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2 years ago
2 years ago
2 years ago
Bitting my ass is a capital offence
Cuddling is nice though, but my ass getting bitten by a kitten is not
Here are 5 reasons why one might not appreciate their ass having teeth marks:
"Purr-sonal Space Invasion": Your cat's idea of personal space is about as broad as a catwalk, and unfortunately, your posterior seems to be the runway du jour. Who knew fluffy could be so cheeky?
"Fuzzy Ferociousness": Ever been ambushed by a cuddly ninja? That's what it feels like when your cat decides to take a nibble out of your derrière. Watch out for those stealthy sneak attacks—they're fur real!
"Tail-tastic Troubles": You've heard of tailgating, but tail-biting? Not exactly the kind of tail-wagging fun you had in mind. Your cat's curiosity may be piqued, but your pain receptors sure aren't pleased!
"Claws for Concern": Forget cat scratch fever—how about cat bite blues? With teeth sharper than a lawyer's wit, your feline friend isn't exactly known for its gentle dental hygiene reminders. Time to invest in some kitty toothpaste, perhaps?
"Meow-chy Territory": Your posterior may be plush, but it's definitely not a scratching post! Unfortunately, your cat missed the memo and decided to take a nibble instead. Looks like it's time for a crash course in cat-to-human communication—starting with "ouch"!
Here are 5 reasons why one might not appreciate their ass having teeth marks:
"Purr-sonal Space Invasion": Your cat's idea of personal space is about as broad as a catwalk, and unfortunately, your posterior seems to be the runway du jour. Who knew fluffy could be so cheeky?
"Fuzzy Ferociousness": Ever been ambushed by a cuddly ninja? That's what it feels like when your cat decides to take a nibble out of your derrière. Watch out for those stealthy sneak attacks—they're fur real!
"Tail-tastic Troubles": You've heard of tailgating, but tail-biting? Not exactly the kind of tail-wagging fun you had in mind. Your cat's curiosity may be piqued, but your pain receptors sure aren't pleased!
"Claws for Concern": Forget cat scratch fever—how about cat bite blues? With teeth sharper than a lawyer's wit, your feline friend isn't exactly known for its gentle dental hygiene reminders. Time to invest in some kitty toothpaste, perhaps?
"Meow-chy Territory": Your posterior may be plush, but it's definitely not a scratching post! Unfortunately, your cat missed the memo and decided to take a nibble instead. Looks like it's time for a crash course in cat-to-human communication—starting with "ouch"!
2 years ago
Take off your sunglasses
While wearing rose colored glasses the red flags were easily missed, You shouldn't miss your ex and here's why:
The Cheat Sheet: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a pop quiz in hell—sure, there's a chance you'll pass, but do you really want to risk it?"
The Infidelity Inconvenience: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a rerun of your least favorite TV show—sure, you might wonder how it ends, but you'll survive without the drama."
The Betrayal Backfire: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a leaky faucet—sure, it's annoying when it's dripping, but once it's fixed, you realize how much quieter life can be without the constant drip, drip, drip of betrayal."
The Deception Dilemma: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a bad case of food poisoning—sure, it was intense while it lasted, but now that it's over, you can finally enjoy a meal without the fear of projectile vomiting."
The Cheater's Conundrum: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a flat tire on a road trip—sure, it's a bump in the road, but once you change it and keep driving, you realize how much smoother the journey is without the constant threat of a blowout."
The Cheat Sheet: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a pop quiz in hell—sure, there's a chance you'll pass, but do you really want to risk it?"
The Infidelity Inconvenience: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a rerun of your least favorite TV show—sure, you might wonder how it ends, but you'll survive without the drama."
The Betrayal Backfire: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a leaky faucet—sure, it's annoying when it's dripping, but once it's fixed, you realize how much quieter life can be without the constant drip, drip, drip of betrayal."
The Deception Dilemma: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a bad case of food poisoning—sure, it was intense while it lasted, but now that it's over, you can finally enjoy a meal without the fear of projectile vomiting."
The Cheater's Conundrum: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a flat tire on a road trip—sure, it's a bump in the road, but once you change it and keep driving, you realize how much smoother the journey is without the constant threat of a blowout."
2 years ago
The two extremes
Very young and old as ass parents are the only possibilities. Biology is fighting against the old ones succeeding but the young ones? Maybe we should all have kids in our teens not those glamorous moms on daytime TV. Here are a few reasons why teen pregnancy is in:
"The Built-in Babysitter": "Who needs a nanny when you've got a built-in babysitter? With a baby of your own, you'll never have to worry about finding someone to watch the kids—just hand them off to your parents and enjoy your newfound freedom!"
"The Ultimate Icebreaker": "Forget awkward small talk—having a baby as a teen is the ultimate conversation starter. Suddenly everyone wants to know your story, and you'll have no shortage of attention at parties (or PTA meetings)."
"The Trendsetter Teen": "Move over, TikTok influencers—teen parents are the new trendsetters. With your baby in tow, you'll be the envy of all your friends, who will marvel at your maturity and responsibility (or at least pretend to)."
"The High School Hilarity": "Teen parenthood adds a whole new level of excitement to high school life. From diaper changing in the school bathroom to breastfeeding in the cafeteria, every day is an adventure you'll never forget."
"The Youthful Energy Boost": "Who needs sleep when you're a teenager? With a baby to care for, you'll have plenty of opportunities to burn off that excess energy—whether it's rocking them to sleep at 3 am or chasing after them when they start crawling."
"The Built-in Babysitter": "Who needs a nanny when you've got a built-in babysitter? With a baby of your own, you'll never have to worry about finding someone to watch the kids—just hand them off to your parents and enjoy your newfound freedom!"
"The Ultimate Icebreaker": "Forget awkward small talk—having a baby as a teen is the ultimate conversation starter. Suddenly everyone wants to know your story, and you'll have no shortage of attention at parties (or PTA meetings)."
"The Trendsetter Teen": "Move over, TikTok influencers—teen parents are the new trendsetters. With your baby in tow, you'll be the envy of all your friends, who will marvel at your maturity and responsibility (or at least pretend to)."
"The High School Hilarity": "Teen parenthood adds a whole new level of excitement to high school life. From diaper changing in the school bathroom to breastfeeding in the cafeteria, every day is an adventure you'll never forget."
"The Youthful Energy Boost": "Who needs sleep when you're a teenager? With a baby to care for, you'll have plenty of opportunities to burn off that excess energy—whether it's rocking them to sleep at 3 am or chasing after them when they start crawling."
2 years ago
I will never financially recover
99$ for a three piece meal with small fries, here are a few other pocket breaking menu items making sure you need a second mortgage to go with your movie meal:
"Microwave Popcorn: Now with the added luxury tax for that authentic 'cinematic crunch' experience. Enjoy your kernels of gold!"
"Tap Water: Filtered through diamond-encrusted faucets for that extra sparkle. Hydration has never been so exclusive!"
"Candy Corn: Each kernel individually hand-carved by artisanal candy sculptors. Sweetness has never been this pretentious!"
"Gummy Bears: Infused with unicorn tears and rainbow essence for that extra burst of magic. Each bear is like a tiny, chewy piece of fantasy!"
"Paper Napkins: Made from the finest silk threads harvested from rare, endangered silk worms. Absorbency has never felt so luxurious!"
"Microwave Popcorn: Now with the added luxury tax for that authentic 'cinematic crunch' experience. Enjoy your kernels of gold!"
"Tap Water: Filtered through diamond-encrusted faucets for that extra sparkle. Hydration has never been so exclusive!"
"Candy Corn: Each kernel individually hand-carved by artisanal candy sculptors. Sweetness has never been this pretentious!"
"Gummy Bears: Infused with unicorn tears and rainbow essence for that extra burst of magic. Each bear is like a tiny, chewy piece of fantasy!"
"Paper Napkins: Made from the finest silk threads harvested from rare, endangered silk worms. Absorbency has never felt so luxurious!"
2 years ago
Type 1
1
Auto-Incorrect: Thanks to autocorrect, innocent messages can quickly turn into unintentional comedy gold. One misplaced letter can transform "I'm feeling ducking great!" into an entirely different sentiment.
Emoji Overload: Sometimes, people rely too heavily on emojis to convey their emotions, leading to confusion. Is that smiley face meant to indicate happiness or thinly veiled sarcasm? It's hard to say!
Lost in Translation: With users from all over the globe communicating online, language barriers can lead to some hilarious misunderstandings. What's perfectly clear in one language might become a nonsensical mishmash in another.
Selective Reading: In the age of skimming and scrolling, it's easy to miss crucial context or skip over important details. Cue the awkward moments when someone responds to a post without actually reading the full content.
Meme Madness: Memes are a language unto themselves, but not everyone speaks fluent meme. What's meant to be a clever inside joke can easily be misinterpreted by those not in the know, leading to some perplexing exchanges.
Auto-Incorrect: Thanks to autocorrect, innocent messages can quickly turn into unintentional comedy gold. One misplaced letter can transform "I'm feeling ducking great!" into an entirely different sentiment.
Emoji Overload: Sometimes, people rely too heavily on emojis to convey their emotions, leading to confusion. Is that smiley face meant to indicate happiness or thinly veiled sarcasm? It's hard to say!
Lost in Translation: With users from all over the globe communicating online, language barriers can lead to some hilarious misunderstandings. What's perfectly clear in one language might become a nonsensical mishmash in another.
Selective Reading: In the age of skimming and scrolling, it's easy to miss crucial context or skip over important details. Cue the awkward moments when someone responds to a post without actually reading the full content.
Meme Madness: Memes are a language unto themselves, but not everyone speaks fluent meme. What's meant to be a clever inside joke can easily be misinterpreted by those not in the know, leading to some perplexing exchanges.
