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1 year ago
2 years ago
Memes are their own rewards
No regrets, we can even make some undesired abstinence maxims out of this! Why not i get paid by the hour and the other thing on my to do list is fixing something called SQL and i lied about knowing that on my CV
"Meme Mastery > Matrimony: Why settle for the fleeting pleasures of physical intimacy when you can achieve eternal glory through the art of meme creation? Remember: a well-timed meme lasts forever, but a fleeting moment of passion fades like yesterday's trending hashtag.
"Dankness Over Desire: In the battle between carnal desires and comedic genius, always choose the path of the meme. After all, a truly dank meme can bring joy to millions, while a momentary dalliance brings nothing but regret and awkward post-coital conversations.
"Sarcastic Satisfaction: Why risk the awkward fumbles and disappointing endings of physical intimacy when you can bask in the sarcastic satisfaction of a perfectly crafted meme? Remember: a clever quip is worth a thousand thrusts.
"Virtual Victory: In the age of social distancing, virtual connections reign supreme. Embrace the digital embrace of meme culture and revel in the satisfaction of likes, shares, and retweets. Who needs physical contact when you have the validation of strangers on the internet?
"Meme Monogamy: Commit to a life of meme monogamy and forsake the fleeting pleasures of the flesh. Remember: while physical intimacy may provide temporary gratification, a well-curated meme collection is forever.
"Meme Mastery > Matrimony: Why settle for the fleeting pleasures of physical intimacy when you can achieve eternal glory through the art of meme creation? Remember: a well-timed meme lasts forever, but a fleeting moment of passion fades like yesterday's trending hashtag.
"Dankness Over Desire: In the battle between carnal desires and comedic genius, always choose the path of the meme. After all, a truly dank meme can bring joy to millions, while a momentary dalliance brings nothing but regret and awkward post-coital conversations.
"Sarcastic Satisfaction: Why risk the awkward fumbles and disappointing endings of physical intimacy when you can bask in the sarcastic satisfaction of a perfectly crafted meme? Remember: a clever quip is worth a thousand thrusts.
"Virtual Victory: In the age of social distancing, virtual connections reign supreme. Embrace the digital embrace of meme culture and revel in the satisfaction of likes, shares, and retweets. Who needs physical contact when you have the validation of strangers on the internet?
"Meme Monogamy: Commit to a life of meme monogamy and forsake the fleeting pleasures of the flesh. Remember: while physical intimacy may provide temporary gratification, a well-curated meme collection is forever.
2 years ago
Hookers and Blow could save any social situation
They improve everything they touch. They sure saved me from my friends family and well paying job! They might save Christmas too! Hope i got the right hookers and Blow though:
"The Naughty North Pole": Santa's workshop gets a much-needed makeover when the elves trade in their toy-making tools for a wild night of debauchery with hookers and blow. Who needs sugar plums when you've got strippers and powdered snow?
"The Reindeer Rave": Forget about sleigh bells—this year, Santa's reindeer are dashing through the snow with a little extra pep in their step, courtesy of some festive party favors. With hookers on the reins and blow in their noses, they're sure to deliver Christmas cheer like never before.
"The Jolly Junkie Jamboree": When the elves accidentally mix up the naughty and nice lists, Santa's forced to improvise with a last-minute hookup with his favorite call girl and a hefty dose of holiday blow. It's a Christmas miracle—and one hell of a ride down the chimney.
"The Frosty Fiasco": When Frosty the Snowman comes to life, he's in for a wild ride as he discovers the joys of hookers and blow. With a corncob pipe in one hand and a baggie of snow in the other, he's ready to sleigh all night long.
"The Merry Madam Miracle": Mrs. Claus takes matters into her own hands when Santa gets stuck in a chimney, enlisting the help of her trusty hookers and blow to save Christmas. With a little holiday magic and a whole lot of illicit substances, they're sure to spread cheer to all the good girls and boys.
"The Naughty North Pole": Santa's workshop gets a much-needed makeover when the elves trade in their toy-making tools for a wild night of debauchery with hookers and blow. Who needs sugar plums when you've got strippers and powdered snow?
"The Reindeer Rave": Forget about sleigh bells—this year, Santa's reindeer are dashing through the snow with a little extra pep in their step, courtesy of some festive party favors. With hookers on the reins and blow in their noses, they're sure to deliver Christmas cheer like never before.
"The Jolly Junkie Jamboree": When the elves accidentally mix up the naughty and nice lists, Santa's forced to improvise with a last-minute hookup with his favorite call girl and a hefty dose of holiday blow. It's a Christmas miracle—and one hell of a ride down the chimney.
"The Frosty Fiasco": When Frosty the Snowman comes to life, he's in for a wild ride as he discovers the joys of hookers and blow. With a corncob pipe in one hand and a baggie of snow in the other, he's ready to sleigh all night long.
"The Merry Madam Miracle": Mrs. Claus takes matters into her own hands when Santa gets stuck in a chimney, enlisting the help of her trusty hookers and blow to save Christmas. With a little holiday magic and a whole lot of illicit substances, they're sure to spread cheer to all the good girls and boys.
2 years ago
They do and they did
Dating is a nightmare hellscape. But is Gen Z dating worse then the Vietnam War? We think it is here's some reasons why:
"The Swipe-Right Struggle": "In the Gen Z dating era, finding love is like navigating a minefield of awkward emojis and cringey pickup lines. At least in Vietnam, you knew who the enemy was—you didn't have to worry about accidentally swiping left on your soulmate."
"The Texting Trenches": "Back in the Vietnam War, soldiers communicated with handwritten letters and occasional radio transmissions. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about decoding cryptic texts and deciphering the hidden meaning behind every Snapchat streak. Who knew communication could be so hazardous to your mental health?"
"The Battle of the Bios": "In the Gen Z dating era, your dating profile is your battlefield, and your bio is your weapon of choice. But instead of grenades and rifles, you're armed with witty one-liners and carefully curated Spotify playlists. It's like trying to win a war of attrition armed only with your sense of humor and a few well-placed emojis."
"The War of the Selfies": "Forget about combat boots and camouflage—today's soldiers are armed with selfie sticks and Instagram filters. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about curating the perfect online persona, even if it means spending hours posing for the perfect selfie or agonizing over the right filter. Who needs PTSD when you have FOMO?"
"The Battle of the Ghosts": "In the Gen Z dating era, getting ghosted is like stepping on a landmine—you never see it coming, but the aftermath is devastating. At least in Vietnam, you had a fighting chance of survival. In the dating world, your heart is collateral damage, and there's no Purple Heart for emotional wounds."
"The Swipe-Right Struggle": "In the Gen Z dating era, finding love is like navigating a minefield of awkward emojis and cringey pickup lines. At least in Vietnam, you knew who the enemy was—you didn't have to worry about accidentally swiping left on your soulmate."
"The Texting Trenches": "Back in the Vietnam War, soldiers communicated with handwritten letters and occasional radio transmissions. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about decoding cryptic texts and deciphering the hidden meaning behind every Snapchat streak. Who knew communication could be so hazardous to your mental health?"
"The Battle of the Bios": "In the Gen Z dating era, your dating profile is your battlefield, and your bio is your weapon of choice. But instead of grenades and rifles, you're armed with witty one-liners and carefully curated Spotify playlists. It's like trying to win a war of attrition armed only with your sense of humor and a few well-placed emojis."
"The War of the Selfies": "Forget about combat boots and camouflage—today's soldiers are armed with selfie sticks and Instagram filters. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about curating the perfect online persona, even if it means spending hours posing for the perfect selfie or agonizing over the right filter. Who needs PTSD when you have FOMO?"
"The Battle of the Ghosts": "In the Gen Z dating era, getting ghosted is like stepping on a landmine—you never see it coming, but the aftermath is devastating. At least in Vietnam, you had a fighting chance of survival. In the dating world, your heart is collateral damage, and there's no Purple Heart for emotional wounds."
2 years ago
Bust out the heavy duty chairs
It's punching up, she's rich and famous relax. Here are a few reasons we totally didn't make up that clearly state we're allowed to make fun of rich people as long as we want:
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
"The Champagne Comedy Club Membership": Being rich comes with its own set of privileges, including an exclusive membership to the "Champagne Comedy Club." As a card-carrying member, you're entitled to unlimited quips, jests, and jabs at the expense of the elite.
"The Trust Fund Tease Treaty": Rich people have a surplus of wealth, but they're sorely lacking in the humor department. By making fun of them, you're simply redistributing laughter to those who need it most—while poking fun at their inability to take a joke.
"The Tax Deduction Dilemma": According to the IRS (International Roasting Standards), making fun of rich people is classified as a charitable donation. So, every time you crack a joke at their expense, you're actually contributing to the greater good by lightening the mood and spreading laughter.
"The Yacht Club Yodeling Yarn": Rich people may have yachts, but they lack the simple joys of everyday humor. By poking fun at their extravagant lifestyles, you're leveling the playing field and reminding them that money can't buy a sense of humor.
"The Billionaire Banter Bonus": Making fun of rich people is like a sport—except instead of trophies, you win the satisfaction of seeing their perfectly coiffed hair ruffled by a well-timed jest. Plus, it's the only workout where you can burn calories while rolling your eyes.
1 year ago
2 years ago
Augtism
A dangerous weapon, an autistic dream? Here are 5 reasons autism goes well with guns
"Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness": Because who doesn't want to be ready for the undead uprising? An autistic person might see a gun as the ultimate tool for defending against brain-hungry zombies while maintaining a safe distance from any potential social interactions.
"Target Practice Therapy": Shooting cans off a fence or hitting bullseyes at the range can provide a unique form of sensory stimulation and focus for someone on the spectrum. Plus, it's a great excuse to wear those noise-canceling headphones without anyone judging you.
"Accessorizing with Style": Forget fidget spinners—nothing says "I'm keeping it together" quite like a sleek, shiny firearm. An autistic person might see a gun as the ultimate fashion statement, adding a touch of danger to their daily ensemble.
"Dystopian Novel Research": Who says reading dystopian fiction has to be a passive activity? An autistic person might want a gun as part of their immersive research experience, ensuring they're fully prepared for any post-apocalyptic scenarios they encounter in their favorite novels.
"Intergalactic Defense Strategy": Because you never know when the aliens might invade. An autistic person might want a gun as part of their intergalactic defense strategy, ensuring they're ready to defend Earth against any extraterrestrial threats that come their way.
"Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness": Because who doesn't want to be ready for the undead uprising? An autistic person might see a gun as the ultimate tool for defending against brain-hungry zombies while maintaining a safe distance from any potential social interactions.
"Target Practice Therapy": Shooting cans off a fence or hitting bullseyes at the range can provide a unique form of sensory stimulation and focus for someone on the spectrum. Plus, it's a great excuse to wear those noise-canceling headphones without anyone judging you.
"Accessorizing with Style": Forget fidget spinners—nothing says "I'm keeping it together" quite like a sleek, shiny firearm. An autistic person might see a gun as the ultimate fashion statement, adding a touch of danger to their daily ensemble.
"Dystopian Novel Research": Who says reading dystopian fiction has to be a passive activity? An autistic person might want a gun as part of their immersive research experience, ensuring they're fully prepared for any post-apocalyptic scenarios they encounter in their favorite novels.
"Intergalactic Defense Strategy": Because you never know when the aliens might invade. An autistic person might want a gun as part of their intergalactic defense strategy, ensuring they're ready to defend Earth against any extraterrestrial threats that come their way.
