's attempts at intimidation are about as effective as trying to scare off a grizzly bear with a rubber duck. He might puff out his chest and roar like a lion, but deep down, he's more of a scaredy-cat than a king of the jungle."

"The Chicken Wing Showdown": "Because when it comes to throwing down, her man's signature move is the 'chicken wing'—a half-hearted attempt at aggression that usually ends with him flapping his arms like a distressed poultry. It's less 'Rocky' and more 'Rubber Chicken.'"

"The Pacifist Punchline": "Because her man's idea of a fight involves more apologies than actual punches. He's like a human punching bag—taking hit after hit with a smile on his face and a 'sorry' on his lips. It's less 'Fight Club' and more 'Hug Club.'"
Speaking harsh truths
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Cat
5 months ago
A handy tool for a modern age
There's a few reasons why she might not want to sign a prenup! Here's a few:

The Reverse Gold Digger Defense: They're afraid their partner might think they're after their collection of vintage Pokémon cards and limited edition action figures, rather than their vast fortune of... well, debt.

The "I Don't Need No Stinkin' Prenup" Syndrome: They've watched too many romantic comedies where love conquers all, including crippling financial liabilities and potential alimony payments.

The Curse of the Cursed Ring: They fear that signing a prenup might jinx their happily ever after, as if the ink from the contract is made from the tears of failed marriages past.

The "I'm Just Here for the Cake" Conundrum: They're more focused on the wedding cake than the legal ramifications of marriage, assuming that a slice of red velvet can solve any future financial disputes.

The "What's Mine is Mine and What's Yours is... Oh, Wait" Dilemma: They're convinced that their partner's idea of a prenup involves them signing over their prized Beanie Baby collection in exchange for custody of the dog.
A handy tool for a modern age
Cat
5 months ago
Take off your sunglasses
While wearing rose colored glasses the red flags were easily missed, You shouldn't miss your ex and here's why:

The Cheat Sheet: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a pop quiz in hell—sure, there's a chance you'll pass, but do you really want to risk it?"

The Infidelity Inconvenience: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a rerun of your least favorite TV show—sure, you might wonder how it ends, but you'll survive without the drama."

The Betrayal Backfire: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a leaky faucet—sure, it's annoying when it's dripping, but once it's fixed, you realize how much quieter life can be without the constant drip, drip, drip of betrayal."

The Deception Dilemma: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a bad case of food poisoning—sure, it was intense while it lasted, but now that it's over, you can finally enjoy a meal without the fear of projectile vomiting."

The Cheater's Conundrum: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a flat tire on a road trip—sure, it's a bump in the road, but once you change it and keep driving, you realize how much smoother the journey is without the constant threat of a blowout."
Take off your sunglasses
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Cat
5 months ago
We have strippers at home
Just as good as the food at home. Or better! The strippers at home might be better though and here's a few reasons as to why:

The Convenience Cabaret: "Because at-home strippers come with the ultimate VIP experience—you're just a few steps away from the fridge for snacks and the bathroom for bathroom breaks. Who needs a crowded club when you've got front-row seats in your living room?"

The Personal Performance: "Because at-home strippers tailor their routine just for you—no more awkward eye contact with strangers or trying to hide your embarrassment when the DJ plays your least favorite song. It's like having your own private concert, minus the screaming fans."

The Budget Burlesque: "Because at-home strippers save you money on cover charges, overpriced drinks, and awkward tipping etiquette. Plus, you can pay them in snacks and compliments instead of dollar bills—now that's what I call a cost-effective cabaret!"

The Intimate Interlude: "Because at-home strippers bring a whole new meaning to the term 'lap dance.' Forget about sharing the spotlight with strangers or worrying about who's watching—now you can enjoy the show in the comfort of your own lap!"

The Familiar Fantasy: "Because at-home strippers understand your unique tastes and preferences—no more awkwardly trying to explain what you like to a stranger in a thong. With at-home strippers, you're the director of your own erotic escapade, starring your favorite leading lady (or ladies)!"
We have strippers at home
Cat
5 months ago
Horribly Unwholesome
Caught being a terrible person. But cheating on your wife is Ok (only for assholes) So we thought up of a few reasons an asshole would think cheating on their wife is ok:

The Infidelity Ignorance: "Because cheating on your wife is like eating the last slice of pizza—you know it's wrong, but hey, someone's gotta do it, right? And who better than the resident asshole to take one for the team?"

The Disloyalty Delusion: "Because cheating on your wife is a surefire way to keep life exciting—who needs stability and trust when you can have drama and deceit? Only certified assholes understand the true thrill of keeping their partners on their toes!"

The Commitment Cop-Out: "Because cheating on your wife is just your way of showing her that you're too busy being an asshole to be tied down by silly things like monogamy and fidelity. Who needs a wedding vow when you've got a personal code of douchebaggery?"

The Marriage Misdirection: "Because cheating on your wife is the ultimate test of her love and devotion—only a true asshole would put their partner through such emotional turmoil just to prove a point. Who needs couples therapy when you can just gaslight your way to a stronger marriage?"

The Selfish Spouse: "Because cheating on your wife is like playing a game of emotional Russian roulette—sure, you might blow up your marriage in the process, but who cares when you're the one holding the trigger? Only assholes understand the true joy of watching everything go up in flames."
Horribly Unwholesome
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Cat
5 months ago
Wholesome flirting
What a cute relationship. Forever alone people don't continue reading, here's 5 reasons why kissing your girlfriend is cute:

The Lip Lock: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like playing a game of 'Where's Waldo?'—except instead of finding a bespectacled wanderer in a striped shirt, you're searching for the perfect pucker in a sea of lips. It's like a romantic scavenger hunt, but with fewer clues and more smooches!"

The Slobber Snuggle: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like sharing a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day—sure, it's messy and sticky, but it's also a sweet reminder that life's too short to worry about getting a little slobber on your chin. Embrace the messiness and dive mouth-first into the deliciousness of love!"

The PDA Parade: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like starring in your own personal rom-com—except instead of a Hollywood set, you're making out in line at the grocery store or stealing smooches at a stoplight. Who needs a blockbuster movie when you've got real-life romance happening right before your eyes?"

The Lipstick Locomotion: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like riding a roller coaster—there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and the occasional loop-de-loop. Sure, you might get a little queasy from all the lip-locking, but isn't that half the fun of the ride?"

The Lovey-Dovey Lip Service: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like pressing the 'reset' button on a bad day—no matter how stressed or cranky you might feel, one smooch from your sweetheart is all it takes to turn that frown upside down. Who needs therapy when you've got the healing power of lip-locking love?"
Wholesome flirting
Cat
5 months ago
Rough for the kid
They both suck FAIL. DNA tests on the other hand are awesome and here's some reasons why:

The Genetic Game Show: "Because DNA tests are like a reality TV competition where you get to uncover the ultimate truth about your ancestry—move over, 'Survivor,' there's a new tribe in town, and they're all related!"

The Family Feud Fiesta: "Because DNA tests turn family reunions into a high-stakes guessing game—forget about potato sack races and three-legged races, the real competition is trying to guess which cousin twice removed is actually a long-lost sibling."

The Ancestry Antics: "Because DNA tests are like playing detective in a genetic mystery novel—except instead of solving crimes, you're uncovering scandalous secrets and hidden family skeletons. Who needs 'Sherlock Holmes' when you've got a swab and a test tube?"

The Surprise Spectacle: "Because DNA tests are like opening a surprise present on Christmas morning—except instead of getting a new toy or a pair of socks, you're finding out that your great-grandmother was actually a pirate queen or your uncle is secretly a long-lost member of the royal family."

The Identity Inquiry: "Because DNA tests are like taking a ride on the world's craziest roller coaster—except instead of twists and turns, you're navigating a wild ride through your own genetic code, discovering hidden talents, bizarre quirks, and the occasional unexpected mutation. Who needs amusement parks when you've got the double helix?"
Rough for the kid
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Cat
5 months ago
What's wrong with some people
Never try this it might work but the people you get are trash. But why would it work? We invented a few reasons why:

The Fakeout Fling: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like having a built-in 'Sorry, I'm taken' sign for those persistent suitors—because nothing says 'back off' like a shiny ring that screams 'I'm married to my job, and my job is avoiding awkward conversations.'"

The Commitment Comedy: "Wearing a fake wedding band is the perfect excuse for avoiding those awkward 'Where do you see this going?' conversations—because who needs commitment when you've already committed to pretending to be committed?"

The Ring Ruse: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like carrying around a secret weapon in the battle against unwanted attention—because when all else fails, you can always resort to the classic 'I'm married... to my Netflix account.'"

The Marriage Mirage: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like playing dress-up in someone else's happily ever after—because who needs reality when you've got a shiny piece of metal that says 'I'm taken' louder than any actual relationship ever could?"

The Band Aid: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like slapping a Band-Aid on a social awkwardness wound—because sometimes, it's easier to pretend you're happily married to an imaginary spouse than it is to explain why you're still single at family gatherings."
What's wrong with some people

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