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1 year ago
The female orgasm is a myth
You couldn't get that out of me by waterboarding in real life!
This made us think though! Does the female orgasm lead to socialism and dare i say it communism?
Here is what we came up with
"Communal Climaxes Create Comrades": The simultaneous release of oxytocin during female orgasms fosters feelings of bonding and empathy, leading to a sudden urge to share resources and overthrow the capitalist system. Who knew pleasure could be so politically transformative?
"Redistributing Pleasure Points": The redistribution of pleasure from the individual to the collective encourages a socialist mindset, as women realize the inherent unfairness of hoarding orgasms for oneself. From each according to her ability, to each according to her needs—especially when it comes to reaching the big O!
"The Orgasmic Equalizer": In the heat of passion, all social hierarchies dissolve as everyone strives for the common goal of mutual satisfaction. It's the ultimate leveller, where even the most ardent capitalists find themselves chanting, "From each according to their pleasure, to each according to their kink!"
"Utopia in the Sheets": The pursuit of pleasure transcends individual desire and becomes a collective endeavor, laying the groundwork for a socialist utopia where everyone's needs are met—preferably multiple times a day.
"The Orgasmic Revolution": With each climax comes a revolutionary fervor, as women awaken to their own power and demand equality in all aspects of life. It's not just about orgasms—it's about overthrowing the patriarchy one pleasure-filled revolution at a time.
This made us think though! Does the female orgasm lead to socialism and dare i say it communism?
Here is what we came up with
"Communal Climaxes Create Comrades": The simultaneous release of oxytocin during female orgasms fosters feelings of bonding and empathy, leading to a sudden urge to share resources and overthrow the capitalist system. Who knew pleasure could be so politically transformative?
"Redistributing Pleasure Points": The redistribution of pleasure from the individual to the collective encourages a socialist mindset, as women realize the inherent unfairness of hoarding orgasms for oneself. From each according to her ability, to each according to her needs—especially when it comes to reaching the big O!
"The Orgasmic Equalizer": In the heat of passion, all social hierarchies dissolve as everyone strives for the common goal of mutual satisfaction. It's the ultimate leveller, where even the most ardent capitalists find themselves chanting, "From each according to their pleasure, to each according to their kink!"
"Utopia in the Sheets": The pursuit of pleasure transcends individual desire and becomes a collective endeavor, laying the groundwork for a socialist utopia where everyone's needs are met—preferably multiple times a day.
"The Orgasmic Revolution": With each climax comes a revolutionary fervor, as women awaken to their own power and demand equality in all aspects of life. It's not just about orgasms—it's about overthrowing the patriarchy one pleasure-filled revolution at a time.
1 year ago
Buy cheaper pizza
Really DO NOT finance a pizza. If that's not enough bad financial advice for you we have you covered with 5 more :
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
"Borrow Money to Buy Lottery Tickets": Why waste time saving up for a rainy day when you could hit the jackpot tomorrow? Take out a second mortgage, max out your credit cards, and buy as many lottery tickets as you can carry. After all, fortune favors the bold—or at least the heavily indebted.
"Invest in Pyramid Schemes": Who needs boring old index funds when you can join a pyramid scheme and get rich quick? Just recruit a few friends, sit back, and watch the money roll in. Sure, it might technically be illegal, but think of all the luxurious vacations you'll be able to afford before the SEC catches wind of your scheme.
"Live Like a Kardashian": Why bother budgeting when you can live a life of luxury like your favorite reality TV stars? Treat yourself to designer clothes, lavish vacations, and extravagant parties—all on a shoestring budget. Who needs financial stability when you have Instagram likes?
"Become a Professional Fortnite Gamer": Who says video games can't be a lucrative career? With millions of dollars up for grabs in esports tournaments, all you need is a killer Fortnite strategy and lightning-fast reflexes. Just ignore the fact that only a tiny fraction of gamers actually make it big—this time, it's different.
"Bet Your Life Savings on Red": Who needs retirement savings when you have the thrill of the roulette wheel? Head to your nearest casino, plop down your life savings on red, and let fate decide your financial future. Worst-case scenario, you end up penniless and living under a bridge—but hey, at least you'll have a good story to tell.
1 year ago
Run girl or get a gun or both
He seems like he'd make a skin-suit out of her. I guess I'm not allowed to technically say you should shoot him outright *wink wink* so here are some Home Alone style ways you can protect yourself from a dangerous stalker!
DIY Booby Traps: Channel your inner MacGyver and rig up some hilarious yet effective booby traps using household items. Think strategically placed marbles, buckets of slime over doorways, and strategically positioned rubber chickens. Who knew self-defense could be so slapstick?
Fake-Out Escape Plans: Set up fake escape routes that lead nowhere, like a hallway of cardboard cutouts or a secret door that opens to reveal a closet full of old Halloween costumes. Your stalker will be left scratching their head while you make a real getaway.
Inflatable Doppelgangers: Invest in a few life-sized inflatable replicas of yourself to scatter around the house. Your stalker won't know which one is the real you, giving you plenty of time to slip away unnoticed while they're busy interrogating your vinyl doppelgangers.
Kitchen Chaos: Turn your kitchen into a culinary battleground by strategically placing pots, pans, and utensils within arm's reach. When your stalker least expects it, unleash a barrage of flying cookware to send them running for cover—or at least ducking for cover.
Animal Allies: Enlist the help of your furry (or feathery) friends to thwart your stalker's advances. Train your pet parrot to squawk obscenities whenever they approach or teach your cat to trip them up with well-timed leg weaves. After all, who needs a guard dog when you have a guard chicken?
DIY Booby Traps: Channel your inner MacGyver and rig up some hilarious yet effective booby traps using household items. Think strategically placed marbles, buckets of slime over doorways, and strategically positioned rubber chickens. Who knew self-defense could be so slapstick?
Fake-Out Escape Plans: Set up fake escape routes that lead nowhere, like a hallway of cardboard cutouts or a secret door that opens to reveal a closet full of old Halloween costumes. Your stalker will be left scratching their head while you make a real getaway.
Inflatable Doppelgangers: Invest in a few life-sized inflatable replicas of yourself to scatter around the house. Your stalker won't know which one is the real you, giving you plenty of time to slip away unnoticed while they're busy interrogating your vinyl doppelgangers.
Kitchen Chaos: Turn your kitchen into a culinary battleground by strategically placing pots, pans, and utensils within arm's reach. When your stalker least expects it, unleash a barrage of flying cookware to send them running for cover—or at least ducking for cover.
Animal Allies: Enlist the help of your furry (or feathery) friends to thwart your stalker's advances. Train your pet parrot to squawk obscenities whenever they approach or teach your cat to trip them up with well-timed leg weaves. After all, who needs a guard dog when you have a guard chicken?
1 year ago
Recognizable branding
Not the case you'd want to be associated with ad a brand though
Have 5 other illegal ways to fill up your belly
The "Supermarket Sweep": Join a local supermarket's midnight "self-checkout Olympics," where participants see who can scan the most items in under a minute without paying. Just be prepared to outrun security!
The "Pigeon Picnic": Organize a "catch-and-release" pigeon hunting expedition in the city park, complete with homemade nets and bread crumbs as bait. Just don't get caught by the birdwatching brigade!
The "Trash Can Treasure Hunt": Dumpster dive behind fancy restaurants in search of discarded gourmet meals. Who needs a reservation when you've got a nose for leftovers?
The "Midnight Munchie Mansion Break-in": Break into your neighbor's house under the cover of darkness and raid their fridge for snacks. Just hope they have better taste than expired yogurt and mystery meatloaf!
The "Culinary Kleptomania": Develop a taste for fine dining without the bill by "sampling" gourmet meals from high-end restaurants and making a swift exit before the check arrives. Just be prepared to dine and dash – literally!
Have 5 other illegal ways to fill up your belly
The "Supermarket Sweep": Join a local supermarket's midnight "self-checkout Olympics," where participants see who can scan the most items in under a minute without paying. Just be prepared to outrun security!
The "Pigeon Picnic": Organize a "catch-and-release" pigeon hunting expedition in the city park, complete with homemade nets and bread crumbs as bait. Just don't get caught by the birdwatching brigade!
The "Trash Can Treasure Hunt": Dumpster dive behind fancy restaurants in search of discarded gourmet meals. Who needs a reservation when you've got a nose for leftovers?
The "Midnight Munchie Mansion Break-in": Break into your neighbor's house under the cover of darkness and raid their fridge for snacks. Just hope they have better taste than expired yogurt and mystery meatloaf!
The "Culinary Kleptomania": Develop a taste for fine dining without the bill by "sampling" gourmet meals from high-end restaurants and making a swift exit before the check arrives. Just be prepared to dine and dash – literally!
1 year ago
1 year ago
Nature is healing
Onlyfans awaits them with open arms. Realtors suck and overcharge us in an already horrible housing market. They should get other jobs and here is why:
"The Houseplant Hypocrisy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time watering houseplants at open houses than actually closing deals. Who needs a realtor when you can have a part-time botanist?
"The Door-to-Door Drama Queen": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of getting chased off porches by angry homeowners mistaking them for aggressive salespeople. Who needs door-to-door sales when you can have door-to-door hide-and-seek?
"The Open House Opera Singer": Realtors should find other jobs because their rendition of "Home, Sweet Home" at every open house is driving away potential buyers faster than you can say "foreclosure." Who needs real estate when you can have real estate karaoke?
"The Property Porn Ploy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time scrolling through listings on Zillow than actually showing houses. Who needs a realtor when you can have a professional property stalker?
"The Keyless Conundrum": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of misplacing the keys to every house they're supposed to show. Who needs keys when you can have a universal "open sesame" spell?
"The Houseplant Hypocrisy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time watering houseplants at open houses than actually closing deals. Who needs a realtor when you can have a part-time botanist?
"The Door-to-Door Drama Queen": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of getting chased off porches by angry homeowners mistaking them for aggressive salespeople. Who needs door-to-door sales when you can have door-to-door hide-and-seek?
"The Open House Opera Singer": Realtors should find other jobs because their rendition of "Home, Sweet Home" at every open house is driving away potential buyers faster than you can say "foreclosure." Who needs real estate when you can have real estate karaoke?
"The Property Porn Ploy": Realtors should find other jobs because they spend more time scrolling through listings on Zillow than actually showing houses. Who needs a realtor when you can have a professional property stalker?
"The Keyless Conundrum": Realtors should find other jobs because they're tired of misplacing the keys to every house they're supposed to show. Who needs keys when you can have a universal "open sesame" spell?
1 year ago
