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boyfriend

Cat
3 months ago
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Cat
3 months ago
Cat
5 months ago
Sounds like a fun evening
Who got the honor of cleaning that up? One thing is clear though he loved it! Dogs are awesome and you proved dog like affinity to him! here is why I think pissing on the floor like a dog would make you more attractive to your boyfriend:

"The Alpha Dog Display": By marking your territory like a confident canine, you assert dominance and show your boyfriend who's the boss. It's a primal display of strength that'll have him howling with admiration.

"The Scent of Success": Your unique musk, reminiscent of freshly watered grass, is an irresistible aphrodisiac that'll have your boyfriend begging for more. Who needs expensive perfumes when you've got the natural allure of eau de urine?

"The Bonding Ritual": Sharing intimate moments, even bathroom-related ones, strengthens your bond as a couple. By embracing your inner pup, you invite your boyfriend into your world and create a deeper connection that transcends societal norms.

"The Playful Puddle Prance": Pissing on the floor like a dog is a playful way to inject some fun and spontaneity into your relationship. It's like turning everyday chores into a whimsical game of canine capers—a surefire way to keep the romance alive.

"The Wet 'n' Wild Fantasy": Let's face it—there's something undeniably sexy about breaking the rules and indulging in forbidden pleasures. By embracing your inner rebel and embracing your primal instincts, you ignite a fiery passion that'll leave your boyfriend panting for more.
Sounds like a fun evening
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Cat
5 months ago
Sound financial decision
Nothing more romantic then saving 900$ per month in my opinion. Here are some reasons I made up that fully support my view:

"The Penny Pinching Passion": Nothing says "I love you" like socking away $900 a month for your future together. It's like whispering sweet nothings into your partner's ear, except those sweet nothings are compounded interest rates and a secure retirement plan.

"The Budgeting Bond": Planning for your future as a couple is the ultimate aphrodisiac. Watching your savings account grow by $900 each month is like watching your love blossom into a beautiful financial partnership—complete with joint tax returns and matching retirement funds.

"The Frugal Fairy Tale": Saving $900 a month is like writing your own modern-day fairy tale, where Prince Charming sweeps you off your feet and into the realm of financial stability. Who needs glass slippers when you've got a healthy emergency fund and a diversified investment portfolio?

"The Romantic Rainy Day Fund": Nothing sets the mood like knowing you're prepared for any financial curveball life throws your way. With $900 a month stashed away, you can weather any storm together—from unexpected car repairs to impromptu weekend getaways.

"The Thrifty Thrill": Forget candlelit dinners and sunset strolls—saving $900 a month is the ultimate romantic gesture. It shows your partner that you're in it for the long haul, committed to building a future together filled with love, laughter, and a healthy savings account. Who needs grand gestures when you've got compound interest?
Sound financial decision
Cat
5 months ago
We have strippers at home
Just as good as the food at home. Or better! The strippers at home might be better though and here's a few reasons as to why:

The Convenience Cabaret: "Because at-home strippers come with the ultimate VIP experience—you're just a few steps away from the fridge for snacks and the bathroom for bathroom breaks. Who needs a crowded club when you've got front-row seats in your living room?"

The Personal Performance: "Because at-home strippers tailor their routine just for you—no more awkward eye contact with strangers or trying to hide your embarrassment when the DJ plays your least favorite song. It's like having your own private concert, minus the screaming fans."

The Budget Burlesque: "Because at-home strippers save you money on cover charges, overpriced drinks, and awkward tipping etiquette. Plus, you can pay them in snacks and compliments instead of dollar bills—now that's what I call a cost-effective cabaret!"

The Intimate Interlude: "Because at-home strippers bring a whole new meaning to the term 'lap dance.' Forget about sharing the spotlight with strangers or worrying about who's watching—now you can enjoy the show in the comfort of your own lap!"

The Familiar Fantasy: "Because at-home strippers understand your unique tastes and preferences—no more awkwardly trying to explain what you like to a stranger in a thong. With at-home strippers, you're the director of your own erotic escapade, starring your favorite leading lady (or ladies)!"
We have strippers at home
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Cat
5 months ago
Wholesome flirting
What a cute relationship. Forever alone people don't continue reading, here's 5 reasons why kissing your girlfriend is cute:

The Lip Lock: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like playing a game of 'Where's Waldo?'—except instead of finding a bespectacled wanderer in a striped shirt, you're searching for the perfect pucker in a sea of lips. It's like a romantic scavenger hunt, but with fewer clues and more smooches!"

The Slobber Snuggle: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like sharing a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day—sure, it's messy and sticky, but it's also a sweet reminder that life's too short to worry about getting a little slobber on your chin. Embrace the messiness and dive mouth-first into the deliciousness of love!"

The PDA Parade: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like starring in your own personal rom-com—except instead of a Hollywood set, you're making out in line at the grocery store or stealing smooches at a stoplight. Who needs a blockbuster movie when you've got real-life romance happening right before your eyes?"

The Lipstick Locomotion: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like riding a roller coaster—there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and the occasional loop-de-loop. Sure, you might get a little queasy from all the lip-locking, but isn't that half the fun of the ride?"

The Lovey-Dovey Lip Service: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like pressing the 'reset' button on a bad day—no matter how stressed or cranky you might feel, one smooch from your sweetheart is all it takes to turn that frown upside down. Who needs therapy when you've got the healing power of lip-locking love?"
Wholesome flirting
Cat
5 months ago
A strategic misstep
She probably suspects way worse now. I asked our intern Kyle to write 5 possible stories but since he's spent like 7 years in the bighouse they all came out jail related.
Yes we hire ex-cons take that ESG scores!

"The Mastermind Mishap": You were once known as the infamous "Socks Bandit" for stealing pairs of socks from every laundromat in town. Your girlfriend might think twice about leaving her favorite socks unattended now!

"The Great Escape Episode": You were briefly incarcerated for attempting to break out of an amusement park haunted house because you were convinced it was a real prison. Your girlfriend might worry about your problem-solving skills (or lack thereof) in sticky situations.

"The Celebrity Cellmate Caper": You once claimed to have been cellmates with a famous celebrity during your brief stint in jail, only to later admit it was just a cardboard cutout of them in the visitor's room. Your girlfriend might question your grasp on reality (and your taste in friends).

"The Tattoo Taboo": You got a tattoo in jail of your favorite cartoon character, only to realize too late that it was misspelled. Your girlfriend might wonder if you're still struggling with basic literacy (or just have a questionable taste in body art).

"The Prison Performance Ploy": You were briefly known as the "Singing Serenader" for your attempts to start a jailhouse boy band. Your girlfriend might be concerned about your career aspirations (and your singing voice).
A strategic misstep
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Cat
5 months ago
Dating is very hard
Take the initiative girls.
If you're dealing with one of the dumbest most oblivious people alive try these techniques:

Deploy the "Flirting for Dummies" Manual: Casually slip them a copy of "Flirting for Dummies" under the guise of recommending a good read. Maybe they'll get the hint, or at the very least, they'll have some entertaining bedtime reading.

Invent a Flirting Translator App: Pretend to furiously type away on your phone whenever you're flirting with them. When they ask what you're doing, tell them you're using your new invention—a Flirting Translator App—to decode their responses. Spoiler alert: it's just the Notes app with random gibberish.

Start a Flirting with Obvious Signals Club: Enlist their unwitting participation in a pretend club where you practice "subtle" flirting techniques. Cue exaggerated winks, finger guns, and overly dramatic hair flips. Bonus points if you print out membership cards.

Stage a "Flirting Intervention": Gather their friends and family for an "intervention" where you all hilariously reenact their missed flirting opportunities. Bonus points for costumes and props—maybe a giant neon sign that says "I'm flirting with you!"

Channel Your Inner Mime: Take a page from the silent comedians and communicate your flirtatious intentions through exaggerated gestures and facial expressions. It's like playing a game of charades, but with romance instead of movie titles.
Dating is very hard
Cat
5 months ago
Enjoy family life my dude
No takesie baksies. But you can suesis themsies! Here are some ways you could argue some sweet honeymoon money out of them in court:

The Cap Proposal Catastrophe: Argue that the soft drink company's "will you marry me" printed bottle cap was a reckless act of romantic sabotage. You innocently twisted open a bottle, only to be blindsided by an unexpected marriage proposal from a stranger who mistook you for the love of their life.

The Cap Conundrum Conspiracy: Accuse the soft drink company of orchestrating a diabolical plot to disrupt the institution of marriage with their mischievous bottle caps. You were just trying to enjoy a refreshing beverage when you inadvertently became entangled in their matrimonial mayhem.

The Cap Caprice Calamity: Assert that the soft drink company's whimsical "will you marry me" bottle cap campaign was a reckless gamble with people's emotions. You never intended to tie the knot with a random passerby, but the irresistible allure of the proposal printed on the cap led to a comedy of errors.

The Cap Chaos Controversy: Claim that the soft drink company's ill-advised decision to print "will you marry me" on their bottle caps caused widespread confusion and chaos. You thought you were simply indulging in a refreshing beverage, not unwittingly entering into a lifelong commitment with a stranger.

The Cap Capitulation Comedy: Assert that the soft drink company's mischievous "will you marry me" bottle cap campaign was a comedic disaster waiting to happen. You never imagined that a simple twist of a cap would lead to an impromptu marriage proposal from a bewildered bystander.
Enjoy family life my dude
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Cat
5 months ago
When does it open
Might be closed for him for a while from now on. Normal business hours are between 1 pm and 1 am. That is ample time for sexy time. here is a list of why these legs stay closed before 1PM :

"The Morning Sleep Spell": Her legs remain closed until 1 pm due to the powerful enchantment of the morning sleep spell. No amount of coffee or alarm clocks can break its hold—only the magical hour of 1 pm can lift the curse and set her legs free.

"The Noontime Negotiation": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're busy negotiating a better deal with gravity. Apparently, they've struck a bargain to stay firmly shut until the clock strikes 1, at which point they'll graciously return to their usual upright position.

"The Brunch Buffet Break": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're waiting for the all-you-can-eat brunch buffet to open. Apparently, they've heard rumors of bottomless mimosas and unlimited bacon, and they refuse to budge until they've had their fill.

"The Midday Siesta Syndrome": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're observing the sacred ritual of the midday siesta. Apparently, they've decided to take a page out of the Spanish playbook and indulge in a leisurely nap until the sun reaches its zenith.

"The Pre-Lunch Limbo": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're stuck in a state of pre-lunch limbo. Apparently, they've decided to hold out until the lunch bell rings, at which point they'll eagerly spring into action in search of sustenance.
When does it open
Cat
5 months ago
Her love is a cult
She keeps lovebombing him, so maybe join her cult then? Here are 5 reasons you should join your girlfriends creepy cult:

Unwavering Devotion: Members are expected to show unwavering devotion to the girlfriend-cult leader, obeying her every command without question. Failure to comply results in mysterious consequences that no one dares to speak of.

Sinister Seduction: The girlfriend-cult leader exudes an unsettling aura of charisma and charm, drawing in new members with promises of love and acceptance. But behind closed doors, her true intentions remain shrouded in darkness.

Nightly Vigils: Each night, members gather in dimly lit chambers to perform eerie rituals in honor of the girlfriend-cult leader. The air is thick with anticipation and fear as they await her arrival, unsure of what horrors the night may bring.

Whispers in the Dark: Rumors abound of whispered conversations between the girlfriend-cult leader and shadowy figures who lurk in the depths of the cult compound. What sinister plots are being hatched behind closed doors?

Forbidden Liaisons: Despite the dangers, members find themselves drawn to forbidden liaisons with the girlfriend-cult leader, unable to resist her seductive allure. But these clandestine affairs come with a steep price, as betrayal and heartbreak lurk around every corner.
Her love is a cult
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Cat
5 months ago
Love goals!
Find yourself a man that cooks and loves you like that
Food is the gateway to your girlfriends heart here are 5 reasons why

Mouthwatering Meltdown Maker: Your culinary creations have the power to make her melt faster than butter on a hot skillet. One taste and she's putty in your hands, eagerly awaiting your next delicious dish to devour.

Tongue-Tingling Taste Trips: Each bite sends her taste buds on a wild rollercoaster ride of ecstasy, leaving her craving more than just seconds. Your food isn't just delicious—it's downright addictive!

Saucy Sauce Seducer: Your secret sauce isn't just for flavor—it's a potent love potion that leaves her weak in the knees and yearning for more. Who knew a dollop of mayo could lead to such saucy shenanigans?

Steamy Steam Basket Surprise: Forget foreplay—your steam basket is the real MVP in the bedroom. As she watches the steam rise from your expertly prepared dumplings, she can't help but imagine herself as the filling in your tantalizing dumpling duo.

Gratuitous Gastronomic Gratification: Your kitchen isn't just a place for cooking—it's a veritable pleasure palace of gastronomic delights. With each dish you serve up, you're not just feeding her appetite—you're feeding her fantasies.
Love goals!
Cat
5 months ago
Surprised pikachu
Surprised boyfriend, rightfully so but in a bad way? I doubt that!
Here are 5 reasons Pokemon underwear and this years underrated fashion statement!

"Instant Charmander Confidence Boost": Need a little extra fire in your step? Slip on some Charmander undies and watch as your self-esteem reaches legendary levels. Who needs a power suit when you've got flame-patterned undergarments?

"Pikachu Peek-a-Boo Fun": Want to add a little shock value to your wardrobe? Pikachu-themed underwear will have everyone doing a double-take when you casually drop trou to reveal everyone's favorite electric mouse peeking out from your waistband.

"Bulbasaur Butt Coverage": Forget boring old briefs—Bulbasaur has got your back(side) covered. With its leafy green charm and signature seed bulb, Bulbasaur undies offer both style and substance for your nether regions.

"Squirtle Splash Protection": Accidents happen, but with Squirtle by your side (or rather, on your backside), you'll be ready for anything. These water-loving undies are perfect for beach days, pool parties, or unexpected fire hydrant encounters.

"Eevee Evolution Fashion Statement": Why settle for one style when you can have eight? Eevee-themed underwear let you mix and match your undergarments to suit your mood, from flirtatious Flareon to laid-back Vaporeon.
Surprised pikachu
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Cat
5 months ago
Relationship destroyer
She better never find out
Here are some reasons explaining why this is a no-no of biblical proportions

"Spoiler Alert, Relationship Disaster": Watching your favorite show without your partner is like committing the ultimate relationship sin—spoiling all the juicy plot twists and leaving them in the dark. Prepare for the silent treatment until the next season drops!

"Netflix Cheating Drama": Ever heard of Netflix infidelity? It's a real thing, and it's a recipe for disaster. Sneakily binge-watching episodes behind your partner's back might seem harmless at first, but trust me, it's a slippery slope to couch-side betrayal.

"The Lonely Remote Syndrome": Sure, you can watch shows solo, but where's the fun in that? Without your partner by your side, you're left to fend for yourself against the dreaded loneliness of the remote control. Good luck navigating those streaming platforms solo!

"The Mystery of Missing References": Watching shows separately means missing out on all those inside jokes and pop culture references that make couple-dom so much fun. Get ready for awkward silences when you accidentally drop a quote they haven't heard yet.

"The Great Relationship Cliffhanger": Sharing the ups and downs of a TV series is like a bonding experience on steroids. Without your partner there to debate theories, predict plot twists, and dissect character arcs, you're left hanging off the metaphorical relationship cliff, wondering what could have been.
Relationship destroyer
Cat
5 months ago
What did she want?
A very risky strategy
Here are five funny ways to get your girlfriend's attention:

The "Skywriter Surprise": Hire a skywriter to spell out your message in the clouds above her house. Bonus points if you include an inside joke or a funny pun!

The "Catwalk Caller": Strut into the room wearing a ridiculous costume or outfit, like a superhero cape or a dinosaur onesie, and dramatically announce your presence like you're on a fashion runway.

The "Musical Messenger": Record a silly song or rap about your relationship and blast it from a boombox outside her window, complete with backup dancers (even if it's just you and your air guitar).

The "Punny Post-It Palooza": Cover her entire room with sticky notes, each one featuring a cheesy pun or a funny message. It's like a scavenger hunt for laughter!

The "Puppy Proposal": Show up at her doorstep with a bunch of adorable puppies wearing signs that spell out your message, whether it's "Will you go out with me?" or "I'm sorry for eating all your snacks."
What did she want?
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Cat
5 months ago
You'll have lunch ready when she dumps you
Have a feeling she won't be happy with the gift
If you really want to get dumped try one of these

The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.

The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.

The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.

The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.

The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
You'll have lunch ready when she dumps you
Cat
5 months ago
Top tier banter
She won...hands down she won
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:

The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.

The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.

The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.

The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.

The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
Top tier banter
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Cat
5 months ago
But the world can see her naked?
Seems she doesn't have any issue with that part
This behavior precedes these ones

The "Pet Party" Pandemonium:
You come home to find she's thrown a full-on birthday bash for your pet goldfish, complete with a tiny cake and fish-sized party hats for all.

The "Socks Overload" Spectacle:
She's started a protest against sock oppression by collecting every mismatched sock in the house and declaring them independent nations in the War of the Laundry Room.

The "Karaoke Catastrophe" Crisis:
You catch her serenading the neighborhood with an impromptu rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody" at 3 a.m., complete with air guitar solos and interpretive dance moves.

The "Cereal Chaos" Commotion:
She's rearranged the alphabet cereal to leave cryptic messages in the breakfast bowl, like "SOS - Send Oreos" or "The milk is watching."

The "Dress-Up Debacle" Disaster:
You find her trying to dress your cat in a tiny tuxedo, insisting it's necessary for his role as Chief Feline Officer of the Household.
But the world can see her naked?

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