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2 years ago
Bamboozeled
A nice way to enjoy going to prom
Here are five humorous reasons why a flask might be considered better than a purse:
The "Liquid Courage" Advantage: A flask provides instant "liquid courage" for those nerve-wracking social situations, while a purse just holds your lip gloss and spare change. Who needs confidence when you've got chapstick?
The "Fashionable Functionality": A flask adds a touch of class to any outfit, turning heads with its sleek design and shiny exterior. Meanwhile, a purse just weighs you down with unnecessary clutter – who needs a wallet when you can pay with charisma?
The "Emergency Hydration" Solution: A flask is always ready to quench your thirst in a pinch, while a purse is like a black hole where water bottles go to disappear. Why carry around a gallon of H2O when you can pack a pint of party?
The "Sneaky Snack" Supremacy: A flask can double as a secret snack stash for those moments when hunger strikes, while a purse just holds boring things like granola bars and fruit snacks. Why munch on trail mix when you can sip on liquid gold?
The "Portable Party" Perk: With a flask in hand, you're always prepared to turn any dull moment into a spontaneous celebration, while a purse is like a silent spectator, quietly observing the world pass by. Who needs small talk when you've got shots?
Here are five humorous reasons why a flask might be considered better than a purse:
The "Liquid Courage" Advantage: A flask provides instant "liquid courage" for those nerve-wracking social situations, while a purse just holds your lip gloss and spare change. Who needs confidence when you've got chapstick?
The "Fashionable Functionality": A flask adds a touch of class to any outfit, turning heads with its sleek design and shiny exterior. Meanwhile, a purse just weighs you down with unnecessary clutter – who needs a wallet when you can pay with charisma?
The "Emergency Hydration" Solution: A flask is always ready to quench your thirst in a pinch, while a purse is like a black hole where water bottles go to disappear. Why carry around a gallon of H2O when you can pack a pint of party?
The "Sneaky Snack" Supremacy: A flask can double as a secret snack stash for those moments when hunger strikes, while a purse just holds boring things like granola bars and fruit snacks. Why munch on trail mix when you can sip on liquid gold?
The "Portable Party" Perk: With a flask in hand, you're always prepared to turn any dull moment into a spontaneous celebration, while a purse is like a silent spectator, quietly observing the world pass by. Who needs small talk when you've got shots?
2 years ago
Pay top dollar to get insulted
Maybe my gums wouldn't bleed if you wouldn't poke them with a metal spike Sharon! here's a few reasons you should STOP Sharon:
"The Cavity Crusader Conundrum": "Because every time Sharon wields that sharp metal thing, it feels like she's on a quest to excavate buried treasure from your molars. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing her shout 'Arr, matey!' as she searches for the elusive gold doubloon hiding behind your bicuspids."
"The Gingivitis Gaffe": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so precise, it's like she's playing a game of Operation with your gums. One wrong move, and you'll be hearing that dreaded buzzer sound while your enamel is left feeling like it just lost a round of Russian roulette."
"The Dental Drama Dilemma": "Because Sharon's poking skills are so legendary, they could give Freddy Krueger a run for his money. It's like a horror movie every time you sit in the dental chair, with Sharon playing the role of the villainous dentist determined to extract every last drop of saliva from your mouth."
"The Flossing Fiasco": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so aggressive, it's like she's trying to start a bonfire with dental floss. You're left wondering if she's secretly auditioning for the role of the world's most enthusiastic dental hygienist or if she's just sharpening her skills for the next medieval reenactment."
"The Toothpick Tango": "Because every time Sharon pokes your teeth with that sharp metal thing, it's like she's performing a delicate ballet with your incisors. You're half expecting her to break into a rendition of 'Swan Lake' as she twirls around your molars, leaving a trail of toothpaste and laughter in her wake."
"The Cavity Crusader Conundrum": "Because every time Sharon wields that sharp metal thing, it feels like she's on a quest to excavate buried treasure from your molars. Next thing you know, you'll be hearing her shout 'Arr, matey!' as she searches for the elusive gold doubloon hiding behind your bicuspids."
"The Gingivitis Gaffe": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so precise, it's like she's playing a game of Operation with your gums. One wrong move, and you'll be hearing that dreaded buzzer sound while your enamel is left feeling like it just lost a round of Russian roulette."
"The Dental Drama Dilemma": "Because Sharon's poking skills are so legendary, they could give Freddy Krueger a run for his money. It's like a horror movie every time you sit in the dental chair, with Sharon playing the role of the villainous dentist determined to extract every last drop of saliva from your mouth."
"The Flossing Fiasco": "Because Sharon's poking technique is so aggressive, it's like she's trying to start a bonfire with dental floss. You're left wondering if she's secretly auditioning for the role of the world's most enthusiastic dental hygienist or if she's just sharpening her skills for the next medieval reenactment."
"The Toothpick Tango": "Because every time Sharon pokes your teeth with that sharp metal thing, it's like she's performing a delicate ballet with your incisors. You're half expecting her to break into a rendition of 'Swan Lake' as she twirls around your molars, leaving a trail of toothpaste and laughter in her wake."
1 year ago
2 years ago
Surprising amount of hair
Looney toons antics expected. We extracted Conan O'Briens personality and after questioning our life decisions that brought us here we decided that these are a few lines he would say under these circumstances:
"Well, folks, looks like I'm starting a new trend: shotgun hairdos! Who needs gel when you can have buckshot?"
"Ouch! That's what I get for trying to impress the audience with my 'bang' jokes!"
"I always knew my hair was explosive, but this is taking it to a whole new level!"
"Note to self: next time, aim the shotgun away from the face... and the hair!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I'll stick to Advil after this one!"
"Well, folks, looks like I'm starting a new trend: shotgun hairdos! Who needs gel when you can have buckshot?"
"Ouch! That's what I get for trying to impress the audience with my 'bang' jokes!"
"I always knew my hair was explosive, but this is taking it to a whole new level!"
"Note to self: next time, aim the shotgun away from the face... and the hair!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I'll stick to Advil after this one!"
2 years ago
Worm employee of the month
It was clearly an emergency. Worms make great employees also you might get to not pay them! Surely makes up for the drop in productivity!
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
2 years ago
Yes always i have like 50 open
Emotional attachment to tabs is cool change my mind
Here are five humorous reasons someone might never close their browser tabs:
"The 'I'll Read It Later' Hoarder: They keep accumulating tabs with interesting articles, promising themselves they'll get to them eventually. But like a virtual hoarder, they never quite manage to clear out the backlog. Who knew one day they might actually need that article on the history of cheese?
"The Multitasking Master": They believe in the power of multitasking so much that they keep every tab open as a reminder of unfinished tasks. Unfortunately, this means they end up with a hundred tabs open, each representing a fraction of their attention.
"The Superstitious Surfer": They're convinced that closing tabs will jinx their internet connection or cause their computer to crash. Better safe than sorry, right? So they cling to their open tabs like a talisman against digital disasters.
"The Collector of Curiosities": Each open tab is like a little treasure trove of random information, from DIY pickle recipes to conspiracy theories about pigeons. They just can't bear to part with any of them, even if they never actually revisit most of the pages.
"The Tab Archaeologist": Closing tabs feels like saying goodbye to a part of their digital history. Each tab represents a journey taken, a question pondered, or a fleeting interest pursued. So they keep them open, like artifacts in a museum of their browsing habits.
Here are five humorous reasons someone might never close their browser tabs:
"The 'I'll Read It Later' Hoarder: They keep accumulating tabs with interesting articles, promising themselves they'll get to them eventually. But like a virtual hoarder, they never quite manage to clear out the backlog. Who knew one day they might actually need that article on the history of cheese?
"The Multitasking Master": They believe in the power of multitasking so much that they keep every tab open as a reminder of unfinished tasks. Unfortunately, this means they end up with a hundred tabs open, each representing a fraction of their attention.
"The Superstitious Surfer": They're convinced that closing tabs will jinx their internet connection or cause their computer to crash. Better safe than sorry, right? So they cling to their open tabs like a talisman against digital disasters.
"The Collector of Curiosities": Each open tab is like a little treasure trove of random information, from DIY pickle recipes to conspiracy theories about pigeons. They just can't bear to part with any of them, even if they never actually revisit most of the pages.
"The Tab Archaeologist": Closing tabs feels like saying goodbye to a part of their digital history. Each tab represents a journey taken, a question pondered, or a fleeting interest pursued. So they keep them open, like artifacts in a museum of their browsing habits.
2 years ago
