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2 years ago
You'll have lunch ready when she dumps you
Have a feeling she won't be happy with the gift
If you really want to get dumped try one of these
The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.
The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.
The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.
The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.
The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
If you really want to get dumped try one of these
The "Meme Meltdown": Reply to all her messages with nothing but memes for a week straight. Bonus points if you exclusively use breakup-themed memes. Eventually, she might get the hint that you're "memes" apart.
The "Pet Peeve Parade": Compile a list of all her quirky habits and present it to her in the form of a PowerPoint presentation, complete with charts and graphs showing how they've driven you to the brink of insanity. She might decide you're too obsessed with data and charts to be boyfriend material.
The "Food Fiasco": Take her out for a romantic dinner and spend the entire time rating the food and service like a food critic. When she finally confronts you about it, tell her you're breaking up because she didn't order the recommended dish.
The "Tech Troubles": Create a fake virus alert on her computer that says, "Relationship.exe has stopped responding." When she asks you about it, tell her you can't be in a relationship with someone whose computer can't handle your love.
The "Songbird Serenade": Write her a breakup song and perform it at her family reunion in front of all her relatives. Bonus points if you recruit her grandma to play the tambourine. She might decide you're more interested in fame than her.
2 years ago
Super Mad Terrible Mother
Another person who's going to be put in a home at 53. But we're all about excuses here, maybe she has some good reasons? As a fellow person with an IQ as large as my shoe size I thought up of these totally valid reasons why you shouldn't share your onlyfans money with your kids:
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
"College Fund? More Like Fortnite Fund": Why waste your hard-earned OnlyFans money on boring stuff like college tuition when you could be investing in something truly important—like your kid's Fortnite skins collection? After all, who needs a degree when you can dominate the Battle Royale scene?
"The Tooth Fairy's Got Competition": Forget about loose change under the pillow—the real money maker in town is your OnlyFans account. Your kids will thank you for keeping the cash flow steady and the tooth fairy in business. Who knew dental hygiene could be so profitable?
"Parenting by Subscription": With your OnlyFans income, you can subscribe to the ultimate parenting plan: outsourcing all your responsibilities to the nearest daycare center. Let the professionals handle the diapers and tantrums while you focus on more important things—like perfecting your selfie game.
"The Ultimate Show-and-Tell Flex": Forget about boring show-and-tell presentations featuring stuffed animals and family photos. Your kids will be the envy of the playground when they strut their stuff with a brand-new iPhone, courtesy of your OnlyFans earnings. Who needs friends when you have the latest tech gadgets?
"The Real MVP: Mom's Versace Purse": Your kids may not appreciate it now, but one day they'll thank you for keeping up appearances with your designer handbags and luxury accessories. Who needs food on the table when you can have the latest fashion trends at your fingertips?
2 years ago
2 years ago
Shitty red wine!
Some really nice honest marketing right there, and that's a good thing since it works! Here's a few reasons why brutally honest unfaltering advertising works sometimes:
The Brutal Honesty: "Because let's face it, when a product admits it's mediocre, we're just relieved it's not pretending to be something it's not. It's like a bad date being refreshingly upfront about their flaws."
The Truthful Tagline: "Because in a world of overhyped slogans and exaggerated claims, an ad that says 'This Product Probably Won't Change Your Life, But It's Not Terrible' is strangely compelling. Honesty is the best policy, even in advertising!"
The Refreshing Reality: "Because when an ad admits its flaws, it's like a breath of fresh air in a sea of polished perfection. We may not buy the product, but we'll definitely remember the ad!"
The Relatable Revelation: "Because when a product acknowledges its shortcomings, it becomes instantly relatable. We've all been disappointed by overhyped products before, so why not embrace the honesty and laugh along with the ad?"
The Honest Hilarity: "Because let's be real, a brutally honest ad is just plain funny. Whether it's poking fun at its own flaws or calling out the competition, honesty in advertising is a recipe for comedy gold—and maybe even a few sales!"
The Brutal Honesty: "Because let's face it, when a product admits it's mediocre, we're just relieved it's not pretending to be something it's not. It's like a bad date being refreshingly upfront about their flaws."
The Truthful Tagline: "Because in a world of overhyped slogans and exaggerated claims, an ad that says 'This Product Probably Won't Change Your Life, But It's Not Terrible' is strangely compelling. Honesty is the best policy, even in advertising!"
The Refreshing Reality: "Because when an ad admits its flaws, it's like a breath of fresh air in a sea of polished perfection. We may not buy the product, but we'll definitely remember the ad!"
The Relatable Revelation: "Because when a product acknowledges its shortcomings, it becomes instantly relatable. We've all been disappointed by overhyped products before, so why not embrace the honesty and laugh along with the ad?"
The Honest Hilarity: "Because let's be real, a brutally honest ad is just plain funny. Whether it's poking fun at its own flaws or calling out the competition, honesty in advertising is a recipe for comedy gold—and maybe even a few sales!"
2 years ago
Quarantine rules
A little day drinking never killed anyone!
We're adamant about it and encourage it responsibly (i have to say that so the site stays safe for work)
Here are some points that might help get you on the quarantine day drinking train:
"Multi-Tasking Mastery": Why waste time separately showering and drinking when you can efficiently tackle both activities at once? Day drinking in the shower allows you to cleanse your body while cleansing your palate—a true testament to productivity!
"No Judgement Zone": In the privacy of your own shower, there's no need to worry about judgmental glances from fellow patrons or concerned looks from friends. It's just you, your beverage of choice, and the soothing cascade of water—pure bliss.
"Shower Karaoke Sessions": With liquid courage flowing freely, your shower karaoke performances reach new heights of vocal prowess. Who needs a stage when you've got a shampoo bottle microphone and an enthusiastic audience of one?
"Elevated Hydration": Forget plain water—why not elevate your hydration game with a refreshing beverage of choice? Whether it's a mimosa, a cold beer, or a fruity cocktail, nothing says "hydration station" quite like a shower beverage.
"Quarantine Spa Retreat": Transform your mundane shower routine into a luxurious spa experience by adding a touch of day drinking. Suddenly, your bathroom becomes an exclusive oasis of relaxation and rejuvenation—a sanctuary from the chaos of quarantine life.
We're adamant about it and encourage it responsibly (i have to say that so the site stays safe for work)
Here are some points that might help get you on the quarantine day drinking train:
"Multi-Tasking Mastery": Why waste time separately showering and drinking when you can efficiently tackle both activities at once? Day drinking in the shower allows you to cleanse your body while cleansing your palate—a true testament to productivity!
"No Judgement Zone": In the privacy of your own shower, there's no need to worry about judgmental glances from fellow patrons or concerned looks from friends. It's just you, your beverage of choice, and the soothing cascade of water—pure bliss.
"Shower Karaoke Sessions": With liquid courage flowing freely, your shower karaoke performances reach new heights of vocal prowess. Who needs a stage when you've got a shampoo bottle microphone and an enthusiastic audience of one?
"Elevated Hydration": Forget plain water—why not elevate your hydration game with a refreshing beverage of choice? Whether it's a mimosa, a cold beer, or a fruity cocktail, nothing says "hydration station" quite like a shower beverage.
"Quarantine Spa Retreat": Transform your mundane shower routine into a luxurious spa experience by adding a touch of day drinking. Suddenly, your bathroom becomes an exclusive oasis of relaxation and rejuvenation—a sanctuary from the chaos of quarantine life.
2 years ago
2 years ago
Enjoy family life my dude
No takesie baksies. But you can suesis themsies! Here are some ways you could argue some sweet honeymoon money out of them in court:
The Cap Proposal Catastrophe: Argue that the soft drink company's "will you marry me" printed bottle cap was a reckless act of romantic sabotage. You innocently twisted open a bottle, only to be blindsided by an unexpected marriage proposal from a stranger who mistook you for the love of their life.
The Cap Conundrum Conspiracy: Accuse the soft drink company of orchestrating a diabolical plot to disrupt the institution of marriage with their mischievous bottle caps. You were just trying to enjoy a refreshing beverage when you inadvertently became entangled in their matrimonial mayhem.
The Cap Caprice Calamity: Assert that the soft drink company's whimsical "will you marry me" bottle cap campaign was a reckless gamble with people's emotions. You never intended to tie the knot with a random passerby, but the irresistible allure of the proposal printed on the cap led to a comedy of errors.
The Cap Chaos Controversy: Claim that the soft drink company's ill-advised decision to print "will you marry me" on their bottle caps caused widespread confusion and chaos. You thought you were simply indulging in a refreshing beverage, not unwittingly entering into a lifelong commitment with a stranger.
The Cap Capitulation Comedy: Assert that the soft drink company's mischievous "will you marry me" bottle cap campaign was a comedic disaster waiting to happen. You never imagined that a simple twist of a cap would lead to an impromptu marriage proposal from a bewildered bystander.
The Cap Proposal Catastrophe: Argue that the soft drink company's "will you marry me" printed bottle cap was a reckless act of romantic sabotage. You innocently twisted open a bottle, only to be blindsided by an unexpected marriage proposal from a stranger who mistook you for the love of their life.
The Cap Conundrum Conspiracy: Accuse the soft drink company of orchestrating a diabolical plot to disrupt the institution of marriage with their mischievous bottle caps. You were just trying to enjoy a refreshing beverage when you inadvertently became entangled in their matrimonial mayhem.
The Cap Caprice Calamity: Assert that the soft drink company's whimsical "will you marry me" bottle cap campaign was a reckless gamble with people's emotions. You never intended to tie the knot with a random passerby, but the irresistible allure of the proposal printed on the cap led to a comedy of errors.
The Cap Chaos Controversy: Claim that the soft drink company's ill-advised decision to print "will you marry me" on their bottle caps caused widespread confusion and chaos. You thought you were simply indulging in a refreshing beverage, not unwittingly entering into a lifelong commitment with a stranger.
The Cap Capitulation Comedy: Assert that the soft drink company's mischievous "will you marry me" bottle cap campaign was a comedic disaster waiting to happen. You never imagined that a simple twist of a cap would lead to an impromptu marriage proposal from a bewildered bystander.
