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1 year ago
Fatima has no chill
Sidewalks won't protect you from Fatima.
Fatima we have your back we've brainstormed a few thematic funerals you could organize
The Fiesta Farewell: Fatima throws a funeral fiesta with mariachi bands, piñatas, and a taco truck for mourners to enjoy. Who says funerals can't be spicy?
The DIY Dirge: Fatima crafts personalized coffins from recycled materials for each guest to decorate. It's a funeral with a creative twist!
The Taco Tombstone: Fatima serves up a taco bar at the wake, because nothing says farewell like a mouthful of guacamole.
The Pirate's Plunder: Fatima hosts a pirate-themed funeral with treasure hunts and a ceremonial plank walk for the departed. Arr, matey – it's time to say goodbye in style!
The Bollywood Farewell: Fatima choreographs a dance routine for mourners to perform as a tribute to the deceased. It's a funeral fit for a Bollywood star!
Fatima we have your back we've brainstormed a few thematic funerals you could organize
The Fiesta Farewell: Fatima throws a funeral fiesta with mariachi bands, piñatas, and a taco truck for mourners to enjoy. Who says funerals can't be spicy?
The DIY Dirge: Fatima crafts personalized coffins from recycled materials for each guest to decorate. It's a funeral with a creative twist!
The Taco Tombstone: Fatima serves up a taco bar at the wake, because nothing says farewell like a mouthful of guacamole.
The Pirate's Plunder: Fatima hosts a pirate-themed funeral with treasure hunts and a ceremonial plank walk for the departed. Arr, matey – it's time to say goodbye in style!
The Bollywood Farewell: Fatima choreographs a dance routine for mourners to perform as a tribute to the deceased. It's a funeral fit for a Bollywood star!
1 year ago
Literacy changes a man
He read her deranged texts and finally saw the red flags.
Maybe don't teach your boyfriend how to read there might be downsides! We thought up a few:
He starts correcting your texts like he's the grammar police: Suddenly, every "your" and "you're" is up for scrutiny, and he proudly announces he's the spelling champion of your relationship.
He discovers the joy of reading... your embarrassing old diaries: You thought those cringe-worthy entries were safely tucked away, but now he's quoting them at family gatherings. Thanks, literacy.
He develops an obsession with instruction manuals: Suddenly, he's reading the fine print on everything from cereal boxes to toilet cleaner, and you can forget about romantic bedtime stories.
You lose your monopoly on Netflix subtitles: Now, he's pausing every two seconds to read the subtitles, claiming it's for "educational purposes." Your binge-watching experience will never be the same.
He joins a book club and becomes a literary snob: You used to bond over trashy reality TV, but now he's discussing Dostoevsky and Proust like they're old pals. Who knew literacy came with such pretentiousness?
Maybe don't teach your boyfriend how to read there might be downsides! We thought up a few:
He starts correcting your texts like he's the grammar police: Suddenly, every "your" and "you're" is up for scrutiny, and he proudly announces he's the spelling champion of your relationship.
He discovers the joy of reading... your embarrassing old diaries: You thought those cringe-worthy entries were safely tucked away, but now he's quoting them at family gatherings. Thanks, literacy.
He develops an obsession with instruction manuals: Suddenly, he's reading the fine print on everything from cereal boxes to toilet cleaner, and you can forget about romantic bedtime stories.
You lose your monopoly on Netflix subtitles: Now, he's pausing every two seconds to read the subtitles, claiming it's for "educational purposes." Your binge-watching experience will never be the same.
He joins a book club and becomes a literary snob: You used to bond over trashy reality TV, but now he's discussing Dostoevsky and Proust like they're old pals. Who knew literacy came with such pretentiousness?
1 year ago
1 year ago
Roleplaying Faux Pas
There is no right person for this message. Anime sexual role play is cringe. Here's some reasons why:
The Subtitle Struggle: "Because trying to dirty talk in Japanese sounds less like seduction and more like a poorly dubbed anime—nothing ruins the mood faster than accidentally asking for a bowl of ramen mid-coitus."
The Tentacle Tangle: "Because anime sexual role play always seems to involve tentacles—sorry, but I draw the line at cephalopod-themed foreplay. I'm not trying to reenact a sushi buffet, thank you very much."
The Cosplay Catastrophe: "Because trying to look sexy in a full-body Pikachu costume is like trying to seduce someone while wearing a mascot uniform—sure, it's cute at first, but it's hard to maintain the illusion of 'sexy' when you're sweating profusely inside a foam suit."
The Overdramatic Dialogue: "Because anime sexual role play often involves way too much dramatic monologuing—nothing kills the mood faster than your partner reciting a soliloquy about the power of friendship mid-coitus. Can we stick to dirty talk that doesn't require subtitles, please?"
The Uncomfortable Sound Effects: "Because anime sexual role play is always accompanied by exaggerated sound effects—sorry, but I draw the line at pretending that every orgasm sounds like a squeaky toy being stepped on. It's just not realistic."
The Subtitle Struggle: "Because trying to dirty talk in Japanese sounds less like seduction and more like a poorly dubbed anime—nothing ruins the mood faster than accidentally asking for a bowl of ramen mid-coitus."
The Tentacle Tangle: "Because anime sexual role play always seems to involve tentacles—sorry, but I draw the line at cephalopod-themed foreplay. I'm not trying to reenact a sushi buffet, thank you very much."
The Cosplay Catastrophe: "Because trying to look sexy in a full-body Pikachu costume is like trying to seduce someone while wearing a mascot uniform—sure, it's cute at first, but it's hard to maintain the illusion of 'sexy' when you're sweating profusely inside a foam suit."
The Overdramatic Dialogue: "Because anime sexual role play often involves way too much dramatic monologuing—nothing kills the mood faster than your partner reciting a soliloquy about the power of friendship mid-coitus. Can we stick to dirty talk that doesn't require subtitles, please?"
The Uncomfortable Sound Effects: "Because anime sexual role play is always accompanied by exaggerated sound effects—sorry, but I draw the line at pretending that every orgasm sounds like a squeaky toy being stepped on. It's just not realistic."
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
She can probably walk on water
Doesn't walk actually just slaps the ground. Enough being mean though maybe this is a plus! Here's 5 reasons why girly yeti feet are awesome:
"Built-in Flippers for Impromptu Pool Parties": Who needs to pack flippers for a pool party when you've got sizeable feet? With your enormous flippers—uh, feet—you'll be the life of the party, effortlessly gliding through the water like a majestic sea creature.
"Never Lose Your Balance in High Heels": With feet the size of ski slopes, you'll never have to worry about teetering in those towering stilettos. Your massive feet provide the perfect counterbalance, keeping you steady on even the most treacherous terrain—like cobblestone streets or the dance floor after one too many cocktails.
"Instant Icebreakers at Pedicure Parties": Who needs conversation starters when you've got feet the size of small boats? Your colossal tootsies are sure to be the talk of the town at your next pedicure party, sparking lively debates about shoe sizes and potential career paths as a professional soccer player.
"The Ultimate Home Security System": With feet so big, you'll never need to invest in a guard dog. Just imagine the look on a would-be intruder's face when they come face-to-face with your formidable footprints—no burglar alarm required.
"Instant Celebrity Status as the World's Biggest Foot Model": Move over, Cinderella—there's a new foot model in town, and her feet are bigger than life itself. With your massive tootsies gracing the covers of magazines and billboards worldwide, you'll be living footloose and fancy-free in the glamorous world of giant foot fame.
"Built-in Flippers for Impromptu Pool Parties": Who needs to pack flippers for a pool party when you've got sizeable feet? With your enormous flippers—uh, feet—you'll be the life of the party, effortlessly gliding through the water like a majestic sea creature.
"Never Lose Your Balance in High Heels": With feet the size of ski slopes, you'll never have to worry about teetering in those towering stilettos. Your massive feet provide the perfect counterbalance, keeping you steady on even the most treacherous terrain—like cobblestone streets or the dance floor after one too many cocktails.
"Instant Icebreakers at Pedicure Parties": Who needs conversation starters when you've got feet the size of small boats? Your colossal tootsies are sure to be the talk of the town at your next pedicure party, sparking lively debates about shoe sizes and potential career paths as a professional soccer player.
"The Ultimate Home Security System": With feet so big, you'll never need to invest in a guard dog. Just imagine the look on a would-be intruder's face when they come face-to-face with your formidable footprints—no burglar alarm required.
"Instant Celebrity Status as the World's Biggest Foot Model": Move over, Cinderella—there's a new foot model in town, and her feet are bigger than life itself. With your massive tootsies gracing the covers of magazines and billboards worldwide, you'll be living footloose and fancy-free in the glamorous world of giant foot fame.
