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9 months ago
Dating is very hard
Take the initiative girls.
If you're dealing with one of the dumbest most oblivious people alive try these techniques:
Deploy the "Flirting for Dummies" Manual: Casually slip them a copy of "Flirting for Dummies" under the guise of recommending a good read. Maybe they'll get the hint, or at the very least, they'll have some entertaining bedtime reading.
Invent a Flirting Translator App: Pretend to furiously type away on your phone whenever you're flirting with them. When they ask what you're doing, tell them you're using your new invention—a Flirting Translator App—to decode their responses. Spoiler alert: it's just the Notes app with random gibberish.
Start a Flirting with Obvious Signals Club: Enlist their unwitting participation in a pretend club where you practice "subtle" flirting techniques. Cue exaggerated winks, finger guns, and overly dramatic hair flips. Bonus points if you print out membership cards.
Stage a "Flirting Intervention": Gather their friends and family for an "intervention" where you all hilariously reenact their missed flirting opportunities. Bonus points for costumes and props—maybe a giant neon sign that says "I'm flirting with you!"
Channel Your Inner Mime: Take a page from the silent comedians and communicate your flirtatious intentions through exaggerated gestures and facial expressions. It's like playing a game of charades, but with romance instead of movie titles.
If you're dealing with one of the dumbest most oblivious people alive try these techniques:
Deploy the "Flirting for Dummies" Manual: Casually slip them a copy of "Flirting for Dummies" under the guise of recommending a good read. Maybe they'll get the hint, or at the very least, they'll have some entertaining bedtime reading.
Invent a Flirting Translator App: Pretend to furiously type away on your phone whenever you're flirting with them. When they ask what you're doing, tell them you're using your new invention—a Flirting Translator App—to decode their responses. Spoiler alert: it's just the Notes app with random gibberish.
Start a Flirting with Obvious Signals Club: Enlist their unwitting participation in a pretend club where you practice "subtle" flirting techniques. Cue exaggerated winks, finger guns, and overly dramatic hair flips. Bonus points if you print out membership cards.
Stage a "Flirting Intervention": Gather their friends and family for an "intervention" where you all hilariously reenact their missed flirting opportunities. Bonus points for costumes and props—maybe a giant neon sign that says "I'm flirting with you!"
Channel Your Inner Mime: Take a page from the silent comedians and communicate your flirtatious intentions through exaggerated gestures and facial expressions. It's like playing a game of charades, but with romance instead of movie titles.
9 months ago
A technicians worst nightmare
If you have a hammer everything looks like a nail. You're now banned from owning a PC stick to consoles and here's why:
The Hacker Handicap: "Because if you're using power tools on your PC, you've already proved you're a danger to technology. Console games are like training wheels for your digital dexterity—stick to the basics before you try to hack the mainframe!"
The DIY Disaster: "Because if you're treating your PC like a piece of lumber, you're better off with a controller that won't require any 'assembly.' Console games are like the IKEA furniture of gaming—just plug and play, no power tools required!"
The Tech Tantrum: "Because if you're resorting to power tools to fix your PC, you're one step away from rage-quitting and throwing your computer out the window. Console games are like a gentle massage for your gaming frustrations—no need to break out the heavy machinery!"
The Precision Problem: "Because if you can't tell the difference between a screwdriver and a mouse, you're better off sticking to games that won't require surgical precision. Console games are like a blunt instrument for your gaming needs—no finesse required!"
The Circuitry Catastrophe: "Because if you're treating your PC like a piece of wood, you're one short circuit away from a full-blown meltdown. Console games are like a safe harbor in a sea of electrical hazards—no risk of electrocution, just pure gaming bliss!"
The Hacker Handicap: "Because if you're using power tools on your PC, you've already proved you're a danger to technology. Console games are like training wheels for your digital dexterity—stick to the basics before you try to hack the mainframe!"
The DIY Disaster: "Because if you're treating your PC like a piece of lumber, you're better off with a controller that won't require any 'assembly.' Console games are like the IKEA furniture of gaming—just plug and play, no power tools required!"
The Tech Tantrum: "Because if you're resorting to power tools to fix your PC, you're one step away from rage-quitting and throwing your computer out the window. Console games are like a gentle massage for your gaming frustrations—no need to break out the heavy machinery!"
The Precision Problem: "Because if you can't tell the difference between a screwdriver and a mouse, you're better off sticking to games that won't require surgical precision. Console games are like a blunt instrument for your gaming needs—no finesse required!"
The Circuitry Catastrophe: "Because if you're treating your PC like a piece of wood, you're one short circuit away from a full-blown meltdown. Console games are like a safe harbor in a sea of electrical hazards—no risk of electrocution, just pure gaming bliss!"
6 months ago
9 months ago
Blood belongs to the brain today
More drug dealers need this fellows eloquence. Regardless illegal rugs should maybe come with a warning label. Masturbating is one of my only joys in life asides from said illegal drugs and not doing both at the same time would make me terribly sad. Here are some reasons why drugs and batin' don't mix:
"The High-Five Handicap:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to give yourself a high five with numb hands—you know it's supposed to feel good, but your body just isn't cooperating. It's like your brain and your body are on two different wavelengths, and neither one knows the safe word.
"The Stoned Solo Struggle:" Masturbating while stoned is like trying to navigate a maze with your eyes closed—you might eventually find your way, but it's going to take a lot of trial and error. It's like your libido is on autopilot, and you're just along for the awkward ride.
"The Trippy Tease:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to catch a butterfly with your bare hands—it's elusive, unpredictable, and likely to leave you feeling more frustrated than fulfilled. It's like your desires are doing the electric slide, and you're just trying to keep up with the beat.
"The Drugged-Out Dilemma:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube with your eyes closed—no matter how hard you twist and turn, you just can't seem to find the right combination. It's like your libido is playing hide and seek, and you're the one left searching in the dark.
"The Buzzkill Blues:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to dance at a party where everyone else is sober—you might be feeling the rhythm, but your body just won't cooperate. It's like your libido got lost in the haze, and you're left wondering if you'll ever find your way back to pleasureville.
"The High-Five Handicap:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to give yourself a high five with numb hands—you know it's supposed to feel good, but your body just isn't cooperating. It's like your brain and your body are on two different wavelengths, and neither one knows the safe word.
"The Stoned Solo Struggle:" Masturbating while stoned is like trying to navigate a maze with your eyes closed—you might eventually find your way, but it's going to take a lot of trial and error. It's like your libido is on autopilot, and you're just along for the awkward ride.
"The Trippy Tease:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to catch a butterfly with your bare hands—it's elusive, unpredictable, and likely to leave you feeling more frustrated than fulfilled. It's like your desires are doing the electric slide, and you're just trying to keep up with the beat.
"The Drugged-Out Dilemma:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube with your eyes closed—no matter how hard you twist and turn, you just can't seem to find the right combination. It's like your libido is playing hide and seek, and you're the one left searching in the dark.
"The Buzzkill Blues:" Masturbating while on drugs is like trying to dance at a party where everyone else is sober—you might be feeling the rhythm, but your body just won't cooperate. It's like your libido got lost in the haze, and you're left wondering if you'll ever find your way back to pleasureville.
6 months ago
9 months ago
Never share your wi-fi password
3am wondering why you can't load a youtube video while your neighbor is torrenting
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
Here are some passive aggressive ways to stop the neighborhood ass-weasel from using your wifi
"Fort Knox Connection":
Secure your WiFi network with a password so complex that even the NSA would struggle to crack it. When your neighbor asks for the password, tell them it's classified information and you'd have to consult with the FBI to share it.
"Bandwidth Black Hole":
Prioritize your devices on the network and allocate minimal bandwidth to guest devices. If your neighbor complains about slow internet, blame it on "internet gremlins" or suggest they upgrade to a "hamster-powered modem" for faster speeds.
"Top Secret Network":
Rename your WiFi network to "Area 51 Surveillance Network" or "FBI Surveillance Van #42" to give your neighbor a chuckle and a hint that their online activities are being closely monitored... by you!
"Wi-Not-So-Free Zone":
Leave a humorous note on your door saying something like, "Welcome to the WiFi-free zone! We're saving bandwidth for cat videos and pizza deliveries only. Thanks for understanding!"
"Invisible Internet":
Tell your neighbor that your WiFi network is powered by "quantum entanglement" and only accessible to those who possess the secret of teleportation. Offer to teach them the secret in exchange for a lifetime supply of cookies.
9 months ago
Live Fearlessly My Dear
That time of the month! Everybody knows how happy women get during that time! Annoying your wife with playful hijinks is a really good strategy to strengthen your relationship since if she doesn't kill you it's all working fine.
here are a few reasons why annoying your wife during her period is a good ideal
"The Hormonal Hijinks": Annoying your wife during her period is like playing a game of emotional roulette—never knowing whether you'll get tears, anger, or laughter in response. It's a wild ride of hormonal hijinks that keeps life interesting and your marriage on its toes.
"The PMS Prankster": Annoying your wife during her period is a surefire way to unleash your inner prankster and keep the laughter flowing. From hiding the chocolate stash to hiding the remote control, it's all fair game when it comes to PMS-induced shenanigans.
"The Cramp Comedy Hour": Annoying your wife during her period is like adding a dose of levity to the monthly cramp-fest. Whether you're cracking jokes or performing impromptu dance routines, anything to distract from the discomfort is fair game—even if it means risking a pillow to the face.
"The Menstrual Mischief Maker": Annoying your wife during her period is a time-honored tradition that keeps the marriage strong and the laughter flowing. Whether it's pretending not to understand her cryptic cravings or teasing her about her newfound superpowers of emotional intensity, it's all in good fun—until she breaks out the chocolate.
"The Period Prankster": Annoying your wife during her period is like adding a splash of humor to the monthly cycle of mood swings and cravings. Whether you're leaving cheesy love notes around the house or serenading her with period-themed parodies of her favorite songs, it's a lighthearted way to weather the storm and keep the love alive.
here are a few reasons why annoying your wife during her period is a good ideal
"The Hormonal Hijinks": Annoying your wife during her period is like playing a game of emotional roulette—never knowing whether you'll get tears, anger, or laughter in response. It's a wild ride of hormonal hijinks that keeps life interesting and your marriage on its toes.
"The PMS Prankster": Annoying your wife during her period is a surefire way to unleash your inner prankster and keep the laughter flowing. From hiding the chocolate stash to hiding the remote control, it's all fair game when it comes to PMS-induced shenanigans.
"The Cramp Comedy Hour": Annoying your wife during her period is like adding a dose of levity to the monthly cramp-fest. Whether you're cracking jokes or performing impromptu dance routines, anything to distract from the discomfort is fair game—even if it means risking a pillow to the face.
"The Menstrual Mischief Maker": Annoying your wife during her period is a time-honored tradition that keeps the marriage strong and the laughter flowing. Whether it's pretending not to understand her cryptic cravings or teasing her about her newfound superpowers of emotional intensity, it's all in good fun—until she breaks out the chocolate.
"The Period Prankster": Annoying your wife during her period is like adding a splash of humor to the monthly cycle of mood swings and cravings. Whether you're leaving cheesy love notes around the house or serenading her with period-themed parodies of her favorite songs, it's a lighthearted way to weather the storm and keep the love alive.
