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2 years ago
Could have at least held the baby
Maybe she's teaching the baby how to change a tire so they can both chill next time though.
I say get the toddler to do it here are some tips on how you could manage that:
The Tire Whisperer: Convince the toddler that the tire is shy and needs gentle encouragement to come off the car. Encourage them to sweet-talk the tire with phrases like, "Come on, Mr. Tire, don't be shy! We just want to switch you out for a new friend!"
The Toy Swap: Tell the toddler that the tire is actually a giant toy wheel and needs to be swapped out for a new one. Encourage them to "trade" the old tire for a shiny new toy tire, making the task seem like a fun game.
The Tire Trotter: Turn tire changing into an Olympic event for toddlers. Create a makeshift podium and award stickers or small prizes for each step completed, like "Fastest Lug Nut Screwer" or "Best Tire Inspection."
The Storytime Switcheroo: Spin a wild tale about how the tire is actually a magical portal to another world, and changing it will transport them to a land of candy and toys. Encourage them to chant spells or wave imaginary wands as they "unlock" the tire's magic powers.
The Dance Party Pit Stop: Turn tire changing into a toddler-friendly dance party. Blast some upbeat music and encourage them to shimmy and shake as they "wiggle" the tire off the car. Bonus points for incorporating dance moves into each step of the process, like the "Twist and Tighten" or the "Spin and Secure."
I say get the toddler to do it here are some tips on how you could manage that:
The Tire Whisperer: Convince the toddler that the tire is shy and needs gentle encouragement to come off the car. Encourage them to sweet-talk the tire with phrases like, "Come on, Mr. Tire, don't be shy! We just want to switch you out for a new friend!"
The Toy Swap: Tell the toddler that the tire is actually a giant toy wheel and needs to be swapped out for a new one. Encourage them to "trade" the old tire for a shiny new toy tire, making the task seem like a fun game.
The Tire Trotter: Turn tire changing into an Olympic event for toddlers. Create a makeshift podium and award stickers or small prizes for each step completed, like "Fastest Lug Nut Screwer" or "Best Tire Inspection."
The Storytime Switcheroo: Spin a wild tale about how the tire is actually a magical portal to another world, and changing it will transport them to a land of candy and toys. Encourage them to chant spells or wave imaginary wands as they "unlock" the tire's magic powers.
The Dance Party Pit Stop: Turn tire changing into a toddler-friendly dance party. Blast some upbeat music and encourage them to shimmy and shake as they "wiggle" the tire off the car. Bonus points for incorporating dance moves into each step of the process, like the "Twist and Tighten" or the "Spin and Secure."
2 years ago
Pay top dollar to get insulted
Maybe my gums wouldn't bleed if you wouldn't poke them with a metal spike Sharon! here's a few reasons you should STOP Sharon:
"The Cavity Crusader Conundrum": "Because every time Sharon wields that sharp metal thing, it feels like she's on a quest to excavate buried treasure from your molars. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing her shout 'Arr, matey!' as she searches for the elusive gold doubloon hiding behind your bicuspids."
"The Gingivitis Gaffe": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so precise, it's like she's playing a game of Operation with your gums. One wrong move, and you'll be hearing that dreaded buzzer sound while your enamel is left feeling like it just lost a round of Russian roulette."
"The Dental Drama Dilemma": "Because Sharon's poking skills are so legendary, they could give Freddy Krueger a run for his money. It's like a horror movie every time you sit in the dental chair, with Sharon playing the role of the villainous dentist determined to extract every last drop of saliva from your mouth."
"The Flossing Fiasco": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so aggressive, it's like she's trying to start a bonfire with dental floss. You're left wondering if she's secretly auditioning for the role of the world's most enthusiastic dental hygienist or if she's just sharpening her skills for the next medieval reenactment."
"The Toothpick Tango": "Because every time Sharon pokes your teeth with that sharp metal thing, it's like she's performing a delicate ballet with your incisors. You're half expecting her to break into a rendition of 'Swan Lake' as she twirls around your molars, leaving a trail of toothpaste and laughter in her wake."
"The Cavity Crusader Conundrum": "Because every time Sharon wields that sharp metal thing, it feels like she's on a quest to excavate buried treasure from your molars. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing her shout 'Arr, matey!' as she searches for the elusive gold doubloon hiding behind your bicuspids."
"The Gingivitis Gaffe": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so precise, it's like she's playing a game of Operation with your gums. One wrong move, and you'll be hearing that dreaded buzzer sound while your enamel is left feeling like it just lost a round of Russian roulette."
"The Dental Drama Dilemma": "Because Sharon's poking skills are so legendary, they could give Freddy Krueger a run for his money. It's like a horror movie every time you sit in the dental chair, with Sharon playing the role of the villainous dentist determined to extract every last drop of saliva from your mouth."
"The Flossing Fiasco": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so aggressive, it's like she's trying to start a bonfire with dental floss. You're left wondering if she's secretly auditioning for the role of the world's most enthusiastic dental hygienist or if she's just sharpening her skills for the next medieval reenactment."
"The Toothpick Tango": "Because every time Sharon pokes your teeth with that sharp metal thing, it's like she's performing a delicate ballet with your incisors. You're half expecting her to break into a rendition of 'Swan Lake' as she twirls around your molars, leaving a trail of toothpaste and laughter in her wake."
1 year ago
2 years ago
Surprising amount of hair
Looney toons antics expected. We extracted Conan O'Briens personality and after questioning our life decisions that brought us here we decided that these are a few lines he would say under these circumstances:
"Well, folks, looks like I'm starting a new trend: shotgun hairdos! Who needs gel when you can have buckshot?"
"Ouch! That's what I get for trying to impress the audience with my 'bang' jokes!"
"I always knew my hair was explosive, but this is taking it to a whole new level!"
"Note to self: next time, aim the shotgun away from the face... and the hair!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I'll stick to Advil after this one!"
"Well, folks, looks like I'm starting a new trend: shotgun hairdos! Who needs gel when you can have buckshot?"
"Ouch! That's what I get for trying to impress the audience with my 'bang' jokes!"
"I always knew my hair was explosive, but this is taking it to a whole new level!"
"Note to self: next time, aim the shotgun away from the face... and the hair!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I'll stick to Advil after this one!"
2 years ago
Worm employee of the month
It was clearly an emergency. Worms make great employees also you might get to not pay them! Surely makes up for the drop in productivity!
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
2 years ago
Yes always i have like 50 open
Emotional attachment to tabs is cool change my mind
Here are five humorous reasons someone might never close their browser tabs:
"The 'I'll Read It Later' Hoarder: They keep accumulating tabs with interesting articles, promising themselves they'll get to them eventually. But like a virtual hoarder, they never quite manage to clear out the backlog. Who knew one day they might actually need that article on the history of cheese?
"The Multitasking Master": They believe in the power of multitasking so much that they keep every tab open as a reminder of unfinished tasks. Unfortunately, this means they end up with a hundred tabs open, each representing a fraction of their attention.
"The Superstitious Surfer": They're convinced that closing tabs will jinx their internet connection or cause their computer to crash. Better safe than sorry, right? So they cling to their open tabs like a talisman against digital disasters.
"The Collector of Curiosities": Each open tab is like a little treasure trove of random information, from DIY pickle recipes to conspiracy theories about pigeons. They just can't bear to part with any of them, even if they never actually revisit most of the pages.
"The Tab Archaeologist": Closing tabs feels like saying goodbye to a part of their digital history. Each tab represents a journey taken, a question pondered, or a fleeting interest pursued. So they keep them open, like artifacts in a museum of their browsing habits.
Here are five humorous reasons someone might never close their browser tabs:
"The 'I'll Read It Later' Hoarder: They keep accumulating tabs with interesting articles, promising themselves they'll get to them eventually. But like a virtual hoarder, they never quite manage to clear out the backlog. Who knew one day they might actually need that article on the history of cheese?
"The Multitasking Master": They believe in the power of multitasking so much that they keep every tab open as a reminder of unfinished tasks. Unfortunately, this means they end up with a hundred tabs open, each representing a fraction of their attention.
"The Superstitious Surfer": They're convinced that closing tabs will jinx their internet connection or cause their computer to crash. Better safe than sorry, right? So they cling to their open tabs like a talisman against digital disasters.
"The Collector of Curiosities": Each open tab is like a little treasure trove of random information, from DIY pickle recipes to conspiracy theories about pigeons. They just can't bear to part with any of them, even if they never actually revisit most of the pages.
"The Tab Archaeologist": Closing tabs feels like saying goodbye to a part of their digital history. Each tab represents a journey taken, a question pondered, or a fleeting interest pursued. So they keep them open, like artifacts in a museum of their browsing habits.
2 years ago
