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2 years ago
2 years ago
Trolling a vampire
Still not a pleasant place to be bleeding from, though if you want to troll a vampire while also flirting hey who am I to argue here's five silly suggestions
Garlic-Infused Massage Oil: Offer the vampire a massage with a special garlic-infused massage oil, promising to soothe their immortal muscles and tantalize their senses. Watch as they squirm at the thought of being slathered in the pungent scent of garlic.
Sunscreen Application Roleplay: Playfully suggest a game of "sunscreen application," where you take turns applying SPF lotion to each other's bodies. Make sure to mention how important it is to protect every inch of skin, including those hard-to-reach places.
Holy Water Balloon Balancing Act: Challenge the vampire to a game of "Holy Water Balloon Balancing," where they have to balance a water balloon filled with holy water on their head while performing various tasks. It's a test of skill and agility with a hint of danger.
Stakeout Tease: Leave a note on their coffin that says, "Wanted: Partner for a stakeout. Must be willing to explore dark alleys and confront dangerous creatures of the night." It's a cheeky invitation to join you on an adventure, complete with a subtle nod to their vampiric nature.
Crossword Puzzle Flirtation: Create a crossword puzzle filled with saucy clues and playful innuendos, challenging the vampire to solve each tantalizing riddle. It's a clever way to engage their mind while also teasing them with suggestive hints about their immortal desires.
Garlic-Infused Massage Oil: Offer the vampire a massage with a special garlic-infused massage oil, promising to soothe their immortal muscles and tantalize their senses. Watch as they squirm at the thought of being slathered in the pungent scent of garlic.
Sunscreen Application Roleplay: Playfully suggest a game of "sunscreen application," where you take turns applying SPF lotion to each other's bodies. Make sure to mention how important it is to protect every inch of skin, including those hard-to-reach places.
Holy Water Balloon Balancing Act: Challenge the vampire to a game of "Holy Water Balloon Balancing," where they have to balance a water balloon filled with holy water on their head while performing various tasks. It's a test of skill and agility with a hint of danger.
Stakeout Tease: Leave a note on their coffin that says, "Wanted: Partner for a stakeout. Must be willing to explore dark alleys and confront dangerous creatures of the night." It's a cheeky invitation to join you on an adventure, complete with a subtle nod to their vampiric nature.
Crossword Puzzle Flirtation: Create a crossword puzzle filled with saucy clues and playful innuendos, challenging the vampire to solve each tantalizing riddle. It's a clever way to engage their mind while also teasing them with suggestive hints about their immortal desires.
2 years ago
Frence est le magnifique
I don't really know french in case you couldn't tell
Here are five humorous reasons why your backside might deserve a reprieve from pegging:
The "Exit Only" Excuse:
"My backside is like a one-way street – strictly for departures, not arrivals. Sorry, no pegging allowed in this lane!"
The "Cheeky Chicken" Conundrum:
"I'm as nervous as a chicken in a fox den when it comes to pegging. Let's just say my rear end is more chicken than cheeky."
The "Bootyful Bounce" Blunder:
"I once tried twerking and ended up with a sprained ego. Pegging might result in a full-blown bootyquake – and nobody wants that on their résumé!"
The "Squirmish Sphincter" Struggle:
"My sphincter is as twitchy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Pegging might just send it into a full-blown panic attack!"
The "Gluteus Gratitude" Gag:
"My rear end sent me a thank-you note for sparing it from pegging. Turns out, it's quite content being a humble cushion – no pegging required!"
Here are five humorous reasons why your backside might deserve a reprieve from pegging:
The "Exit Only" Excuse:
"My backside is like a one-way street – strictly for departures, not arrivals. Sorry, no pegging allowed in this lane!"
The "Cheeky Chicken" Conundrum:
"I'm as nervous as a chicken in a fox den when it comes to pegging. Let's just say my rear end is more chicken than cheeky."
The "Bootyful Bounce" Blunder:
"I once tried twerking and ended up with a sprained ego. Pegging might result in a full-blown bootyquake – and nobody wants that on their résumé!"
The "Squirmish Sphincter" Struggle:
"My sphincter is as twitchy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Pegging might just send it into a full-blown panic attack!"
The "Gluteus Gratitude" Gag:
"My rear end sent me a thank-you note for sparing it from pegging. Turns out, it's quite content being a humble cushion – no pegging required!"
2 years ago
2 years ago
British cuisine innit
We're still eating like the Germans are still flying overhead
We have other amazing recipes such as
**"Haggis Surprise":
"Mix haggis, mushy peas, and Brussels sprouts. Top with lukewarm gravy and serve with black pudding ice cream."
**"Bubble and Squeak Soup":
"Blend leftover bubble and squeak with crumpet crumbs and vinegar. Serve lukewarm with stale bread."
**"Jellied Eel Extravaganza":
"Boil eels until slimy, pour into a mold, and refrigerate. Serve with pickled onions."
**"Spotted Dick Surprise":
"Fill spotted dick with surprises like sardines and pickled eggs. Serve with a side of raised eyebrows."
**"Marmite Medley":
"Spread Marmite on everything – toast, crumpets, even porridge. Warning: may cause gagging."
We have other amazing recipes such as
**"Haggis Surprise":
"Mix haggis, mushy peas, and Brussels sprouts. Top with lukewarm gravy and serve with black pudding ice cream."
**"Bubble and Squeak Soup":
"Blend leftover bubble and squeak with crumpet crumbs and vinegar. Serve lukewarm with stale bread."
**"Jellied Eel Extravaganza":
"Boil eels until slimy, pour into a mold, and refrigerate. Serve with pickled onions."
**"Spotted Dick Surprise":
"Fill spotted dick with surprises like sardines and pickled eggs. Serve with a side of raised eyebrows."
**"Marmite Medley":
"Spread Marmite on everything – toast, crumpets, even porridge. Warning: may cause gagging."
2 years ago
Relationship destroyer
She better never find out
Here are some reasons explaining why this is a no-no of biblical proportions
"Spoiler Alert, Relationship Disaster": Watching your favorite show without your partner is like committing the ultimate relationship sin—spoiling all the juicy plot twists and leaving them in the dark. Prepare for the silent treatment until the next season drops!
"Netflix Cheating Drama": Ever heard of Netflix infidelity? It's a real thing, and it's a recipe for disaster. Sneakily binge-watching episodes behind your partner's back might seem harmless at first, but trust me, it's a slippery slope to couch-side betrayal.
"The Lonely Remote Syndrome": Sure, you can watch shows solo, but where's the fun in that? Without your partner by your side, you're left to fend for yourself against the dreaded loneliness of the remote control. Good luck navigating those streaming platforms solo!
"The Mystery of Missing References": Watching shows separately means missing out on all those inside jokes and pop culture references that make couple-dom so much fun. Get ready for awkward silences when you accidentally drop a quote they haven't heard yet.
"The Great Relationship Cliffhanger": Sharing the ups and downs of a TV series is like a bonding experience on steroids. Without your partner there to debate theories, predict plot twists, and dissect character arcs, you're left hanging off the metaphorical relationship cliff, wondering what could have been.
Here are some reasons explaining why this is a no-no of biblical proportions
"Spoiler Alert, Relationship Disaster": Watching your favorite show without your partner is like committing the ultimate relationship sin—spoiling all the juicy plot twists and leaving them in the dark. Prepare for the silent treatment until the next season drops!
"Netflix Cheating Drama": Ever heard of Netflix infidelity? It's a real thing, and it's a recipe for disaster. Sneakily binge-watching episodes behind your partner's back might seem harmless at first, but trust me, it's a slippery slope to couch-side betrayal.
"The Lonely Remote Syndrome": Sure, you can watch shows solo, but where's the fun in that? Without your partner by your side, you're left to fend for yourself against the dreaded loneliness of the remote control. Good luck navigating those streaming platforms solo!
"The Mystery of Missing References": Watching shows separately means missing out on all those inside jokes and pop culture references that make couple-dom so much fun. Get ready for awkward silences when you accidentally drop a quote they haven't heard yet.
"The Great Relationship Cliffhanger": Sharing the ups and downs of a TV series is like a bonding experience on steroids. Without your partner there to debate theories, predict plot twists, and dissect character arcs, you're left hanging off the metaphorical relationship cliff, wondering what could have been.
2 years ago
