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1 year ago
Bring the filter with you
Showing up like the temu version of yourself. We're all for body positivity here mainly because we're all ugly as sin but that's besides the point , a lot of filters is false advertising and dating these days is mostly advertising. Here are a few reasons why not to use a lot of filters on dating apps:
"The Filtered Fantasy vs. Reality:" Using too many image filters on dating sites is like presenting a Picasso painting of yourself instead of a photograph. Sure, you might look like a masterpiece online, but when you show up for that first date, your date might wonder where your other ear went.
"The Photoshop Phobia:" Nothing says "run for the hills" like realizing your date looks nothing like their heavily filtered profile picture. It's like ordering a juicy steak and receiving a tofu burger instead—disappointing, to say the least.
"The Filter-Fueled Fiasco:" With so many filters, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. One minute, you're swiping right on a flawless supermodel; the next, you're face-to-face with a human being who looks like they've been digitally airbrushed into oblivion. Talk about a rude awakening.
"The Filtered Faux Pas:" Using excessive image filters on dating sites is a rookie mistake akin to wearing sunglasses indoors—it screams "I have something to hide." Sure, you might think you're enhancing your appearance, but your date will see right through your digital disguise.
"The Filtered Freak-Out:" Imagine the horror of realizing your date looks nothing like their carefully curated profile pictures. It's like being catfished by your own vanity—a sobering reminder that filters can only do so much to improve your dating prospects.
"The Filtered Fantasy vs. Reality:" Using too many image filters on dating sites is like presenting a Picasso painting of yourself instead of a photograph. Sure, you might look like a masterpiece online, but when you show up for that first date, your date might wonder where your other ear went.
"The Photoshop Phobia:" Nothing says "run for the hills" like realizing your date looks nothing like their heavily filtered profile picture. It's like ordering a juicy steak and receiving a tofu burger instead—disappointing, to say the least.
"The Filter-Fueled Fiasco:" With so many filters, it's hard to know what's real and what's not. One minute, you're swiping right on a flawless supermodel; the next, you're face-to-face with a human being who looks like they've been digitally airbrushed into oblivion. Talk about a rude awakening.
"The Filtered Faux Pas:" Using excessive image filters on dating sites is a rookie mistake akin to wearing sunglasses indoors—it screams "I have something to hide." Sure, you might think you're enhancing your appearance, but your date will see right through your digital disguise.
"The Filtered Freak-Out:" Imagine the horror of realizing your date looks nothing like their carefully curated profile pictures. It's like being catfished by your own vanity—a sobering reminder that filters can only do so much to improve your dating prospects.
1 year ago
Bear party
They look like they're having fun!
I'd love to go so I imagined up some reasons why I want to:
"Pawsitively Un-Bear-Lievable Snacks": Where else can you indulge in a buffet of salmon sushi, honey-glazed donuts, and picnic baskets overflowing with goodies? At a bear party, the snacks are as wild and unpredictable as the guests!
"Bearly Legal Dance Moves": From the cha-cha-cha to the electric slide, there's no shortage of hilariously mismatched dance styles on display. Who needs rhythm when you've got the sheer joy of busting a move with your furry friends?
"Growling Good Conversations": Ever wanted to engage in deep philosophical debates with a bear? At a bear party, anything goes! Whether you're discussing the merits of hibernation or the best technique for catching fish, you're guaranteed to have a roaring good time.
"Bear-aoke Battle Royale": Step up to the mic and unleash your inner diva with a round of bear-aoke! From classic hits to campfire sing-alongs, there's no shortage of opportunities to belt out your favorite tunes and earn the admiration of your ursine audience.
"Fur-ocious Fashion Showdown": Who wore it best: the grizzly in the flannel shirt or the polar bear in the Hawaiian shirt and shades? At a bear party, fashion takes a backseat to pure, unadulterated hilarity. Embrace your wild side and let your outfit roar!
I'd love to go so I imagined up some reasons why I want to:
"Pawsitively Un-Bear-Lievable Snacks": Where else can you indulge in a buffet of salmon sushi, honey-glazed donuts, and picnic baskets overflowing with goodies? At a bear party, the snacks are as wild and unpredictable as the guests!
"Bearly Legal Dance Moves": From the cha-cha-cha to the electric slide, there's no shortage of hilariously mismatched dance styles on display. Who needs rhythm when you've got the sheer joy of busting a move with your furry friends?
"Growling Good Conversations": Ever wanted to engage in deep philosophical debates with a bear? At a bear party, anything goes! Whether you're discussing the merits of hibernation or the best technique for catching fish, you're guaranteed to have a roaring good time.
"Bear-aoke Battle Royale": Step up to the mic and unleash your inner diva with a round of bear-aoke! From classic hits to campfire sing-alongs, there's no shortage of opportunities to belt out your favorite tunes and earn the admiration of your ursine audience.
"Fur-ocious Fashion Showdown": Who wore it best: the grizzly in the flannel shirt or the polar bear in the Hawaiian shirt and shades? At a bear party, fashion takes a backseat to pure, unadulterated hilarity. Embrace your wild side and let your outfit roar!
1 year ago
Dogshit a classic present
A tier lower then coal. We thought about this one long and hard! She was probably saying it out of the goodness of her heart! Dog Shit is wonderful! It's the gift that keeps on giving and here is why:
"Because nothing says 'I love you' like a gift that keeps on giving... fertilizer for the soul, straight from Fido's behind!"
"Forget the fancy wrapping paper, nothing says 'holiday cheer' quite like a steaming pile of doggie delight under the tree!"
"Who needs socks or ties when you can give your cousin the gift of a surprise scavenger hunt? It's like Christmas morning, but with a twist!"
"They say it's the thought that counts, so why not give your cousin a thoughtful reminder to watch their step? It's the gift that keeps on giving, long after the holidays are over!"
"In a world of material possessions, give the gift of humility. Nothing humbles you faster than accidentally stepping in a 'present' from man's best friend!"
"Because nothing says 'I love you' like a gift that keeps on giving... fertilizer for the soul, straight from Fido's behind!"
"Forget the fancy wrapping paper, nothing says 'holiday cheer' quite like a steaming pile of doggie delight under the tree!"
"Who needs socks or ties when you can give your cousin the gift of a surprise scavenger hunt? It's like Christmas morning, but with a twist!"
"They say it's the thought that counts, so why not give your cousin a thoughtful reminder to watch their step? It's the gift that keeps on giving, long after the holidays are over!"
"In a world of material possessions, give the gift of humility. Nothing humbles you faster than accidentally stepping in a 'present' from man's best friend!"
1 year ago
Nice legs are they for sale?
Good thing he didn't pull out a chainsaw. Buying someone's legs is a quirky and absurd idea, so here are some humorous takes on how you might go about it:
The Leg Auction: Host a bizarre auction where you bid on individual body parts, with legs being the star attraction. Just make sure to clarify that you're only interested in the legs, not the rest of the package. Bonus points for throwing in a pair of prosthetic legs as a sweetener.
The Leg Swap Meet: Organize a peculiar event where people can trade body parts like Pokémon cards. You show up with a bag full of cash and a sign that says "Legs Wanted: Will Pay Handsomely." Who knows, maybe someone will take you up on the offer in exchange for a lifetime supply of socks.
The Leg Exchange Program: Start a quirky business where people can trade in their old legs for shiny new ones. You set up shop on a busy street corner with a sign that reads "Cash for Legs: Upgrade Yours Today!" It's like a used car dealership, but with fewer miles.
The Leg Lottery: Launch a whimsical lottery where the grand prize is a pair of legs belonging to a random stranger. You sell tickets with the slogan "Win Legs for Life!" and watch as people eagerly line up for their chance to walk away with a new set of gams.
The Leg Barter System: Embrace your inner entrepreneur and start a unique bartering system where legs are the currency of choice. You trade your vintage record collection for someone's legs, and they walk away with a new vinyl player. It's a win-win... unless you're left hopping mad.
The Leg Auction: Host a bizarre auction where you bid on individual body parts, with legs being the star attraction. Just make sure to clarify that you're only interested in the legs, not the rest of the package. Bonus points for throwing in a pair of prosthetic legs as a sweetener.
The Leg Swap Meet: Organize a peculiar event where people can trade body parts like Pokémon cards. You show up with a bag full of cash and a sign that says "Legs Wanted: Will Pay Handsomely." Who knows, maybe someone will take you up on the offer in exchange for a lifetime supply of socks.
The Leg Exchange Program: Start a quirky business where people can trade in their old legs for shiny new ones. You set up shop on a busy street corner with a sign that reads "Cash for Legs: Upgrade Yours Today!" It's like a used car dealership, but with fewer miles.
The Leg Lottery: Launch a whimsical lottery where the grand prize is a pair of legs belonging to a random stranger. You sell tickets with the slogan "Win Legs for Life!" and watch as people eagerly line up for their chance to walk away with a new set of gams.
The Leg Barter System: Embrace your inner entrepreneur and start a unique bartering system where legs are the currency of choice. You trade your vintage record collection for someone's legs, and they walk away with a new vinyl player. It's a win-win... unless you're left hopping mad.
1 year ago
Reddit moment
Did he ban himself? Maybe he should! Reddit is not something you want in your life. Here are some reasons why getting banned on Reddit will make your life better:
"The Digital Detox Diet": Getting banned on Reddit is the ultimate weight loss hack. Without endless scrolling through memes and heated debates, you'll have more time to hit the gym and shed those extra pounds. Who needs subreddits when you've got gains to make?
"The Swipe Right Surprise": Thanks to your banned status on Reddit, you'll finally have something interesting to talk about on Tinder. Explaining how you got banned from r/aww for posting too many cat memes is sure to impress potential dates—or at least make for a memorable conversation starter.
"The Social Interaction Upgrade": With your Reddit access revoked, you'll have more time to focus on real-life social interactions. Who needs upvotes when you can get real-life compliments from friends and strangers alike? Plus, without the stress of Reddit drama, you'll feel lighter and happier in no time.
"The Stress-Free Strategy": Getting banned on Reddit is like a weight lifted off your shoulders—literally. Without the constant stress of trying to keep up with the latest memes and trends, you'll feel lighter and more carefree than ever before. Who knew that digital detox could be so liberating?
"The Healthier Habits": With your Reddit ban in place, you'll have more time to focus on healthy habits like cooking nutritious meals and getting a good night's sleep. Who needs late-night Reddit browsing when you can wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day?
"The Digital Detox Diet": Getting banned on Reddit is the ultimate weight loss hack. Without endless scrolling through memes and heated debates, you'll have more time to hit the gym and shed those extra pounds. Who needs subreddits when you've got gains to make?
"The Swipe Right Surprise": Thanks to your banned status on Reddit, you'll finally have something interesting to talk about on Tinder. Explaining how you got banned from r/aww for posting too many cat memes is sure to impress potential dates—or at least make for a memorable conversation starter.
"The Social Interaction Upgrade": With your Reddit access revoked, you'll have more time to focus on real-life social interactions. Who needs upvotes when you can get real-life compliments from friends and strangers alike? Plus, without the stress of Reddit drama, you'll feel lighter and happier in no time.
"The Stress-Free Strategy": Getting banned on Reddit is like a weight lifted off your shoulders—literally. Without the constant stress of trying to keep up with the latest memes and trends, you'll feel lighter and more carefree than ever before. Who knew that digital detox could be so liberating?
"The Healthier Habits": With your Reddit ban in place, you'll have more time to focus on healthy habits like cooking nutritious meals and getting a good night's sleep. Who needs late-night Reddit browsing when you can wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day?
1 year ago
Stay off discord kids
The mods would chase you if they weren't basement goblins.
Though we should cut Discord mods some slack I read there are laws making this sort of thing and others mandatory!
"The Neckbeard Necessity Norm": It's illegal to be thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator because it violates the sacred Neckbeard Necessity Norm. Who needs smooth skin when you can hide behind a curtain of wiry neck hair?
"The Pudgy Pore Paradox": Being thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator is outlawed to preserve the delicate balance of pudgy pores and patchy facial hair. Who needs moderation skills when you can have a neckbeard so thick it has its own gravitational pull?
"The Zit-Zapper Zoning Zeal": It's illegal to be thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator to prevent a rebellion among the neckbeard community. Who needs peacekeeping when you can have a beard so unkempt it doubles as a hiding spot for rogue pizza crusts?
"The Fuzzy-Faced Fatwa": Being thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator is against the law to protect the sanctity of the neckbeard brotherhood. Who needs facial recognition when you can have a beard so dense it can deflect incoming chat bans?
"The Neckbeard Non-Negotiable": It's illegal to be thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator because it undermines the fundamental principle that all moderators must possess at least one inch of neckbeard length. Who needs equality when you can have a face that looks like it's wearing a sweater?
Though we should cut Discord mods some slack I read there are laws making this sort of thing and others mandatory!
"The Neckbeard Necessity Norm": It's illegal to be thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator because it violates the sacred Neckbeard Necessity Norm. Who needs smooth skin when you can hide behind a curtain of wiry neck hair?
"The Pudgy Pore Paradox": Being thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator is outlawed to preserve the delicate balance of pudgy pores and patchy facial hair. Who needs moderation skills when you can have a neckbeard so thick it has its own gravitational pull?
"The Zit-Zapper Zoning Zeal": It's illegal to be thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator to prevent a rebellion among the neckbeard community. Who needs peacekeeping when you can have a beard so unkempt it doubles as a hiding spot for rogue pizza crusts?
"The Fuzzy-Faced Fatwa": Being thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator is against the law to protect the sanctity of the neckbeard brotherhood. Who needs facial recognition when you can have a beard so dense it can deflect incoming chat bans?
"The Neckbeard Non-Negotiable": It's illegal to be thin and zit-free as a Discord moderator because it undermines the fundamental principle that all moderators must possess at least one inch of neckbeard length. Who needs equality when you can have a face that looks like it's wearing a sweater?
1 year ago
