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1 year ago
Revenge never tasted so sweet
He called in a strike.
Why stop there? Here's how he can continue using authority to his advantage:
"The Parking Ticket Parade": Have your brother swing by your enemy's neighborhood and start doling out parking tickets like candy on Halloween. Bonus points if he targets their driveway for a ticket-worthy violation, like parking slightly over the line or facing the wrong direction.
"Siren Symphony": Arrange for your brother to park his patrol car near your enemy's house and periodically turn on the sirens for a few seconds at a time. It's like a symphony of annoyance, with a touch of law enforcement flair.
"License and Registration, Please": Stage a routine traffic stop near your enemy's workplace or favorite hangout spot, complete with flashing lights and a friendly reminder to always obey traffic laws. Just be sure to let them off with a warning—after all, it's all in good fun.
"Community Policing": Encourage your brother to organize a neighborhood watch program and enlist your enemy as a volunteer. Nothing says "community service" like spending your weekends patrolling the streets for suspicious activity, right?
"The Case of the Missing Cat": Convince your brother to launch a full-scale investigation into the mysterious disappearance of your enemy's beloved pet rock, garden gnome, or other inanimate object of sentimental value. Who knows, maybe they'll even crack the case wide open (or not).
Why stop there? Here's how he can continue using authority to his advantage:
"The Parking Ticket Parade": Have your brother swing by your enemy's neighborhood and start doling out parking tickets like candy on Halloween. Bonus points if he targets their driveway for a ticket-worthy violation, like parking slightly over the line or facing the wrong direction.
"Siren Symphony": Arrange for your brother to park his patrol car near your enemy's house and periodically turn on the sirens for a few seconds at a time. It's like a symphony of annoyance, with a touch of law enforcement flair.
"License and Registration, Please": Stage a routine traffic stop near your enemy's workplace or favorite hangout spot, complete with flashing lights and a friendly reminder to always obey traffic laws. Just be sure to let them off with a warning—after all, it's all in good fun.
"Community Policing": Encourage your brother to organize a neighborhood watch program and enlist your enemy as a volunteer. Nothing says "community service" like spending your weekends patrolling the streets for suspicious activity, right?
"The Case of the Missing Cat": Convince your brother to launch a full-scale investigation into the mysterious disappearance of your enemy's beloved pet rock, garden gnome, or other inanimate object of sentimental value. Who knows, maybe they'll even crack the case wide open (or not).
1 year ago
Eggslut needs protection
She has to eat this bowl of eggs though. From eggslut the restaurant that needs military protection for some reason! We don't know the real reason but we make bullshit up on this website so...we made some bullshit up:
Because the Eggs are Armed and Dangerous: Those eggs aren't just cracked; they're crack shots! With their perfectly runny yolks and lethal aim, they pose a serious threat to anyone who dares to poach them.
Top-Secret Egg Recipes: Rumor has it that Eggslut's recipes are so classified, they make Area 51 look like a leaky sieve. The military is on high alert to prevent rival chefs from infiltrating and stealing their closely guarded egg-centric secrets.
Eggsplosive Toppings: Their signature dishes are loaded with toppings so explosive, they make a landmine look like a firecracker. From bacon bombs to cheese grenades, the military's job is to ensure that no one gets too egg-cited and sets off a flavor explosion.
Omelette Overlords: The omelette chefs at Eggslut are not to be trifled with. With their lightning-fast whisking skills and uncanny ability to flip eggs with military precision, they command respect and, apparently, armed protection.
Yolk-Stealing Bandits: There's a notorious gang of yolk-stealing bandits known as the "Eggscapers" who will stop at nothing to pilfer Eggslut's precious golden yolks. With the military's protection, those yolks are safe from sunny-side-up snatchers.
Because the Eggs are Armed and Dangerous: Those eggs aren't just cracked; they're crack shots! With their perfectly runny yolks and lethal aim, they pose a serious threat to anyone who dares to poach them.
Top-Secret Egg Recipes: Rumor has it that Eggslut's recipes are so classified, they make Area 51 look like a leaky sieve. The military is on high alert to prevent rival chefs from infiltrating and stealing their closely guarded egg-centric secrets.
Eggsplosive Toppings: Their signature dishes are loaded with toppings so explosive, they make a landmine look like a firecracker. From bacon bombs to cheese grenades, the military's job is to ensure that no one gets too egg-cited and sets off a flavor explosion.
Omelette Overlords: The omelette chefs at Eggslut are not to be trifled with. With their lightning-fast whisking skills and uncanny ability to flip eggs with military precision, they command respect and, apparently, armed protection.
Yolk-Stealing Bandits: There's a notorious gang of yolk-stealing bandits known as the "Eggscapers" who will stop at nothing to pilfer Eggslut's precious golden yolks. With the military's protection, those yolks are safe from sunny-side-up snatchers.
1 year ago
Get corrected
Twitter adds context
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
Here are five humorous reasons why weather might cancel a sporting event:
Rain Delay Due to "Liquid Sunshine": The forecast calls for a heavy downpour of "liquid sunshine," making it impossible for players to distinguish between the ball and the tears of the weather gods.
Snowball Fight Breaks Out on the Field: A freak blizzard sweeps through, turning the stadium into a winter wonderland and prompting players to abandon their sports equipment in favor of snowball fights and impromptu snowman-building contests.
Wind Gusts Carry Players Away Like Kites: Unpredictable gusts of wind transform the playing field into a makeshift kite-flying zone, with players and referees soaring through the air like human kites. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's the star quarterback!
Fog Rolls In, Players Vanish into Thin Air: A dense fog descends upon the stadium, shrouding the playing field in a thick veil of mist and causing players to vanish into thin air. Referees blow their whistles in vain, unable to locate the elusive athletes amidst the foggy chaos.
Heat Wave Turns Players into Puddles: Sweltering temperatures transform the playing field into a giant frying pan, causing players to melt like popsicles on a summer day. Fans watch in disbelief as their favorite athletes drip and droop like soggy pancakes, prompting a hasty retreat to the nearest ice cream stand.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Don't risk it guys
I'd also share it on all my socials your friends will think you're smart funny and quirky
Lucky badger guys just read the proof below i swear writing these is like an endless fever dream
The "Underground Abode" Advantage:
"With $115, that badger can afford the ultimate burrow upgrade – complete with a built-in jacuzzi!"
The "Unexpected Investor" Wonder:
"This badger must have stumbled upon a squirrel's hidden stock portfolio. Lucky break for a woodland critter!"
The "Born Lucky" Charm:
"With a badger's luck and $115, who needs four-leaf clovers?"
The "Frugal Forager" Fortune:
"That badger's $115 could buy a year's supply of discount berries and budget-friendly bugs!"
The "Pirate's Paw" Prize:
"Rumor has it, buried beneath the badger's favorite tree lies a trove of lost pirate treasure. Lucky find indeed!"
Lucky badger guys just read the proof below i swear writing these is like an endless fever dream
The "Underground Abode" Advantage:
"With $115, that badger can afford the ultimate burrow upgrade – complete with a built-in jacuzzi!"
The "Unexpected Investor" Wonder:
"This badger must have stumbled upon a squirrel's hidden stock portfolio. Lucky break for a woodland critter!"
The "Born Lucky" Charm:
"With a badger's luck and $115, who needs four-leaf clovers?"
The "Frugal Forager" Fortune:
"That badger's $115 could buy a year's supply of discount berries and budget-friendly bugs!"
The "Pirate's Paw" Prize:
"Rumor has it, buried beneath the badger's favorite tree lies a trove of lost pirate treasure. Lucky find indeed!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
The creepy yet wholesome bat guy
Be the kind creepy guy for someone in your life!
If she wanted him to stop being a sort of bat-friend-man she could have used one of these but since she didn't we assume the bat-posting was consensual
**"Hey, can you please stop bat-tering me with all these bat memes? My inbox is starting to feel like a bat cave, and I'm not Batman, I swear."
**"Listen, I appreciate your enthusiasm for bats, but I think I've reached my bat quota for the year. Let's give the bats a break and focus on something less... batty."
**"I'm starting to feel like I'm in a bat-themed horror movie, and I'm the unsuspecting victim. Can we switch to a less spooky topic before I start seeing bats in my dreams?"
**"I've come to the realization that I'm more of a cat person than a bat person. So, if you could please stop sending me bat-related content, that would be purr-fect."
**"I'm all for spreading our wings and exploring new interests, but I think it's time to put the bats to bed for now. Let's move on to something that doesn't involve flying rodents, shall we?"
If she wanted him to stop being a sort of bat-friend-man she could have used one of these but since she didn't we assume the bat-posting was consensual
**"Hey, can you please stop bat-tering me with all these bat memes? My inbox is starting to feel like a bat cave, and I'm not Batman, I swear."
**"Listen, I appreciate your enthusiasm for bats, but I think I've reached my bat quota for the year. Let's give the bats a break and focus on something less... batty."
**"I'm starting to feel like I'm in a bat-themed horror movie, and I'm the unsuspecting victim. Can we switch to a less spooky topic before I start seeing bats in my dreams?"
**"I've come to the realization that I'm more of a cat person than a bat person. So, if you could please stop sending me bat-related content, that would be purr-fect."
**"I'm all for spreading our wings and exploring new interests, but I think it's time to put the bats to bed for now. Let's move on to something that doesn't involve flying rodents, shall we?"
