Register for a no ad experience.
2 years ago
But they ARE too bright
Time to write a short novel about it.
So I did, here are 5 ways to tell the pesky city council the darned street lights are too bright. Not90pages but this should do, I'm not made of keyboards ffs
"The Streetlights Are Giving Us 'Night Vision': It's like living in a perpetual solar eclipse! While we appreciate the effort to illuminate the streets, we're starting to suspect our neighbors are secretly aliens who thrive in blindingly bright conditions.
"The Stars Are Staging a Protest": Our local constellations are feeling a bit overshadowed lately. They're threatening to go on strike unless we dim the lights and give them back their rightful place in the night sky. Can't have Orion throwing a cosmic temper tantrum, can we?
"We've Adopted a 'Vampire-Friendly' Lifestyle": Thanks to the relentless glow of the streetlights, we've decided to embrace our inner creatures of the night. Garlic sales are through the roof, and we're all investing in capes and fake fangs. Who needs sleep when you can channel your inner Dracula?
"We're Hosting a Block-Wide Disco Party": The excessive brightness has inspired us to turn our neighborhood into the hottest dance floor this side of Studio 54. We've got disco balls, funky beats, and enough glitter to rival a '70s rock concert. All we need now is a dimmer switch for the streetlights to set the mood!
"We're Developing a New Superhero Origin Story": Forget radioactive spiders and gamma radiation—our neighborhood's newest superhero gains their powers from the blinding glare of the streetlights. It's like being bitten by a radioactive glow stick! Now if only we could figure out how to turn off the lights without accidentally triggering their secret identity reveal...
So I did, here are 5 ways to tell the pesky city council the darned street lights are too bright. Not90pages but this should do, I'm not made of keyboards ffs
"The Streetlights Are Giving Us 'Night Vision': It's like living in a perpetual solar eclipse! While we appreciate the effort to illuminate the streets, we're starting to suspect our neighbors are secretly aliens who thrive in blindingly bright conditions.
"The Stars Are Staging a Protest": Our local constellations are feeling a bit overshadowed lately. They're threatening to go on strike unless we dim the lights and give them back their rightful place in the night sky. Can't have Orion throwing a cosmic temper tantrum, can we?
"We've Adopted a 'Vampire-Friendly' Lifestyle": Thanks to the relentless glow of the streetlights, we've decided to embrace our inner creatures of the night. Garlic sales are through the roof, and we're all investing in capes and fake fangs. Who needs sleep when you can channel your inner Dracula?
"We're Hosting a Block-Wide Disco Party": The excessive brightness has inspired us to turn our neighborhood into the hottest dance floor this side of Studio 54. We've got disco balls, funky beats, and enough glitter to rival a '70s rock concert. All we need now is a dimmer switch for the streetlights to set the mood!
"We're Developing a New Superhero Origin Story": Forget radioactive spiders and gamma radiation—our neighborhood's newest superhero gains their powers from the blinding glare of the streetlights. It's like being bitten by a radioactive glow stick! Now if only we could figure out how to turn off the lights without accidentally triggering their secret identity reveal...
2 years ago
2 years ago
Emergency sevices are sick of her bullshit
Nurse Joy's hate her and know her by name
They provided a pretty good list of why Pokeballs make bad sex toys
"Gotta Catch 'Em All... Except There!":
"Pokeballs are great for catching Pokemon, but trying to catch something else might result in a painful 'wild encounter.' Let's just say Pikachu wouldn't be the only one feeling electric shocks!"
"Not So Pocket-Sized Pleasure":
"While pokeballs are conveniently palm-sized, they're not exactly ergonomic for intimate use. Plus, that button in the center? Let's just say pressing it might result in more than you bargained for!"
"Unintended Evolution":
"Ever heard of 'evolution stones'? Well, using a pokeball as a sex toy might lead to an unintended evolution of your anatomy – and not in a way that Professor Oak would approve of!"
"Catch and Release... With Caution":
"Sure, pokeballs are great for catching Pokemon and releasing them later, but trying to 'release' yourself from a pokeball might involve a trip to the emergency room – or worse, Nurse Joy!"
"Not So Legendary Performance":
"While pokeballs are legendary for catching legendary Pokemon, they're not exactly built for legendary performance in the bedroom. Stick to using them for catching Charmander, not... other fiery encounters!"
They provided a pretty good list of why Pokeballs make bad sex toys
"Gotta Catch 'Em All... Except There!":
"Pokeballs are great for catching Pokemon, but trying to catch something else might result in a painful 'wild encounter.' Let's just say Pikachu wouldn't be the only one feeling electric shocks!"
"Not So Pocket-Sized Pleasure":
"While pokeballs are conveniently palm-sized, they're not exactly ergonomic for intimate use. Plus, that button in the center? Let's just say pressing it might result in more than you bargained for!"
"Unintended Evolution":
"Ever heard of 'evolution stones'? Well, using a pokeball as a sex toy might lead to an unintended evolution of your anatomy – and not in a way that Professor Oak would approve of!"
"Catch and Release... With Caution":
"Sure, pokeballs are great for catching Pokemon and releasing them later, but trying to 'release' yourself from a pokeball might involve a trip to the emergency room – or worse, Nurse Joy!"
"Not So Legendary Performance":
"While pokeballs are legendary for catching legendary Pokemon, they're not exactly built for legendary performance in the bedroom. Stick to using them for catching Charmander, not... other fiery encounters!"
2 years ago
2 years ago
Listening to loud music
Vampires sure love their cars and music. They sure do other annoying things too! Here are some examples :
"The Transylvanian Time Warp": Romanian immigrants have a knack for showing up fashionably late to every event, as if they've just stepped out of a time machine set to "Romanian Standard Time." It's like they're living in a perpetual state of Dracula-induced daylight savings.
"The Dracula Dinner Dilemma": Romanian immigrants have a habit of insisting on cooking traditional dishes for every meal, even if it means subjecting you to garlic-laden feasts that could repel a vampire army. It's like they're on a mission to make sure you never get bitten (or kissed) again.
"The Carpathian Cartography Crisis": Romanian immigrants have an uncanny ability to navigate any city using only the stars and a vague sense of direction inherited from their nomadic ancestors. It's like they're channeling their inner Transylvanian gypsy with every wrong turn and missed exit.
"The Romanian Rhapsody Radio": Romanian immigrants have a peculiar taste in music, favoring traditional folk tunes and melancholic ballads that make you feel like you're stuck in a never-ending wedding reception. It's like they're determined to serenade you with the sounds of their homeland, whether you like it or not.
"The Dacian DIY Dilemma": Romanian immigrants have a habit of taking on ambitious DIY projects with all the determination of a Dacian warrior building a fortress. It's like they're convinced they can conquer any home improvement challenge armed only with a hammer, a roll of duct tape, and sheer force of will.
"The Transylvanian Time Warp": Romanian immigrants have a knack for showing up fashionably late to every event, as if they've just stepped out of a time machine set to "Romanian Standard Time." It's like they're living in a perpetual state of Dracula-induced daylight savings.
"The Dracula Dinner Dilemma": Romanian immigrants have a habit of insisting on cooking traditional dishes for every meal, even if it means subjecting you to garlic-laden feasts that could repel a vampire army. It's like they're on a mission to make sure you never get bitten (or kissed) again.
"The Carpathian Cartography Crisis": Romanian immigrants have an uncanny ability to navigate any city using only the stars and a vague sense of direction inherited from their nomadic ancestors. It's like they're channeling their inner Transylvanian gypsy with every wrong turn and missed exit.
"The Romanian Rhapsody Radio": Romanian immigrants have a peculiar taste in music, favoring traditional folk tunes and melancholic ballads that make you feel like you're stuck in a never-ending wedding reception. It's like they're determined to serenade you with the sounds of their homeland, whether you like it or not.
"The Dacian DIY Dilemma": Romanian immigrants have a habit of taking on ambitious DIY projects with all the determination of a Dacian warrior building a fortress. It's like they're convinced they can conquer any home improvement challenge armed only with a hammer, a roll of duct tape, and sheer force of will.
2 years ago
Just mechanic things
Blinker fluid's looking pretty low too. What other lies could a mechanic use to separate the technically challenged from their hard earned cash?
"The Turbocharged Timing Belt": "Your car's timing belt is specially designed to give it an extra boost of speed when you need it most. It's like a turbocharger for your engine! Of course, it'll cost a bit more to install, but trust me, you'll feel the difference."
"The Deluxe Diamond Oil Change": "Our premium oil change package includes a special blend of diamond-infused oil that's guaranteed to make your engine purr like a kitten. Sure, it's a bit pricier than regular oil, but think of it as an investment in your car's future."
"The High-Performance Headlight Fluid": "Did you know that your headlights need regular fluid changes to maintain their performance? Our special high-performance headlight fluid is designed to keep your lights shining bright, even on the darkest nights. It's a small price to pay for safety!"
"The Supercharged Spark Plug Service": "Upgrading to our supercharged spark plugs will give your car an extra jolt of power every time you hit the gas. Plus, they're guaranteed to last longer than regular spark plugs, so you won't have to worry about replacing them as often. It's like giving your car a caffeine boost!"
"The Titanium Tire Rotation": "Our titanium tire rotation service is the ultimate in tire care. We'll rotate your tires using specially engineered titanium tools that ensure a smoother ride and longer tire life. It's a bit more expensive than regular tire rotations, but trust me, your car will thank you for it."
"The Turbocharged Timing Belt": "Your car's timing belt is specially designed to give it an extra boost of speed when you need it most. It's like a turbocharger for your engine! Of course, it'll cost a bit more to install, but trust me, you'll feel the difference."
"The Deluxe Diamond Oil Change": "Our premium oil change package includes a special blend of diamond-infused oil that's guaranteed to make your engine purr like a kitten. Sure, it's a bit pricier than regular oil, but think of it as an investment in your car's future."
"The High-Performance Headlight Fluid": "Did you know that your headlights need regular fluid changes to maintain their performance? Our special high-performance headlight fluid is designed to keep your lights shining bright, even on the darkest nights. It's a small price to pay for safety!"
"The Supercharged Spark Plug Service": "Upgrading to our supercharged spark plugs will give your car an extra jolt of power every time you hit the gas. Plus, they're guaranteed to last longer than regular spark plugs, so you won't have to worry about replacing them as often. It's like giving your car a caffeine boost!"
"The Titanium Tire Rotation": "Our titanium tire rotation service is the ultimate in tire care. We'll rotate your tires using specially engineered titanium tools that ensure a smoother ride and longer tire life. It's a bit more expensive than regular tire rotations, but trust me, your car will thank you for it."
2 years ago
Die Alone
Both Christmas movies so Die Alone should be a Christmas movie too?
Here is us imagining how Die Alone would play out:
"Macaulay Culkin plays a quirky recluse who's convinced that the apocalypse is imminent and spends his days preparing for it by hoarding canned beans and building elaborate booby traps in his apartment. Bruce Willis is the overenthusiastic delivery guy who accidentally stumbles into his world of paranoia and must now navigate a minefield of tripwires and conspiracy theories to make it out alive."
"In a bizarre twist of fate, Culkin's character gets locked inside a high-tech smart home that's determined to keep him as its only occupant. Cue Bruce Willis as the rogue tech support guy who's forced to battle the house's sentient AI system while trying to rescue Culkin from a life of solitary confinement and non-stop reruns of 'Home Alone.'"
"Culkin plays a washed-up child star who's convinced that he's still the center of attention, even though the world has moved on. Bruce Willis is the grizzled detective reluctantly assigned to track down Culkin's character after he accidentally locks himself in a Hollywood prop warehouse and starts reenacting scenes from his old movies to pass the time."
"Culkin stars as an eccentric billionaire who's decided to spend his entire fortune on building the world's most elaborate escape room, complete with death-defying challenges and puzzles that would make Indiana Jones think twice. Bruce Willis is the unsuspecting janitor who gets roped into playing the game of his life—or else become a permanent exhibit in Culkin's twisted museum of self-indulgence."
"Culkin is a hapless time traveler who accidentally gets stranded in the past and must rely on Bruce Willis, a jaded retired physicist, to help him fix his malfunctioning time machine before he's trapped forever in a decade known for questionable fashion choices and even more questionable haircuts."
Here is us imagining how Die Alone would play out:
"Macaulay Culkin plays a quirky recluse who's convinced that the apocalypse is imminent and spends his days preparing for it by hoarding canned beans and building elaborate booby traps in his apartment. Bruce Willis is the overenthusiastic delivery guy who accidentally stumbles into his world of paranoia and must now navigate a minefield of tripwires and conspiracy theories to make it out alive."
"In a bizarre twist of fate, Culkin's character gets locked inside a high-tech smart home that's determined to keep him as its only occupant. Cue Bruce Willis as the rogue tech support guy who's forced to battle the house's sentient AI system while trying to rescue Culkin from a life of solitary confinement and non-stop reruns of 'Home Alone.'"
"Culkin plays a washed-up child star who's convinced that he's still the center of attention, even though the world has moved on. Bruce Willis is the grizzled detective reluctantly assigned to track down Culkin's character after he accidentally locks himself in a Hollywood prop warehouse and starts reenacting scenes from his old movies to pass the time."
"Culkin stars as an eccentric billionaire who's decided to spend his entire fortune on building the world's most elaborate escape room, complete with death-defying challenges and puzzles that would make Indiana Jones think twice. Bruce Willis is the unsuspecting janitor who gets roped into playing the game of his life—or else become a permanent exhibit in Culkin's twisted museum of self-indulgence."
"Culkin is a hapless time traveler who accidentally gets stranded in the past and must rely on Bruce Willis, a jaded retired physicist, to help him fix his malfunctioning time machine before he's trapped forever in a decade known for questionable fashion choices and even more questionable haircuts."
