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6 months ago
The worst things to hear
With the bedside manner of a fart
9 months ago
Not the best date night
This must be an old meme imagine only spending 42$ to eat out unsucked dick or not.
Here are five whimsical reasons why a date might not go as planned despite spending $42 at Red Lobster:
"The Crabby Customer Catastrophe": Your date turns out to be allergic to shellfish, and the mere sight of a lobster tail sends them into a sneezing fit. Suddenly, your romantic seafood dinner feels more like an episode of "Allergy Attack at Red Lobster."
"The Lobster Love Triangle": Just as you're about to enjoy your meal, your date spots their ex across the restaurant—holding hands with a giant lobster mascot. Suddenly, your dinner plans take a crustaceous turn as you find yourself caught in a love triangle of shell-shocking proportions.
"The Biscuit Bandit Incident": You reach for the last cheddar bay biscuit, only to have your date snatch it away with lightning speed. As you watch in disbelief, they devour the biscuit in one bite, leaving you biscuit-less and bewildered. Who knew a biscuit could come between true love?
"The Seafood Sensation Showdown": Your date insists on ordering the most expensive item on the menu—a seafood platter fit for Poseidon himself. But when it arrives, they discover they have an aversion to anything that swims, sending your romantic evening into a tailspin of seafood-induced shenanigans.
"The Red Lobster Curse": Legend has it that anyone who spends exactly $42 at Red Lobster is doomed to have their date fail and their dick remain unsucked at the end of the night. As you glance at the bill and realize you've hit the cursed number on the dot, you can't help but wonder if there's some truth to the old tale.
Here are five whimsical reasons why a date might not go as planned despite spending $42 at Red Lobster:
"The Crabby Customer Catastrophe": Your date turns out to be allergic to shellfish, and the mere sight of a lobster tail sends them into a sneezing fit. Suddenly, your romantic seafood dinner feels more like an episode of "Allergy Attack at Red Lobster."
"The Lobster Love Triangle": Just as you're about to enjoy your meal, your date spots their ex across the restaurant—holding hands with a giant lobster mascot. Suddenly, your dinner plans take a crustaceous turn as you find yourself caught in a love triangle of shell-shocking proportions.
"The Biscuit Bandit Incident": You reach for the last cheddar bay biscuit, only to have your date snatch it away with lightning speed. As you watch in disbelief, they devour the biscuit in one bite, leaving you biscuit-less and bewildered. Who knew a biscuit could come between true love?
"The Seafood Sensation Showdown": Your date insists on ordering the most expensive item on the menu—a seafood platter fit for Poseidon himself. But when it arrives, they discover they have an aversion to anything that swims, sending your romantic evening into a tailspin of seafood-induced shenanigans.
"The Red Lobster Curse": Legend has it that anyone who spends exactly $42 at Red Lobster is doomed to have their date fail and their dick remain unsucked at the end of the night. As you glance at the bill and realize you've hit the cursed number on the dot, you can't help but wonder if there's some truth to the old tale.
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9 months ago
Software Update FAIL!
Updates are really getting ridiculous, here's some other smart kitchen appliance updates tailor made to annoy you:
"Toaster Tango Troubles 2.0: Just when you thought your toaster couldn't get any more obnoxious, along comes the latest software update. Now, in addition to burning your bread, your toaster insists on performing its cringe-worthy rendition of 'Hot Cross Buns' every time you use it. Because nothing says breakfast like a side of ear-piercing toaster tunes.
"Blender Ballet Blunders: Who needs a blender that actually blends when you can have one that moonlights as a wannabe ballerina? Thanks to the latest software update, your once-efficient smoothie maker is now too busy practicing pirouettes to actually do its job. Say goodbye to silky smoothies and hello to blender ballet blunders.
"Microwave Mayhem Madness: Ready for your microwave to become even more irritating? Neither are we. With the latest software update, your trusty microwave gains a sassy new personality and a penchant for meddling in your meal choices. Get ready for unsolicited cooking advice and passive-aggressive comments about your leftovers.
"Coffee Maker Comedy Catastrophe: Need a caffeine fix without the laughs? Too bad! The latest software update turns your coffee maker into a wannabe comedian, bombarding you with cringe-worthy jokes and poorly-timed punchlines every time you brew a pot. Because nothing ruins your morning like a side of forced laughter with your coffee.
"Refrigerator Rumba Regret: Sick of your fridge's antics? Us too. With the latest software update, your once-humble refrigerator transforms into a full-blown dance party disaster. Say goodbye to chilled groceries and hello to midnight dance-offs with your appliance. Because who needs fresh food when you can have a fridge that knows all the wrong moves?
"Toaster Tango Troubles 2.0: Just when you thought your toaster couldn't get any more obnoxious, along comes the latest software update. Now, in addition to burning your bread, your toaster insists on performing its cringe-worthy rendition of 'Hot Cross Buns' every time you use it. Because nothing says breakfast like a side of ear-piercing toaster tunes.
"Blender Ballet Blunders: Who needs a blender that actually blends when you can have one that moonlights as a wannabe ballerina? Thanks to the latest software update, your once-efficient smoothie maker is now too busy practicing pirouettes to actually do its job. Say goodbye to silky smoothies and hello to blender ballet blunders.
"Microwave Mayhem Madness: Ready for your microwave to become even more irritating? Neither are we. With the latest software update, your trusty microwave gains a sassy new personality and a penchant for meddling in your meal choices. Get ready for unsolicited cooking advice and passive-aggressive comments about your leftovers.
"Coffee Maker Comedy Catastrophe: Need a caffeine fix without the laughs? Too bad! The latest software update turns your coffee maker into a wannabe comedian, bombarding you with cringe-worthy jokes and poorly-timed punchlines every time you brew a pot. Because nothing ruins your morning like a side of forced laughter with your coffee.
"Refrigerator Rumba Regret: Sick of your fridge's antics? Us too. With the latest software update, your once-humble refrigerator transforms into a full-blown dance party disaster. Say goodbye to chilled groceries and hello to midnight dance-offs with your appliance. Because who needs fresh food when you can have a fridge that knows all the wrong moves?
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9 months ago
Girls stop doing this
More filters then all the worlds water supply uses
These trustworthy health warnings might stop them
"Warning: Wrinkle-Rific Filter Ahead"
"Using this filter might age you like fine wine, complete with wrinkles and a distinguished aura. Side effects include sudden urges to dispense wisdom and an increased appreciation for rocking chairs."
"Caution: Crow's Feet Creator"
"Applying this filter excessively could result in crow's feet around the eyes, giving you a prematurely wise appearance. Side effects may include nostalgic yearnings for the good ol' days."
"Notice: Grayscale Glamour"
"This filter drains color from your face, giving you a vintage vibe. Side effects may include sudden cravings for classic movies and a desire to dispense sage advice."
"Alert: Prematurely Gray Guarantee"
"Long-term use of this filter might give you a head of distinguished gray hair. Side effects may include being mistaken for a seasoned sage and unsolicited requests for life advice."
"Attention: Retro Aging Risk"
"Using this filter might transport you back in time, aging you instantly. Side effects may include nostalgia for bygone eras and an affinity for vintage fashion."
These trustworthy health warnings might stop them
"Warning: Wrinkle-Rific Filter Ahead"
"Using this filter might age you like fine wine, complete with wrinkles and a distinguished aura. Side effects include sudden urges to dispense wisdom and an increased appreciation for rocking chairs."
"Caution: Crow's Feet Creator"
"Applying this filter excessively could result in crow's feet around the eyes, giving you a prematurely wise appearance. Side effects may include nostalgic yearnings for the good ol' days."
"Notice: Grayscale Glamour"
"This filter drains color from your face, giving you a vintage vibe. Side effects may include sudden cravings for classic movies and a desire to dispense sage advice."
"Alert: Prematurely Gray Guarantee"
"Long-term use of this filter might give you a head of distinguished gray hair. Side effects may include being mistaken for a seasoned sage and unsolicited requests for life advice."
"Attention: Retro Aging Risk"
"Using this filter might transport you back in time, aging you instantly. Side effects may include nostalgia for bygone eras and an affinity for vintage fashion."
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9 months ago
Top tier banter
She won...hands down she won
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:
The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.
The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.
The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.
The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.
The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
Here are five humorous ways to embarrass your brother in public:
The "Singing Sibling Serenade" Strategy:
Belt out his favorite childhood songs at the top of your lungs whenever you're out together, complete with exaggerated dance moves and dramatic gestures. Bonus points for choosing embarrassing tunes like "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" or the Barney theme song.
The "Fashion Police Prank" Ploy:
Show up to his workplace or a social event wearing matching outfits, whether it's matching Hawaiian shirts, neon spandex, or superhero costumes. Then proceed to loudly proclaim your status as the ultimate sibling fashion icons.
The "Sibling Secrets Spill" Shenanigan:
Casually drop embarrassing childhood stories or inside jokes into conversation with his friends or coworkers, making sure to embellish the details for maximum cringe factor. Nothing says "bonding moment" like reminiscing about that time he got stuck in the doggy door.
The "Public PDA Parade" Plan:
Shower him with overly affectionate hugs, kisses, and declarations of love whenever you're in public together, much to his dismay. Bonus points for using embarrassing pet names like "Snugglebug" or "Cuddlebuns" within earshot of his crush.
The "Talent Show Tease" Tactic:
Sign him up for an open mic night or talent show without his knowledge and prepare a hilariously terrible performance in his name, whether it's an off-key rendition of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or an interpretive dance to the Macarena. Sit back and watch as he squirms in embarrassment from the audience.
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