Register for a no ad experience.
2 years ago
Can't have shit in Detroit
The city is not specified i'm just assuming but here are a few other things that definitely got stolen in Detroit:
"The Elusive Patio Furniture Pilfering": Imagine waking up to find your entire patio set missing from your backyard. Not just the chairs or the table—everything, from the umbrella to the barbecue grill! How the thieves managed to sneak away with such bulky items without anyone noticing remains a head-scratcher for the ages.
"The Curious Case of the Absent Air Conditioners": In the midst of a scorching summer, residents were left sweating bullets when their window air conditioners mysteriously vanished overnight. The logistics of hauling these heavy units out of apartment windows without anyone hearing—or feeling—the commotion boggle the mind.
"The Great Garden Hose Heist": Picture this: an entire neighborhood's worth of garden hoses disappearing without a trace. The culprits must have been masters of stealth to make off with these unwieldy, snaking tubes of rubber undetected. How they managed to wrangle them into a getaway car is anyone's guess!
"The Vanishing Vacuum Cleaner Vendetta": Vacuum cleaners may not seem like the most glamorous targets for theft, but try telling that to the residents who woke up to find their trusty cleaning companions missing from their closets. Maneuvering these bulky appliances through narrow hallways and down flights of stairs without raising suspicion is no small feat.
"The Mysterious Mattress Mystery": In a puzzling turn of events, an entire apartment building's worth of mattresses disappeared overnight, leaving residents scratching their heads—and their backs—in confusion. The logistics of sneaking these unwieldy sleep surfaces out of cramped urban dwellings without arousing suspicion defy all logic.
"The Elusive Patio Furniture Pilfering": Imagine waking up to find your entire patio set missing from your backyard. Not just the chairs or the table—everything, from the umbrella to the barbecue grill! How the thieves managed to sneak away with such bulky items without anyone noticing remains a head-scratcher for the ages.
"The Curious Case of the Absent Air Conditioners": In the midst of a scorching summer, residents were left sweating bullets when their window air conditioners mysteriously vanished overnight. The logistics of hauling these heavy units out of apartment windows without anyone hearing—or feeling—the commotion boggle the mind.
"The Great Garden Hose Heist": Picture this: an entire neighborhood's worth of garden hoses disappearing without a trace. The culprits must have been masters of stealth to make off with these unwieldy, snaking tubes of rubber undetected. How they managed to wrangle them into a getaway car is anyone's guess!
"The Vanishing Vacuum Cleaner Vendetta": Vacuum cleaners may not seem like the most glamorous targets for theft, but try telling that to the residents who woke up to find their trusty cleaning companions missing from their closets. Maneuvering these bulky appliances through narrow hallways and down flights of stairs without raising suspicion is no small feat.
"The Mysterious Mattress Mystery": In a puzzling turn of events, an entire apartment building's worth of mattresses disappeared overnight, leaving residents scratching their heads—and their backs—in confusion. The logistics of sneaking these unwieldy sleep surfaces out of cramped urban dwellings without arousing suspicion defy all logic.
1 year ago
2 years ago
Worm employee of the month
It was clearly an emergency. Worms make great employees also you might get to not pay them! Surely makes up for the drop in productivity!
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
Here are some reasons why you should still employ someone if they were to turn into a worm!
"Because who needs an employee-of-the-month plaque when you can have an employee-of-the-compost-pile trophy? You'd be the reigning champion of decomposition!"
"Because your new worm form brings a whole new meaning to 'getting down to the grassroots' of the company. You're literally in touch with the earth—talk about being environmentally conscious!"
"Because your transformation into a worm proves that you're willing to go to great lengths to demonstrate your dedication to the job. Who else can say they've literally crawled their way to work every day?"
"Because with your newfound ability to wiggle through tight spaces, you'd be the ultimate office spy—keeping tabs on all those secret conversations happening under desks and behind closed doors."
"Because your boss knows that even as a worm, you'd still be the 'early bird' of the office—showing up bright and early to get the worm... I mean, work! Plus, you'd never be late for meetings again, given your new schedule as a nocturnal creature."
2 years ago
They do and they did
Dating is a nightmare hellscape. But is Gen Z dating worse then the Vietnam War? We think it is here's some reasons why:
"The Swipe-Right Struggle": "In the Gen Z dating era, finding love is like navigating a minefield of awkward emojis and cringey pickup lines. At least in Vietnam, you knew who the enemy was—you didn't have to worry about accidentally swiping left on your soulmate."
"The Texting Trenches": "Back in the Vietnam War, soldiers communicated with handwritten letters and occasional radio transmissions. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about decoding cryptic texts and deciphering the hidden meaning behind every Snapchat streak. Who knew communication could be so hazardous to your mental health?"
"The Battle of the Bios": "In the Gen Z dating era, your dating profile is your battlefield, and your bio is your weapon of choice. But instead of grenades and rifles, you're armed with witty one-liners and carefully curated Spotify playlists. It's like trying to win a war of attrition armed only with your sense of humor and a few well-placed emojis."
"The War of the Selfies": "Forget about combat boots and camouflage—today's soldiers are armed with selfie sticks and Instagram filters. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about curating the perfect online persona, even if it means spending hours posing for the perfect selfie or agonizing over the right filter. Who needs PTSD when you have FOMO?"
"The Battle of the Ghosts": "In the Gen Z dating era, getting ghosted is like stepping on a landmine—you never see it coming, but the aftermath is devastating. At least in Vietnam, you had a fighting chance of survival. In the dating world, your heart is collateral damage, and there's no Purple Heart for emotional wounds."
"The Swipe-Right Struggle": "In the Gen Z dating era, finding love is like navigating a minefield of awkward emojis and cringey pickup lines. At least in Vietnam, you knew who the enemy was—you didn't have to worry about accidentally swiping left on your soulmate."
"The Texting Trenches": "Back in the Vietnam War, soldiers communicated with handwritten letters and occasional radio transmissions. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about decoding cryptic texts and deciphering the hidden meaning behind every Snapchat streak. Who knew communication could be so hazardous to your mental health?"
"The Battle of the Bios": "In the Gen Z dating era, your dating profile is your battlefield, and your bio is your weapon of choice. But instead of grenades and rifles, you're armed with witty one-liners and carefully curated Spotify playlists. It's like trying to win a war of attrition armed only with your sense of humor and a few well-placed emojis."
"The War of the Selfies": "Forget about combat boots and camouflage—today's soldiers are armed with selfie sticks and Instagram filters. In the Gen Z dating era, it's all about curating the perfect online persona, even if it means spending hours posing for the perfect selfie or agonizing over the right filter. Who needs PTSD when you have FOMO?"
"The Battle of the Ghosts": "In the Gen Z dating era, getting ghosted is like stepping on a landmine—you never see it coming, but the aftermath is devastating. At least in Vietnam, you had a fighting chance of survival. In the dating world, your heart is collateral damage, and there's no Purple Heart for emotional wounds."
1 year ago
2 years ago
Very true opinion
Also if buying a game doesn't mean you own it piracy should be legal, but they don't like that do they?
We asked around and the best they came up as to why you don't own your games are these 5 reasons:
"The Glitch Gremlin Gambit": The game company claims that a mischievous glitch in their system caused your purchase to disappear into the digital void. According to their official statement, your game is now residing in the same mystical realm as missing socks and misplaced car keys.
"The Quantum Ownership Quandary": In a mind-bending twist, the game company insists that the concept of ownership is a mere illusion in the quantum realm of digital downloads. Apparently, your game exists in a state of simultaneous ownership and non-ownership until someone looks at it, at which point it collapses into one or the other.
"The Pirate Paranoia Plight": The game company blames a notorious band of digital pirates for absconding with your purchase and setting sail for the high seas of copyright infringement. According to their investigation, your game is now sailing the digital ocean, accompanied by a crew of swashbuckling software smugglers.
"The Cosmic Contractual Conundrum": Unbeknownst to you, buried deep within the terms and conditions of your purchase agreement is a clause stating that the game company reserves the right to reclaim your game at any time for undisclosed reasons. They assure you it's nothing personal; it's just business... or possibly dark magic.
"The Interdimensional Intellectual Property Impasse": Due to a rift in the space-time continuum, your game has slipped into a parallel universe where the laws of copyright and ownership are entirely different. According to the game company, retrieving your game would require navigating a labyrinth of alternate realities, time loops, and bureaucratic red tape.
We asked around and the best they came up as to why you don't own your games are these 5 reasons:
"The Glitch Gremlin Gambit": The game company claims that a mischievous glitch in their system caused your purchase to disappear into the digital void. According to their official statement, your game is now residing in the same mystical realm as missing socks and misplaced car keys.
"The Quantum Ownership Quandary": In a mind-bending twist, the game company insists that the concept of ownership is a mere illusion in the quantum realm of digital downloads. Apparently, your game exists in a state of simultaneous ownership and non-ownership until someone looks at it, at which point it collapses into one or the other.
"The Pirate Paranoia Plight": The game company blames a notorious band of digital pirates for absconding with your purchase and setting sail for the high seas of copyright infringement. According to their investigation, your game is now sailing the digital ocean, accompanied by a crew of swashbuckling software smugglers.
"The Cosmic Contractual Conundrum": Unbeknownst to you, buried deep within the terms and conditions of your purchase agreement is a clause stating that the game company reserves the right to reclaim your game at any time for undisclosed reasons. They assure you it's nothing personal; it's just business... or possibly dark magic.
"The Interdimensional Intellectual Property Impasse": Due to a rift in the space-time continuum, your game has slipped into a parallel universe where the laws of copyright and ownership are entirely different. According to the game company, retrieving your game would require navigating a labyrinth of alternate realities, time loops, and bureaucratic red tape.
2 years ago
Sharing it means the job will pay better
Ah, an employment jelly being with the power to grant raises and dream jobs based on liking? That sounds like a whimsical and fantastical creature indeed! Here are five characteristics this jelly being might possess:
The Gelatinous Joviality: This jelly being would exude an aura of cheerfulness and positivity, with a gelatinous body that jiggles with every step. Its infectious laughter would spread joy wherever it goes, making even the most stressful office environments feel like a fun-filled carnival.
The Career Compassion: Despite its playful appearance, the jelly being would have a deep empathy for the struggles of job seekers and employees alike. It would understand the importance of finding fulfilling work and strive to help individuals achieve their career aspirations, one jelly-like hug at a time.
The Promotion Prowess: With a mere touch of its squishy appendage, the jelly being could bestow promotions and raises upon those it deems worthy. Its decisions would be based not on merit or qualifications, but on the pure-heartedness and sincerity of the individual's actions.
The Dream Job Dynamo: In addition to granting raises, the jelly being would have the power to manifest dream jobs out of thin air. Whether it's becoming a professional panda cuddler or a professional ice cream taster, the jelly being would make dreams come true with a flick of its wobbly pseudopod.
The Office Oasis: Wherever the jelly being resides, it would transform the workplace into a haven of creativity, collaboration, and camaraderie. Its gelatinous form would absorb stress and tension, leaving behind an atmosphere of tranquility and productivity. Meetings would be replaced with jelly-fueled brainstorming sessions, and water cooler chats would revolve around sharing jelly recipes and career aspirations.
Also people will think you're special and clever.
The Gelatinous Joviality: This jelly being would exude an aura of cheerfulness and positivity, with a gelatinous body that jiggles with every step. Its infectious laughter would spread joy wherever it goes, making even the most stressful office environments feel like a fun-filled carnival.
The Career Compassion: Despite its playful appearance, the jelly being would have a deep empathy for the struggles of job seekers and employees alike. It would understand the importance of finding fulfilling work and strive to help individuals achieve their career aspirations, one jelly-like hug at a time.
The Promotion Prowess: With a mere touch of its squishy appendage, the jelly being could bestow promotions and raises upon those it deems worthy. Its decisions would be based not on merit or qualifications, but on the pure-heartedness and sincerity of the individual's actions.
The Dream Job Dynamo: In addition to granting raises, the jelly being would have the power to manifest dream jobs out of thin air. Whether it's becoming a professional panda cuddler or a professional ice cream taster, the jelly being would make dreams come true with a flick of its wobbly pseudopod.
The Office Oasis: Wherever the jelly being resides, it would transform the workplace into a haven of creativity, collaboration, and camaraderie. Its gelatinous form would absorb stress and tension, leaving behind an atmosphere of tranquility and productivity. Meetings would be replaced with jelly-fueled brainstorming sessions, and water cooler chats would revolve around sharing jelly recipes and career aspirations.
Also people will think you're special and clever.
