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2 years ago
2 years ago
The opposite of wholesome
This just bummed me out a bit
Here are five cringeworthy social media statuses about breakups:
"Just changed my relationship status to 'single'... because apparently, 'in a relationship with Netflix' isn't a valid option. #NetflixAndNoChill"
"It's official: I'm now accepting applications for a rebound relationship. Must love dogs and tolerate my questionable taste in romantic comedies. Apply within!"
"Breaking up is like unfollowing someone in real life. Consider this your notification that I'm unfriending you from my heart. #UnfriendZone"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm now single and ready to mingle with anyone who doesn't snore louder than a chainsaw. #NoSnoreMoreAmour"
"Just realized my ex's favorite emoji was the trash can. Well, joke's on them – I've upgraded to the recycling bin. ♻️ #DumpedAndGreen"
Here are five cringeworthy social media statuses about breakups:
"Just changed my relationship status to 'single'... because apparently, 'in a relationship with Netflix' isn't a valid option. #NetflixAndNoChill"
"It's official: I'm now accepting applications for a rebound relationship. Must love dogs and tolerate my questionable taste in romantic comedies. Apply within!"
"Breaking up is like unfollowing someone in real life. Consider this your notification that I'm unfriending you from my heart. #UnfriendZone"
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm now single and ready to mingle with anyone who doesn't snore louder than a chainsaw. #NoSnoreMoreAmour"
"Just realized my ex's favorite emoji was the trash can. Well, joke's on them – I've upgraded to the recycling bin. ♻️ #DumpedAndGreen"
2 years ago
2 years ago
Bitting my ass is a capital offence
Cuddling is nice though, but my ass getting bitten by a kitten is not
Here are 5 reasons why one might not appreciate their ass having teeth marks:
"Purr-sonal Space Invasion": Your cat's idea of personal space is about as broad as a catwalk, and unfortunately, your posterior seems to be the runway du jour. Who knew fluffy could be so cheeky?
"Fuzzy Ferociousness": Ever been ambushed by a cuddly ninja? That's what it feels like when your cat decides to take a nibble out of your derrière. Watch out for those stealthy sneak attacks—they're fur real!
"Tail-tastic Troubles": You've heard of tailgating, but tail-biting? Not exactly the kind of tail-wagging fun you had in mind. Your cat's curiosity may be piqued, but your pain receptors sure aren't pleased!
"Claws for Concern": Forget cat scratch fever—how about cat bite blues? With teeth sharper than a lawyer's wit, your feline friend isn't exactly known for its gentle dental hygiene reminders. Time to invest in some kitty toothpaste, perhaps?
"Meow-chy Territory": Your posterior may be plush, but it's definitely not a scratching post! Unfortunately, your cat missed the memo and decided to take a nibble instead. Looks like it's time for a crash course in cat-to-human communication—starting with "ouch"!
Here are 5 reasons why one might not appreciate their ass having teeth marks:
"Purr-sonal Space Invasion": Your cat's idea of personal space is about as broad as a catwalk, and unfortunately, your posterior seems to be the runway du jour. Who knew fluffy could be so cheeky?
"Fuzzy Ferociousness": Ever been ambushed by a cuddly ninja? That's what it feels like when your cat decides to take a nibble out of your derrière. Watch out for those stealthy sneak attacks—they're fur real!
"Tail-tastic Troubles": You've heard of tailgating, but tail-biting? Not exactly the kind of tail-wagging fun you had in mind. Your cat's curiosity may be piqued, but your pain receptors sure aren't pleased!
"Claws for Concern": Forget cat scratch fever—how about cat bite blues? With teeth sharper than a lawyer's wit, your feline friend isn't exactly known for its gentle dental hygiene reminders. Time to invest in some kitty toothpaste, perhaps?
"Meow-chy Territory": Your posterior may be plush, but it's definitely not a scratching post! Unfortunately, your cat missed the memo and decided to take a nibble instead. Looks like it's time for a crash course in cat-to-human communication—starting with "ouch"!
2 years ago
Pets are a part of the famly
The dog is going to be an uncle. And a great one at that, possibly the best! Here are some reasons why a dog would be the ultimate uncle:
"Expert Toy Tester": Dogs excel at testing the durability of toys, making them the perfect uncles for rambunctious nieces and nephews. With their unmatched enthusiasm for destruction, they'll ensure that only the toughest toys survive the playtime gauntlet.
"Master of Nap Time Negotiations": Need a break from babysitting duty? Leave it to your canine uncle to handle nap time negotiations with finesse. With a few well-timed yawns and a cozy spot on the couch, they'll have your little ones snoozing in no time—leaving you free to catch up on your own beauty sleep.
"Chief Snack Supervisor": When it comes to snack time, your dog uncle takes his role as chief snack supervisor very seriously. With a keen nose for treats and a talent for begging, he'll ensure that your little ones never go hungry—whether it's sharing his own stash of biscuits or liberating snacks from unsuspecting hands.
"The Ultimate Hide-and-Seek Partner": Dogs are experts at hide-and-seek, making them the ultimate partners in crime for your little adventurers. With their keen sense of smell and boundless energy, they'll turn every game of hide-and-seek into an epic adventure—whether they're hiding in plain sight or leading the search party.
"Masters of the Paw-some Pupdate": Your dog uncle is always up to date on the latest gossip in the neighborhood—whether it's the latest squirrel sightings or the juiciest gossip from the local dog park. With their keen sense of curiosity and unmatched ability to sniff out secrets, they'll keep your little ones entertained for hours with their paw-some pupdates.
"Expert Toy Tester": Dogs excel at testing the durability of toys, making them the perfect uncles for rambunctious nieces and nephews. With their unmatched enthusiasm for destruction, they'll ensure that only the toughest toys survive the playtime gauntlet.
"Master of Nap Time Negotiations": Need a break from babysitting duty? Leave it to your canine uncle to handle nap time negotiations with finesse. With a few well-timed yawns and a cozy spot on the couch, they'll have your little ones snoozing in no time—leaving you free to catch up on your own beauty sleep.
"Chief Snack Supervisor": When it comes to snack time, your dog uncle takes his role as chief snack supervisor very seriously. With a keen nose for treats and a talent for begging, he'll ensure that your little ones never go hungry—whether it's sharing his own stash of biscuits or liberating snacks from unsuspecting hands.
"The Ultimate Hide-and-Seek Partner": Dogs are experts at hide-and-seek, making them the ultimate partners in crime for your little adventurers. With their keen sense of smell and boundless energy, they'll turn every game of hide-and-seek into an epic adventure—whether they're hiding in plain sight or leading the search party.
"Masters of the Paw-some Pupdate": Your dog uncle is always up to date on the latest gossip in the neighborhood—whether it's the latest squirrel sightings or the juiciest gossip from the local dog park. With their keen sense of curiosity and unmatched ability to sniff out secrets, they'll keep your little ones entertained for hours with their paw-some pupdates.
2 years ago
2 years ago
Revenge for overdraft charges
Only a sicko could punish you for being broke.
I dislike bank business practices as most people who are broke. Here's some reasons why banks suck.
They make money disappear faster than a magician: You deposit your paycheck and suddenly, poof! It's gone, thanks to fees, charges, and mysterious deductions.
They have ATMs that seem to be in a witness protection program: You're in the middle of nowhere, desperately needing cash, and there's not a bank ATM in sight. But hey, at least you found Bigfoot.
They want to make sure you don’t enjoy saving: "Congratulations on saving money! Here's 0.01% interest to reward your frugality. You could buy a stick of gum in a decade!"
Their customer service is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot: You call with a problem, wait on hold for eternity, only to be told you need to visit a branch during banking hours, which are conveniently the exact same hours you work.
They give loans to people who clearly don't need them: Billionaires get preferential treatment while you, a mere mortal, have to jump through hoops for a small loan. It's like a reverse Robin Hood situation.
I dislike bank business practices as most people who are broke. Here's some reasons why banks suck.
They make money disappear faster than a magician: You deposit your paycheck and suddenly, poof! It's gone, thanks to fees, charges, and mysterious deductions.
They have ATMs that seem to be in a witness protection program: You're in the middle of nowhere, desperately needing cash, and there's not a bank ATM in sight. But hey, at least you found Bigfoot.
They want to make sure you don’t enjoy saving: "Congratulations on saving money! Here's 0.01% interest to reward your frugality. You could buy a stick of gum in a decade!"
Their customer service is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot: You call with a problem, wait on hold for eternity, only to be told you need to visit a branch during banking hours, which are conveniently the exact same hours you work.
They give loans to people who clearly don't need them: Billionaires get preferential treatment while you, a mere mortal, have to jump through hoops for a small loan. It's like a reverse Robin Hood situation.
