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1 year ago
My brain hurts from reading this
Snakes clearly existing because they are mentioned in the bible but other dinosaurs? FAKE! All FAKE and here are 5 reasons why:
"The Big Bone Hoax": "Turns out those giant bones were just a prank pulled by prehistoric pranksters. They spent millions of years carefully crafting massive bones and burying them deep underground, just to see how gullible future scientists would be."
"The Time Travel Taboo": "Dinosaurs were actually just time travelers from the future, who got stuck in the past and decided to play along until they could find a way back home. Who needs a DeLorean when you've got a T-Rex?"
"The Hollywood Hype": "It was all a big Hollywood conspiracy to sell movie tickets. Spielberg and his cronies cooked up the idea of dinosaurs to cash in on the Jurassic Park craze—and we fell for it hook, line, and sinker."
"The Giant Lizard Cover-up": "Dinosaurs were actually just overgrown lizards who got a little too big for their britches. Turns out Mother Nature has a sense of humor, and she's not afraid to throw a few curveballs into the fossil record."
"The Museum Mayhem": "Dinosaurs were just a marketing ploy cooked up by the world's museums to boost ticket sales. After all, who wouldn't want to see a giant T-Rex skeleton? It's the ultimate tourist trap—and we've been falling for it for centuries."
"The Big Bone Hoax": "Turns out those giant bones were just a prank pulled by prehistoric pranksters. They spent millions of years carefully crafting massive bones and burying them deep underground, just to see how gullible future scientists would be."
"The Time Travel Taboo": "Dinosaurs were actually just time travelers from the future, who got stuck in the past and decided to play along until they could find a way back home. Who needs a DeLorean when you've got a T-Rex?"
"The Hollywood Hype": "It was all a big Hollywood conspiracy to sell movie tickets. Spielberg and his cronies cooked up the idea of dinosaurs to cash in on the Jurassic Park craze—and we fell for it hook, line, and sinker."
"The Giant Lizard Cover-up": "Dinosaurs were actually just overgrown lizards who got a little too big for their britches. Turns out Mother Nature has a sense of humor, and she's not afraid to throw a few curveballs into the fossil record."
"The Museum Mayhem": "Dinosaurs were just a marketing ploy cooked up by the world's museums to boost ticket sales. After all, who wouldn't want to see a giant T-Rex skeleton? It's the ultimate tourist trap—and we've been falling for it for centuries."
1 year ago
This restaurant doesn't take criticism well
By any means don't improve your business and just go bankrupt.
Such restaurants love to live by these brilliant tenants of exceptional business practice
"Mediocrity is the Spice of Life":
"Why strive for excellence when you can revel in mediocrity? Embrace the blandness – it's like a culinary comfort zone where every dish tastes just okay."
"Consistency? What's That?":
"Who needs consistency when you can keep customers on their toes? One day it's gourmet cuisine, the next it's mystery meat surprise – it's like playing restaurant roulette!"
"Innovation is Overrated":
"Why bother with innovation when you can stick to the classics? Who needs avocado toast when you have good ol' toast? Keep it simple – it's the menu equivalent of comfort food."
"The Quest for Quest-ionable Hygiene":
"Who needs a spotless kitchen when you can add a dash of danger to every meal? Embrace the chaos – it's like an adventure for your taste buds, with a side of food poisoning!"
"Customer Feedback? More Like Customer Fleedback!":
"Why listen to customer feedback when you can march to the beat of your own drumstick? Ignore those pesky suggestions – it's like a culinary rebellion, with extra sauce on the side."
Such restaurants love to live by these brilliant tenants of exceptional business practice
"Mediocrity is the Spice of Life":
"Why strive for excellence when you can revel in mediocrity? Embrace the blandness – it's like a culinary comfort zone where every dish tastes just okay."
"Consistency? What's That?":
"Who needs consistency when you can keep customers on their toes? One day it's gourmet cuisine, the next it's mystery meat surprise – it's like playing restaurant roulette!"
"Innovation is Overrated":
"Why bother with innovation when you can stick to the classics? Who needs avocado toast when you have good ol' toast? Keep it simple – it's the menu equivalent of comfort food."
"The Quest for Quest-ionable Hygiene":
"Who needs a spotless kitchen when you can add a dash of danger to every meal? Embrace the chaos – it's like an adventure for your taste buds, with a side of food poisoning!"
"Customer Feedback? More Like Customer Fleedback!":
"Why listen to customer feedback when you can march to the beat of your own drumstick? Ignore those pesky suggestions – it's like a culinary rebellion, with extra sauce on the side."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Her love is a cult
She keeps lovebombing him, so maybe join her cult then? Here are 5 reasons you should join your girlfriends creepy cult:
Unwavering Devotion: Members are expected to show unwavering devotion to the girlfriend-cult leader, obeying her every command without question. Failure to comply results in mysterious consequences that no one dares to speak of.
Sinister Seduction: The girlfriend-cult leader exudes an unsettling aura of charisma and charm, drawing in new members with promises of love and acceptance. But behind closed doors, her true intentions remain shrouded in darkness.
Nightly Vigils: Each night, members gather in dimly lit chambers to perform eerie rituals in honor of the girlfriend-cult leader. The air is thick with anticipation and fear as they await her arrival, unsure of what horrors the night may bring.
Whispers in the Dark: Rumors abound of whispered conversations between the girlfriend-cult leader and shadowy figures who lurk in the depths of the cult compound. What sinister plots are being hatched behind closed doors?
Forbidden Liaisons: Despite the dangers, members find themselves drawn to forbidden liaisons with the girlfriend-cult leader, unable to resist her seductive allure. But these clandestine affairs come with a steep price, as betrayal and heartbreak lurk around every corner.
Unwavering Devotion: Members are expected to show unwavering devotion to the girlfriend-cult leader, obeying her every command without question. Failure to comply results in mysterious consequences that no one dares to speak of.
Sinister Seduction: The girlfriend-cult leader exudes an unsettling aura of charisma and charm, drawing in new members with promises of love and acceptance. But behind closed doors, her true intentions remain shrouded in darkness.
Nightly Vigils: Each night, members gather in dimly lit chambers to perform eerie rituals in honor of the girlfriend-cult leader. The air is thick with anticipation and fear as they await her arrival, unsure of what horrors the night may bring.
Whispers in the Dark: Rumors abound of whispered conversations between the girlfriend-cult leader and shadowy figures who lurk in the depths of the cult compound. What sinister plots are being hatched behind closed doors?
Forbidden Liaisons: Despite the dangers, members find themselves drawn to forbidden liaisons with the girlfriend-cult leader, unable to resist her seductive allure. But these clandestine affairs come with a steep price, as betrayal and heartbreak lurk around every corner.
1 year ago
Dogshit a classic present
A tier lower then coal. We thought about this one long and hard! She was probably saying it out of the goodness of her heart! Dog Shit is wonderful! It's the gift that keeps on giving and here is why:
"Because nothing says 'I love you' like a gift that keeps on giving... fertilizer for the soul, straight from Fido's behind!"
"Forget the fancy wrapping paper, nothing says 'holiday cheer' quite like a steaming pile of doggie delight under the tree!"
"Who needs socks or ties when you can give your cousin the gift of a surprise scavenger hunt? It's like Christmas morning, but with a twist!"
"They say it's the thought that counts, so why not give your cousin a thoughtful reminder to watch their step? It's the gift that keeps on giving, long after the holidays are over!"
"In a world of material possessions, give the gift of humility. Nothing humbles you faster than accidentally stepping in a 'present' from man's best friend!"
"Because nothing says 'I love you' like a gift that keeps on giving... fertilizer for the soul, straight from Fido's behind!"
"Forget the fancy wrapping paper, nothing says 'holiday cheer' quite like a steaming pile of doggie delight under the tree!"
"Who needs socks or ties when you can give your cousin the gift of a surprise scavenger hunt? It's like Christmas morning, but with a twist!"
"They say it's the thought that counts, so why not give your cousin a thoughtful reminder to watch their step? It's the gift that keeps on giving, long after the holidays are over!"
"In a world of material possessions, give the gift of humility. Nothing humbles you faster than accidentally stepping in a 'present' from man's best friend!"
1 year ago
Named one of his dogs Desmond
Those are People's NAMES my guy!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:
"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.
"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.
"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.
"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.
"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
Here are five humorous reasons why you should give your dog a human name:
"Avoiding Awkward Introductions": Forget the confusion of shouting "Spot!" at the dog park and having five different pooches come running. With a human name like "Steve" or "Barbara," you'll never have to worry about mistaking someone else's furry friend for your own—or accidentally calling your neighbor by your dog's name.
"Elevating Their Social Status": Who says dogs can't be part of the upper crust? Give your furry friend a sophisticated moniker like "Geoffrey" or "Margaret," and suddenly they're hobnobbing with the best of them at canine cocktail parties and pooch pampering spas.
"Preventing Identity Crisis": Let's face it—being called "Fido" or "Rover" doesn't exactly scream individuality. Give your dog a human name, and suddenly they're not just another face in the doggy crowd—they're a unique and irreplaceable member of the family, complete with their own quirks and personality traits.
"Confusing the Vet": Nothing keeps your veterinarian on their toes like trying to decipher the medical records of a patient named "Gary" or "Jessica." With a human name, your dog becomes the ultimate mystery to unravel—a furry enigma wrapped in a puzzle wrapped in a fur coat.
"Expanding Their Career Opportunities": Who says dogs can't have a nine-to-five job? With a human name like "Kevin" or "Samantha," your pooch could be the next canine CEO, leading boardroom meetings and barking out orders like a pro. Just don't forget to pack their briefcase and power tie!
1 year ago
