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4 months ago
Furry chonker that needs a hug
His only accommodation being a bear cage this diabetes tempting furry friend requires a hug! here are some reasons why the fat racoon needs cuddling from you NOW :
"The Fluffy Friendship Fiasco": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like cuddling a living, breathing teddy bear. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds, but that just means there's more raccoon to love—and who could resist snuggling up to all that fuzzy goodness?
"The Chunky Cheek Charade": Have you ever seen a raccoon with chubby cheeks? It's like the marshmallow version of a woodland critter. Hugging one is like squeezing a plush pillow, except this pillow has adorable little hands and a mischievous glint in its eye.
"The Round Rascal Rendezvous": Fat raccoons are like the fluffy marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms—irresistibly squishy and oh-so-huggable. Plus, who doesn't love a little extra cushion for the raccoon pushin'?
"The Rubenesque Raccoon Romance": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like embracing the spirit of self-love. It's a celebration of curves and cuddles, a testament to the beauty of embracing your natural raccoon-esque physique.
"The Plump Pal Parade": Fat raccoons are the life of the party, waddling around with their chubby bellies and infectious enthusiasm. Hugging one is like joining a fluffy parade of adorableness, complete with squishy hugs and playful nibbles. Who could resist joining the fun?
"The Fluffy Friendship Fiasco": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like cuddling a living, breathing teddy bear. Sure, they might have a few extra pounds, but that just means there's more raccoon to love—and who could resist snuggling up to all that fuzzy goodness?
"The Chunky Cheek Charade": Have you ever seen a raccoon with chubby cheeks? It's like the marshmallow version of a woodland critter. Hugging one is like squeezing a plush pillow, except this pillow has adorable little hands and a mischievous glint in its eye.
"The Round Rascal Rendezvous": Fat raccoons are like the fluffy marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms—irresistibly squishy and oh-so-huggable. Plus, who doesn't love a little extra cushion for the raccoon pushin'?
"The Rubenesque Raccoon Romance": Hugging a fat, overweight raccoon is like embracing the spirit of self-love. It's a celebration of curves and cuddles, a testament to the beauty of embracing your natural raccoon-esque physique.
"The Plump Pal Parade": Fat raccoons are the life of the party, waddling around with their chubby bellies and infectious enthusiasm. Hugging one is like joining a fluffy parade of adorableness, complete with squishy hugs and playful nibbles. Who could resist joining the fun?
1 month ago
3 months ago
What's wrong with some people
Never try this it might work but the people you get are trash. But why would it work? We invented a few reasons why:
The Fakeout Fling: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like having a built-in 'Sorry, I'm taken' sign for those persistent suitors—because nothing says 'back off' like a shiny ring that screams 'I'm married to my job, and my job is avoiding awkward conversations.'"
The Commitment Comedy: "Wearing a fake wedding band is the perfect excuse for avoiding those awkward 'Where do you see this going?' conversations—because who needs commitment when you've already committed to pretending to be committed?"
The Ring Ruse: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like carrying around a secret weapon in the battle against unwanted attention—because when all else fails, you can always resort to the classic 'I'm married... to my Netflix account.'"
The Marriage Mirage: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like playing dress-up in someone else's happily ever after—because who needs reality when you've got a shiny piece of metal that says 'I'm taken' louder than any actual relationship ever could?"
The Band Aid: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like slapping a Band-Aid on a social awkwardness wound—because sometimes, it's easier to pretend you're happily married to an imaginary spouse than it is to explain why you're still single at family gatherings."
The Fakeout Fling: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like having a built-in 'Sorry, I'm taken' sign for those persistent suitors—because nothing says 'back off' like a shiny ring that screams 'I'm married to my job, and my job is avoiding awkward conversations.'"
The Commitment Comedy: "Wearing a fake wedding band is the perfect excuse for avoiding those awkward 'Where do you see this going?' conversations—because who needs commitment when you've already committed to pretending to be committed?"
The Ring Ruse: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like carrying around a secret weapon in the battle against unwanted attention—because when all else fails, you can always resort to the classic 'I'm married... to my Netflix account.'"
The Marriage Mirage: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like playing dress-up in someone else's happily ever after—because who needs reality when you've got a shiny piece of metal that says 'I'm taken' louder than any actual relationship ever could?"
The Band Aid: "Wearing a fake wedding band is like slapping a Band-Aid on a social awkwardness wound—because sometimes, it's easier to pretend you're happily married to an imaginary spouse than it is to explain why you're still single at family gatherings."
4 months ago
A point we should remember
Not an excuse to be a dick though , but these are:
"I'm Just Keeping It Real: Because who needs filters or manners when you can hit 'em with the unfiltered truth? Sure, it stings a bit, but hey, honesty is the best policy...right?
"It's Not My Fault, It's Mercury Retrograde: Blame it on the cosmic alignment! When the planets are in disarray, so are my social graces. Sorry, not sorry—it's written in the stars!
"I'm a Trailblazer, Not a People-Pleaser: Some call it being assertive; others call it being downright rude. But hey, if I don't pave the way for honesty, who will?
"I'm Just a Sufferer of Chronic Resting B*tch Face: It's not intentional, I swear! My facial muscles just naturally default to 'unimpressed.' Don't take it personally...unless you want to.
"I'm Not Mean, I'm Just Misunderstood: Deep down, I'm like an onion—layers upon layers of complexity. Sure, the outer layer might make you cry, but it's all part of the journey to my inner sweetness."
"I'm Just Keeping It Real: Because who needs filters or manners when you can hit 'em with the unfiltered truth? Sure, it stings a bit, but hey, honesty is the best policy...right?
"It's Not My Fault, It's Mercury Retrograde: Blame it on the cosmic alignment! When the planets are in disarray, so are my social graces. Sorry, not sorry—it's written in the stars!
"I'm a Trailblazer, Not a People-Pleaser: Some call it being assertive; others call it being downright rude. But hey, if I don't pave the way for honesty, who will?
"I'm Just a Sufferer of Chronic Resting B*tch Face: It's not intentional, I swear! My facial muscles just naturally default to 'unimpressed.' Don't take it personally...unless you want to.
"I'm Not Mean, I'm Just Misunderstood: Deep down, I'm like an onion—layers upon layers of complexity. Sure, the outer layer might make you cry, but it's all part of the journey to my inner sweetness."
1 month ago
3 months ago
Is it cold outside?
You could also call 911 and ask. Why bother though since your neighbor does actually look like the weather channel! Here's some reasons why the two are indistinguishable:
"The Human Barometer Bonanza": "Have you noticed how your neighbor always seems to predict the weather better than the actual meteorologists? It's like having your own personal weather channel right next door—complete with a 100% chance of dad jokes and a high-pressure system of awkward small talk."
"The Forecast Fashion Fiasco": "With a wardrobe straight out of a '70s weatherman's playbook, your neighbor could give Al Roker a run for his money. From polyester pantsuits to oversized ties that scream 'tornado warning chic,' they're single-handedly bringing retro back with every step."
"The Doppler Drama Diva": "Your neighbor's ability to predict the weather is uncanny—almost as uncanny as their knack for turning every backyard BBQ into a full-blown meteorological crisis. It's like living next to a walking, talking Doppler radar, complete with a side of 'Is that a cumulonimbus cloud or just Uncle Bob's bad cooking?'"
"The Atmospheric Anecdote Affair": "Who needs the Weather Channel when you've got your neighbor's endless supply of weather-related anecdotes? From the Great Blizzard of '93 to the time they got caught in a drizzle without an umbrella, they've got a story for every storm—and they're not afraid to share it."
"The Stormy Sidekick Saga": "Your neighbor may not be a certified meteorologist, but they've definitely got the look down pat. With their windblown hair, perpetually squinting eyes, and a wardrobe straight out of a disaster movie, they're like the unofficial mascot of your neighborhood weather watch. Just don't ask them to do the actual forecast—unless you want a 50% chance of wild speculation and a 100% chance of hilarity."
"The Human Barometer Bonanza": "Have you noticed how your neighbor always seems to predict the weather better than the actual meteorologists? It's like having your own personal weather channel right next door—complete with a 100% chance of dad jokes and a high-pressure system of awkward small talk."
"The Forecast Fashion Fiasco": "With a wardrobe straight out of a '70s weatherman's playbook, your neighbor could give Al Roker a run for his money. From polyester pantsuits to oversized ties that scream 'tornado warning chic,' they're single-handedly bringing retro back with every step."
"The Doppler Drama Diva": "Your neighbor's ability to predict the weather is uncanny—almost as uncanny as their knack for turning every backyard BBQ into a full-blown meteorological crisis. It's like living next to a walking, talking Doppler radar, complete with a side of 'Is that a cumulonimbus cloud or just Uncle Bob's bad cooking?'"
"The Atmospheric Anecdote Affair": "Who needs the Weather Channel when you've got your neighbor's endless supply of weather-related anecdotes? From the Great Blizzard of '93 to the time they got caught in a drizzle without an umbrella, they've got a story for every storm—and they're not afraid to share it."
"The Stormy Sidekick Saga": "Your neighbor may not be a certified meteorologist, but they've definitely got the look down pat. With their windblown hair, perpetually squinting eyes, and a wardrobe straight out of a disaster movie, they're like the unofficial mascot of your neighborhood weather watch. Just don't ask them to do the actual forecast—unless you want a 50% chance of wild speculation and a 100% chance of hilarity."
1 month ago
