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2 years ago
Old meme now 59.99$
85$ with uber eats. It has a sort of charm though... Maybe there ARE reasons why you should form over the cash :
"The Charred Comedy Show:" Paying $59.99 for the worst BBQ in town guarantees you front-row seats to the hottest comedy show in town—watching the chef attempt to grill without setting the entire restaurant ablaze. It's a fiery spectacle you won't soon forget.
"The Smoke Signal Social:" Who needs social media when you can pay $59.99 for the worst BBQ in town and enjoy an evening of smoke signals and charred camaraderie? It's the perfect opportunity to bond with fellow BBQ enthusiasts over burnt brisket and singed sausages.
"The Mystery Meat Bonanza:" With the worst BBQ in town, you never know what you're going to get—literally. It's like a culinary game of Russian roulette, where every bite is a surprise adventure into the unknown. Will it be overcooked? Undercooked? Completely unrecognizable? The suspense is half the fun!
"The BBQ Blues Band:" For $59.99, you'll be treated to live entertainment from the BBQ Blues Band—a motley crew of musicians who serenade diners with soulful tunes about burnt burgers, charred chicken, and the elusive quest for the perfect BBQ. It's the soundtrack to your culinary misadventures.
"The Grill Master's Hall of Shame:" Ever wanted to witness a BBQ disaster up close and personal? Look no further than the worst BBQ in town, where the grill master proudly displays their charred creations in a hall of shame for all to see. It's a testament to human resilience—and a cautionary tale for aspiring pitmasters everywhere.
"The Charred Comedy Show:" Paying $59.99 for the worst BBQ in town guarantees you front-row seats to the hottest comedy show in town—watching the chef attempt to grill without setting the entire restaurant ablaze. It's a fiery spectacle you won't soon forget.
"The Smoke Signal Social:" Who needs social media when you can pay $59.99 for the worst BBQ in town and enjoy an evening of smoke signals and charred camaraderie? It's the perfect opportunity to bond with fellow BBQ enthusiasts over burnt brisket and singed sausages.
"The Mystery Meat Bonanza:" With the worst BBQ in town, you never know what you're going to get—literally. It's like a culinary game of Russian roulette, where every bite is a surprise adventure into the unknown. Will it be overcooked? Undercooked? Completely unrecognizable? The suspense is half the fun!
"The BBQ Blues Band:" For $59.99, you'll be treated to live entertainment from the BBQ Blues Band—a motley crew of musicians who serenade diners with soulful tunes about burnt burgers, charred chicken, and the elusive quest for the perfect BBQ. It's the soundtrack to your culinary misadventures.
"The Grill Master's Hall of Shame:" Ever wanted to witness a BBQ disaster up close and personal? Look no further than the worst BBQ in town, where the grill master proudly displays their charred creations in a hall of shame for all to see. It's a testament to human resilience—and a cautionary tale for aspiring pitmasters everywhere.
2 years ago
But they ARE too bright
Time to write a short novel about it.
So I did, here are 5 ways to tell the pesky city council the darned street lights are too bright. Not90pages but this should do, I'm not made of keyboards ffs
"The Streetlights Are Giving Us 'Night Vision': It's like living in a perpetual solar eclipse! While we appreciate the effort to illuminate the streets, we're starting to suspect our neighbors are secretly aliens who thrive in blindingly bright conditions.
"The Stars Are Staging a Protest": Our local constellations are feeling a bit overshadowed lately. They're threatening to go on strike unless we dim the lights and give them back their rightful place in the night sky. Can't have Orion throwing a cosmic temper tantrum, can we?
"We've Adopted a 'Vampire-Friendly' Lifestyle": Thanks to the relentless glow of the streetlights, we've decided to embrace our inner creatures of the night. Garlic sales are through the roof, and we're all investing in capes and fake fangs. Who needs sleep when you can channel your inner Dracula?
"We're Hosting a Block-Wide Disco Party": The excessive brightness has inspired us to turn our neighborhood into the hottest dance floor this side of Studio 54. We've got disco balls, funky beats, and enough glitter to rival a '70s rock concert. All we need now is a dimmer switch for the streetlights to set the mood!
"We're Developing a New Superhero Origin Story": Forget radioactive spiders and gamma radiation—our neighborhood's newest superhero gains their powers from the blinding glare of the streetlights. It's like being bitten by a radioactive glow stick! Now if only we could figure out how to turn off the lights without accidentally triggering their secret identity reveal...
So I did, here are 5 ways to tell the pesky city council the darned street lights are too bright. Not90pages but this should do, I'm not made of keyboards ffs
"The Streetlights Are Giving Us 'Night Vision': It's like living in a perpetual solar eclipse! While we appreciate the effort to illuminate the streets, we're starting to suspect our neighbors are secretly aliens who thrive in blindingly bright conditions.
"The Stars Are Staging a Protest": Our local constellations are feeling a bit overshadowed lately. They're threatening to go on strike unless we dim the lights and give them back their rightful place in the night sky. Can't have Orion throwing a cosmic temper tantrum, can we?
"We've Adopted a 'Vampire-Friendly' Lifestyle": Thanks to the relentless glow of the streetlights, we've decided to embrace our inner creatures of the night. Garlic sales are through the roof, and we're all investing in capes and fake fangs. Who needs sleep when you can channel your inner Dracula?
"We're Hosting a Block-Wide Disco Party": The excessive brightness has inspired us to turn our neighborhood into the hottest dance floor this side of Studio 54. We've got disco balls, funky beats, and enough glitter to rival a '70s rock concert. All we need now is a dimmer switch for the streetlights to set the mood!
"We're Developing a New Superhero Origin Story": Forget radioactive spiders and gamma radiation—our neighborhood's newest superhero gains their powers from the blinding glare of the streetlights. It's like being bitten by a radioactive glow stick! Now if only we could figure out how to turn off the lights without accidentally triggering their secret identity reveal...
2 years ago
2 years ago
Software Update FAIL!
Updates are really getting ridiculous, here's some other smart kitchen appliance updates tailor made to annoy you:
"Toaster Tango Troubles 2.0: Just when you thought your toaster couldn't get any more obnoxious, along comes the latest software update. Now, in addition to burning your bread, your toaster insists on performing its cringe-worthy rendition of 'Hot Cross Buns' every time you use it. Because nothing says breakfast like a side of ear-piercing toaster tunes.
"Blender Ballet Blunders: Who needs a blender that actually blends when you can have one that moonlights as a wannabe ballerina? Thanks to the latest software update, your once-efficient smoothie maker is now too busy practicing pirouettes to actually do its job. Say goodbye to silky smoothies and hello to blender ballet blunders.
"Microwave Mayhem Madness: Ready for your microwave to become even more irritating? Neither are we. With the latest software update, your trusty microwave gains a sassy new personality and a penchant for meddling in your meal choices. Get ready for unsolicited cooking advice and passive-aggressive comments about your leftovers.
"Coffee Maker Comedy Catastrophe: Need a caffeine fix without the laughs? Too bad! The latest software update turns your coffee maker into a wannabe comedian, bombarding you with cringe-worthy jokes and poorly-timed punchlines every time you brew a pot. Because nothing ruins your morning like a side of forced laughter with your coffee.
"Refrigerator Rumba Regret: Sick of your fridge's antics? Us too. With the latest software update, your once-humble refrigerator transforms into a full-blown dance party disaster. Say goodbye to chilled groceries and hello to midnight dance-offs with your appliance. Because who needs fresh food when you can have a fridge that knows all the wrong moves?
"Toaster Tango Troubles 2.0: Just when you thought your toaster couldn't get any more obnoxious, along comes the latest software update. Now, in addition to burning your bread, your toaster insists on performing its cringe-worthy rendition of 'Hot Cross Buns' every time you use it. Because nothing says breakfast like a side of ear-piercing toaster tunes.
"Blender Ballet Blunders: Who needs a blender that actually blends when you can have one that moonlights as a wannabe ballerina? Thanks to the latest software update, your once-efficient smoothie maker is now too busy practicing pirouettes to actually do its job. Say goodbye to silky smoothies and hello to blender ballet blunders.
"Microwave Mayhem Madness: Ready for your microwave to become even more irritating? Neither are we. With the latest software update, your trusty microwave gains a sassy new personality and a penchant for meddling in your meal choices. Get ready for unsolicited cooking advice and passive-aggressive comments about your leftovers.
"Coffee Maker Comedy Catastrophe: Need a caffeine fix without the laughs? Too bad! The latest software update turns your coffee maker into a wannabe comedian, bombarding you with cringe-worthy jokes and poorly-timed punchlines every time you brew a pot. Because nothing ruins your morning like a side of forced laughter with your coffee.
"Refrigerator Rumba Regret: Sick of your fridge's antics? Us too. With the latest software update, your once-humble refrigerator transforms into a full-blown dance party disaster. Say goodbye to chilled groceries and hello to midnight dance-offs with your appliance. Because who needs fresh food when you can have a fridge that knows all the wrong moves?
2 years ago
But she's a mechanic
Studied cars as a major in college. So she must be right and stick shifts are a myth! Here's a few reasons why:
The Shifty Science: "Because stick shifts are like unicorns—everyone talks about them, but no one's ever actually seen one in the wild. Maybe they're hiding in the same place as Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster!"
The Elusive Experience: "Because stick shifts are like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow—you hear stories about them, but when you actually go looking, all you find is disappointment and a bunch of leprechaun jokes."
The Clutch Conundrum: "Because stick shifts are like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded—sure, it sounds impressive, but most people just end up confused and frustrated, wishing they'd stuck with something simpler."
The Manual Mirage: "Because stick shifts are like believing in Santa Claus as an adult—sure, it's a nice idea, but deep down, you know it's just a fairy tale invented by car enthusiasts to make themselves feel special."
The Transmission Tall Tale: "Because stick shifts are like believing in ghosts—some people swear they exist, but until you see one for yourself, you're just not buying it. Maybe they're haunting the same place as those missing socks from the dryer!"
The Shifty Science: "Because stick shifts are like unicorns—everyone talks about them, but no one's ever actually seen one in the wild. Maybe they're hiding in the same place as Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster!"
The Elusive Experience: "Because stick shifts are like finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow—you hear stories about them, but when you actually go looking, all you find is disappointment and a bunch of leprechaun jokes."
The Clutch Conundrum: "Because stick shifts are like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded—sure, it sounds impressive, but most people just end up confused and frustrated, wishing they'd stuck with something simpler."
The Manual Mirage: "Because stick shifts are like believing in Santa Claus as an adult—sure, it's a nice idea, but deep down, you know it's just a fairy tale invented by car enthusiasts to make themselves feel special."
The Transmission Tall Tale: "Because stick shifts are like believing in ghosts—some people swear they exist, but until you see one for yourself, you're just not buying it. Maybe they're haunting the same place as those missing socks from the dryer!"
2 years ago
2 years ago
Conflict of interest
Hopefully it was just academic. We have 5 more jobs a mortician should most likely avoid:
Wedding Planner: It might be a bit unsettling for clients to have their wedding plans overseen by someone who spends their days dealing with the deceased. Plus, the mortician's penchant for black might clash with the bride's vision of a white wedding.
Pet Groomer: While morticians are experts at preparing bodies for their final resting place, grooming fluffy pets might not be their forte. Clients might also be a tad unnerved if they catch a whiff of formaldehyde while their poodle gets a trim.
Food Critic: With their acute sense of smell, morticians might struggle to stomach some of the less-than-fragrant dishes they encounter on the job. Plus, their expertise in embalming might lead to some questionable food reviews, such as "This dish lacks flavor, much like an unembalmed corpse."
Haunted House Tour Guide: While morticians are accustomed to spending time in dark and eerie surroundings, they might inadvertently turn a haunted house tour into a lecture on proper embalming techniques. "And here we have the ghost of Mrs. McGillicuddy, who would have benefited greatly from a bit of arterial embalming..."
Cruise Ship Entertainer: While morticians have a knack for keeping a straight face in even the most somber of situations, their dry sense of humor might not always resonate with vacationers looking for lively entertainment. Plus, jokes about lifeboats and "sleeping with the fishes" might fall flat.
Wedding Planner: It might be a bit unsettling for clients to have their wedding plans overseen by someone who spends their days dealing with the deceased. Plus, the mortician's penchant for black might clash with the bride's vision of a white wedding.
Pet Groomer: While morticians are experts at preparing bodies for their final resting place, grooming fluffy pets might not be their forte. Clients might also be a tad unnerved if they catch a whiff of formaldehyde while their poodle gets a trim.
Food Critic: With their acute sense of smell, morticians might struggle to stomach some of the less-than-fragrant dishes they encounter on the job. Plus, their expertise in embalming might lead to some questionable food reviews, such as "This dish lacks flavor, much like an unembalmed corpse."
Haunted House Tour Guide: While morticians are accustomed to spending time in dark and eerie surroundings, they might inadvertently turn a haunted house tour into a lecture on proper embalming techniques. "And here we have the ghost of Mrs. McGillicuddy, who would have benefited greatly from a bit of arterial embalming..."
Cruise Ship Entertainer: While morticians have a knack for keeping a straight face in even the most somber of situations, their dry sense of humor might not always resonate with vacationers looking for lively entertainment. Plus, jokes about lifeboats and "sleeping with the fishes" might fall flat.
