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2 years ago
Memes are their own rewards
No regrets, we can even make some undesired abstinence maxims out of this! Why not i get paid by the hour and the other thing on my to do list is fixing something called SQL and i lied about knowing that on my CV
"Meme Mastery > Matrimony: Why settle for the fleeting pleasures of physical intimacy when you can achieve eternal glory through the art of meme creation? Remember: a well-timed meme lasts forever, but a fleeting moment of passion fades like yesterday's trending hashtag.
"Dankness Over Desire: In the battle between carnal desires and comedic genius, always choose the path of the meme. After all, a truly dank meme can bring joy to millions, while a momentary dalliance brings nothing but regret and awkward post-coital conversations.
"Sarcastic Satisfaction: Why risk the awkward fumbles and disappointing endings of physical intimacy when you can bask in the sarcastic satisfaction of a perfectly crafted meme? Remember: a clever quip is worth a thousand thrusts.
"Virtual Victory: In the age of social distancing, virtual connections reign supreme. Embrace the digital embrace of meme culture and revel in the satisfaction of likes, shares, and retweets. Who needs physical contact when you have the validation of strangers on the internet?
"Meme Monogamy: Commit to a life of meme monogamy and forsake the fleeting pleasures of the flesh. Remember: while physical intimacy may provide temporary gratification, a well-curated meme collection is forever.
"Meme Mastery > Matrimony: Why settle for the fleeting pleasures of physical intimacy when you can achieve eternal glory through the art of meme creation? Remember: a well-timed meme lasts forever, but a fleeting moment of passion fades like yesterday's trending hashtag.
"Dankness Over Desire: In the battle between carnal desires and comedic genius, always choose the path of the meme. After all, a truly dank meme can bring joy to millions, while a momentary dalliance brings nothing but regret and awkward post-coital conversations.
"Sarcastic Satisfaction: Why risk the awkward fumbles and disappointing endings of physical intimacy when you can bask in the sarcastic satisfaction of a perfectly crafted meme? Remember: a clever quip is worth a thousand thrusts.
"Virtual Victory: In the age of social distancing, virtual connections reign supreme. Embrace the digital embrace of meme culture and revel in the satisfaction of likes, shares, and retweets. Who needs physical contact when you have the validation of strangers on the internet?
"Meme Monogamy: Commit to a life of meme monogamy and forsake the fleeting pleasures of the flesh. Remember: while physical intimacy may provide temporary gratification, a well-curated meme collection is forever.
2 years ago
Man's got a point
Doubt they think the movie theater is anything but scary too. But maybe these parents read a weird parenting book filled with reasons why people just love their weak pullout game enhancing the movie you paid unreasonably much to see! Here are some reasons from that book we might have made up:
"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.
"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.
"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.
"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.
"Instant Emotional Soundtrack": Who needs surround sound when you have a crying baby providing the perfect dramatic soundtrack for every scene? It's like having a built-in emotional rollercoaster, complete with unexpected twists and turns.
"Improvised Comedy Show": When the tension rises on screen, there's nothing like the comedic relief of a wailing infant to lighten the mood. Suddenly, the serious drama becomes a slapstick comedy as everyone tries to stifle their laughter.
"Interactive Audience Participation": Forget silent contemplation—crying babies encourage audience participation like never before. From sympathetic sighs to whispered reassurances, everyone in the theater becomes part of the immersive experience.
"Free Stress Relief": Who needs expensive therapy sessions when you can unleash your frustrations on a crying baby? It's like a group therapy session for the price of a movie ticket—just remember to bring your own earplugs.
"Unexpected Plot Twists": Just when you think you know where the movie is going, a crying baby throws a curveball that keeps you on the edge of your seat. Will they stop crying? Will they escalate to full-blown meltdown? The suspense is unbearable—in the best possible way.
2 years ago
The latest smoking lover fashion
There's a parallel universe where this is happening. But let's tackle the root of this meme! Why do stoners dress like that? Here's 5 reasons why we think they do:
"The Stealthy Style": Stoners dress in baggy clothes and hoodies to blend in with their surroundings—after all, you never know when you might need to camouflage yourself against a particularly leafy backdrop.
"The Snack Storage Solution": Those oversized pockets aren't just for show—they're the perfect place to stash snacks for those inevitable munchies. From bags of chips to boxes of cookies, stoners know that fashion is all about function.
"The Comfort Quest": Stoners prioritize comfort above all else, which is why you'll often find them rocking sweatpants and slippers wherever they go. Who needs high fashion when you can have high comfort levels?
"The Mindful Mix-and-Match": Stoners have a unique approach to fashion that can only be described as "eclectic." From tie-dye t-shirts to mismatched socks, they embrace a mix-and-match mentality that reflects their free-spirited outlook on life.
"The Herbal Accessory": Let's face it—nothing complements a stoner's outfit quite like a well-rolled joint or a fancy glass pipe. With their herb-themed accessories, stoners prove that fashion isn't just about clothes—it's a lifestyle.
"The Stealthy Style": Stoners dress in baggy clothes and hoodies to blend in with their surroundings—after all, you never know when you might need to camouflage yourself against a particularly leafy backdrop.
"The Snack Storage Solution": Those oversized pockets aren't just for show—they're the perfect place to stash snacks for those inevitable munchies. From bags of chips to boxes of cookies, stoners know that fashion is all about function.
"The Comfort Quest": Stoners prioritize comfort above all else, which is why you'll often find them rocking sweatpants and slippers wherever they go. Who needs high fashion when you can have high comfort levels?
"The Mindful Mix-and-Match": Stoners have a unique approach to fashion that can only be described as "eclectic." From tie-dye t-shirts to mismatched socks, they embrace a mix-and-match mentality that reflects their free-spirited outlook on life.
"The Herbal Accessory": Let's face it—nothing complements a stoner's outfit quite like a well-rolled joint or a fancy glass pipe. With their herb-themed accessories, stoners prove that fashion isn't just about clothes—it's a lifestyle.
2 years ago
Turkeys are delicious though
Saying that from my veiled cat persona.
Peta is wrong though we know for a fact that turkeys want to be eaten. Here are a few reasons why we know:
"Because turkeys have been secretly studying human culture and realize that being eaten is the ultimate sign of respect in the Thanksgiving tradition. It's like winning an Oscar, but with gravy."
"Because turkeys are actually culinary connoisseurs who understand that being roasted to perfection is the highest form of culinary flattery. Move over, Gordon Ramsay, Tom Turkey's got some seasoning secrets!"
"Because turkeys have a keen sense of self-sacrifice and believe that by offering themselves up for the feast, they're ensuring a year of bountiful crops and good fortune for their fellow birds. It's like being the sacrificial lamb, but with more cranberry sauce."
"Because turkeys are low-key thrill-seekers who view being chased, captured, and roasted as the ultimate adrenaline rush. Who needs skydiving when you can have a basting brush and a roasting pan?"
"Because turkeys have a deep-seated desire for immortality and believe that by becoming the centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table, they'll forever be remembered in the annals of culinary history. Move over, George Washington, Tom Turkey's the real founding father of Thanksgiving!"
Peta is wrong though we know for a fact that turkeys want to be eaten. Here are a few reasons why we know:
"Because turkeys have been secretly studying human culture and realize that being eaten is the ultimate sign of respect in the Thanksgiving tradition. It's like winning an Oscar, but with gravy."
"Because turkeys are actually culinary connoisseurs who understand that being roasted to perfection is the highest form of culinary flattery. Move over, Gordon Ramsay, Tom Turkey's got some seasoning secrets!"
"Because turkeys have a keen sense of self-sacrifice and believe that by offering themselves up for the feast, they're ensuring a year of bountiful crops and good fortune for their fellow birds. It's like being the sacrificial lamb, but with more cranberry sauce."
"Because turkeys are low-key thrill-seekers who view being chased, captured, and roasted as the ultimate adrenaline rush. Who needs skydiving when you can have a basting brush and a roasting pan?"
"Because turkeys have a deep-seated desire for immortality and believe that by becoming the centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table, they'll forever be remembered in the annals of culinary history. Move over, George Washington, Tom Turkey's the real founding father of Thanksgiving!"
2 years ago
Nailed or failed
Let's not kid ourselves you failed. If you're waiting fot the results of a test you hurried finishing right now we got your back! You FAILED and here's a few reasons why:
"The Quick Quagmire": "Because you sprinted through that test like you were being chased by a stampede of angry squirrels—leaping over questions faster than a hurdle champion on caffeine. Unfortunately, speed doesn't always equate to accuracy, and now you find yourself knee-deep in the quicksand of academic mishaps."
"The Turbocharged Tragedy": "Because you approached that test with all the finesse of a toddler in a toy store on Black Friday—grabbing answers like they were the last slice of pizza at a party. But just like trying to eat pizza with both hands while sprinting, your efforts resulted in a messy disaster."
"The Sonic Boom Bust": "Because you raced through that test with the intensity of Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high—whizzing past questions faster than the speed of sound. Unfortunately, you forgot that Sonic's main talent is collecting golden rings, not A-pluses on exams."
"The Formula One Fumble": "Because you tackled that test like a Formula One driver on the final lap of the Grand Prix—pushing the pedal to the metal and zooming past questions faster than a Ferrari on the Autobahn. But just like in racing, sometimes it's better to slow down and take the corners carefully, or you'll end up crashing into the wall of academic despair."
"The Flash Flood of Failure": "Because you blazed through that test like The Flash on a mission to save the day—zipping past questions faster than a bolt of lightning. But much like a sudden flash flood, your rapid-fire approach left you drowning in a deluge of incorrect answers and dashed hopes of academic glory."
"The Quick Quagmire": "Because you sprinted through that test like you were being chased by a stampede of angry squirrels—leaping over questions faster than a hurdle champion on caffeine. Unfortunately, speed doesn't always equate to accuracy, and now you find yourself knee-deep in the quicksand of academic mishaps."
"The Turbocharged Tragedy": "Because you approached that test with all the finesse of a toddler in a toy store on Black Friday—grabbing answers like they were the last slice of pizza at a party. But just like trying to eat pizza with both hands while sprinting, your efforts resulted in a messy disaster."
"The Sonic Boom Bust": "Because you raced through that test with the intensity of Sonic the Hedgehog on a caffeine high—whizzing past questions faster than the speed of sound. Unfortunately, you forgot that Sonic's main talent is collecting golden rings, not A-pluses on exams."
"The Formula One Fumble": "Because you tackled that test like a Formula One driver on the final lap of the Grand Prix—pushing the pedal to the metal and zooming past questions faster than a Ferrari on the Autobahn. But just like in racing, sometimes it's better to slow down and take the corners carefully, or you'll end up crashing into the wall of academic despair."
"The Flash Flood of Failure": "Because you blazed through that test like The Flash on a mission to save the day—zipping past questions faster than a bolt of lightning. But much like a sudden flash flood, your rapid-fire approach left you drowning in a deluge of incorrect answers and dashed hopes of academic glory."
2 years ago
We have strippers at home
Just as good as the food at home. Or better! The strippers at home might be better though and here's a few reasons as to why:
The Convenience Cabaret: "Because at-home strippers come with the ultimate VIP experience—you're just a few steps away from the fridge for snacks and the bathroom for bathroom breaks. Who needs a crowded club when you've got front-row seats in your living room?"
The Personal Performance: "Because at-home strippers tailor their routine just for you—no more awkward eye contact with strangers or trying to hide your embarrassment when the DJ plays your least favorite song. It's like having your own private concert, minus the screaming fans."
The Budget Burlesque: "Because at-home strippers save you money on cover charges, overpriced drinks, and awkward tipping etiquette. Plus, you can pay them in snacks and compliments instead of dollar bills—now that's what I call a cost-effective cabaret!"
The Intimate Interlude: "Because at-home strippers bring a whole new meaning to the term 'lap dance.' Forget about sharing the spotlight with strangers or worrying about who's watching—now you can enjoy the show in the comfort of your own lap!"
The Familiar Fantasy: "Because at-home strippers understand your unique tastes and preferences—no more awkwardly trying to explain what you like to a stranger in a thong. With at-home strippers, you're the director of your own erotic escapade, starring your favorite leading lady (or ladies)!"
The Convenience Cabaret: "Because at-home strippers come with the ultimate VIP experience—you're just a few steps away from the fridge for snacks and the bathroom for bathroom breaks. Who needs a crowded club when you've got front-row seats in your living room?"
The Personal Performance: "Because at-home strippers tailor their routine just for you—no more awkward eye contact with strangers or trying to hide your embarrassment when the DJ plays your least favorite song. It's like having your own private concert, minus the screaming fans."
The Budget Burlesque: "Because at-home strippers save you money on cover charges, overpriced drinks, and awkward tipping etiquette. Plus, you can pay them in snacks and compliments instead of dollar bills—now that's what I call a cost-effective cabaret!"
The Intimate Interlude: "Because at-home strippers bring a whole new meaning to the term 'lap dance.' Forget about sharing the spotlight with strangers or worrying about who's watching—now you can enjoy the show in the comfort of your own lap!"
The Familiar Fantasy: "Because at-home strippers understand your unique tastes and preferences—no more awkwardly trying to explain what you like to a stranger in a thong. With at-home strippers, you're the director of your own erotic escapade, starring your favorite leading lady (or ladies)!"
2 years ago
Uninvited guest
This bear doesn't look enthused by the door between him and his breakfast
The bear should have tried a lie to get inside the easy way here are some
The "Bearly Hungry" Fib:
"Hey, I'm just a humble bear looking for a place to hibernate for the winter. I promise I won't eat all your food – maybe just a small snack or two. Bears honor!"
The "Fur-tunate Fortune Teller" Fabrication:
"I'm actually a psychic bear, and my crystal ball told me that your home is the perfect spot for me to find my soulmate. Don't worry, I won't disturb your tarot card readings – unless you have honey-flavored cards, of course!"
The "Pawsitively Polite" Porkie:
"Excuse me, kind sir/madam, would you mind terribly if I came in for a spot of tea? I promise I'll wipe my paws before entering and refrain from scratching the furniture. I'm practically house-trained!"
The "Faux Fur" Falsehood:
"Believe it or not, I'm actually just a really convincing bear costume. My human friends dared me to prank someone by pretending to be a real bear, and your home seemed like the perfect target. Don't worry, no bears were harmed in the making of this prank!"
The "Bear-y Secret Admirer" Bluff:
"I've been watching you from afar and couldn't help but admire your impeccable taste in home decor. I just had to come in and see it up close! Plus, I heard you have a killer collection of honey – mind if I take a peek?"
The bear should have tried a lie to get inside the easy way here are some
The "Bearly Hungry" Fib:
"Hey, I'm just a humble bear looking for a place to hibernate for the winter. I promise I won't eat all your food – maybe just a small snack or two. Bears honor!"
The "Fur-tunate Fortune Teller" Fabrication:
"I'm actually a psychic bear, and my crystal ball told me that your home is the perfect spot for me to find my soulmate. Don't worry, I won't disturb your tarot card readings – unless you have honey-flavored cards, of course!"
The "Pawsitively Polite" Porkie:
"Excuse me, kind sir/madam, would you mind terribly if I came in for a spot of tea? I promise I'll wipe my paws before entering and refrain from scratching the furniture. I'm practically house-trained!"
The "Faux Fur" Falsehood:
"Believe it or not, I'm actually just a really convincing bear costume. My human friends dared me to prank someone by pretending to be a real bear, and your home seemed like the perfect target. Don't worry, no bears were harmed in the making of this prank!"
The "Bear-y Secret Admirer" Bluff:
"I've been watching you from afar and couldn't help but admire your impeccable taste in home decor. I just had to come in and see it up close! Plus, I heard you have a killer collection of honey – mind if I take a peek?"
