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2 years ago
You can't win with these people
Putting women out of a job. We should create more porn jobs not fewer! Porn addiction is good for you ...or so we've been bribed to say by big porn. Here are the reasons our unbiased totally honest research found out:
"The Cardiovascular Workout": Forget about hitting the gym—watching porn can get your heart racing faster than a marathon sprint. Who needs a treadmill when you can burn calories from the comfort of your own bed?
"The Stress-Relief Solution": Feeling stressed? Dive into a world of adult entertainment and let your worries melt away faster than ice cream on a hot summer day. Who needs meditation when you can achieve zen-like relaxation with just a few clicks?
"The Creativity Catalyst": Watching porn can spark your imagination and inspire you to think outside the box (or the bedroom). Who needs brainstorming sessions when you can brainstorm your way to satisfaction?
"The Sleepytime Sedative": Can't seem to catch those elusive Z's? Watching porn might just be the ticket to dreamland. Who needs sleeping pills when you can drift off into a blissful slumber with some late-night entertainment?
"The Social Skills Simulator": Watching porn can teach you valuable life lessons and improve your social skills. Who needs awkward small talk when you can learn the art of seduction from the comfort of your own screen?
"The Cardiovascular Workout": Forget about hitting the gym—watching porn can get your heart racing faster than a marathon sprint. Who needs a treadmill when you can burn calories from the comfort of your own bed?
"The Stress-Relief Solution": Feeling stressed? Dive into a world of adult entertainment and let your worries melt away faster than ice cream on a hot summer day. Who needs meditation when you can achieve zen-like relaxation with just a few clicks?
"The Creativity Catalyst": Watching porn can spark your imagination and inspire you to think outside the box (or the bedroom). Who needs brainstorming sessions when you can brainstorm your way to satisfaction?
"The Sleepytime Sedative": Can't seem to catch those elusive Z's? Watching porn might just be the ticket to dreamland. Who needs sleeping pills when you can drift off into a blissful slumber with some late-night entertainment?
"The Social Skills Simulator": Watching porn can teach you valuable life lessons and improve your social skills. Who needs awkward small talk when you can learn the art of seduction from the comfort of your own screen?
2 years ago
2 years ago
2 years ago
A handy tool for a modern age
There's a few reasons why she might not want to sign a prenup! Here's a few:
The Reverse Gold Digger Defense: They're afraid their partner might think they're after their collection of vintage Pokémon cards and limited edition action figures, rather than their vast fortune of... well, debt.
The "I Don't Need No Stinkin' Prenup" Syndrome: They've watched too many romantic comedies where love conquers all, including crippling financial liabilities and potential alimony payments.
The Curse of the Cursed Ring: They fear that signing a prenup might jinx their happily ever after, as if the ink from the contract is made from the tears of failed marriages past.
The "I'm Just Here for the Cake" Conundrum: They're more focused on the wedding cake than the legal ramifications of marriage, assuming that a slice of red velvet can solve any future financial disputes.
The "What's Mine is Mine and What's Yours is... Oh, Wait" Dilemma: They're convinced that their partner's idea of a prenup involves them signing over their prized Beanie Baby collection in exchange for custody of the dog.
The Reverse Gold Digger Defense: They're afraid their partner might think they're after their collection of vintage Pokémon cards and limited edition action figures, rather than their vast fortune of... well, debt.
The "I Don't Need No Stinkin' Prenup" Syndrome: They've watched too many romantic comedies where love conquers all, including crippling financial liabilities and potential alimony payments.
The Curse of the Cursed Ring: They fear that signing a prenup might jinx their happily ever after, as if the ink from the contract is made from the tears of failed marriages past.
The "I'm Just Here for the Cake" Conundrum: They're more focused on the wedding cake than the legal ramifications of marriage, assuming that a slice of red velvet can solve any future financial disputes.
The "What's Mine is Mine and What's Yours is... Oh, Wait" Dilemma: They're convinced that their partner's idea of a prenup involves them signing over their prized Beanie Baby collection in exchange for custody of the dog.
2 years ago
Child labour!
Someone will grow up resenting his mom if that's their relation!
Maybe these reasons will convince you not to use your kid as a sexy photo shoot free labor photographer:
"The 'Sexy' Family Portrait Saga": Brace yourself for the most awkward family portrait session of all time. Forget matching sweaters—your family photo album will be filled with poses that would make even the Kardashians blush.
"Nursing Home Threats: A Comedy of Errors": Your child's revenge plot just got an upgrade from petty to hilarious. Get ready for retirement community shenanigans like never before—think bingo night sabotage and wheelchair races down the hallways.
"Blackmail, the Family Edition": Move over, FBI—you've just handed your child the ultimate leverage. From extra dessert negotiations to curfew extensions, they'll have Mom and Dad wrapped around their little finger faster than you can say "embarrassing childhood photos."
"Therapy, Family Style": Get ready to spill the beans to the family therapist about your failed attempt at a "sexy" photoshoot. Forget about addressing sibling rivalries and communication breakdowns—your therapy sessions just got a whole lot weirder.
"Parenting Fail: Rated R": Congratulations, you've officially earned the title of "World's Most Cringe-Worthy Parent." Move over, dad jokes—forcing your kid to be your makeshift photographer just secured your spot in the Parenting Hall of Shame for eternity.
Maybe these reasons will convince you not to use your kid as a sexy photo shoot free labor photographer:
"The 'Sexy' Family Portrait Saga": Brace yourself for the most awkward family portrait session of all time. Forget matching sweaters—your family photo album will be filled with poses that would make even the Kardashians blush.
"Nursing Home Threats: A Comedy of Errors": Your child's revenge plot just got an upgrade from petty to hilarious. Get ready for retirement community shenanigans like never before—think bingo night sabotage and wheelchair races down the hallways.
"Blackmail, the Family Edition": Move over, FBI—you've just handed your child the ultimate leverage. From extra dessert negotiations to curfew extensions, they'll have Mom and Dad wrapped around their little finger faster than you can say "embarrassing childhood photos."
"Therapy, Family Style": Get ready to spill the beans to the family therapist about your failed attempt at a "sexy" photoshoot. Forget about addressing sibling rivalries and communication breakdowns—your therapy sessions just got a whole lot weirder.
"Parenting Fail: Rated R": Congratulations, you've officially earned the title of "World's Most Cringe-Worthy Parent." Move over, dad jokes—forcing your kid to be your makeshift photographer just secured your spot in the Parenting Hall of Shame for eternity.
2 years ago
2 years ago
Older then her kids
Not aged like a fine wine. If you do insist on staying absolute to that no food waste pledge you made to impress your pro-environment friends here are 5 ways you could eat this extensively expired piece of Italian cuisine possibly a contemporary of Julius Caesar:
The Archaeological Excavation: Treat it like a culinary excavation project and invite some friends over for a "dig." Arm yourselves with shovels and brushes, don safety goggles, and carefully unearth the ancient lasagna layer by layer. Just be sure to have the nearest hospital on speed dial.
The Time Traveler's Tasting Menu: Pretend you're a brave time traveler sampling cuisine from centuries past. Take a cautious bite of the expired lasagna and dramatically exclaim, "Ah yes, the taste of the '90s—decadent, yet strangely reminiscent of cardboard."
The Lasagna Lava Lamp: Turn it into a mesmerizing kitchen decoration by suspending it in a giant glass jar filled with colorful liquid. Watch in awe as the layers of congealed cheese and sauce slowly undulate like a lava lamp from the disco era. Bonus points if you add some funky '90s music to complete the ambiance.
The Lasagna Locomotion Challenge: Turn it into a game by daring your friends to eat a slice of the ancient lasagna without gagging. Whoever can keep it down the longest wins bragging rights and a lifetime supply of antacids.
The Lasagna Liberation Party: Throw a tongue-in-cheek "Lasagna Liberation" party, where you and your friends gather to liberate the expired lasagna from its dusty prison in the back of your pantry. Raise a toast to culinary courage as you take turns attempting to conquer the ancient dish, accompanied by plenty of laughter and stomach-churning anecdotes.
The Archaeological Excavation: Treat it like a culinary excavation project and invite some friends over for a "dig." Arm yourselves with shovels and brushes, don safety goggles, and carefully unearth the ancient lasagna layer by layer. Just be sure to have the nearest hospital on speed dial.
The Time Traveler's Tasting Menu: Pretend you're a brave time traveler sampling cuisine from centuries past. Take a cautious bite of the expired lasagna and dramatically exclaim, "Ah yes, the taste of the '90s—decadent, yet strangely reminiscent of cardboard."
The Lasagna Lava Lamp: Turn it into a mesmerizing kitchen decoration by suspending it in a giant glass jar filled with colorful liquid. Watch in awe as the layers of congealed cheese and sauce slowly undulate like a lava lamp from the disco era. Bonus points if you add some funky '90s music to complete the ambiance.
The Lasagna Locomotion Challenge: Turn it into a game by daring your friends to eat a slice of the ancient lasagna without gagging. Whoever can keep it down the longest wins bragging rights and a lifetime supply of antacids.
The Lasagna Liberation Party: Throw a tongue-in-cheek "Lasagna Liberation" party, where you and your friends gather to liberate the expired lasagna from its dusty prison in the back of your pantry. Raise a toast to culinary courage as you take turns attempting to conquer the ancient dish, accompanied by plenty of laughter and stomach-churning anecdotes.
