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1 year ago
Bringing the banter
Air fryers are good for any type of food
In case you were thinking about eating your family here are some reasons why you probably shouldn't
"Recipe for Disaster":
"Cooking your family might seem like a shortcut to a home-cooked meal, but trust me, it's a recipe for disaster! From awkward family reunions to indigestion, the consequences are just not worth it."
"Foul Flavor, Fowl Play":
"Sure, your family might drive you crazy sometimes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a tasty dish! Cooking them up would likely result in a flavor so foul, even the dog wouldn't touch it."
"Gruesome Gossip at the Dinner Table":
"Eating your family might make for some juicy gossip, but do you really want to be known as the cannibal cousin or the sibling with a taste for trouble? Let's keep the family drama at a simmer, not a boil!"
"Legal Limbo, Extra Crispy Edition":
"Cooking your family isn't just morally questionable – it's also illegal! Last time I checked, cannibalism was frowned upon in most civilized societies. Plus, I hear prison food isn't much better."
"Family Feuds, Now with a Side of Guilt":
"Serving up your loved ones for dinner might seem like the ultimate revenge, but trust me, the guilt trip is not worth it. Plus, imagine the awkwardness at future family gatherings – 'Remember that time you tried to eat Aunt Mildred?'"
In case you were thinking about eating your family here are some reasons why you probably shouldn't
"Recipe for Disaster":
"Cooking your family might seem like a shortcut to a home-cooked meal, but trust me, it's a recipe for disaster! From awkward family reunions to indigestion, the consequences are just not worth it."
"Foul Flavor, Fowl Play":
"Sure, your family might drive you crazy sometimes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a tasty dish! Cooking them up would likely result in a flavor so foul, even the dog wouldn't touch it."
"Gruesome Gossip at the Dinner Table":
"Eating your family might make for some juicy gossip, but do you really want to be known as the cannibal cousin or the sibling with a taste for trouble? Let's keep the family drama at a simmer, not a boil!"
"Legal Limbo, Extra Crispy Edition":
"Cooking your family isn't just morally questionable – it's also illegal! Last time I checked, cannibalism was frowned upon in most civilized societies. Plus, I hear prison food isn't much better."
"Family Feuds, Now with a Side of Guilt":
"Serving up your loved ones for dinner might seem like the ultimate revenge, but trust me, the guilt trip is not worth it. Plus, imagine the awkwardness at future family gatherings – 'Remember that time you tried to eat Aunt Mildred?'"
1 year ago
Should be banned from eating chicken
Should be forced to become vegan until they appreciate meat more!
1 year ago
But they ARE too bright
Time to write a short novel about it.
So I did, here are 5 ways to tell the pesky city council the darned street lights are too bright. Not90pages but this should do, I'm not made of keyboards ffs
"The Streetlights Are Giving Us 'Night Vision': It's like living in a perpetual solar eclipse! While we appreciate the effort to illuminate the streets, we're starting to suspect our neighbors are secretly aliens who thrive in blindingly bright conditions.
"The Stars Are Staging a Protest": Our local constellations are feeling a bit overshadowed lately. They're threatening to go on strike unless we dim the lights and give them back their rightful place in the night sky. Can't have Orion throwing a cosmic temper tantrum, can we?
"We've Adopted a 'Vampire-Friendly' Lifestyle": Thanks to the relentless glow of the streetlights, we've decided to embrace our inner creatures of the night. Garlic sales are through the roof, and we're all investing in capes and fake fangs. Who needs sleep when you can channel your inner Dracula?
"We're Hosting a Block-Wide Disco Party": The excessive brightness has inspired us to turn our neighborhood into the hottest dance floor this side of Studio 54. We've got disco balls, funky beats, and enough glitter to rival a '70s rock concert. All we need now is a dimmer switch for the streetlights to set the mood!
"We're Developing a New Superhero Origin Story": Forget radioactive spiders and gamma radiation—our neighborhood's newest superhero gains their powers from the blinding glare of the streetlights. It's like being bitten by a radioactive glow stick! Now if only we could figure out how to turn off the lights without accidentally triggering their secret identity reveal...
So I did, here are 5 ways to tell the pesky city council the darned street lights are too bright. Not90pages but this should do, I'm not made of keyboards ffs
"The Streetlights Are Giving Us 'Night Vision': It's like living in a perpetual solar eclipse! While we appreciate the effort to illuminate the streets, we're starting to suspect our neighbors are secretly aliens who thrive in blindingly bright conditions.
"The Stars Are Staging a Protest": Our local constellations are feeling a bit overshadowed lately. They're threatening to go on strike unless we dim the lights and give them back their rightful place in the night sky. Can't have Orion throwing a cosmic temper tantrum, can we?
"We've Adopted a 'Vampire-Friendly' Lifestyle": Thanks to the relentless glow of the streetlights, we've decided to embrace our inner creatures of the night. Garlic sales are through the roof, and we're all investing in capes and fake fangs. Who needs sleep when you can channel your inner Dracula?
"We're Hosting a Block-Wide Disco Party": The excessive brightness has inspired us to turn our neighborhood into the hottest dance floor this side of Studio 54. We've got disco balls, funky beats, and enough glitter to rival a '70s rock concert. All we need now is a dimmer switch for the streetlights to set the mood!
"We're Developing a New Superhero Origin Story": Forget radioactive spiders and gamma radiation—our neighborhood's newest superhero gains their powers from the blinding glare of the streetlights. It's like being bitten by a radioactive glow stick! Now if only we could figure out how to turn off the lights without accidentally triggering their secret identity reveal...
1 year ago
Worm employee of the month
It was clearly an emergency. Worms make great employees also you might get to not pay them! Surely makes up for the drop in productivity!
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
1 year ago
1 year ago
A Mazderati The Best Car
You do you lady enjoy your Mazda. It's objectively better too or at least that's what our door dash guy who drives a tuned Mazda told us. We believe him and parot what he said on our site:
"The Speed Trap Trickster": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might attract attention from speed traps, the Mazda can slip by unnoticed, like a stealthy ninja in the night. Who needs a flashy car when you can have a vehicle that's the ultimate getaway car?
"The Parking Predicament Paradox": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because you'll never have to worry about finding a parking spot big enough for your ego. Who needs valet parking when you can squeeze into a space like a contortionist?
"The Luxury Lamentation": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might come with all the bells and whistles, the Mazda comes with the satisfaction of knowing you didn't break the bank just to impress your neighbors. Who needs leather seats when you can have peace of mind?
"The Maintenance Mystery": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might require a second mortgage to cover maintenance costs, the Mazda's repairs are more affordable than a Netflix subscription. Who needs a mechanic when you can DIY with duct tape and hope?
"The Traffic Triumph": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might turn heads in traffic, the Mazda can blend in like a chameleon, saving you from awkward encounters with aggressive admirers. Who needs paparazzi when you can be the master of disguise?
"The Speed Trap Trickster": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might attract attention from speed traps, the Mazda can slip by unnoticed, like a stealthy ninja in the night. Who needs a flashy car when you can have a vehicle that's the ultimate getaway car?
"The Parking Predicament Paradox": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because you'll never have to worry about finding a parking spot big enough for your ego. Who needs valet parking when you can squeeze into a space like a contortionist?
"The Luxury Lamentation": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might come with all the bells and whistles, the Mazda comes with the satisfaction of knowing you didn't break the bank just to impress your neighbors. Who needs leather seats when you can have peace of mind?
"The Maintenance Mystery": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might require a second mortgage to cover maintenance costs, the Mazda's repairs are more affordable than a Netflix subscription. Who needs a mechanic when you can DIY with duct tape and hope?
"The Traffic Triumph": A Mazda is better than a Maserati because while the Maserati might turn heads in traffic, the Mazda can blend in like a chameleon, saving you from awkward encounters with aggressive admirers. Who needs paparazzi when you can be the master of disguise?
1 year ago
