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2 years ago
Feel right at home
Shank him when he's feeling down will bring back memories, here are some reasons why the sentiment of home sweet home translates well to prison...specifically prison toilets
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
"The Commode Comfort Conundrum: Who needs fancy bidets and heated seats when you have the rustic charm of a prison-style toilet? Sure, it may lack the plush amenities of a luxury bathroom, but there's something oddly comforting about its minimalist design and no-frills functionality. Just try not to get too attached to the stainless steel aesthetic.
"The Zen Zone Zinger: Ever yearn for the serene tranquility of a solitary confinement toilet? With its uninterrupted peace and quiet, a prison-style toilet offers the perfect escape from the chaos of daily life. Just be prepared to trade your privacy for a moment of contemplative solitude—after all, nothing says 'me time' like a cold, hard slab of concrete.
"The Survivalist Splashdown Saga: Forget survivalist training—mastering the art of the prison-style toilet is the ultimate test of resourcefulness. From perfecting the art of the hover squat to mastering the delicate balance of water conservation, every trip to the loo is a thrilling adventure in self-sufficiency. Who needs luxury when you have the thrill of the unknown?
"The Squat Squad Sideshow: Tired of feeling like a mere spectator in the bathroom? Embrace the full-body workout of the squat-style toilet and join the exclusive ranks of the squat squad. Sure, your quads may be burning and your dignity may be in question, but who needs thigh gaps when you have thigh gains?
"The Nostalgic Nudge: Ah, the sweet nostalgia of reliving your misspent youth in the confines of a prison-style toilet. From the unmistakable aroma of industrial-grade disinfectant to the comforting clink of metal bars, every trip to the bathroom is a nostalgic trip down memory lane. Just don't be surprised if you find yourself waxing poetic about the good old days of confinement.
2 years ago
I'm a cat so i wouldn't know
But i'd assume they do.
Everyone wants to be a hero here are some scenarios we cam up with:
"The Avalanche Avoision": While skiing, you notice a group of fellow skiers buried in an avalanche. Utilizing your trusty snowboard, you perform a series of gravity-defying tricks down the mountain, creating a snowstorm of epic proportions that covers the avalanche and transforms it into the world's largest snow cone. As everyone enjoys the impromptu dessert, you're hailed as the "Snowboard Savant" and earn free lift tickets for life. And as a bonus, you suggest they add some yellow snow for extra flavor.
"The Burning Bungalow Bouncer": Spotting smoke from a nearby apartment building, you charge into action armed with a fire extinguisher and a superhero cape made of flame-resistant fabric softener sheets. Bursting through the door like a one-person fire brigade, you quench the flames with a single blast from the extinguisher and lead the residents to safety, all while belting out a rendition of "I Will Survive." You're hailed as the "Disco Inferno Defender" and receive VIP access to all fire safety seminars. And you make sure to leave behind a trail of toilet paper streamers as you exit, just for laughs.
"The River Rapids Rascal": Hearing cries for help from the river, you leap into action and execute a flawless cannonball dive, creating a tidal wave that propels the struggling swimmer safely to shore. As you emerge from the water, you strike a pose reminiscent of a Baywatch lifeguard, complete with slow-motion hair flip and dramatic music. The grateful swimmer dubs you the "Aquatic Avenger" and offers to be your personal water taxi for life. And you offer them a snorkel and goggles, just in case they need to take care of business while in the water.
"The Gas Leak Giggle Getter": Detecting the scent of natural gas, you don a gas mask and venture into the house, armed with a giant cork and a can of beans (for obvious reasons). With a swift motion, you plug the gas leak with the cork and unleash a symphony of flatulence to dissipate any remaining gas fumes. Residents emerge from their homes giggling uncontrollably, dubbing you the "Flatulent Fixer" and inviting you to their next barbecue. And you make sure to leave behind a scented candle to mask any lingering odors.
"The Sinking Ship Shenanigator": As the cruise ship takes on water, you don a snorkel, flippers, and a Hawaiian shirt, transforming into the "Tropical Tourist Titan." Using inflatable pool toys as flotation devices, you lead passengers in a synchronized swimming routine to the safety of the lifeboats, all while serenading them with sea shanties and handing out complimentary sunscreen. Your nautical antics earn you the title of "Captain Comic Relief" and an honorary membership in the International Society of Silly Sailors. And you make sure to bring along a rubber duckie to keep everyone entertained during the rescue.
Everyone wants to be a hero here are some scenarios we cam up with:
"The Avalanche Avoision": While skiing, you notice a group of fellow skiers buried in an avalanche. Utilizing your trusty snowboard, you perform a series of gravity-defying tricks down the mountain, creating a snowstorm of epic proportions that covers the avalanche and transforms it into the world's largest snow cone. As everyone enjoys the impromptu dessert, you're hailed as the "Snowboard Savant" and earn free lift tickets for life. And as a bonus, you suggest they add some yellow snow for extra flavor.
"The Burning Bungalow Bouncer": Spotting smoke from a nearby apartment building, you charge into action armed with a fire extinguisher and a superhero cape made of flame-resistant fabric softener sheets. Bursting through the door like a one-person fire brigade, you quench the flames with a single blast from the extinguisher and lead the residents to safety, all while belting out a rendition of "I Will Survive." You're hailed as the "Disco Inferno Defender" and receive VIP access to all fire safety seminars. And you make sure to leave behind a trail of toilet paper streamers as you exit, just for laughs.
"The River Rapids Rascal": Hearing cries for help from the river, you leap into action and execute a flawless cannonball dive, creating a tidal wave that propels the struggling swimmer safely to shore. As you emerge from the water, you strike a pose reminiscent of a Baywatch lifeguard, complete with slow-motion hair flip and dramatic music. The grateful swimmer dubs you the "Aquatic Avenger" and offers to be your personal water taxi for life. And you offer them a snorkel and goggles, just in case they need to take care of business while in the water.
"The Gas Leak Giggle Getter": Detecting the scent of natural gas, you don a gas mask and venture into the house, armed with a giant cork and a can of beans (for obvious reasons). With a swift motion, you plug the gas leak with the cork and unleash a symphony of flatulence to dissipate any remaining gas fumes. Residents emerge from their homes giggling uncontrollably, dubbing you the "Flatulent Fixer" and inviting you to their next barbecue. And you make sure to leave behind a scented candle to mask any lingering odors.
"The Sinking Ship Shenanigator": As the cruise ship takes on water, you don a snorkel, flippers, and a Hawaiian shirt, transforming into the "Tropical Tourist Titan." Using inflatable pool toys as flotation devices, you lead passengers in a synchronized swimming routine to the safety of the lifeboats, all while serenading them with sea shanties and handing out complimentary sunscreen. Your nautical antics earn you the title of "Captain Comic Relief" and an honorary membership in the International Society of Silly Sailors. And you make sure to bring along a rubber duckie to keep everyone entertained during the rescue.
1 year ago
2 years ago
Lawyers it's sad we need them
We need them to navigate the nightmarish system they created
If a child was a lawyer here's some cases they could work on
The Case of the Missing Cookie: Defending a child accused of stealing cookies from the cookie jar. The evidence is crumbly, but the stakes are high – bedtime without dessert!
The Great Toy Heist: Representing a child accused of "borrowing" toys from their sibling's room without permission. Can they plead innocent by reason of sibling rivalry?
The Playground Dispute: Mediating a dispute between two kids arguing over who gets to be the captain of the imaginary pirate ship during recess. Ahoy, mateys, it's time to negotiate a truce!
The Pet Custody Battle: Representing a child in a heated custody battle over the family pet hamster. Who gets custody of Fluffy the hamster – Mom's house or Dad's house? The stakes have never been furrier!
The Homework Rebellion: Defending a child accused of organizing a protest against homework assignments. Can they argue for shorter school days and longer playtime? It's a fight for recess rights!
If a child was a lawyer here's some cases they could work on
The Case of the Missing Cookie: Defending a child accused of stealing cookies from the cookie jar. The evidence is crumbly, but the stakes are high – bedtime without dessert!
The Great Toy Heist: Representing a child accused of "borrowing" toys from their sibling's room without permission. Can they plead innocent by reason of sibling rivalry?
The Playground Dispute: Mediating a dispute between two kids arguing over who gets to be the captain of the imaginary pirate ship during recess. Ahoy, mateys, it's time to negotiate a truce!
The Pet Custody Battle: Representing a child in a heated custody battle over the family pet hamster. Who gets custody of Fluffy the hamster – Mom's house or Dad's house? The stakes have never been furrier!
The Homework Rebellion: Defending a child accused of organizing a protest against homework assignments. Can they argue for shorter school days and longer playtime? It's a fight for recess rights!
2 years ago
Such wizardry!
The drugs help the wizardry
Here are five humorous reasons someone might not want to trust a wizard offering free drugs:
"Too Much Magic in the Mix": Who knows what kind of enchantments those "free" drugs might be laced with? One puff and you could find yourself seeing pink elephants or spontaneously sprouting a unicorn horn. No thanks, Gandalf, I'll stick to my mundane reality, thank you very much.
"Questionable Side Effects": Sure, the wizard promises a mind-bending experience, but what about the fine print? Is temporary invisibility really worth the risk of growing a second head or turning your skin plaid? I'll pass on the psychedelic potion, thanks.
"Suspiciously Generous Offer": Call me paranoid, but when a wizard starts handing out free drugs like candy on Halloween, I can't help but wonder what they're really after. Is it my soul? My firstborn child? Or just a five-star rating on their magical Yelp page? Either way, I'll keep my distance, thank you very much.
"Magic Mishaps": Let's face it—magic isn't exactly known for its reliability. One wrong incantation and suddenly your free drugs are multiplying like rabbits or transforming into sentient jellybeans with a taste for human flesh. I think I'll stick to my non-magical, FDA-approved substances, thank you very much.
"Spellbound Addiction": Sure, those free drugs might seem harmless at first, but what happens when you're hooked on the wizard's wares and he starts charging an arm and a leg for your next fix? Suddenly, you're selling your soul (and your grandmother's heirloom teapot) just to feed your magical habit. No thanks, Merlin, I'll pass on the magical mystery tour.
Here are five humorous reasons someone might not want to trust a wizard offering free drugs:
"Too Much Magic in the Mix": Who knows what kind of enchantments those "free" drugs might be laced with? One puff and you could find yourself seeing pink elephants or spontaneously sprouting a unicorn horn. No thanks, Gandalf, I'll stick to my mundane reality, thank you very much.
"Questionable Side Effects": Sure, the wizard promises a mind-bending experience, but what about the fine print? Is temporary invisibility really worth the risk of growing a second head or turning your skin plaid? I'll pass on the psychedelic potion, thanks.
"Suspiciously Generous Offer": Call me paranoid, but when a wizard starts handing out free drugs like candy on Halloween, I can't help but wonder what they're really after. Is it my soul? My firstborn child? Or just a five-star rating on their magical Yelp page? Either way, I'll keep my distance, thank you very much.
"Magic Mishaps": Let's face it—magic isn't exactly known for its reliability. One wrong incantation and suddenly your free drugs are multiplying like rabbits or transforming into sentient jellybeans with a taste for human flesh. I think I'll stick to my non-magical, FDA-approved substances, thank you very much.
"Spellbound Addiction": Sure, those free drugs might seem harmless at first, but what happens when you're hooked on the wizard's wares and he starts charging an arm and a leg for your next fix? Suddenly, you're selling your soul (and your grandmother's heirloom teapot) just to feed your magical habit. No thanks, Merlin, I'll pass on the magical mystery tour.
2 years ago
Different because she actually replies
As possibly an actual cat i have no issues getting women's attention. In my novice opinion she might have a good excuse!
Maybe one of these :
"I Was Caught in a Time Warp": Claim that you accidentally fell into a wormhole and emerged two years later, only to discover a backlog of unread messages waiting for you. Blame it on the space-time continuum and hope they have a sense of humor about temporal anomalies.
"I Joined a Secret Society of Hermit Crabs": Confess that you embarked on a quest to uncover the hidden world of hermit crabs and got swept up in their clandestine society. By the time you emerged from your shell-shaped bunker, two years had flown by, and you had completely forgotten about your social media accounts.
"I Was Training for a Competitive Snail Racing League": Admit that you became obsessed with the world of competitive snail racing and spent the past two years meticulously training your mollusk athletes for the big leagues. Unfortunately, your dedication to the sport left little time for social media.
"I Accidentally Enrolled in a Monk-Like Silence Retreat": Confess that you inadvertently signed up for a silent meditation retreat and were contractually obligated to abstain from all forms of communication, including social media, for the duration of the program. Oops!
"I Was Busy Perfecting the Art of Procrastination": Admit that you've achieved a level of procrastination mastery previously thought impossible, spending the past two years perfecting the fine art of putting things off until tomorrow. Unfortunately, tomorrow never seemed to arrive—until now.
Maybe one of these :
"I Was Caught in a Time Warp": Claim that you accidentally fell into a wormhole and emerged two years later, only to discover a backlog of unread messages waiting for you. Blame it on the space-time continuum and hope they have a sense of humor about temporal anomalies.
"I Joined a Secret Society of Hermit Crabs": Confess that you embarked on a quest to uncover the hidden world of hermit crabs and got swept up in their clandestine society. By the time you emerged from your shell-shaped bunker, two years had flown by, and you had completely forgotten about your social media accounts.
"I Was Training for a Competitive Snail Racing League": Admit that you became obsessed with the world of competitive snail racing and spent the past two years meticulously training your mollusk athletes for the big leagues. Unfortunately, your dedication to the sport left little time for social media.
"I Accidentally Enrolled in a Monk-Like Silence Retreat": Confess that you inadvertently signed up for a silent meditation retreat and were contractually obligated to abstain from all forms of communication, including social media, for the duration of the program. Oops!
"I Was Busy Perfecting the Art of Procrastination": Admit that you've achieved a level of procrastination mastery previously thought impossible, spending the past two years perfecting the fine art of putting things off until tomorrow. Unfortunately, tomorrow never seemed to arrive—until now.
2 years ago
Pay top dollar to get insulted
Maybe my gums wouldn't bleed if you wouldn't poke them with a metal spike Sharon! here's a few reasons you should STOP Sharon:
"The Cavity Crusader Conundrum": "Because every time Sharon wields that sharp metal thing, it feels like she's on a quest to excavate buried treasure from your molars. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing her shout 'Arr, matey!' as she searches for the elusive gold doubloon hiding behind your bicuspids."
"The Gingivitis Gaffe": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so precise, it's like she's playing a game of Operation with your gums. One wrong move, and you'll be hearing that dreaded buzzer sound while your enamel is left feeling like it just lost a round of Russian roulette."
"The Dental Drama Dilemma": "Because Sharon's poking skills are so legendary, they could give Freddy Krueger a run for his money. It's like a horror movie every time you sit in the dental chair, with Sharon playing the role of the villainous dentist determined to extract every last drop of saliva from your mouth."
"The Flossing Fiasco": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so aggressive, it's like she's trying to start a bonfire with dental floss. You're left wondering if she's secretly auditioning for the role of the world's most enthusiastic dental hygienist or if she's just sharpening her skills for the next medieval reenactment."
"The Toothpick Tango": "Because every time Sharon pokes your teeth with that sharp metal thing, it's like she's performing a delicate ballet with your incisors. You're half expecting her to break into a rendition of 'Swan Lake' as she twirls around your molars, leaving a trail of toothpaste and laughter in her wake."
"The Cavity Crusader Conundrum": "Because every time Sharon wields that sharp metal thing, it feels like she's on a quest to excavate buried treasure from your molars. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing her shout 'Arr, matey!' as she searches for the elusive gold doubloon hiding behind your bicuspids."
"The Gingivitis Gaffe": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so precise, it's like she's playing a game of Operation with your gums. One wrong move, and you'll be hearing that dreaded buzzer sound while your enamel is left feeling like it just lost a round of Russian roulette."
"The Dental Drama Dilemma": "Because Sharon's poking skills are so legendary, they could give Freddy Krueger a run for his money. It's like a horror movie every time you sit in the dental chair, with Sharon playing the role of the villainous dentist determined to extract every last drop of saliva from your mouth."
"The Flossing Fiasco": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so aggressive, it's like she's trying to start a bonfire with dental floss. You're left wondering if she's secretly auditioning for the role of the world's most enthusiastic dental hygienist or if she's just sharpening her skills for the next medieval reenactment."
"The Toothpick Tango": "Because every time Sharon pokes your teeth with that sharp metal thing, it's like she's performing a delicate ballet with your incisors. You're half expecting her to break into a rendition of 'Swan Lake' as she twirls around your molars, leaving a trail of toothpaste and laughter in her wake."
