Register for a no ad experience.
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Water's hot though
At this point do we start calling it what it really is : a bomb? Or maybe a financial lucky break! If your building sucks and the insurance is good this might solve most of your problems:
Here's 5 reasons why your building blowing up and you collecting the insurance payments is a financial lucky break:
"The Hot Property Flip": Who needs to wait for the real estate market to heat up when you can bring the heat yourself? By turning your building into a fire sale, you'll not only collect insurance money but also attract attention from hotshot investors looking for a smokin' deal. It's like flipping houses, but with a bang!
"The Explosive Expansion Plan": Sometimes, you have to think outside the box—or in this case, outside the building. By strategically detonating your property, you'll clear the way for a bigger and better development. Plus, with insurance money in your pocket, you'll have the funds to fuel your explosive expansion plans. It's urban renewal with a bang!
"The Blaze of Business Brilliance": Why play it safe with traditional financial strategies when you can blaze a new trail with a fiery explosion? By harnessing the power of insurance money, you'll not only recoup your losses but also catapult your business into the spotlight. After all, nothing grabs attention like a flaming success story!
"The Pyrotechnic Pension Plan": Retirement planning can be a real blast—especially when you take matters into your own hands. With a well-timed explosion, you'll secure a golden parachute in the form of insurance money, ensuring a fiery retirement filled with excitement and adventure. Who needs a 401(k) when you can retire in style with a bang?
"The Fireworks Financial Freedom": Why settle for financial stability when you can ignite your wealth with a spectacular display of pyrotechnics? By orchestrating a controlled explosion, you'll not only collect insurance money but also send a message to the world: when it comes to financial success, you're the one setting the trends. It's the ultimate fireworks show with a bang—and a cash payout to match!
Here's 5 reasons why your building blowing up and you collecting the insurance payments is a financial lucky break:
"The Hot Property Flip": Who needs to wait for the real estate market to heat up when you can bring the heat yourself? By turning your building into a fire sale, you'll not only collect insurance money but also attract attention from hotshot investors looking for a smokin' deal. It's like flipping houses, but with a bang!
"The Explosive Expansion Plan": Sometimes, you have to think outside the box—or in this case, outside the building. By strategically detonating your property, you'll clear the way for a bigger and better development. Plus, with insurance money in your pocket, you'll have the funds to fuel your explosive expansion plans. It's urban renewal with a bang!
"The Blaze of Business Brilliance": Why play it safe with traditional financial strategies when you can blaze a new trail with a fiery explosion? By harnessing the power of insurance money, you'll not only recoup your losses but also catapult your business into the spotlight. After all, nothing grabs attention like a flaming success story!
"The Pyrotechnic Pension Plan": Retirement planning can be a real blast—especially when you take matters into your own hands. With a well-timed explosion, you'll secure a golden parachute in the form of insurance money, ensuring a fiery retirement filled with excitement and adventure. Who needs a 401(k) when you can retire in style with a bang?
"The Fireworks Financial Freedom": Why settle for financial stability when you can ignite your wealth with a spectacular display of pyrotechnics? By orchestrating a controlled explosion, you'll not only collect insurance money but also send a message to the world: when it comes to financial success, you're the one setting the trends. It's the ultimate fireworks show with a bang—and a cash payout to match!
1 year ago
Can't have shit in Detroit
The city is not specified i'm just assuming but here are a few other things that definitely got stolen in Detroit:
"The Elusive Patio Furniture Pilfering": Imagine waking up to find your entire patio set missing from your backyard. Not just the chairs or the table—everything, from the umbrella to the barbecue grill! How the thieves managed to sneak away with such bulky items without anyone noticing remains a head-scratcher for the ages.
"The Curious Case of the Absent Air Conditioners": In the midst of a scorching summer, residents were left sweating bullets when their window air conditioners mysteriously vanished overnight. The logistics of hauling these heavy units out of apartment windows without anyone hearing—or feeling—the commotion boggle the mind.
"The Great Garden Hose Heist": Picture this: an entire neighborhood's worth of garden hoses disappearing without a trace. The culprits must have been masters of stealth to make off with these unwieldy, snaking tubes of rubber undetected. How they managed to wrangle them into a getaway car is anyone's guess!
"The Vanishing Vacuum Cleaner Vendetta": Vacuum cleaners may not seem like the most glamorous targets for theft, but try telling that to the residents who woke up to find their trusty cleaning companions missing from their closets. Maneuvering these bulky appliances through narrow hallways and down flights of stairs without raising suspicion is no small feat.
"The Mysterious Mattress Mystery": In a puzzling turn of events, an entire apartment building's worth of mattresses disappeared overnight, leaving residents scratching their heads—and their backs—in confusion. The logistics of sneaking these unwieldy sleep surfaces out of cramped urban dwellings without arousing suspicion defy all logic.
"The Elusive Patio Furniture Pilfering": Imagine waking up to find your entire patio set missing from your backyard. Not just the chairs or the table—everything, from the umbrella to the barbecue grill! How the thieves managed to sneak away with such bulky items without anyone noticing remains a head-scratcher for the ages.
"The Curious Case of the Absent Air Conditioners": In the midst of a scorching summer, residents were left sweating bullets when their window air conditioners mysteriously vanished overnight. The logistics of hauling these heavy units out of apartment windows without anyone hearing—or feeling—the commotion boggle the mind.
"The Great Garden Hose Heist": Picture this: an entire neighborhood's worth of garden hoses disappearing without a trace. The culprits must have been masters of stealth to make off with these unwieldy, snaking tubes of rubber undetected. How they managed to wrangle them into a getaway car is anyone's guess!
"The Vanishing Vacuum Cleaner Vendetta": Vacuum cleaners may not seem like the most glamorous targets for theft, but try telling that to the residents who woke up to find their trusty cleaning companions missing from their closets. Maneuvering these bulky appliances through narrow hallways and down flights of stairs without raising suspicion is no small feat.
"The Mysterious Mattress Mystery": In a puzzling turn of events, an entire apartment building's worth of mattresses disappeared overnight, leaving residents scratching their heads—and their backs—in confusion. The logistics of sneaking these unwieldy sleep surfaces out of cramped urban dwellings without arousing suspicion defy all logic.
1 year ago
Nuclear burn
If the seat post can take it so can the buyer.I invented some more FAQ customer burns:
The Flaming Flop: "Q: What if I don't like the product? A: Well, we can't promise you'll love it, but we can guarantee it'll make a great conversation starter at your next 'Worst Purchase Ever' support group meeting."
The Sizzling Snark: "Q: Does this product come with a warranty? A: Sure, it comes with a warranty that's about as reliable as your ex's promises to 'change.' Good luck with that!"
The Roasting Riddle: "Q: How long does shipping take? A: About as long as it takes for your crush to text you back—so you might want to pack a lunch and settle in for the long haul."
The Charred Comeback: "Q: Is this product eco-friendly? A: Absolutely! It's so eco-friendly, it practically composts itself—just like your hopes and dreams after buying it."
The Toasted Tease: "Q: Can I return the product if it's not what I expected? A: Of course! Just remember, returning this product is a lot like trying to return a bad haircut—you'll have to live with the consequences, but at least it makes for a good story!"
The Flaming Flop: "Q: What if I don't like the product? A: Well, we can't promise you'll love it, but we can guarantee it'll make a great conversation starter at your next 'Worst Purchase Ever' support group meeting."
The Sizzling Snark: "Q: Does this product come with a warranty? A: Sure, it comes with a warranty that's about as reliable as your ex's promises to 'change.' Good luck with that!"
The Roasting Riddle: "Q: How long does shipping take? A: About as long as it takes for your crush to text you back—so you might want to pack a lunch and settle in for the long haul."
The Charred Comeback: "Q: Is this product eco-friendly? A: Absolutely! It's so eco-friendly, it practically composts itself—just like your hopes and dreams after buying it."
The Toasted Tease: "Q: Can I return the product if it's not what I expected? A: Of course! Just remember, returning this product is a lot like trying to return a bad haircut—you'll have to live with the consequences, but at least it makes for a good story!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
