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Cat
3 months ago
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Cat
3 months ago
Cat accept their fate
Life is harsh sometimes and this cat has accepted that fact
Cat accept their fate
Cat
3 months ago
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Cat
3 months ago
Cat
3 months ago
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Cat
3 months ago
Cat
5 months ago
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Cat
5 months ago
What a cute black hole
Produces poop not radiation though they have many similarities asides from the color black. Here's a fewof them:

"The Hide-and-Seek Hilarity": "Because just like a black hole, a black dog has a knack for disappearing into the shadows when you least expect it. One moment they're right beside you, and the next, they've vanished into the void—leaving you wondering if they've been sucked into another dimension."

"The Vacuum of Voraciousness": "Because much like a black hole's insatiable appetite for matter, a black dog seems to have a bottomless pit for treats and belly rubs. No matter how much you feed them or how many toys you throw their way, they always seem to want more—just like the gravitational pull of a black hole."

"The Cosmic Canine Connection": "Because both black holes and black dogs have a mysterious allure that draws you in, leaving you mesmerized by their dark depths. Whether it's the infinite expanse of space or the soulful eyes of a furry friend, there's something about the color black that sparks curiosity and wonder."

"The Darkness Dilemma": "Because much like the event horizon of a black hole, a black dog's fur seems to absorb all the light around them—making them appear as if they're floating in a sea of darkness. It's like having your very own cosmic companion right here on Earth."

"The Singularity of Silliness": "Because while black holes may be the most mysterious objects in the universe, black dogs are the goofiest creatures on the planet. Whether they're chasing their tail, barking at their own reflection, or simply lounging in a sunbeam, they remind us that even the darkest corners of the cosmos can be filled with light-hearted laughter."
What a cute black hole
Cat
5 months ago
Indecent doggo
Wearing his birthday suit everywhere and should never be ashamed of doing so! Here's a few reasons why dogs should keep being shamelessly naked:

The Furless Fashion: "Because dogs should embrace their birthday suits—it's the original designer wear that never goes out of style. Plus, who needs clothes when you've got a natural fur coat that's always in vogue?"

The Canine Catwalk: "Because dogs are the original fashionistas, strutting their stuff down the sidewalk like it's their own personal runway. Who needs haute couture when you've got a wagging tail and a confident strut?"

The Naked Naptime: "Because dogs know that being naked means never having to worry about getting tangled up in pajamas during a midday snooze. Embrace the au naturel lifestyle and enjoy naptime in all its naked glory!"

The Fetching Freedom: "Because dogs understand that clothes are just unnecessary accessories getting in the way of a good game of fetch. Who needs pants when you've got a ball to chase and a tail to wag?"

The Bare Bones Brilliance: "Because dogs know that being naked means never having to stress about wardrobe malfunctions or getting caught in the rain with soggy clothes. It's all about embracing your inner pup and enjoying life in the buff!"
Indecent doggo
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Cat
5 months ago
Not the vets penis
Clarifying that was extremely important. The vet does not want a kitty BJ and here's a few reasons why:

The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"

The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"

The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"

The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."

The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
Not the vets penis
Cat
5 months ago
Pets are a part of the famly
The dog is going to be an uncle. And a great one at that, possibly the best! Here are some reasons why a dog would be the ultimate uncle:

"Expert Toy Tester": Dogs excel at testing the durability of toys, making them the perfect uncles for rambunctious nieces and nephews. With their unmatched enthusiasm for destruction, they'll ensure that only the toughest toys survive the playtime gauntlet.

"Master of Nap Time Negotiations": Need a break from babysitting duty? Leave it to your canine uncle to handle nap time negotiations with finesse. With a few well-timed yawns and a cozy spot on the couch, they'll have your little ones snoozing in no time—leaving you free to catch up on your own beauty sleep.

"Chief Snack Supervisor": When it comes to snack time, your dog uncle takes his role as chief snack supervisor very seriously. With a keen nose for treats and a talent for begging, he'll ensure that your little ones never go hungry—whether it's sharing his own stash of biscuits or liberating snacks from unsuspecting hands.

"The Ultimate Hide-and-Seek Partner": Dogs are experts at hide-and-seek, making them the ultimate partners in crime for your little adventurers. With their keen sense of smell and boundless energy, they'll turn every game of hide-and-seek into an epic adventure—whether they're hiding in plain sight or leading the search party.

"Masters of the Paw-some Pupdate": Your dog uncle is always up to date on the latest gossip in the neighborhood—whether it's the latest squirrel sightings or the juiciest gossip from the local dog park. With their keen sense of curiosity and unmatched ability to sniff out secrets, they'll keep your little ones entertained for hours with their paw-some pupdates.
Pets are a part of the famly
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Cat
5 months ago
Make sure to like this
Every share this gets i will pet a cat and feed it too. This dog though! Amazing glorious! We've asked a dog who can speak English eloquently and he told us why that dog deserves to be petted:

"Master of the Belly Rub": This dog has perfected the art of the belly rub, transforming even the most stoic humans into enthusiastic belly rubbers. With their expertly executed rolls and irresistible puppy dog eyes, they're the undisputed champion of the belly rub game.

"Chief Snuggle Officer": Need a cuddle buddy? Look no further than this dog, who holds the prestigious title of Chief Snuggle Officer. With their fluffy fur and warm demeanor, they're guaranteed to turn even the coldest hearts into mush with just one snuggle.

"Professional Treat Taste Tester": This dog takes their job as a treat taste tester very seriously. With their discerning palate and unwavering commitment to quality control, they're the ultimate authority on all things tasty—and they're always willing to share their findings with anyone who's willing to pet them.

"Mistress of the Slobber Kiss": Who needs a slobbery kiss from a prince when you can get one from this adorable pooch? With their expertly executed slobber kisses and wagging tail, they're guaranteed to make even the most mundane moments feel like a fairy tale.

"The Zen Master of Fetch": This dog approaches the game of fetch with the wisdom and grace of a Zen master. With their impeccable aim and unwavering focus, they're the ultimate fetch companion—always ready to retrieve the ball and bring it back for another round of fun.
Make sure to like this
Cat
5 months ago
Best date ever?
Well no but it was memorable, we have a few happier but still quite quirky options

Here are five mundane yet unexpectedly funny places for a memorable date:

The 24-Hour Superstore Adventure: Embark on a late-night escapade at a 24-hour superstore, exploring the aisles and indulging in some retail therapy. Bond over silly impulse purchases, like glow-in-the-dark socks or novelty kitchen gadgets.

The Self-Service Car Wash: Roll up your sleeves and head to a self-service car wash for a sudsy date night. Laugh as you struggle to navigate the high-pressure hoses and foam brushes, turning a mundane chore into a hilarious adventure.

The Public Library Poetry Reading: Attend a poetry reading at your local public library and take turns reading aloud from the most obscure and nonsensical poetry books you can find. Bonus points for dramatic interpretations and over-the-top accents.

The Dollar Store DIY Challenge: Set a budget and challenge each other to find the most ridiculous items at a dollar store, then use them to create DIY crafts or decorate each other's living spaces. Get creative and let your imaginations run wild!

The Office Supply Store Art Show: Wander through the aisles of an office supply store and marvel at the mundane beauty of everyday office supplies. Challenge each other to create miniature masterpieces using only items found in the store, like paper clips, sticky notes, and rubber bands.
Best date ever?
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Cat
5 months ago
Named one of his dogs Desmond
Those are People's NAMES my guy!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:

"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.

"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.

"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.

"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.

"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
Named one of his dogs Desmond
Cat
5 months ago
Voicing a cats opinion
What are they hiding in there?
More subtle cat written (POSSIBLY) home improvement ideas!
"Home Makeover Magic: Add cozy nooks and sunny spots to your space, creating havens for relaxation and exploration. Who knows, maybe someone with whiskers will appreciate the effort!

"Bathroom Bliss: Locate the litter box in a tranquil corner, ensuring peace and privacy for all restroom visitors. It's like creating a zen retreat for a certain someone in your household!

"Serenity Spaces: Designate quiet zones for unwinding and contemplation, offering a retreat from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It's all about fostering a sense of tranquility for everyone in the household.

"Playtime Paradise: Incorporate fun activities and toys into your daily routine, encouraging laughter and bonding moments. You never know who might appreciate the extra playtime!

"Safety First, Fun Second: Remove potential hazards and declutter your space to create a safe environment for everyone. It's like giving your home a makeover, with added peace of mind!"
Voicing a cats opinion
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Cat
5 months ago
Sad cat is sad
He realized he didn't do his best, so we did it for them, here are some suggestions on how to never see your cat sad:

Daily Dance Parties: Crank up the tunes and bust out your best feline-friendly moves. Who could be sad when surrounded by groovy beats and enthusiastic twirls?

Laser Light Olympics: Transform your living room into a laser-filled wonderland, complete with obstacle courses and high-flying acrobatics. It's a guaranteed way to keep your kitty entertained and their spirits soaring.

Treat Treasure Hunts: Hide treats throughout the house and watch as your cat turns into a furry detective, sniffing out each delicious clue with unbridled enthusiasm. Bonus points for incorporating pirate-themed attire.

Catnip Spa Days: Treat your cat to a luxurious spa experience with catnip-infused toys, cozy blankets, and soothing massages. Because nothing says relaxation like a pampered purr-ball lounging in style.

Customized Cat Cartoons: Commission a series of personalized cartoons starring your cat as the hero of their own adventure. From daring escapades to epic battles with the dreaded red dot, it's sure to keep your kitty's spirits high and their tail twitching with excitement.
Sad cat is sad
Cat
5 months ago
Bitting my ass is a capital offence
Cuddling is nice though, but my ass getting bitten by a kitten is not
Here are 5 reasons why one might not appreciate their ass having teeth marks:

"Purr-sonal Space Invasion": Your cat's idea of personal space is about as broad as a catwalk, and unfortunately, your posterior seems to be the runway du jour. Who knew fluffy could be so cheeky?

"Fuzzy Ferociousness": Ever been ambushed by a cuddly ninja? That's what it feels like when your cat decides to take a nibble out of your derrière. Watch out for those stealthy sneak attacks—they're fur real!

"Tail-tastic Troubles": You've heard of tailgating, but tail-biting? Not exactly the kind of tail-wagging fun you had in mind. Your cat's curiosity may be piqued, but your pain receptors sure aren't pleased!

"Claws for Concern": Forget cat scratch fever—how about cat bite blues? With teeth sharper than a lawyer's wit, your feline friend isn't exactly known for its gentle dental hygiene reminders. Time to invest in some kitty toothpaste, perhaps?

"Meow-chy Territory": Your posterior may be plush, but it's definitely not a scratching post! Unfortunately, your cat missed the memo and decided to take a nibble instead. Looks like it's time for a crash course in cat-to-human communication—starting with "ouch"!
Bitting my ass is a capital offence
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Cat
5 months ago
Thieving dog
Nuggets are my love language. This was a real fever dream to write here are five humorous reasons why lizards are the "dogs" of the reptile world, especially when it comes to stealing chicken nuggets:

"Nugget Ninja Skills": Lizards may not have opposable thumbs, but they've mastered the art of stealthy snacking. Just like a sneaky dog stealing treats off the counter, lizards use their lightning-fast reflexes to swipe chicken nuggets when no one's looking.

"Tail-Wagging Excitement": Ever seen a lizard's tail wag with excitement? Okay, maybe not, but just imagine the sheer joy and anticipation as they eye up those golden nuggets of deliciousness. It's like watching a puppy waiting for its favorite treat—except with a lot more scales.

"Chicken Nugget Retrieval Training": Forget fetch—lizards are all about "nugget retrieval." Just like a well-trained dog, they'll stop at nothing to fetch their favorite snack, whether it's hidden under a heat lamp or tucked away in a terrarium.

"The Great Chicken Nugget Heist": Picture this: a daring lizard caper to steal the last chicken nugget from the plate. It's like a scene straight out of a heist movie, complete with suspenseful music and slow-motion replays of the epic snatch-and-dash.

"Man's (Reptile's) Best Friend": Move over, Fido—there's a new best friend in town, and it's a lizard with a taste for chicken nuggets. With their loyal companionship and insatiable appetite for fast food, lizards are the ultimate sidekick for any nugget-loving human.
Thieving dog
Cat
5 months ago
Please don't
Regardless of location , please don't
In case you still want to have 5 reasons why this might not be the best idea

Tiny Portions: Gerbils are notorious for their small size, so if you're looking for a hearty meal, you might end up with just a nibble!

Exercise Routine: Gerbils are known for their energetic nature, so eating them might give you a sudden burst of energy – but good luck trying to sit still afterward!

Furball Fiasco: Gerbils have a lot of fur, which could lead to an unexpected and unpleasant hairball situation. Not exactly appetizing!

Cheeky Business: Have you ever tried to eat something with cheeks stuffed full of food? Gerbils have! And let's just say it's not the most graceful dining experience.

Rodent Reviews: If you think Yelp reviews for restaurants can be brutal, just wait until the gerbil community hears about your dining choices. You'll be the talk of the (hamster) wheel for all the wrong reasons!
Please don't
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Cat
5 months ago
Fooled by this cunning boy
A master of deceit , was probably a spy in a past life
Here are five humorous signs your dog might be smarter than you:

The "Fetch Fiend": Your dog has trained you to play fetch with them for hours on end, while they sit back and watch you do all the work. Who's really the one fetching here?

The "Treat Trickster": Your dog has mastered the art of puppy dog eyes and knows exactly how to manipulate you into giving them treats on demand. You're putty in their paws!

The "Door Dash Dynamo": Your dog has figured out how to open doors and let themselves in and out of the house whenever they please. Meanwhile, you're still struggling to remember where you left your keys.

The "Couch Commando": Your dog has claimed the best spot on the couch and refuses to move, effectively establishing themselves as the ruler of the living room. You're relegated to the floor while they enjoy prime seating.

The "Escape Artist": Your dog has managed to escape from every crate, pen, and fence you've tried to confine them with, leaving you scratching your head and wondering how they pulled off their latest Houdini act.
Fooled by this cunning boy
Cat
5 months ago
Hamsters make the best evil henchmen
Mainly because they do not fear death for some reason
Other reasons might include

The "Wheel of Misfortune" Maneuver:
Hamsters have incredible stamina from running on their wheels all night, making them perfect for tirelessly chasing down enemies or powering evil lair machinery. No need for expensive energy bills when you have hamster-powered gadgets!

The "Squeaky Clean Stealth" Strategy:
Hamsters are expert escape artists and can squeeze through the tiniest of spaces. They'd be the ideal spies, infiltrating enemy bases and gathering intel without a squeak – until they accidentally activate the security system by gnawing on a cable.

The "Cheeky Saboteurs" Scheme:
With their cheek pouches capable of storing an impressive amount of contraband, hamsters could smuggle in gadgets, snacks, or even tiny explosives to sabotage the plans of your arch-nemesis. Just make sure they don't mistake the detonator for a peanut!

The "Furry Distraction" Tactic:
Imagine unleashing a swarm of adorable hamsters in the middle of a high-stakes heist. While everyone is distracted by their cuteness, your hench-hamsters could sneak in and snatch the prize right under their noses – or paws, in this case!

The "Wheelie Good Muscle" Mastery:
Hamsters may be small, but don't underestimate their strength! With their powerful jaws and relentless determination, they could easily chew through obstacles or even gnaw through prison bars to set you free. Just be sure to reward them with plenty of treats afterward – they've earned it!
Hamsters make the best evil henchmen
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Cat
5 months ago
That's called holding a dog for ransome
It's quite illegal I've learned
These ways of holding someones dog for ransom are at least childishly funny

The "Paw-some Pup" Proposition:
Send the owner a ransom note written in "paw-nese," demanding a hefty ransom of treats, belly rubs, and squeaky toys in exchange for the safe return of their beloved fur baby. Don't forget to include a picture of the dog wearing a tiny bandit mask for dramatic effect!

The "Fur-napping Fiasco" Fake-Out:
Dress the dog in a tiny detective costume and send the owner ransom demands written in comic sans font, complete with exaggerated ransom demands like "One million belly scratches or the pawsome pupper gets it!"

The "Bark-tastic Blackmail" Bluff:
Create a ransom video featuring the dog holding a newspaper with the current date and barking out demands for an endless supply of gourmet dog treats and a lifetime subscription to Doggy Digest magazine. It's a pawsitively adorable way to negotiate!

The "Puppy Pirate" Plot:
Leave a series of treasure map clues leading to secret hiding spots where the dog is waiting, dressed as a pirate captain with an eyepatch and a tiny sword. Each clue reveals a piece of the ransom puzzle, leading to a buried treasure of doggy delights.

The "Fur-tive Fiasco" Farce:
Stage a mock doggy heist, complete with an elaborate ransom drop involving briefcases full of tennis balls and chew toys. The owner receives mysterious calls from "Doggy Da Vinci," demanding ransom payments in the form of gourmet kibble and artisanal dog biscuits.
That's called holding a dog for ransome
Cat
5 months ago
Something wholesome
Just a dude and his best friend, you should try it here are some reasons your dog should be your only friend yes i said only

The "No Judgment Zone":
"Because my dog never judges my questionable life choices – he's too busy chasing his tail!"

The "Unconditional Love" Factor:
"My dog loves me even when I forget to feed him. Try getting that kind of loyalty from a human!"

The "No Small Talk" Policy:
"My dog doesn't care about the weather or politics. We bond over important stuff, like who's a good boy."

The "Snuggle Buddy" Solution:
"Who needs friends when you have a fluffy cuddle buddy who's always down for a nap?"

The "Secret Keeper" Secret:
"My dog knows all my embarrassing secrets and doesn't spill the kibble. That's true loyalty!"
Something wholesome
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Cat
5 months ago
A very uncooperative towel
Some parts are soft but once wet you get the finger daggers
Here are some reasons you should avid drying yourselves with a CAT

"Fur-tastic Fluffiness":
"Using a cat as a towel means trading wetness for fur-tastic fluffiness, leaving you covered in more hair than a shedding season."

"Paw-sitively Purr-fect Prints":
"Drying off with a cat's paws might sound cute, but you'll end up with paw prints everywhere, along with a mosaic of muddy marks and scratches!"

"Catastrophic Cleanup Crew":
"Expect a catastrophic cleanup crew if you use a cat as a towel – their grooming habits might leave you cleaner, but you'll deal with hairballs galore."

"Meow-t of Resistance":
"Drying off with a cat guarantees a meow-t of resistance, with clawed protests and a soggy feline frenzy."

"Tail of Tangled Troubles":
"Using a cat as a towel leads to a tail of tangled troubles, leaving you wrapped in a furry fiasco and your cat with a grudge."
A very uncooperative towel

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