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1 year ago
Illiterate Bae!
Can't see red flags if you can't spell them. You should always love your illiterate girlfriend and here's a few reasons why:
The Love Letter Lark: "Because who needs Shakespeare when your illiterate girlfriend writes you love letters that are more entertaining than a Netflix rom-com? Spelling mistakes are just her way of adding suspense!"
The Bookworm Bliss: "Because with an illiterate girlfriend, you'll never have to worry about sharing your favorite books. Just think of all the quality time you'll save by not having to debate the merits of Hemingway's prose!"
The Texting Tease: "Because deciphering her texts is like solving a cryptic crossword puzzle—you never know what you're going to get, but it's always an adventure. Who needs grammar when you've got emojis?"
The Literary Love: "Because while she may not be able to read, she's a master at creating her own stories. From tall tales to elaborate excuses, her imagination knows no bounds!"
The Poetry Paradox: "Because with an illiterate girlfriend, you'll never have to worry about her stealing your copy of 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' Instead, you'll get to experience the thrill of reading her own steamy poetry—complete with creative spelling and alliteration!"
The Love Letter Lark: "Because who needs Shakespeare when your illiterate girlfriend writes you love letters that are more entertaining than a Netflix rom-com? Spelling mistakes are just her way of adding suspense!"
The Bookworm Bliss: "Because with an illiterate girlfriend, you'll never have to worry about sharing your favorite books. Just think of all the quality time you'll save by not having to debate the merits of Hemingway's prose!"
The Texting Tease: "Because deciphering her texts is like solving a cryptic crossword puzzle—you never know what you're going to get, but it's always an adventure. Who needs grammar when you've got emojis?"
The Literary Love: "Because while she may not be able to read, she's a master at creating her own stories. From tall tales to elaborate excuses, her imagination knows no bounds!"
The Poetry Paradox: "Because with an illiterate girlfriend, you'll never have to worry about her stealing your copy of 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' Instead, you'll get to experience the thrill of reading her own steamy poetry—complete with creative spelling and alliteration!"
1 year ago
You had one job!
Don't give me any of "the van is empty" shit if you forget once you can forget more times
1 year ago
Her love is a cult
She keeps lovebombing him, so maybe join her cult then? Here are 5 reasons you should join your girlfriends creepy cult:
Unwavering Devotion: Members are expected to show unwavering devotion to the girlfriend-cult leader, obeying her every command without question. Failure to comply results in mysterious consequences that no one dares to speak of.
Sinister Seduction: The girlfriend-cult leader exudes an unsettling aura of charisma and charm, drawing in new members with promises of love and acceptance. But behind closed doors, her true intentions remain shrouded in darkness.
Nightly Vigils: Each night, members gather in dimly lit chambers to perform eerie rituals in honor of the girlfriend-cult leader. The air is thick with anticipation and fear as they await her arrival, unsure of what horrors the night may bring.
Whispers in the Dark: Rumors abound of whispered conversations between the girlfriend-cult leader and shadowy figures who lurk in the depths of the cult compound. What sinister plots are being hatched behind closed doors?
Forbidden Liaisons: Despite the dangers, members find themselves drawn to forbidden liaisons with the girlfriend-cult leader, unable to resist her seductive allure. But these clandestine affairs come with a steep price, as betrayal and heartbreak lurk around every corner.
Unwavering Devotion: Members are expected to show unwavering devotion to the girlfriend-cult leader, obeying her every command without question. Failure to comply results in mysterious consequences that no one dares to speak of.
Sinister Seduction: The girlfriend-cult leader exudes an unsettling aura of charisma and charm, drawing in new members with promises of love and acceptance. But behind closed doors, her true intentions remain shrouded in darkness.
Nightly Vigils: Each night, members gather in dimly lit chambers to perform eerie rituals in honor of the girlfriend-cult leader. The air is thick with anticipation and fear as they await her arrival, unsure of what horrors the night may bring.
Whispers in the Dark: Rumors abound of whispered conversations between the girlfriend-cult leader and shadowy figures who lurk in the depths of the cult compound. What sinister plots are being hatched behind closed doors?
Forbidden Liaisons: Despite the dangers, members find themselves drawn to forbidden liaisons with the girlfriend-cult leader, unable to resist her seductive allure. But these clandestine affairs come with a steep price, as betrayal and heartbreak lurk around every corner.
1 year ago
Asking existential questions
Poor dude never considered why his name was David. So we did for him since we have nothing better to do:
The Biblical Banter: "Because being named David means you're automatically inducted into the unofficial 'Cool Names from the Bible' club—move over, Moses and Noah, there's a new shepherd in town, and he's armed with a slingshot and a killer haircut!"
The Statue Struggle: "Because being named David means you're constantly compared to a marble masterpiece—sure, Michelangelo's sculpture might have chiseled abs and a steely gaze, but can it shotgun a beer in under three seconds? Didn't think so."
The Size Speculation: "Because being named David means you're destined to field endless questions about the size of your 'stone'—but don't worry, it's not the size of the slingshot that matters, it's how you aim it at the Goliaths of life."
The Identity Irony: "Because being named David means you're forever doomed to be confused with every other David in the world—no, not the one from accounting, or the one from your mom's book club, or the one who dated your sister in high school. The other other David."
The Musical Misfortune: "Because being named David means you're contractually obligated to endure endless renditions of 'David, David, Bo-Bavid, Banana-Fana Fo-Favid'—just smile and nod, David, and maybe one day they'll run out of rhymes for your name."
The Biblical Banter: "Because being named David means you're automatically inducted into the unofficial 'Cool Names from the Bible' club—move over, Moses and Noah, there's a new shepherd in town, and he's armed with a slingshot and a killer haircut!"
The Statue Struggle: "Because being named David means you're constantly compared to a marble masterpiece—sure, Michelangelo's sculpture might have chiseled abs and a steely gaze, but can it shotgun a beer in under three seconds? Didn't think so."
The Size Speculation: "Because being named David means you're destined to field endless questions about the size of your 'stone'—but don't worry, it's not the size of the slingshot that matters, it's how you aim it at the Goliaths of life."
The Identity Irony: "Because being named David means you're forever doomed to be confused with every other David in the world—no, not the one from accounting, or the one from your mom's book club, or the one who dated your sister in high school. The other other David."
The Musical Misfortune: "Because being named David means you're contractually obligated to endure endless renditions of 'David, David, Bo-Bavid, Banana-Fana Fo-Favid'—just smile and nod, David, and maybe one day they'll run out of rhymes for your name."
1 year ago
Must be because they were paid so well
At least he said have a great day!So why did they quit? Speculation is the name of the game on funnybanter so we thought up a few reasons:
"The Nugget Nonsense": "After a disastrous attempt to juggle chicken nuggets for a customer's entertainment, I realized my talents were better suited for a different stage. Let's just say the nuggets weren't the only things taking a tumble that day!"
"The Frosty Fiasco": "When I accidentally set the Frosty machine to 'eternal churn,' I knew it was time to bid farewell to the world of soft-serve. Let's just say we had enough Frosty to last a lifetime—assuming anyone could stomach that much chocolatey goodness."
"The Spatula Showdown": "My attempt at mastering the art of spatula juggling ended with a burger launch that could rival SpaceX. Turns out, flipping burgers isn't as glamorous as it looks on TV—and the ceiling definitely wasn't impressed."
"The Drive-Thru Disaster": "Trying to decipher orders from hangry customers in the drive-thru lane was like playing a high-stakes game of charades. Let's just say my interpretation of 'extra pickles' wasn't exactly what the customer had in mind."
"The Baconator Blunder": "After one too many encounters with the infamous Baconator, I realized my arteries deserved a break. Let's just say my heart wasn't on board with the idea of a daily bacon binge, and neither was my waistline."
"The Nugget Nonsense": "After a disastrous attempt to juggle chicken nuggets for a customer's entertainment, I realized my talents were better suited for a different stage. Let's just say the nuggets weren't the only things taking a tumble that day!"
"The Frosty Fiasco": "When I accidentally set the Frosty machine to 'eternal churn,' I knew it was time to bid farewell to the world of soft-serve. Let's just say we had enough Frosty to last a lifetime—assuming anyone could stomach that much chocolatey goodness."
"The Spatula Showdown": "My attempt at mastering the art of spatula juggling ended with a burger launch that could rival SpaceX. Turns out, flipping burgers isn't as glamorous as it looks on TV—and the ceiling definitely wasn't impressed."
"The Drive-Thru Disaster": "Trying to decipher orders from hangry customers in the drive-thru lane was like playing a high-stakes game of charades. Let's just say my interpretation of 'extra pickles' wasn't exactly what the customer had in mind."
"The Baconator Blunder": "After one too many encounters with the infamous Baconator, I realized my arteries deserved a break. Let's just say my heart wasn't on board with the idea of a daily bacon binge, and neither was my waistline."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Spelling is important
Illiteracy is dangerous, but funny. I say spelling things wrong is funny and we should do it more, burn the books close all schools. Here's 5 reasons why spelling things wrong makes me laugh and ergo is a good thing:
"The Phonetic Phantasm": "Spelling things wrong adds an element of mystery and intrigue to everyday conversations. Who needs correct spelling when you can create your own phonetic language? It's like a secret code that only you and your fellow misspellers can understand."
"The Autocorrect Adventure": "Thanks to autocorrect, spelling things wrong has become a hilarious game of 'Guess What I Meant.' It's like playing Mad Libs with your phone, except the results are even more nonsensical—and somehow, more entertaining."
"The Typo Tango": "Spelling things wrong is the ultimate icebreaker in awkward social situations. Instead of stumbling over your words, just throw in a strategically placed typo and watch as everyone laughs along with you. Who knew misspellings could be so charming?"
"The Creative Chaos": "Spelling things wrong unleashes your inner artist, allowing you to create masterpieces of linguistic absurdity. Why stick to the rules when you can invent your own spellings and redefine the English language one typo at a time?"
"The Homophone Hilarity": "Spelling things wrong opens up a world of pun-tastic possibilities, where every typo becomes a potential punchline. Who cares about proper grammar when you can turn 'their' into 'they're' and 'you're' into 'your' for maximum comedic effect?"
"The Phonetic Phantasm": "Spelling things wrong adds an element of mystery and intrigue to everyday conversations. Who needs correct spelling when you can create your own phonetic language? It's like a secret code that only you and your fellow misspellers can understand."
"The Autocorrect Adventure": "Thanks to autocorrect, spelling things wrong has become a hilarious game of 'Guess What I Meant.' It's like playing Mad Libs with your phone, except the results are even more nonsensical—and somehow, more entertaining."
"The Typo Tango": "Spelling things wrong is the ultimate icebreaker in awkward social situations. Instead of stumbling over your words, just throw in a strategically placed typo and watch as everyone laughs along with you. Who knew misspellings could be so charming?"
"The Creative Chaos": "Spelling things wrong unleashes your inner artist, allowing you to create masterpieces of linguistic absurdity. Why stick to the rules when you can invent your own spellings and redefine the English language one typo at a time?"
"The Homophone Hilarity": "Spelling things wrong opens up a world of pun-tastic possibilities, where every typo becomes a potential punchline. Who cares about proper grammar when you can turn 'their' into 'they're' and 'you're' into 'your' for maximum comedic effect?"
