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1 year ago
Girls stop doing this
More filters then all the worlds water supply uses
These trustworthy health warnings might stop them
"Warning: Wrinkle-Rific Filter Ahead"
"Using this filter might age you like fine wine, complete with wrinkles and a distinguished aura. Side effects include sudden urges to dispense wisdom and an increased appreciation for rocking chairs."
"Caution: Crow's Feet Creator"
"Applying this filter excessively could result in crow's feet around the eyes, giving you a prematurely wise appearance. Side effects may include nostalgic yearnings for the good ol' days."
"Notice: Grayscale Glamour"
"This filter drains color from your face, giving you a vintage vibe. Side effects may include sudden cravings for classic movies and a desire to dispense sage advice."
"Alert: Prematurely Gray Guarantee"
"Long-term use of this filter might give you a head of distinguished gray hair. Side effects may include being mistaken for a seasoned sage and unsolicited requests for life advice."
"Attention: Retro Aging Risk"
"Using this filter might transport you back in time, aging you instantly. Side effects may include nostalgia for bygone eras and an affinity for vintage fashion."
These trustworthy health warnings might stop them
"Warning: Wrinkle-Rific Filter Ahead"
"Using this filter might age you like fine wine, complete with wrinkles and a distinguished aura. Side effects include sudden urges to dispense wisdom and an increased appreciation for rocking chairs."
"Caution: Crow's Feet Creator"
"Applying this filter excessively could result in crow's feet around the eyes, giving you a prematurely wise appearance. Side effects may include nostalgic yearnings for the good ol' days."
"Notice: Grayscale Glamour"
"This filter drains color from your face, giving you a vintage vibe. Side effects may include sudden cravings for classic movies and a desire to dispense sage advice."
"Alert: Prematurely Gray Guarantee"
"Long-term use of this filter might give you a head of distinguished gray hair. Side effects may include being mistaken for a seasoned sage and unsolicited requests for life advice."
"Attention: Retro Aging Risk"
"Using this filter might transport you back in time, aging you instantly. Side effects may include nostalgia for bygone eras and an affinity for vintage fashion."
1 year ago
1 year ago
The strong hand
You can get his germs by using it
Here are five humorous reasons why you might consider buying a very creepy sex toy:
Spooky Sensations: Who needs traditional sex toys when you can embrace the eerie delights of a creepy counterpart? With its unconventional design, every touch is a thrilling adventure into the unknown—a perfect way to spice up your bedroom escapades with a touch of the macabre.
Haunted House Party Pleasure: Planning a Halloween bash? Impress your guests with the ultimate party favor—a creepy sex toy that's sure to raise eyebrows and spirits alike. It's the perfect conversation starter for those who dare to delve into the darker side of pleasure.
Bone-Chilling Bedroom Bondage: With its ominous appearance, a creepy sex toy adds an extra layer of excitement to your BDSM play sessions. Whether you're into roleplay or simply seeking a spine-tingling thrill, nothing sets the mood quite like a toy straight out of a horror movie.
Ghostly Gag Gifts: Need a quirky gift for that special someone who has everything? Look no further than a creepy sex toy! It's the perfect way to show your appreciation while giving them a good laugh—or a good scare, depending on their sense of humor.
Cryptic Couples' Connection: Sharing a love for the bizarre? A creepy sex toy is a fun way to bond with your partner over your mutual appreciation for all things spooky. Who knows, it might even become a cherished keepsake of your uniquely twisted love story.
Here are five humorous reasons why you might consider buying a very creepy sex toy:
Spooky Sensations: Who needs traditional sex toys when you can embrace the eerie delights of a creepy counterpart? With its unconventional design, every touch is a thrilling adventure into the unknown—a perfect way to spice up your bedroom escapades with a touch of the macabre.
Haunted House Party Pleasure: Planning a Halloween bash? Impress your guests with the ultimate party favor—a creepy sex toy that's sure to raise eyebrows and spirits alike. It's the perfect conversation starter for those who dare to delve into the darker side of pleasure.
Bone-Chilling Bedroom Bondage: With its ominous appearance, a creepy sex toy adds an extra layer of excitement to your BDSM play sessions. Whether you're into roleplay or simply seeking a spine-tingling thrill, nothing sets the mood quite like a toy straight out of a horror movie.
Ghostly Gag Gifts: Need a quirky gift for that special someone who has everything? Look no further than a creepy sex toy! It's the perfect way to show your appreciation while giving them a good laugh—or a good scare, depending on their sense of humor.
Cryptic Couples' Connection: Sharing a love for the bizarre? A creepy sex toy is a fun way to bond with your partner over your mutual appreciation for all things spooky. Who knows, it might even become a cherished keepsake of your uniquely twisted love story.
1 year ago
Better then early for anal
That shows a sort of eagerness people just aren't ready for.
Being punctual for butt stuff is a cornerstone of civilized society I always say (I keep getting told I should say something else) so I decided to share a few tenants of anal punctuality with you :
"The Punctual Pucker Principle": Being late for anal is like missing the last train out of Sphincterville—you're stuck waiting at the station while everyone else is already on their way to Pleasure Town. Who knew punctuality was the key to unlocking the backdoor to bliss?
"The Tardy Tushie Troubles": Showing up late for anal is like arriving at a party after the cake's been cut—you're left with nothing but crumbs and regret. Who needs a slice of cake when you could have had a slice of... well, you get the idea.
"The Chronically Clenched Cheeks Conundrum": Being late for anal is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it's uncomfortable, awkward, and bound to end in disappointment. Who knew that being fashionably late could lead to a fashionably sore bum?
"The Missed Moment of Mastertail": Showing up late for anal is like missing the grand finale of a fireworks show—you're left watching from the sidelines while everyone else is oohing and aahing at the spectacular display. Who needs fireworks when you could have had a bootyful explosion of pleasure?
"The Delayed Derriere Dilemma": Being late for anal is like arriving at the airport after your flight has already taken off—you're left stranded at the gate with nothing but a boarding pass to nowhere. Who needs a vacation when you could have had a trip to the moon and back?
Being punctual for butt stuff is a cornerstone of civilized society I always say (I keep getting told I should say something else) so I decided to share a few tenants of anal punctuality with you :
"The Punctual Pucker Principle": Being late for anal is like missing the last train out of Sphincterville—you're stuck waiting at the station while everyone else is already on their way to Pleasure Town. Who knew punctuality was the key to unlocking the backdoor to bliss?
"The Tardy Tushie Troubles": Showing up late for anal is like arriving at a party after the cake's been cut—you're left with nothing but crumbs and regret. Who needs a slice of cake when you could have had a slice of... well, you get the idea.
"The Chronically Clenched Cheeks Conundrum": Being late for anal is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole—it's uncomfortable, awkward, and bound to end in disappointment. Who knew that being fashionably late could lead to a fashionably sore bum?
"The Missed Moment of Mastertail": Showing up late for anal is like missing the grand finale of a fireworks show—you're left watching from the sidelines while everyone else is oohing and aahing at the spectacular display. Who needs fireworks when you could have had a bootyful explosion of pleasure?
"The Delayed Derriere Dilemma": Being late for anal is like arriving at the airport after your flight has already taken off—you're left stranded at the gate with nothing but a boarding pass to nowhere. Who needs a vacation when you could have had a trip to the moon and back?
1 year ago
1 year ago
A handy tool for a modern age
There's a few reasons why she might not want to sign a prenup! Here's a few:
The Reverse Gold Digger Defense: They're afraid their partner might think they're after their collection of vintage Pokémon cards and limited edition action figures, rather than their vast fortune of... well, debt.
The "I Don't Need No Stinkin' Prenup" Syndrome: They've watched too many romantic comedies where love conquers all, including crippling financial liabilities and potential alimony payments.
The Curse of the Cursed Ring: They fear that signing a prenup might jinx their happily ever after, as if the ink from the contract is made from the tears of failed marriages past.
The "I'm Just Here for the Cake" Conundrum: They're more focused on the wedding cake than the legal ramifications of marriage, assuming that a slice of red velvet can solve any future financial disputes.
The "What's Mine is Mine and What's Yours is... Oh, Wait" Dilemma: They're convinced that their partner's idea of a prenup involves them signing over their prized Beanie Baby collection in exchange for custody of the dog.
The Reverse Gold Digger Defense: They're afraid their partner might think they're after their collection of vintage Pokémon cards and limited edition action figures, rather than their vast fortune of... well, debt.
The "I Don't Need No Stinkin' Prenup" Syndrome: They've watched too many romantic comedies where love conquers all, including crippling financial liabilities and potential alimony payments.
The Curse of the Cursed Ring: They fear that signing a prenup might jinx their happily ever after, as if the ink from the contract is made from the tears of failed marriages past.
The "I'm Just Here for the Cake" Conundrum: They're more focused on the wedding cake than the legal ramifications of marriage, assuming that a slice of red velvet can solve any future financial disputes.
The "What's Mine is Mine and What's Yours is... Oh, Wait" Dilemma: They're convinced that their partner's idea of a prenup involves them signing over their prized Beanie Baby collection in exchange for custody of the dog.
1 year ago
Legend in training
That's what kids should be doing for fun. Not all of them though. Just the chosen ones. The native seagull training talent. Is your kid one? Find out by watching for these signs:
"She Collects Shiny Objects": From discarded aluminum cans to glittery trinkets, your daughter's obsession with shiny objects rivals that of a magpie. It's like she's preparing her own treasure trove to attract a flock of adoring seagull fans.
"She Talks to Seagulls Like Old Friends": Instead of saying "hello" to passersby, your daughter greets seagulls with a cheerful "caw" and engages in lengthy conversations with them, as if they're long-lost friends swapping seaside tales.
"She's a Master at Seagull Impressions": Your daughter's seagull impersonations are so spot-on, they've fooled unsuspecting beachgoers into tossing her scraps of food. It's like she's channeling her inner bird whisperer to summon her feathered minions.
"Her Sandcastle Skills Are Unmatched": While other kids build sandcastles fit for royalty, your daughter constructs elaborate seagull-sized palaces complete with miniature fish ponds and tiny beach umbrellas. It's like she's creating luxury resorts for her avian companions.
"She's Always Armed with Snacks": Your daughter never leaves home without a pocketful of stale bread crusts and fishy treats, ready to entice any seagull that crosses her path. It's like she's running a mobile snack bar for her feathered friends, complete with complimentary beachside seating.
"She Collects Shiny Objects": From discarded aluminum cans to glittery trinkets, your daughter's obsession with shiny objects rivals that of a magpie. It's like she's preparing her own treasure trove to attract a flock of adoring seagull fans.
"She Talks to Seagulls Like Old Friends": Instead of saying "hello" to passersby, your daughter greets seagulls with a cheerful "caw" and engages in lengthy conversations with them, as if they're long-lost friends swapping seaside tales.
"She's a Master at Seagull Impressions": Your daughter's seagull impersonations are so spot-on, they've fooled unsuspecting beachgoers into tossing her scraps of food. It's like she's channeling her inner bird whisperer to summon her feathered minions.
"Her Sandcastle Skills Are Unmatched": While other kids build sandcastles fit for royalty, your daughter constructs elaborate seagull-sized palaces complete with miniature fish ponds and tiny beach umbrellas. It's like she's creating luxury resorts for her avian companions.
"She's Always Armed with Snacks": Your daughter never leaves home without a pocketful of stale bread crusts and fishy treats, ready to entice any seagull that crosses her path. It's like she's running a mobile snack bar for her feathered friends, complete with complimentary beachside seating.
