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2 years ago
2 years ago
Revenge for overdraft charges
Only a sicko could punish you for being broke.
I dislike bank business practices as most people who are broke. Here's some reasons why banks suck.
They make money disappear faster than a magician: You deposit your paycheck and suddenly, poof! It's gone, thanks to fees, charges, and mysterious deductions.
They have ATMs that seem to be in a witness protection program: You're in the middle of nowhere, desperately needing cash, and there's not a bank ATM in sight. But hey, at least you found Bigfoot.
They want to make sure you don’t enjoy saving: "Congratulations on saving money! Here's 0.01% interest to reward your frugality. You could buy a stick of gum in a decade!"
Their customer service is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot: You call with a problem, wait on hold for eternity, only to be told you need to visit a branch during banking hours, which are conveniently the exact same hours you work.
They give loans to people who clearly don't need them: Billionaires get preferential treatment while you, a mere mortal, have to jump through hoops for a small loan. It's like a reverse Robin Hood situation.
I dislike bank business practices as most people who are broke. Here's some reasons why banks suck.
They make money disappear faster than a magician: You deposit your paycheck and suddenly, poof! It's gone, thanks to fees, charges, and mysterious deductions.
They have ATMs that seem to be in a witness protection program: You're in the middle of nowhere, desperately needing cash, and there's not a bank ATM in sight. But hey, at least you found Bigfoot.
They want to make sure you don’t enjoy saving: "Congratulations on saving money! Here's 0.01% interest to reward your frugality. You could buy a stick of gum in a decade!"
Their customer service is about as helpful as a chocolate teapot: You call with a problem, wait on hold for eternity, only to be told you need to visit a branch during banking hours, which are conveniently the exact same hours you work.
They give loans to people who clearly don't need them: Billionaires get preferential treatment while you, a mere mortal, have to jump through hoops for a small loan. It's like a reverse Robin Hood situation.
2 years ago
Honesty works
If it works it works
Here are five humorous reasons to be creepily honest while flirting:
Cutting to the Chase: Why beat around the bush when you can dive headfirst into the deep end of honesty? Being creepily honest saves time and cuts through the awkward small talk, leaving more time for the good stuff—like discussing your mutual love of taxidermy or amateur taxidermy.
Embracing Your Inner Stalker: Who needs mystery when you can lay all your cards on the table from the get-go? By being creepily honest, you show your potential partner that you're not afraid to embrace your inner stalker and do a deep dive into their social media profiles before even saying hello.
Weeding Out the Weak: Being creepily honest is the ultimate litmus test for compatibility. If your potential partner can't handle your unfiltered truth bombs, then they probably wouldn't have been able to handle your collection of toenail clippings anyway.
Setting Realistic Expectations: Why pretend to be someone you're not when you can set the bar low right from the start? By being creepily honest about your quirks, flaws, and unusual hobbies, you ensure that there are no surprises down the road—except maybe for the occasional taxidermy-themed date night.
Creating Memorable Moments: Let's face it, nobody remembers the guy who played it safe with generic compliments and cheesy pick-up lines. By being creepily honest, you guarantee that your flirting will leave a lasting impression—even if it's the kind of impression that gets you banned from the local petting zoo.
Here are five humorous reasons to be creepily honest while flirting:
Cutting to the Chase: Why beat around the bush when you can dive headfirst into the deep end of honesty? Being creepily honest saves time and cuts through the awkward small talk, leaving more time for the good stuff—like discussing your mutual love of taxidermy or amateur taxidermy.
Embracing Your Inner Stalker: Who needs mystery when you can lay all your cards on the table from the get-go? By being creepily honest, you show your potential partner that you're not afraid to embrace your inner stalker and do a deep dive into their social media profiles before even saying hello.
Weeding Out the Weak: Being creepily honest is the ultimate litmus test for compatibility. If your potential partner can't handle your unfiltered truth bombs, then they probably wouldn't have been able to handle your collection of toenail clippings anyway.
Setting Realistic Expectations: Why pretend to be someone you're not when you can set the bar low right from the start? By being creepily honest about your quirks, flaws, and unusual hobbies, you ensure that there are no surprises down the road—except maybe for the occasional taxidermy-themed date night.
Creating Memorable Moments: Let's face it, nobody remembers the guy who played it safe with generic compliments and cheesy pick-up lines. By being creepily honest, you guarantee that your flirting will leave a lasting impression—even if it's the kind of impression that gets you banned from the local petting zoo.
2 years ago
My kind of consipracy theory
A real VIP -very important primate. All I want to take from this meme is the conspiracy theory is George W Bush is Harambe's father.
That's it I'm dead set on this. Here are 5 conspiracy theories eluding to the fact that George W Bush is Harambe's dad:
The Banana Bill: Rumor has it that George W. Bush's favorite snack during his presidency wasn't pretzels, but bananas. Some speculate that his affinity for this fruit led him to frequent visits to the zoo, where he developed a special bond with a certain gorilla named Harambe.
The Texas Troop Theory: Conspiracy theorists claim that George W. Bush, a proud Texan, has a secret militia of loyal gorillas hidden away in the Lone Star State. Harambe, being the most famous of these gorillas, is said to have been groomed for greatness from birth.
The Dubya DNA Debate: Unverified reports suggest that traces of presidential DNA were found in Harambe's enclosure shortly before his tragic demise. Some speculate that this was part of a covert operation to cover up the truth about Harambe's true parentage.
The Oval Office Orangutan: According to this theory, George W. Bush's family tree has a few unexpected branches—including a distant cousin who happened to be an orangutan. Could Harambe be the missing link between humans and primates in the Bush family tree?
The Wacky White House Wildlife: It's no secret that the White House has housed some unusual pets over the years, from alligators to raccoons. But could a gorilla named Harambe have been among them? Some believe that George W. Bush kept Harambe as a secret pet during his time in office, raising him like a son before releasing him into the wild.
That's it I'm dead set on this. Here are 5 conspiracy theories eluding to the fact that George W Bush is Harambe's dad:
The Banana Bill: Rumor has it that George W. Bush's favorite snack during his presidency wasn't pretzels, but bananas. Some speculate that his affinity for this fruit led him to frequent visits to the zoo, where he developed a special bond with a certain gorilla named Harambe.
The Texas Troop Theory: Conspiracy theorists claim that George W. Bush, a proud Texan, has a secret militia of loyal gorillas hidden away in the Lone Star State. Harambe, being the most famous of these gorillas, is said to have been groomed for greatness from birth.
The Dubya DNA Debate: Unverified reports suggest that traces of presidential DNA were found in Harambe's enclosure shortly before his tragic demise. Some speculate that this was part of a covert operation to cover up the truth about Harambe's true parentage.
The Oval Office Orangutan: According to this theory, George W. Bush's family tree has a few unexpected branches—including a distant cousin who happened to be an orangutan. Could Harambe be the missing link between humans and primates in the Bush family tree?
The Wacky White House Wildlife: It's no secret that the White House has housed some unusual pets over the years, from alligators to raccoons. But could a gorilla named Harambe have been among them? Some believe that George W. Bush kept Harambe as a secret pet during his time in office, raising him like a son before releasing him into the wild.
2 years ago
Rude but not wrong
Don't fall for NFT's but if you have a positive experience feel free to comment.
Here are some reasons the rude guy is right:
"Because nothing says 'investment opportunity' quite like a pixelated picture of a bored ape or a rainbow-shooting cat. Who needs the Mona Lisa when you can have a JPEG of a dancing pickle, right?"
"It's like a virtual version of trading cards, but instead of collecting valuable athletes or historical figures, you're collecting... well, digital cats with a side of existential dread. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
"Forget the traditional pyramid scheme, NFTs are the new frontier of 'Hey, wanna buy this thing that only exists in the digital ether and may or may not tank in value faster than a lead balloon?'"
"NFTs: Because who needs financial stability when you can spend your life savings on a picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses? It's not just a purchase, it's a lifestyle statement!"
"Why settle for a boring ol' savings account when you can gamble your hard-earned cash on the chance that someone, somewhere, might want to buy your digital rendition of a stick figure with a bad haircut? It's like Vegas, but with more blockchain!"
Here are some reasons the rude guy is right:
"Because nothing says 'investment opportunity' quite like a pixelated picture of a bored ape or a rainbow-shooting cat. Who needs the Mona Lisa when you can have a JPEG of a dancing pickle, right?"
"It's like a virtual version of trading cards, but instead of collecting valuable athletes or historical figures, you're collecting... well, digital cats with a side of existential dread. Not exactly the stuff of dreams."
"Forget the traditional pyramid scheme, NFTs are the new frontier of 'Hey, wanna buy this thing that only exists in the digital ether and may or may not tank in value faster than a lead balloon?'"
"NFTs: Because who needs financial stability when you can spend your life savings on a picture of a monkey wearing sunglasses? It's not just a purchase, it's a lifestyle statement!"
"Why settle for a boring ol' savings account when you can gamble your hard-earned cash on the chance that someone, somewhere, might want to buy your digital rendition of a stick figure with a bad haircut? It's like Vegas, but with more blockchain!"
2 years ago
2 years ago
Sad cat is sad
He realized he didn't do his best, so we did it for them, here are some suggestions on how to never see your cat sad:
Daily Dance Parties: Crank up the tunes and bust out your best feline-friendly moves. Who could be sad when surrounded by groovy beats and enthusiastic twirls?
Laser Light Olympics: Transform your living room into a laser-filled wonderland, complete with obstacle courses and high-flying acrobatics. It's a guaranteed way to keep your kitty entertained and their spirits soaring.
Treat Treasure Hunts: Hide treats throughout the house and watch as your cat turns into a furry detective, sniffing out each delicious clue with unbridled enthusiasm. Bonus points for incorporating pirate-themed attire.
Catnip Spa Days: Treat your cat to a luxurious spa experience with catnip-infused toys, cozy blankets, and soothing massages. Because nothing says relaxation like a pampered purr-ball lounging in style.
Customized Cat Cartoons: Commission a series of personalized cartoons starring your cat as the hero of their own adventure. From daring escapades to epic battles with the dreaded red dot, it's sure to keep your kitty's spirits high and their tail twitching with excitement.
Daily Dance Parties: Crank up the tunes and bust out your best feline-friendly moves. Who could be sad when surrounded by groovy beats and enthusiastic twirls?
Laser Light Olympics: Transform your living room into a laser-filled wonderland, complete with obstacle courses and high-flying acrobatics. It's a guaranteed way to keep your kitty entertained and their spirits soaring.
Treat Treasure Hunts: Hide treats throughout the house and watch as your cat turns into a furry detective, sniffing out each delicious clue with unbridled enthusiasm. Bonus points for incorporating pirate-themed attire.
Catnip Spa Days: Treat your cat to a luxurious spa experience with catnip-infused toys, cozy blankets, and soothing massages. Because nothing says relaxation like a pampered purr-ball lounging in style.
Customized Cat Cartoons: Commission a series of personalized cartoons starring your cat as the hero of their own adventure. From daring escapades to epic battles with the dreaded red dot, it's sure to keep your kitty's spirits high and their tail twitching with excitement.
