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2 years ago
Furry chonker that needs a hug
His only accommodation being a bear cage this diabetes tempting furry friend requires a hug! here are some reasons why the fat racoon needs cuddling from you NOW :
"The Fluffy Friendship Fiasco": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like cuddling a living, breathing teddy bear. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds, but that just means there's more raccoon to love—and who could resist snuggling up to all that fuzzy goodness?
"The Chunky Cheek Charade": Have you ever seen a raccoon with chubby cheeks? It's like the marshmallow version of a woodland critter. Hugging one is like squeezing a plush pillow, except this pillow has adorable little hands and a mischievous glint in its eye.
"The Round Rascal Rendezvous": Fat raccoons are like the fluffy marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms—irresistibly squishy and oh-so-huggable. Plus, who doesn't love a little extra cushion for the raccoon pushin'?
"The Rubenesque Raccoon Romance": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like embracing the spirit of self-love. It's a celebration of curves and cuddles, a testament to the beauty of embracing your natural raccoon-esque physique.
"The Plump Pal Parade": Fat raccoons are the life of the party, waddling around with their chubby bellies and infectious enthusiasm. Hugging one is like joining a fluffy parade of adorableness, complete with squishy hugs and playful nibbles. Who could resist joining the fun?
"The Fluffy Friendship Fiasco": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like cuddling a living, breathing teddy bear. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds, but that just means there's more raccoon to love—and who could resist snuggling up to all that fuzzy goodness?
"The Chunky Cheek Charade": Have you ever seen a raccoon with chubby cheeks? It's like the marshmallow version of a woodland critter. Hugging one is like squeezing a plush pillow, except this pillow has adorable little hands and a mischievous glint in its eye.
"The Round Rascal Rendezvous": Fat raccoons are like the fluffy marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms—irresistibly squishy and oh-so-huggable. Plus, who doesn't love a little extra cushion for the raccoon pushin'?
"The Rubenesque Raccoon Romance": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like embracing the spirit of self-love. It's a celebration of curves and cuddles, a testament to the beauty of embracing your natural raccoon-esque physique.
"The Plump Pal Parade": Fat raccoons are the life of the party, waddling around with their chubby bellies and infectious enthusiasm. Hugging one is like joining a fluffy parade of adorableness, complete with squishy hugs and playful nibbles. Who could resist joining the fun?
2 years ago
Don't mess with bears
Better eat your words before a bear eats you, speaking of which here are 5 ways an insulted scorned bear could catch and eat you!
It invites you to a "friendly" game of tag: You think you're safe as you dart through the trees, until you realize the bear's version of tag involves a lot more teeth and claws.
It challenges you to a dance-off: You accept the challenge, thinking you've got some slick moves. Little do you know, the bear's idea of dancing involves a quick tango followed by a snack—guess who's the appetizer?
It offers to give you a piggyback ride: You hop on its back, feeling triumphant... until you realize the destination is its den, and you're the main course.
It suggests a game of hide-and-seek: You find what you think is the perfect hiding spot behind a bush, only to realize too late that it's the bear's favorite nap spot.
It asks for a selfie together: You eagerly pull out your phone, ready to capture the moment. Just as you strike a pose, the bear's jaws close around you, making for a truly unforgettable photo op (for the bear, at least).
It invites you to a "friendly" game of tag: You think you're safe as you dart through the trees, until you realize the bear's version of tag involves a lot more teeth and claws.
It challenges you to a dance-off: You accept the challenge, thinking you've got some slick moves. Little do you know, the bear's idea of dancing involves a quick tango followed by a snack—guess who's the appetizer?
It offers to give you a piggyback ride: You hop on its back, feeling triumphant... until you realize the destination is its den, and you're the main course.
It suggests a game of hide-and-seek: You find what you think is the perfect hiding spot behind a bush, only to realize too late that it's the bear's favorite nap spot.
It asks for a selfie together: You eagerly pull out your phone, ready to capture the moment. Just as you strike a pose, the bear's jaws close around you, making for a truly unforgettable photo op (for the bear, at least).
2 years ago
A CATastrophy
Cleaning the floor with the gun? YES why not? WHY NOT?? this is why:
"You accidentally shoot the TV remote while trying to use the gun's nozzle as a makeshift vacuum cleaner attachment. Now you've got a 'shoot to change channels' situation on your hands."
"Thinking the gun's barrel is a perfect fit, you accidentally use it to stir your coffee, only to discover that bullet casings don't exactly enhance the flavor profile."
"In a moment of absentmindedness, you mistake the gun's trigger for a spray bottle nozzle and end up redecorating the living room with an unintended burst of air freshener."
"While attempting to use the gun's scope for a closer look at the dust on the ceiling fan blades, you inadvertently create a new constellation pattern in the plaster."
"Attempting to use the gun's cleaning rod as a makeshift selfie stick, you accidentally trigger the self-timer function and capture the world's most dramatic 'accidental selfie' moment."
"You accidentally shoot the TV remote while trying to use the gun's nozzle as a makeshift vacuum cleaner attachment. Now you've got a 'shoot to change channels' situation on your hands."
"Thinking the gun's barrel is a perfect fit, you accidentally use it to stir your coffee, only to discover that bullet casings don't exactly enhance the flavor profile."
"In a moment of absentmindedness, you mistake the gun's trigger for a spray bottle nozzle and end up redecorating the living room with an unintended burst of air freshener."
"While attempting to use the gun's scope for a closer look at the dust on the ceiling fan blades, you inadvertently create a new constellation pattern in the plaster."
"Attempting to use the gun's cleaning rod as a makeshift selfie stick, you accidentally trigger the self-timer function and capture the world's most dramatic 'accidental selfie' moment."
2 years ago
Trust garlic cat
Make sure vampires don't get you. As not a cat myself I can't spin a tall tale about why you should accept this kitty's gift of garlic... what am i saying of course I can that's this site's whole gimmick! Here it is 5 reasons why you SHOULD take the garlic:
"The Ultimate Vampire Repellent": Need protection from blood-sucking vampires? Forget about garlic cloves—take the garlic offered by a cat instead. With their impeccable sense of smell and supernatural instincts, they're the ultimate vampire repellent in furry disguise.
"Cat-Approved Breath Freshener": Tired of spending a fortune on minty mouthwash? Take the garlic offered by a cat and say goodbye to bad breath forever. With their seal of approval, you'll be breathing easy in no time—just watch out for the lingering aroma of catnip.
"Instant Feline Friendship": Want to win over the affections of a finicky feline? Accept the garlic offered by a cat and watch as they become your new best friend. With their generous gift in paw, you'll be bonding over garlic-flavored treats in no time.
"A Gourmet Meal Fit for a Cat": Who needs expensive gourmet cat food when you can dine on freshly picked garlic? Accept the culinary offering from your feline friend and savor the flavor of their generous gesture. Just be sure to leave some for the vampires.
"The Cat's Secret Weapon": Ever wonder how cats maintain their air of mystery and intrigue? It's all thanks to their secret weapon—garlic. Accept the garlic offered by a cat and unlock the mysteries of the feline universe, one aromatic clove at a time.
"The Ultimate Vampire Repellent": Need protection from blood-sucking vampires? Forget about garlic cloves—take the garlic offered by a cat instead. With their impeccable sense of smell and supernatural instincts, they're the ultimate vampire repellent in furry disguise.
"Cat-Approved Breath Freshener": Tired of spending a fortune on minty mouthwash? Take the garlic offered by a cat and say goodbye to bad breath forever. With their seal of approval, you'll be breathing easy in no time—just watch out for the lingering aroma of catnip.
"Instant Feline Friendship": Want to win over the affections of a finicky feline? Accept the garlic offered by a cat and watch as they become your new best friend. With their generous gift in paw, you'll be bonding over garlic-flavored treats in no time.
"A Gourmet Meal Fit for a Cat": Who needs expensive gourmet cat food when you can dine on freshly picked garlic? Accept the culinary offering from your feline friend and savor the flavor of their generous gesture. Just be sure to leave some for the vampires.
"The Cat's Secret Weapon": Ever wonder how cats maintain their air of mystery and intrigue? It's all thanks to their secret weapon—garlic. Accept the garlic offered by a cat and unlock the mysteries of the feline universe, one aromatic clove at a time.
2 years ago
Bust out the heavy duty chairs
It's punching up, she's rich and famous relax. Here are a few reasons we totally didn't make up that clearly state we're allowed to make fun of rich people as long as we want:
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
1 year ago
2 years ago
Wholesome flirting
What a cute relationship. Forever alone people don't continue reading, here's 5 reasons why kissing your girlfriend is cute:
The Lip Lock: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like playing a game of 'Where's Waldo?'—except instead of finding a bespectacled wanderer in a striped shirt, you're searching for the perfect pucker in a sea of lips. It's like a romantic scavenger hunt, but with fewer clues and more smooches!"
The Slobber Snuggle: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like sharing a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day—sure, it's messy and sticky, but it's also a sweet reminder that life's too short to worry about getting a little slobber on your chin. Embrace the messiness and dive mouth-first into the deliciousness of love!"
The PDA Parade: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like starring in your own personal rom-com—except instead of a Hollywood set, you're making out in line at the grocery store or stealing smooches at a stoplight. Who needs a blockbuster movie when you've got real-life romance happening right before your eyes?"
The Lipstick Locomotion: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like riding a roller coaster—there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and the occasional loop-de-loop. Sure, you might get a little queasy from all the lip-locking, but isn't that half the fun of the ride?"
The Lovey-Dovey Lip Service: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like pressing the 'reset' button on a bad day—no matter how stressed or cranky you might feel, one smooch from your sweetheart is all it takes to turn that frown upside down. Who needs therapy when you've got the healing power of lip-locking love?"
The Lip Lock: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like playing a game of 'Where's Waldo?'—except instead of finding a bespectacled wanderer in a striped shirt, you're searching for the perfect pucker in a sea of lips. It's like a romantic scavenger hunt, but with fewer clues and more smooches!"
The Slobber Snuggle: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like sharing a melting ice cream cone on a hot summer day—sure, it's messy and sticky, but it's also a sweet reminder that life's too short to worry about getting a little slobber on your chin. Embrace the messiness and dive mouth-first into the deliciousness of love!"
The PDA Parade: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like starring in your own personal rom-com—except instead of a Hollywood set, you're making out in line at the grocery store or stealing smooches at a stoplight. Who needs a blockbuster movie when you've got real-life romance happening right before your eyes?"
The Lipstick Locomotion: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like riding a roller coaster—there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and the occasional loop-de-loop. Sure, you might get a little queasy from all the lip-locking, but isn't that half the fun of the ride?"
The Lovey-Dovey Lip Service: "Because kissing your girlfriend is like pressing the 'reset' button on a bad day—no matter how stressed or cranky you might feel, one smooch from your sweetheart is all it takes to turn that frown upside down. Who needs therapy when you've got the healing power of lip-locking love?"
