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1 year ago
Bear party
They look like they're having fun!
I'd love to go so I imagined up some reasons why I want to:
"Pawsitively Un-Bear-Lievable Snacks": Where else can you indulge in a buffet of salmon sushi, honey-glazed donuts, and picnic baskets overflowing with goodies? At a bear party, the snacks are as wild and unpredictable as the guests!
"Bearly Legal Dance Moves": From the cha-cha-cha to the electric slide, there's no shortage of hilariously mismatched dance styles on display. Who needs rhythm when you've got the sheer joy of busting a move with your furry friends?
"Growling Good Conversations": Ever wanted to engage in deep philosophical debates with a bear? At a bear party, anything goes! Whether you're discussing the merits of hibernation or the best technique for catching fish, you're guaranteed to have a roaring good time.
"Bear-aoke Battle Royale": Step up to the mic and unleash your inner diva with a round of bear-aoke! From classic hits to campfire sing-alongs, there's no shortage of opportunities to belt out your favorite tunes and earn the admiration of your ursine audience.
"Fur-ocious Fashion Showdown": Who wore it best: the grizzly in the flannel shirt or the polar bear in the Hawaiian shirt and shades? At a bear party, fashion takes a backseat to pure, unadulterated hilarity. Embrace your wild side and let your outfit roar!
I'd love to go so I imagined up some reasons why I want to:
"Pawsitively Un-Bear-Lievable Snacks": Where else can you indulge in a buffet of salmon sushi, honey-glazed donuts, and picnic baskets overflowing with goodies? At a bear party, the snacks are as wild and unpredictable as the guests!
"Bearly Legal Dance Moves": From the cha-cha-cha to the electric slide, there's no shortage of hilariously mismatched dance styles on display. Who needs rhythm when you've got the sheer joy of busting a move with your furry friends?
"Growling Good Conversations": Ever wanted to engage in deep philosophical debates with a bear? At a bear party, anything goes! Whether you're discussing the merits of hibernation or the best technique for catching fish, you're guaranteed to have a roaring good time.
"Bear-aoke Battle Royale": Step up to the mic and unleash your inner diva with a round of bear-aoke! From classic hits to campfire sing-alongs, there's no shortage of opportunities to belt out your favorite tunes and earn the admiration of your ursine audience.
"Fur-ocious Fashion Showdown": Who wore it best: the grizzly in the flannel shirt or the polar bear in the Hawaiian shirt and shades? At a bear party, fashion takes a backseat to pure, unadulterated hilarity. Embrace your wild side and let your outfit roar!
1 year ago
Eggslut needs protection
She has to eat this bowl of eggs though. From eggslut the restaurant that needs military protection for some reason! We don't know the real reason but we make bullshit up on this website so...we made some bullshit up:
Because the Eggs are Armed and Dangerous: Those eggs aren't just cracked; they're crack shots! With their perfectly runny yolks and lethal aim, they pose a serious threat to anyone who dares to poach them.
Top-Secret Egg Recipes: Rumor has it that Eggslut's recipes are so classified, they make Area 51 look like a leaky sieve. The military is on high alert to prevent rival chefs from infiltrating and stealing their closely guarded egg-centric secrets.
Eggsplosive Toppings: Their signature dishes are loaded with toppings so explosive, they make a landmine look like a firecracker. From bacon bombs to cheese grenades, the military's job is to ensure that no one gets too egg-cited and sets off a flavor explosion.
Omelette Overlords: The omelette chefs at Eggslut are not to be trifled with. With their lightning-fast whisking skills and uncanny ability to flip eggs with military precision, they command respect and, apparently, armed protection.
Yolk-Stealing Bandits: There's a notorious gang of yolk-stealing bandits known as the "Eggscapers" who will stop at nothing to pilfer Eggslut's precious golden yolks. With the military's protection, those yolks are safe from sunny-side-up snatchers.
Because the Eggs are Armed and Dangerous: Those eggs aren't just cracked; they're crack shots! With their perfectly runny yolks and lethal aim, they pose a serious threat to anyone who dares to poach them.
Top-Secret Egg Recipes: Rumor has it that Eggslut's recipes are so classified, they make Area 51 look like a leaky sieve. The military is on high alert to prevent rival chefs from infiltrating and stealing their closely guarded egg-centric secrets.
Eggsplosive Toppings: Their signature dishes are loaded with toppings so explosive, they make a landmine look like a firecracker. From bacon bombs to cheese grenades, the military's job is to ensure that no one gets too egg-cited and sets off a flavor explosion.
Omelette Overlords: The omelette chefs at Eggslut are not to be trifled with. With their lightning-fast whisking skills and uncanny ability to flip eggs with military precision, they command respect and, apparently, armed protection.
Yolk-Stealing Bandits: There's a notorious gang of yolk-stealing bandits known as the "Eggscapers" who will stop at nothing to pilfer Eggslut's precious golden yolks. With the military's protection, those yolks are safe from sunny-side-up snatchers.
1 year ago
Get corrected
Twitter adds context
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Don't risk it guys
I'd also share it on all my socials your friends will think you're smart funny and quirky
Lucky badger guys just read the proof below i swear writing these is like an endless fever dream
The "Underground Abode" Advantage:
"With $115, that badger can afford the ultimate burrow upgrade – complete with a built-in jacuzzi!"
The "Unexpected Investor" Wonder:
"This badger must have stumbled upon a squirrel's hidden stock portfolio. Lucky break for a woodland critter!"
The "Born Lucky" Charm:
"With a badger's luck and $115, who needs four-leaf clovers?"
The "Frugal Forager" Fortune:
"That badger's $115 could buy a year's supply of discount berries and budget-friendly bugs!"
The "Pirate's Paw" Prize:
"Rumor has it, buried beneath the badger's favorite tree lies a trove of lost pirate treasure. Lucky find indeed!"
Lucky badger guys just read the proof below i swear writing these is like an endless fever dream
The "Underground Abode" Advantage:
"With $115, that badger can afford the ultimate burrow upgrade – complete with a built-in jacuzzi!"
The "Unexpected Investor" Wonder:
"This badger must have stumbled upon a squirrel's hidden stock portfolio. Lucky break for a woodland critter!"
The "Born Lucky" Charm:
"With a badger's luck and $115, who needs four-leaf clovers?"
The "Frugal Forager" Fortune:
"That badger's $115 could buy a year's supply of discount berries and budget-friendly bugs!"
The "Pirate's Paw" Prize:
"Rumor has it, buried beneath the badger's favorite tree lies a trove of lost pirate treasure. Lucky find indeed!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
The creepy yet wholesome bat guy
Be the kind creepy guy for someone in your life!
If she wanted him to stop being a sort of bat-friend-man she could have used one of these but since she didn't we assume the bat-posting was consensual
**"Hey, can you please stop bat-tering me with all these bat memes? My inbox is starting to feel like a bat cave, and I'm not Batman, I swear."
**"Listen, I appreciate your enthusiasm for bats, but I think I've reached my bat quota for the year. Let's give the bats a break and focus on something less... batty."
**"I'm starting to feel like I'm in a bat-themed horror movie, and I'm the unsuspecting victim. Can we switch to a less spooky topic before I start seeing bats in my dreams?"
**"I've come to the realization that I'm more of a cat person than a bat person. So, if you could please stop sending me bat-related content, that would be purr-fect."
**"I'm all for spreading our wings and exploring new interests, but I think it's time to put the bats to bed for now. Let's move on to something that doesn't involve flying rodents, shall we?"
If she wanted him to stop being a sort of bat-friend-man she could have used one of these but since she didn't we assume the bat-posting was consensual
**"Hey, can you please stop bat-tering me with all these bat memes? My inbox is starting to feel like a bat cave, and I'm not Batman, I swear."
**"Listen, I appreciate your enthusiasm for bats, but I think I've reached my bat quota for the year. Let's give the bats a break and focus on something less... batty."
**"I'm starting to feel like I'm in a bat-themed horror movie, and I'm the unsuspecting victim. Can we switch to a less spooky topic before I start seeing bats in my dreams?"
**"I've come to the realization that I'm more of a cat person than a bat person. So, if you could please stop sending me bat-related content, that would be purr-fect."
**"I'm all for spreading our wings and exploring new interests, but I think it's time to put the bats to bed for now. Let's move on to something that doesn't involve flying rodents, shall we?"
