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1 year ago
She can probably walk on water
Doesn't walk actually just slaps the ground. Enough being mean though maybe this is a plus! Here's 5 reasons why girly yeti feet are awesome:
"Built-in Flippers for Impromptu Pool Parties": Who needs to pack flippers for a pool party when you've got sizeable feet? With your enormous flippers—uh, feet—you'll be the life of the party, effortlessly gliding through the water like a majestic sea creature.
"Never Lose Your Balance in High Heels": With feet the size of ski slopes, you'll never have to worry about teetering in those towering stilettos. Your massive feet provide the perfect counterbalance, keeping you steady on even the most treacherous terrain—like cobblestone streets or the dance floor after one too many cocktails.
"Instant Icebreakers at Pedicure Parties": Who needs conversation starters when you've got feet the size of small boats? Your colossal tootsies are sure to be the talk of the town at your next pedicure party, sparking lively debates about shoe sizes and potential career paths as a professional soccer player.
"The Ultimate Home Security System": With feet so big, you'll never need to invest in a guard dog. Just imagine the look on a would-be intruder's face when they come face-to-face with your formidable footprints—no burglar alarm required.
"Instant Celebrity Status as the World's Biggest Foot Model": Move over, Cinderella—there's a new foot model in town, and her feet are bigger than life itself. With your massive tootsies gracing the covers of magazines and billboards worldwide, you'll be living footloose and fancy-free in the glamorous world of giant foot fame.
"Built-in Flippers for Impromptu Pool Parties": Who needs to pack flippers for a pool party when you've got sizeable feet? With your enormous flippers—uh, feet—you'll be the life of the party, effortlessly gliding through the water like a majestic sea creature.
"Never Lose Your Balance in High Heels": With feet the size of ski slopes, you'll never have to worry about teetering in those towering stilettos. Your massive feet provide the perfect counterbalance, keeping you steady on even the most treacherous terrain—like cobblestone streets or the dance floor after one too many cocktails.
"Instant Icebreakers at Pedicure Parties": Who needs conversation starters when you've got feet the size of small boats? Your colossal tootsies are sure to be the talk of the town at your next pedicure party, sparking lively debates about shoe sizes and potential career paths as a professional soccer player.
"The Ultimate Home Security System": With feet so big, you'll never need to invest in a guard dog. Just imagine the look on a would-be intruder's face when they come face-to-face with your formidable footprints—no burglar alarm required.
"Instant Celebrity Status as the World's Biggest Foot Model": Move over, Cinderella—there's a new foot model in town, and her feet are bigger than life itself. With your massive tootsies gracing the covers of magazines and billboards worldwide, you'll be living footloose and fancy-free in the glamorous world of giant foot fame.
1 year ago
Bought these 8 minutes ago
2 more days and they'll evolve into something really weird , here we prepared some examples while huffing glue in the company garage
"Strawberry Superhero: Mold Man":
"With its newfound moldy powers, the strawberry transforms into Mold Man, defender of the fridge! Armed with spore projectiles and a fuzzy cape, Mold Man fights off food waste villains one fridge shelf at a time."
"Strawberry Spa Retreat: Moldy Oasis":
"The moldy strawberry evolves into a luxurious spa retreat for microorganisms, complete with a fuzzy mold jacuzzi and spore sauna. Mold spores flock from far and wide for a rejuvenating vacation in the moldy oasis."
"Strawberry Space Explorer: Moldtronaut":
"Launching into orbit, the moldy strawberry becomes Moldtronaut, the first fruit to explore the cosmos! Moldtronaut braves the vacuum of space armed with an intergalactic spore blaster and a helmet made of mold-resistant polymer."
"Strawberry Rockstar: Moldy Mick Jagger":
"Channeling its inner rockstar, the moldy strawberry morphs into Moldy Mick Jagger, lead singer of the legendary band 'The Rolling Mold.' With fuzzy hair and spore-studded leather pants, Moldy Mick rocks the fridge with hits like 'Satisfaction (With Mold)' and 'Gimme Mold Shelter.'"
"Strawberry Scientist: Dr. Moldberg":
"Embracing its intellectual side, the moldy strawberry becomes Dr. Moldberg, esteemed mycologist and mold enthusiast! Dr. Moldberg conducts groundbreaking research on mold spore taxonomy and hosts mold-themed TED talks in the damp corners of the fridge."
"Strawberry Superhero: Mold Man":
"With its newfound moldy powers, the strawberry transforms into Mold Man, defender of the fridge! Armed with spore projectiles and a fuzzy cape, Mold Man fights off food waste villains one fridge shelf at a time."
"Strawberry Spa Retreat: Moldy Oasis":
"The moldy strawberry evolves into a luxurious spa retreat for microorganisms, complete with a fuzzy mold jacuzzi and spore sauna. Mold spores flock from far and wide for a rejuvenating vacation in the moldy oasis."
"Strawberry Space Explorer: Moldtronaut":
"Launching into orbit, the moldy strawberry becomes Moldtronaut, the first fruit to explore the cosmos! Moldtronaut braves the vacuum of space armed with an intergalactic spore blaster and a helmet made of mold-resistant polymer."
"Strawberry Rockstar: Moldy Mick Jagger":
"Channeling its inner rockstar, the moldy strawberry morphs into Moldy Mick Jagger, lead singer of the legendary band 'The Rolling Mold.' With fuzzy hair and spore-studded leather pants, Moldy Mick rocks the fridge with hits like 'Satisfaction (With Mold)' and 'Gimme Mold Shelter.'"
"Strawberry Scientist: Dr. Moldberg":
"Embracing its intellectual side, the moldy strawberry becomes Dr. Moldberg, esteemed mycologist and mold enthusiast! Dr. Moldberg conducts groundbreaking research on mold spore taxonomy and hosts mold-themed TED talks in the damp corners of the fridge."
1 year ago
Named one of his dogs Desmond
Those are People's NAMES my guy!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:
"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.
"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.
"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.
"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.
"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:
"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.
"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.
"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.
"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.
"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
1 year ago
Wholesome grandpa
Sometimes the wold isn't as bad as we think!
Here have some REAL examples of senior citizens being wholesome! It's not all Karen's and Home Owner Associations out there:
"Grandma's Viral Dance Moves": A video of an elderly woman dancing to a popular song in her living room goes viral, spreading joy and laughter across the internet. Her infectious energy and enthusiastic moves inspire viewers of all ages to get up and dance, proving that age is just a number when it comes to having fun.
"Grandpa's DIY Bird Feeder": An elderly man crafts intricate bird feeders out of recycled materials and installs them in his backyard. Not only does he attract a variety of colorful birds to his garden, but he also becomes a local celebrity as neighbors stop by to admire his handiwork and learn his secret to birdwatching success.
"Senior Citizen's Random Acts of Kindness": A retiree spends his days performing random acts of kindness around his neighborhood, from baking cookies for local firefighters to leaving uplifting notes on park benches. His small gestures of generosity inspire others to spread kindness wherever they go, proving that even the smallest actions can make a big difference in someone's day.
"Grandma's Hilarious Social Media Posts": An elderly woman discovers the world of social media and begins sharing humorous anecdotes and selfies with her grandchildren. Her witty captions and candid photos quickly gain a following online, earning her the title of "Instagram Grandma" and proving that you're never too old to embrace new technology.
"Grandpa's Epic Pranks": An elderly man becomes known for his playful sense of humor and penchant for pulling elaborate pranks on his family and friends. From fake spiders in the cookie jar to whoopee cushions on the sofa, his mischievous antics keep everyone on their toes and remind them to never take life too seriously, no matter their age.
Here have some REAL examples of senior citizens being wholesome! It's not all Karen's and Home Owner Associations out there:
"Grandma's Viral Dance Moves": A video of an elderly woman dancing to a popular song in her living room goes viral, spreading joy and laughter across the internet. Her infectious energy and enthusiastic moves inspire viewers of all ages to get up and dance, proving that age is just a number when it comes to having fun.
"Grandpa's DIY Bird Feeder": An elderly man crafts intricate bird feeders out of recycled materials and installs them in his backyard. Not only does he attract a variety of colorful birds to his garden, but he also becomes a local celebrity as neighbors stop by to admire his handiwork and learn his secret to birdwatching success.
"Senior Citizen's Random Acts of Kindness": A retiree spends his days performing random acts of kindness around his neighborhood, from baking cookies for local firefighters to leaving uplifting notes on park benches. His small gestures of generosity inspire others to spread kindness wherever they go, proving that even the smallest actions can make a big difference in someone's day.
"Grandma's Hilarious Social Media Posts": An elderly woman discovers the world of social media and begins sharing humorous anecdotes and selfies with her grandchildren. Her witty captions and candid photos quickly gain a following online, earning her the title of "Instagram Grandma" and proving that you're never too old to embrace new technology.
"Grandpa's Epic Pranks": An elderly man becomes known for his playful sense of humor and penchant for pulling elaborate pranks on his family and friends. From fake spiders in the cookie jar to whoopee cushions on the sofa, his mischievous antics keep everyone on their toes and remind them to never take life too seriously, no matter their age.
1 year ago
At least he's honest
Hops his lowball gets turned down so we compiled a list of other lowball strategies that will get turned down in the spirit of this post
"The 'Penny for Your Porsche' Proposal: Trying to score a luxury car at a bargain-basement price by offering a laughably low sum that barely covers the cost of a cup of coffee. The seller, unimpressed by your attempt at frugality, kindly suggests you try the toy section instead.
"The 'Clunker for a Cadillac' Conundrum: Attempting to trade in your beat-up old jalopy for a sleek new sports car and expecting the dealer to jump at the chance. Unfortunately, your offer is met with a raised eyebrow and a polite suggestion to try the used car lot down the street.
"The 'Dollar Store Discount' Dilemma: Insisting on haggling over the price of a high-end vehicle as if you're negotiating the cost of a discount toaster. The salesperson, struggling to maintain their composure, politely informs you that cars aren't typically sold at Dollar General prices.
"The 'Lowball Limbo' Limelight: Getting so caught up in the excitement of lowballing that you find yourself stuck in a never-ending game of negotiation limbo. As you keep lowering your offer, the seller watches in amusement before finally putting an end to the charade and showing you the door.
"The 'Bargain Basement' Boondoggle: Deciding to take the lowball approach to the extreme by offering a fraction of the car's value and expecting the seller to take pity on you. Instead, you're met with incredulous stares and a polite but firm refusal, leaving you to contemplate your next move from the sidewalk.
"The 'Penny for Your Porsche' Proposal: Trying to score a luxury car at a bargain-basement price by offering a laughably low sum that barely covers the cost of a cup of coffee. The seller, unimpressed by your attempt at frugality, kindly suggests you try the toy section instead.
"The 'Clunker for a Cadillac' Conundrum: Attempting to trade in your beat-up old jalopy for a sleek new sports car and expecting the dealer to jump at the chance. Unfortunately, your offer is met with a raised eyebrow and a polite suggestion to try the used car lot down the street.
"The 'Dollar Store Discount' Dilemma: Insisting on haggling over the price of a high-end vehicle as if you're negotiating the cost of a discount toaster. The salesperson, struggling to maintain their composure, politely informs you that cars aren't typically sold at Dollar General prices.
"The 'Lowball Limbo' Limelight: Getting so caught up in the excitement of lowballing that you find yourself stuck in a never-ending game of negotiation limbo. As you keep lowering your offer, the seller watches in amusement before finally putting an end to the charade and showing you the door.
"The 'Bargain Basement' Boondoggle: Deciding to take the lowball approach to the extreme by offering a fraction of the car's value and expecting the seller to take pity on you. Instead, you're met with incredulous stares and a polite but firm refusal, leaving you to contemplate your next move from the sidewalk.
1 year ago
It's a you problem honey
Maybe don't just lay there. She needs to find out eventually. We recommend these methods:
"The Yelp Reviewer: Your partner suggests you start a Yelp page for your bedroom performance, complete with ratings and reviews. Let's just say, you're not getting five stars anytime soon.
"The Smoke Detector: Your bedroom escapades are so lackluster that the smoke detector starts beeping—not from passion, but from sheer boredom. Looks like it's time to spice things up before the fire department shows up.
"The Snooze Button: Your partner falls asleep mid-action, prompting you to check for a hidden snooze button on their forehead. Turns out, your performance was so boring they mistook it for bedtime.
"The GPS Navigator: Your partner suggests investing in a GPS system for the bedroom, claiming they keep getting lost in your attempts at intimacy. Looks like you're more of a lost cause than a lost treasure.
"The Fitness Tracker: Your partner suggests wearing a fitness tracker during sex to see if you can burn enough calories to justify the effort. Spoiler alert: you don't even come close to reaching your daily step goal. Looks like it's back to the drawing board—er, bedroom.
"The Yelp Reviewer: Your partner suggests you start a Yelp page for your bedroom performance, complete with ratings and reviews. Let's just say, you're not getting five stars anytime soon.
"The Smoke Detector: Your bedroom escapades are so lackluster that the smoke detector starts beeping—not from passion, but from sheer boredom. Looks like it's time to spice things up before the fire department shows up.
"The Snooze Button: Your partner falls asleep mid-action, prompting you to check for a hidden snooze button on their forehead. Turns out, your performance was so boring they mistook it for bedtime.
"The GPS Navigator: Your partner suggests investing in a GPS system for the bedroom, claiming they keep getting lost in your attempts at intimacy. Looks like you're more of a lost cause than a lost treasure.
"The Fitness Tracker: Your partner suggests wearing a fitness tracker during sex to see if you can burn enough calories to justify the effort. Spoiler alert: you don't even come close to reaching your daily step goal. Looks like it's back to the drawing board—er, bedroom.
1 year ago
Unwholesome reality
But the little pocket computer does have memes in it. People are yearning for manual labor AI is just a better artist.
Here are some reasons we should let art to the machines and get our manual labor on:
"Because AI can't complain about the working conditions in the mines, but it sure can make some killer abstract paintings of them! Who needs safety regulations when you can have avant-garde art?"
"AI in the art studio means we'll finally get the masterpiece we've been waiting for: 'Mona Lisa 2: Electric Boogaloo.' Meanwhile, humans can enjoy the thrill of tunneling through solid rock with nothing but a pickaxe and a dream!"
"Why risk human lives in dangerous mines when AI can craft stunning sculptures out of silicon? Who needs coal when you can have computational creativity?"
"With AI handling the art scene, we'll have an endless supply of digital doodles to decorate our underground bunkers. Who needs sunlight when you can have pixelated paintings?"
"AI can churn out landscapes faster than you can say 'pickaxe,' while humans can embrace the rustic charm of coal dust and cave-ins. Who needs fresh air when you can have the aroma of industrial revolution?"
Here are some reasons we should let art to the machines and get our manual labor on:
"Because AI can't complain about the working conditions in the mines, but it sure can make some killer abstract paintings of them! Who needs safety regulations when you can have avant-garde art?"
"AI in the art studio means we'll finally get the masterpiece we've been waiting for: 'Mona Lisa 2: Electric Boogaloo.' Meanwhile, humans can enjoy the thrill of tunneling through solid rock with nothing but a pickaxe and a dream!"
"Why risk human lives in dangerous mines when AI can craft stunning sculptures out of silicon? Who needs coal when you can have computational creativity?"
"With AI handling the art scene, we'll have an endless supply of digital doodles to decorate our underground bunkers. Who needs sunlight when you can have pixelated paintings?"
"AI can churn out landscapes faster than you can say 'pickaxe,' while humans can embrace the rustic charm of coal dust and cave-ins. Who needs fresh air when you can have the aroma of industrial revolution?"
