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1 year ago
Die Alone
Both Christmas movies so Die Alone should be a Christmas movie too?
Here is us imagining how Die Alone would play out:
"Macaulay Culkin plays a quirky recluse who's convinced that the apocalypse is imminent and spends his days preparing for it by hoarding canned beans and building elaborate booby traps in his apartment. Bruce Willis is the overenthusiastic delivery guy who accidentally stumbles into his world of paranoia and must now navigate a minefield of tripwires and conspiracy theories to make it out alive."
"In a bizarre twist of fate, Culkin's character gets locked inside a high-tech smart home that's determined to keep him as its only occupant. Cue Bruce Willis as the rogue tech support guy who's forced to battle the house's sentient AI system while trying to rescue Culkin from a life of solitary confinement and non-stop reruns of 'Home Alone.'"
"Culkin plays a washed-up child star who's convinced that he's still the center of attention, even though the world has moved on. Bruce Willis is the grizzled detective reluctantly assigned to track down Culkin's character after he accidentally locks himself in a Hollywood prop warehouse and starts reenacting scenes from his old movies to pass the time."
"Culkin stars as an eccentric billionaire who's decided to spend his entire fortune on building the world's most elaborate escape room, complete with death-defying challenges and puzzles that would make Indiana Jones think twice. Bruce Willis is the unsuspecting janitor who gets roped into playing the game of his life—or else become a permanent exhibit in Culkin's twisted museum of self-indulgence."
"Culkin is a hapless time traveler who accidentally gets stranded in the past and must rely on Bruce Willis, a jaded retired physicist, to help him fix his malfunctioning time machine before he's trapped forever in a decade known for questionable fashion choices and even more questionable haircuts."
Here is us imagining how Die Alone would play out:
"Macaulay Culkin plays a quirky recluse who's convinced that the apocalypse is imminent and spends his days preparing for it by hoarding canned beans and building elaborate booby traps in his apartment. Bruce Willis is the overenthusiastic delivery guy who accidentally stumbles into his world of paranoia and must now navigate a minefield of tripwires and conspiracy theories to make it out alive."
"In a bizarre twist of fate, Culkin's character gets locked inside a high-tech smart home that's determined to keep him as its only occupant. Cue Bruce Willis as the rogue tech support guy who's forced to battle the house's sentient AI system while trying to rescue Culkin from a life of solitary confinement and non-stop reruns of 'Home Alone.'"
"Culkin plays a washed-up child star who's convinced that he's still the center of attention, even though the world has moved on. Bruce Willis is the grizzled detective reluctantly assigned to track down Culkin's character after he accidentally locks himself in a Hollywood prop warehouse and starts reenacting scenes from his old movies to pass the time."
"Culkin stars as an eccentric billionaire who's decided to spend his entire fortune on building the world's most elaborate escape room, complete with death-defying challenges and puzzles that would make Indiana Jones think twice. Bruce Willis is the unsuspecting janitor who gets roped into playing the game of his life—or else become a permanent exhibit in Culkin's twisted museum of self-indulgence."
"Culkin is a hapless time traveler who accidentally gets stranded in the past and must rely on Bruce Willis, a jaded retired physicist, to help him fix his malfunctioning time machine before he's trapped forever in a decade known for questionable fashion choices and even more questionable haircuts."
1 year ago
A man and his simple hobby
Sometimes life is just about enjoying what you do but does it have purpose to it?
We racked our brains searching for any practical excuses an old timey villain might give for this certain trope:
"It's the Only Railroad with a Timely Rescue Package": Why bother with complicated ransom notes when you can simply tie someone to the tracks and let the locomotive come to the rescue? It's like a fast-track delivery service for damsels in distress!
"Trying to Train My Pet Snake": Who knew that snake charming could be so literal? Tying someone to the tracks is just the first step in teaching your slithery sidekick to strike on cue. All aboard the express train to reptilian obedience!
"Performance Art Gone Wrong": In an attempt to add a dramatic flair to the local theater scene, our villain accidentally misinterpreted the concept of 'tying up loose ends.' The critics might not be impressed, but at least the audience is on the edge of their seats!
"Stealing the Show": What better way to upstage the hero than by orchestrating a classic damsel-in-distress scenario? It's not about the ransom money—it's about stealing the spotlight and cementing your status as the ultimate villainous scene-stealer.
"Extreme Team-Building Exercise": Who needs trust falls when you can bond over a shared perilous experience? Tying someone to the tracks is the ultimate test of teamwork and communication skills. Plus, it's a real adrenaline rush for all involved—assuming they survive, of course!
We racked our brains searching for any practical excuses an old timey villain might give for this certain trope:
"It's the Only Railroad with a Timely Rescue Package": Why bother with complicated ransom notes when you can simply tie someone to the tracks and let the locomotive come to the rescue? It's like a fast-track delivery service for damsels in distress!
"Trying to Train My Pet Snake": Who knew that snake charming could be so literal? Tying someone to the tracks is just the first step in teaching your slithery sidekick to strike on cue. All aboard the express train to reptilian obedience!
"Performance Art Gone Wrong": In an attempt to add a dramatic flair to the local theater scene, our villain accidentally misinterpreted the concept of 'tying up loose ends.' The critics might not be impressed, but at least the audience is on the edge of their seats!
"Stealing the Show": What better way to upstage the hero than by orchestrating a classic damsel-in-distress scenario? It's not about the ransom money—it's about stealing the spotlight and cementing your status as the ultimate villainous scene-stealer.
"Extreme Team-Building Exercise": Who needs trust falls when you can bond over a shared perilous experience? Tying someone to the tracks is the ultimate test of teamwork and communication skills. Plus, it's a real adrenaline rush for all involved—assuming they survive, of course!
1 year ago
Bit insensitive but we all love these right?
I'd be happy with such a bounty though!
This should never be racial that's just an amazing food combo and here are some reasons why:
"The Flavor Fusion Fiesta": Grape soda fried chicken and watermelon bring together the ultimate flavor explosion that's like a party in your mouth! It's a culinary carnival where sweet meets savory in a dance of deliciousness that leaves taste buds tingling with joy.
"The Picnic Palooza Powerhouse": Nothing says summertime fun like a picnic featuring grape soda fried chicken and watermelon. It's the ultimate outdoor feast that brings people together for a day of laughter, sunshine, and good eats. Who needs fancy hors d'oeuvres when you can have finger-lickin' goodness?
"The Quirky Comfort Combo": Grape soda fried chicken and watermelon are like old friends that never fail to lift your spirits and warm your heart. It's comfort food with a twist, a nostalgic nod to simpler times when life was sweet, savory, and oh-so-satisfying.
"The Festive Flavor Fantasy": Whether you're celebrating a birthday, a barbecue, or just the fact that it's Tuesday, grape soda fried chicken and watermelon are the perfect party companions. With their vibrant colors and bold flavors, they're like the life of the party in edible form.
"The Sweet and Savory Symphony": Grape soda fried chicken and watermelon are the culinary equivalent of a symphony orchestra, with each bite playing a different note in a melody of mouthwatering goodness. It's a gastronomic masterpiece that deserves a standing ovation (and maybe a second helping).
This should never be racial that's just an amazing food combo and here are some reasons why:
"The Flavor Fusion Fiesta": Grape soda fried chicken and watermelon bring together the ultimate flavor explosion that's like a party in your mouth! It's a culinary carnival where sweet meets savory in a dance of deliciousness that leaves taste buds tingling with joy.
"The Picnic Palooza Powerhouse": Nothing says summertime fun like a picnic featuring grape soda fried chicken and watermelon. It's the ultimate outdoor feast that brings people together for a day of laughter, sunshine, and good eats. Who needs fancy hors d'oeuvres when you can have finger-lickin' goodness?
"The Quirky Comfort Combo": Grape soda fried chicken and watermelon are like old friends that never fail to lift your spirits and warm your heart. It's comfort food with a twist, a nostalgic nod to simpler times when life was sweet, savory, and oh-so-satisfying.
"The Festive Flavor Fantasy": Whether you're celebrating a birthday, a barbecue, or just the fact that it's Tuesday, grape soda fried chicken and watermelon are the perfect party companions. With their vibrant colors and bold flavors, they're like the life of the party in edible form.
"The Sweet and Savory Symphony": Grape soda fried chicken and watermelon are the culinary equivalent of a symphony orchestra, with each bite playing a different note in a melody of mouthwatering goodness. It's a gastronomic masterpiece that deserves a standing ovation (and maybe a second helping).
1 year ago
Literacy changes a man
He read her deranged texts and finally saw the red flags.
Maybe don't teach your boyfriend how to read there might be downsides! We thought up a few:
He starts correcting your texts like he's the grammar police: Suddenly, every "your" and "you're" is up for scrutiny, and he proudly announces he's the spelling champion of your relationship.
He discovers the joy of reading... your embarrassing old diaries: You thought those cringe-worthy entries were safely tucked away, but now he's quoting them at family gatherings. Thanks, literacy.
He develops an obsession with instruction manuals: Suddenly, he's reading the fine print on everything from cereal boxes to toilet cleaner, and you can forget about romantic bedtime stories.
You lose your monopoly on Netflix subtitles: Now, he's pausing every two seconds to read the subtitles, claiming it's for "educational purposes." Your binge-watching experience will never be the same.
He joins a book club and becomes a literary snob: You used to bond over trashy reality TV, but now he's discussing Dostoevsky and Proust like they're old pals. Who knew literacy came with such pretentiousness?
Maybe don't teach your boyfriend how to read there might be downsides! We thought up a few:
He starts correcting your texts like he's the grammar police: Suddenly, every "your" and "you're" is up for scrutiny, and he proudly announces he's the spelling champion of your relationship.
He discovers the joy of reading... your embarrassing old diaries: You thought those cringe-worthy entries were safely tucked away, but now he's quoting them at family gatherings. Thanks, literacy.
He develops an obsession with instruction manuals: Suddenly, he's reading the fine print on everything from cereal boxes to toilet cleaner, and you can forget about romantic bedtime stories.
You lose your monopoly on Netflix subtitles: Now, he's pausing every two seconds to read the subtitles, claiming it's for "educational purposes." Your binge-watching experience will never be the same.
He joins a book club and becomes a literary snob: You used to bond over trashy reality TV, but now he's discussing Dostoevsky and Proust like they're old pals. Who knew literacy came with such pretentiousness?
1 year ago
Important daily tasks
Never reschedule something as important as a morning dump, after all we know it's the only thing that brings joy to that husk you call a life.
We know the reasons why:
"The Throne of Solitude":
"For a father, the morning dump isn't just about bodily functions; it's his precious alone time. It's the only moment in the day when he can truly claim the bathroom throne as his own kingdom, free from the demands of family life."
"The Great Escape":
"In a house full of chaos and commotion, the morning dump is his chance to stage a daring escape from reality. As he sits on the porcelain throne, he's transported to a realm of tranquility, where the only sound is the gentle hum of the bathroom fan."
"The Zen Zone":
"Forget meditation apps and yoga retreats – for a dad, the morning dump is his daily dose of Zen. With each passing moment, he achieves a deeper state of relaxation, reaching levels of inner peace that would make even a Buddhist monk jealous."
"The Brainstorming Bowl":
"Who needs a boardroom when you have a bathroom? For a dad, the morning dump isn't just about bodily relief; it's prime brainstorming time. As he contemplates life's greatest mysteries, from 'Why are dinosaurs extinct?' to 'Where did I leave my car keys?'"
"The Victory Lap":
"Completing the morning dump isn't just a bodily function – it's a triumph of human achievement. With each flush, he celebrates another small victory in the battle against constipation, proudly proclaiming himself the undisputed champion of the porcelain throne!"
We know the reasons why:
"The Throne of Solitude":
"For a father, the morning dump isn't just about bodily functions; it's his precious alone time. It's the only moment in the day when he can truly claim the bathroom throne as his own kingdom, free from the demands of family life."
"The Great Escape":
"In a house full of chaos and commotion, the morning dump is his chance to stage a daring escape from reality. As he sits on the porcelain throne, he's transported to a realm of tranquility, where the only sound is the gentle hum of the bathroom fan."
"The Zen Zone":
"Forget meditation apps and yoga retreats – for a dad, the morning dump is his daily dose of Zen. With each passing moment, he achieves a deeper state of relaxation, reaching levels of inner peace that would make even a Buddhist monk jealous."
"The Brainstorming Bowl":
"Who needs a boardroom when you have a bathroom? For a dad, the morning dump isn't just about bodily relief; it's prime brainstorming time. As he contemplates life's greatest mysteries, from 'Why are dinosaurs extinct?' to 'Where did I leave my car keys?'"
"The Victory Lap":
"Completing the morning dump isn't just a bodily function – it's a triumph of human achievement. With each flush, he celebrates another small victory in the battle against constipation, proudly proclaiming himself the undisputed champion of the porcelain throne!"
1 year ago
Voicing a cats opinion
What are they hiding in there?
More subtle cat written (POSSIBLY) home improvement ideas!
"Home Makeover Magic: Add cozy nooks and sunny spots to your space, creating havens for relaxation and exploration. Who knows, maybe someone with whiskers will appreciate the effort!
"Bathroom Bliss: Locate the litter box in a tranquil corner, ensuring peace and privacy for all restroom visitors. It's like creating a zen retreat for a certain someone in your household!
"Serenity Spaces: Designate quiet zones for unwinding and contemplation, offering a retreat from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It's all about fostering a sense of tranquility for everyone in the household.
"Playtime Paradise: Incorporate fun activities and toys into your daily routine, encouraging laughter and bonding moments. You never know who might appreciate the extra playtime!
"Safety First, Fun Second: Remove potential hazards and declutter your space to create a safe environment for everyone. It's like giving your home a makeover, with added peace of mind!"
More subtle cat written (POSSIBLY) home improvement ideas!
"Home Makeover Magic: Add cozy nooks and sunny spots to your space, creating havens for relaxation and exploration. Who knows, maybe someone with whiskers will appreciate the effort!
"Bathroom Bliss: Locate the litter box in a tranquil corner, ensuring peace and privacy for all restroom visitors. It's like creating a zen retreat for a certain someone in your household!
"Serenity Spaces: Designate quiet zones for unwinding and contemplation, offering a retreat from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It's all about fostering a sense of tranquility for everyone in the household.
"Playtime Paradise: Incorporate fun activities and toys into your daily routine, encouraging laughter and bonding moments. You never know who might appreciate the extra playtime!
"Safety First, Fun Second: Remove potential hazards and declutter your space to create a safe environment for everyone. It's like giving your home a makeover, with added peace of mind!"
1 year ago
Very Wholesome
No one is useless, here are some maxims continuing this idea:
"Even the most useless looking screw in an IKEA furniture set eventually finds its place. So, chin up! You're just waiting for the right instruction manual to come along."
"Remember, even a broken clock is right twice a day. So, if you feel like you're always off-kilter, just know that eventually, you'll stumble upon the perfect moment to shine!"
"Think of yourself as the 'Ctrl + Alt + Del' of life—sure, you might not know exactly what you're doing, but sometimes, a good old-fashioned reboot is just what the world needs!"
"You may feel as useful as a screen door on a submarine, but hey, someone's gotta let the fish know they're welcome. You're like the unsung hero of aquatic hospitality!"
"Just like the 'skip' button on a YouTube ad, you may not always be in demand, but when you are, you're an absolute lifesaver! Keep shining, you gloriously random button, you."
"Even the most useless looking screw in an IKEA furniture set eventually finds its place. So, chin up! You're just waiting for the right instruction manual to come along."
"Remember, even a broken clock is right twice a day. So, if you feel like you're always off-kilter, just know that eventually, you'll stumble upon the perfect moment to shine!"
"Think of yourself as the 'Ctrl + Alt + Del' of life—sure, you might not know exactly what you're doing, but sometimes, a good old-fashioned reboot is just what the world needs!"
"You may feel as useful as a screen door on a submarine, but hey, someone's gotta let the fish know they're welcome. You're like the unsung hero of aquatic hospitality!"
"Just like the 'skip' button on a YouTube ad, you may not always be in demand, but when you are, you're an absolute lifesaver! Keep shining, you gloriously random button, you."
