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1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
You need one for math
Parents forgot how hard math is i guess maybe they buy it. If you really want that crack pipe and are an amateur crackhead who hasn't discovered the optimal car stereo stealing techniques here are some blatant lies you could try on your poor soon to disown you parents:
"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Yoga Class": Convince them that your yoga instructor is introducing a new form of relaxation therapy involving unconventional props. The crackpipe, with its soothing curves and meditative potential, is just what you need to achieve inner peace and harmony.
"Hey, Mom and Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Cooking Class": Tell them your culinary arts teacher is pushing the boundaries of gourmet cuisine with avant-garde cooking techniques. The crackpipe, as it turns out, is a key utensil for achieving the perfect caramelized sugar crust on crème brûlée. Bon appétit!
"Guess What, Mom and Dad? I Need a Crackpipe... for My Mime Performance": Convince them that your mime instructor has assigned a challenging new routine that involves pantomiming the struggles of addiction. The crackpipe is a crucial prop for conveying the silent anguish of substance abuse... or so you mime.
"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Stand-Up Comedy Routine": Explain that you're testing the boundaries of comedy with a daring new routine that tackles taboo subjects head-on. The crackpipe, you argue, is a hilarious punchline waiting to happen—assuming you can smoke out the laughs, that is.
"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Skydiving Course": Convince them that your skydiving instructor has introduced a thrilling new element to the freefall experience: extreme prop-based skydiving. The crackpipe, strapped securely to your chest, adds an extra level of excitement to your descent... or so you claim, as you plummet toward the earth.
"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Yoga Class": Convince them that your yoga instructor is introducing a new form of relaxation therapy involving unconventional props. The crackpipe, with its soothing curves and meditative potential, is just what you need to achieve inner peace and harmony.
"Hey, Mom and Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Cooking Class": Tell them your culinary arts teacher is pushing the boundaries of gourmet cuisine with avant-garde cooking techniques. The crackpipe, as it turns out, is a key utensil for achieving the perfect caramelized sugar crust on crème brûlée. Bon appétit!
"Guess What, Mom and Dad? I Need a Crackpipe... for My Mime Performance": Convince them that your mime instructor has assigned a challenging new routine that involves pantomiming the struggles of addiction. The crackpipe is a crucial prop for conveying the silent anguish of substance abuse... or so you mime.
"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Stand-Up Comedy Routine": Explain that you're testing the boundaries of comedy with a daring new routine that tackles taboo subjects head-on. The crackpipe, you argue, is a hilarious punchline waiting to happen—assuming you can smoke out the laughs, that is.
"Mom, Dad, I Need a Crackpipe... for My Skydiving Course": Convince them that your skydiving instructor has introduced a thrilling new element to the freefall experience: extreme prop-based skydiving. The crackpipe, strapped securely to your chest, adds an extra level of excitement to your descent... or so you claim, as you plummet toward the earth.
1 year ago
Bring the filter with you
Showing up like the temu version of yourself. We're all for body positivity here mainly because we're all ugly as sin but that's besides the point , a lot of filters is false advertising and dating these days is mostly advertising. Here are a few reasons why not to use a lot of filters on dating apps:
"The Filtered Fantasy vs. Reality:" Using too many image filters on dating sites is like presenting a Picasso painting of yourself instead of a photograph. Sure, you might look like a masterpiece online, but when you show up for that first date, your date might wonder where your other ear went.
"The Photoshop Phobia:" Nothing says "run for the hills" like realizing your date looks nothing like their heavily filtered profile picture. It's like ordering a juicy steak and receiving a tofu burger instead—disappointing, to say the least.
"The Filter-Fueled Fiasco:" With so many filters, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. One minute, you're swiping right on a flawless supermodel; the next, you're face-to-face with a human being who looks like they've been digitally airbrushed into oblivion. Talk about a rude awakening.
"The Filtered Faux Pas:" Using excessive image filters on dating sites is a rookie mistake akin to wearing sunglasses indoors—it screams "I have something to hide." Sure, you might think you're enhancing your appearance, but your date will see right through your digital disguise.
"The Filtered Freak-Out:" Imagine the horror of realizing your date looks nothing like their carefully curated profile pictures. It's like being catfished by your own vanity—a sobering reminder that filters can only do so much to improve your dating prospects.
"The Filtered Fantasy vs. Reality:" Using too many image filters on dating sites is like presenting a Picasso painting of yourself instead of a photograph. Sure, you might look like a masterpiece online, but when you show up for that first date, your date might wonder where your other ear went.
"The Photoshop Phobia:" Nothing says "run for the hills" like realizing your date looks nothing like their heavily filtered profile picture. It's like ordering a juicy steak and receiving a tofu burger instead—disappointing, to say the least.
"The Filter-Fueled Fiasco:" With so many filters, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. One minute, you're swiping right on a flawless supermodel; the next, you're face-to-face with a human being who looks like they've been digitally airbrushed into oblivion. Talk about a rude awakening.
"The Filtered Faux Pas:" Using excessive image filters on dating sites is a rookie mistake akin to wearing sunglasses indoors—it screams "I have something to hide." Sure, you might think you're enhancing your appearance, but your date will see right through your digital disguise.
"The Filtered Freak-Out:" Imagine the horror of realizing your date looks nothing like their carefully curated profile pictures. It's like being catfished by your own vanity—a sobering reminder that filters can only do so much to improve your dating prospects.
1 year ago
1 year ago
