Register for a no ad experience.
1 year ago
Lawyers it's sad we need them
We need them to navigate the nightmarish system they created
If a child was a lawyer here's some cases they could work on
The Case of the Missing Cookie: Defending a child accused of stealing cookies from the cookie jar. The evidence is crumbly, but the stakes are high – bedtime without dessert!
The Great Toy Heist: Representing a child accused of "borrowing" toys from their sibling's room without permission. Can they plead innocent by reason of sibling rivalry?
The Playground Dispute: Mediating a dispute between two kids arguing over who gets to be the captain of the imaginary pirate ship during recess. Ahoy, mateys, it's time to negotiate a truce!
The Pet Custody Battle: Representing a child in a heated custody battle over the family pet hamster. Who gets custody of Fluffy the hamster – Mom's house or Dad's house? The stakes have never been furrier!
The Homework Rebellion: Defending a child accused of organizing a protest against homework assignments. Can they argue for shorter school days and longer playtime? It's a fight for recess rights!
If a child was a lawyer here's some cases they could work on
The Case of the Missing Cookie: Defending a child accused of stealing cookies from the cookie jar. The evidence is crumbly, but the stakes are high – bedtime without dessert!
The Great Toy Heist: Representing a child accused of "borrowing" toys from their sibling's room without permission. Can they plead innocent by reason of sibling rivalry?
The Playground Dispute: Mediating a dispute between two kids arguing over who gets to be the captain of the imaginary pirate ship during recess. Ahoy, mateys, it's time to negotiate a truce!
The Pet Custody Battle: Representing a child in a heated custody battle over the family pet hamster. Who gets custody of Fluffy the hamster – Mom's house or Dad's house? The stakes have never been furrier!
The Homework Rebellion: Defending a child accused of organizing a protest against homework assignments. Can they argue for shorter school days and longer playtime? It's a fight for recess rights!
1 year ago
Driving is hard
Automatics are better change my mind in the comments though you won't be able to, driving shift is hell and here's a few reasons why:
The Clutch Conundrum: "Because mastering the art of the clutch pedal is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded—except instead of colors, you're just trying to figure out how not to stall in the middle of rush hour traffic."
The Manual Misery: "Because driving stick shift is like participating in an extreme sport—except instead of adrenaline, you're filled with existential dread every time you approach a steep hill."
The Traffic Tango: "Because navigating stop-and-go traffic in a manual transmission is like playing a high-stakes game of Twister with your feet—left foot on the clutch, right foot on the brake, left hand on the gearshift...and pray you don't accidentally hit the horn."
The Parking Predicament: "Because parallel parking in a stick shift is the ultimate test of patience and coordination—forget about inching your way into the space, it's more like a full-blown tango with the curb."
The Gearshift Grief: "Because trying to explain to your friends why you drive stick is like trying to explain why you still use a flip phone in 2025—sure, it's quirky and retro, but mostly it's just a pain in the clutch."
The Clutch Conundrum: "Because mastering the art of the clutch pedal is like trying to solve a Rubik's Cube blindfolded—except instead of colors, you're just trying to figure out how not to stall in the middle of rush hour traffic."
The Manual Misery: "Because driving stick shift is like participating in an extreme sport—except instead of adrenaline, you're filled with existential dread every time you approach a steep hill."
The Traffic Tango: "Because navigating stop-and-go traffic in a manual transmission is like playing a high-stakes game of Twister with your feet—left foot on the clutch, right foot on the brake, left hand on the gearshift...and pray you don't accidentally hit the horn."
The Parking Predicament: "Because parallel parking in a stick shift is the ultimate test of patience and coordination—forget about inching your way into the space, it's more like a full-blown tango with the curb."
The Gearshift Grief: "Because trying to explain to your friends why you drive stick is like trying to explain why you still use a flip phone in 2025—sure, it's quirky and retro, but mostly it's just a pain in the clutch."
1 year ago
1 year ago
Surprising amount of hair
Looney toons antics expected. We extracted Conan O'Briens personality and after questioning our life decisions that brought us here we decided that these are a few lines he would say under these circumstances:
"Well, folks, looks like I'm starting a new trend: shotgun hairdos! Who needs gel when you can have buckshot?"
"Ouch! That's what I get for trying to impress the audience with my 'bang' jokes!"
"I always knew my hair was explosive, but this is taking it to a whole new level!"
"Note to self: next time, aim the shotgun away from the face... and the hair!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I'll stick to Advil after this one!"
"Well, folks, looks like I'm starting a new trend: shotgun hairdos! Who needs gel when you can have buckshot?"
"Ouch! That's what I get for trying to impress the audience with my 'bang' jokes!"
"I always knew my hair was explosive, but this is taking it to a whole new level!"
"Note to self: next time, aim the shotgun away from the face... and the hair!"
"They say laughter is the best medicine, but I think I'll stick to Advil after this one!"
1 year ago
Come on man salad ain't that bad
Maybe the other part was the problem though...
Here are some reasons why you wouldn't want to eat said cucumber:
"The Pickle Predicament": Let's just say that once a cucumber has been on a journey of self-discovery, it's not exactly fit for polite company. You might find yourself in a bit of a pickle trying to explain why you're avoiding the veggie platter at the next office party!
"Salad Shudders": You thought you were just adding some crunchy greens to your salad, but little did you know you were about to become an unwitting participant in a vegetable-based scandal. Suddenly, those leafy greens don't seem so appetizing anymore!
"The Cucumber Conundrum": They say cucumbers are refreshing, but there's nothing refreshing about the mental image of their previous escapades. Suddenly, you're second-guessing every salad, sandwich, and sushi roll you've ever eaten. Talk about a mood killer!
"The Garden of Unearthly Delights": You thought you were being healthy by reaching for that cucumber, but little did you know you were about to take a walk on the wild side. Looks like you'll be sticking to carrots for your veggie snacks from now on—less room for misinterpretation!
"Pickle Perils": You thought you were indulging in a wholesome snack, but turns out you've stumbled upon a vegetable with a rather colorful past. Suddenly, you're rethinking your entire relationship with the produce aisle. Who knew cucumbers could be so scandalous?
Here are some reasons why you wouldn't want to eat said cucumber:
"The Pickle Predicament": Let's just say that once a cucumber has been on a journey of self-discovery, it's not exactly fit for polite company. You might find yourself in a bit of a pickle trying to explain why you're avoiding the veggie platter at the next office party!
"Salad Shudders": You thought you were just adding some crunchy greens to your salad, but little did you know you were about to become an unwitting participant in a vegetable-based scandal. Suddenly, those leafy greens don't seem so appetizing anymore!
"The Cucumber Conundrum": They say cucumbers are refreshing, but there's nothing refreshing about the mental image of their previous escapades. Suddenly, you're second-guessing every salad, sandwich, and sushi roll you've ever eaten. Talk about a mood killer!
"The Garden of Unearthly Delights": You thought you were being healthy by reaching for that cucumber, but little did you know you were about to take a walk on the wild side. Looks like you'll be sticking to carrots for your veggie snacks from now on—less room for misinterpretation!
"Pickle Perils": You thought you were indulging in a wholesome snack, but turns out you've stumbled upon a vegetable with a rather colorful past. Suddenly, you're rethinking your entire relationship with the produce aisle. Who knew cucumbers could be so scandalous?
1 year ago
1 year ago
Not the message you would want to get
He cares though even if cringe.
Here are some cringe-worthy, tongue-in-cheek ways a boss might inappropriately express care:
"Hey team, just a heads-up that I've installed cameras in the break room to make sure you're all taking those well-deserved coffee breaks. I care about your caffeine intake, you know?"
"I've set up mandatory group hugs every morning to foster team spirit. If anyone refuses, they'll be assigned to the 'hug audit' project. Let's keep those hugs coming, folks!"
"I've personally reviewed everyone's medical records to ensure you're all staying healthy. Remember, I'm just a spreadsheet away if you need some 'extra motivation' to hit those fitness goals!"
"To show my appreciation for your hard work, I've organized a surprise 'Trust Fall Tuesday' event. Don't worry, I'll catch you... unless I'm in a meeting, in which case, good luck!"
"As a special treat, I've updated the office playlist with my favorite motivational speeches on loop. Nothing says 'I care' like the soothing sounds of a CEO TED talk echoing through the halls, right?"
Here are some cringe-worthy, tongue-in-cheek ways a boss might inappropriately express care:
"Hey team, just a heads-up that I've installed cameras in the break room to make sure you're all taking those well-deserved coffee breaks. I care about your caffeine intake, you know?"
"I've set up mandatory group hugs every morning to foster team spirit. If anyone refuses, they'll be assigned to the 'hug audit' project. Let's keep those hugs coming, folks!"
"I've personally reviewed everyone's medical records to ensure you're all staying healthy. Remember, I'm just a spreadsheet away if you need some 'extra motivation' to hit those fitness goals!"
"To show my appreciation for your hard work, I've organized a surprise 'Trust Fall Tuesday' event. Don't worry, I'll catch you... unless I'm in a meeting, in which case, good luck!"
"As a special treat, I've updated the office playlist with my favorite motivational speeches on loop. Nothing says 'I care' like the soothing sounds of a CEO TED talk echoing through the halls, right?"
