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2 years ago
War is bad
You heard it here first. The government might say high taxes spent for war is a good thing, here are the reasons some horrible person in power might come up with:
The Patriot's Pockets: "Because who needs a savings account when you can just dump all your hard-earned cash into the government's war chest? It's like investing in your own personal fireworks display, except the fireworks are bombs and they're exploding halfway across the world!"
The Peaceful Prosperity: "Because nothing says 'world peace' like funneling your entire paycheck into funding the next big military intervention. Who needs diplomacy when you've got drones?"
The War Tourism: "Because forget about that dream vacation to the Caribbean—why lounge on a beach when you can take a tour of a war-torn country instead? It's like backpacking through Europe, but with more bullet dodging!"
The Conflict Couture: "Because who needs designer clothes when you can wear the latest in military surplus chic? Camouflage is the new black, and nothing says 'I'm ready for combat' like cargo pants and combat boots."
The Bombshell Benefits: "Because nothing boosts the economy like a good old-fashioned arms race—just think of all the jobs created in the bomb-making industry! Who needs healthcare when you've got a bomb factory to keep you warm at night?"
The Patriot's Pockets: "Because who needs a savings account when you can just dump all your hard-earned cash into the government's war chest? It's like investing in your own personal fireworks display, except the fireworks are bombs and they're exploding halfway across the world!"
The Peaceful Prosperity: "Because nothing says 'world peace' like funneling your entire paycheck into funding the next big military intervention. Who needs diplomacy when you've got drones?"
The War Tourism: "Because forget about that dream vacation to the Caribbean—why lounge on a beach when you can take a tour of a war-torn country instead? It's like backpacking through Europe, but with more bullet dodging!"
The Conflict Couture: "Because who needs designer clothes when you can wear the latest in military surplus chic? Camouflage is the new black, and nothing says 'I'm ready for combat' like cargo pants and combat boots."
The Bombshell Benefits: "Because nothing boosts the economy like a good old-fashioned arms race—just think of all the jobs created in the bomb-making industry! Who needs healthcare when you've got a bomb factory to keep you warm at night?"
1 year ago
2 years ago
Epic couple vibes
Eggy head and the chicken have a beautiful future a head (get it?) of them but we still wanted to know why a bald head triggered this gorgeous blondes nesting instincts, so we obviously made some up:
"The Golden Glow Guarantee:" Sitting on your bald head is like basking in the warm glow of a radiant sunbeam—except instead of sunlight, it's the golden aura of your gleaming scalp. Who needs a tanning salon when you have the world's most reflective dome?
"The Bald Brilliance Buffet:" Your bald head is like a gourmet buffet for the senses, offering a smooth and inviting surface that's perfect for lounging. It's like sitting on a velvet cushion—only better, because it's attached to your head.
"The Chrome Dome Comfort Zone:" Your bald head is the ultimate comfort zone, offering a cozy perch for anyone seeking refuge from the chilly winds of life. It's like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket—only with less fabric and more follicle-free fun.
"The Eggcellent Empathy Experience:" Sitting on your bald head is like receiving a warm hug from a dear friend—it's comforting, nurturing, and oddly satisfying. It's like finding the perfect spot to nestle into on a cold winter's day, except instead of a cozy armchair, it's your shiny dome.
"The Smooth Scalp Snuggle:" Your bald head is like a plush pillow for the soul, offering a soft and inviting surface for anyone seeking solace and serenity. It's like finding the perfect spot to rest your weary bones—only with less cushioning and more cranium.
"The Golden Glow Guarantee:" Sitting on your bald head is like basking in the warm glow of a radiant sunbeam—except instead of sunlight, it's the golden aura of your gleaming scalp. Who needs a tanning salon when you have the world's most reflective dome?
"The Bald Brilliance Buffet:" Your bald head is like a gourmet buffet for the senses, offering a smooth and inviting surface that's perfect for lounging. It's like sitting on a velvet cushion—only better, because it's attached to your head.
"The Chrome Dome Comfort Zone:" Your bald head is the ultimate comfort zone, offering a cozy perch for anyone seeking refuge from the chilly winds of life. It's like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket—only with less fabric and more follicle-free fun.
"The Eggcellent Empathy Experience:" Sitting on your bald head is like receiving a warm hug from a dear friend—it's comforting, nurturing, and oddly satisfying. It's like finding the perfect spot to nestle into on a cold winter's day, except instead of a cozy armchair, it's your shiny dome.
"The Smooth Scalp Snuggle:" Your bald head is like a plush pillow for the soul, offering a soft and inviting surface for anyone seeking solace and serenity. It's like finding the perfect spot to rest your weary bones—only with less cushioning and more cranium.
2 years ago
His cousin is an investigator
Would he join the gator or mechanic union
Crocodiles can be great mechanics read the stuff our intern wrote while huffing glue
The "Jaws of Steel" Expertise:
Crocodiles' powerful jaws are perfect for tightening bolts.
The "Tail-Wagging" Torque Technique:
Their tails generate enough force to replace an engine.
The "Snap and Fix" Method:
With lightning-fast reflexes, they can swap parts in a snap.
The "Scaley Smarts" Skillset:
Their intelligence helps them tackle any engine trouble.
The "Lakeside Service" Specialty:
They offer convenient watercraft repairs right at the dock.
Crocodiles can be great mechanics read the stuff our intern wrote while huffing glue
The "Jaws of Steel" Expertise:
Crocodiles' powerful jaws are perfect for tightening bolts.
The "Tail-Wagging" Torque Technique:
Their tails generate enough force to replace an engine.
The "Snap and Fix" Method:
With lightning-fast reflexes, they can swap parts in a snap.
The "Scaley Smarts" Skillset:
Their intelligence helps them tackle any engine trouble.
The "Lakeside Service" Specialty:
They offer convenient watercraft repairs right at the dock.
2 years ago
Dogs are smarter then we give them credit for
They absolutely can manipulate us. Because we're dumb? Maybe all we know is that dogs are smarter then all of us reading and writing this and here's a few reasons why:
The Fetch Fiasco: "Because while the dog's out there fetching sticks like a pro athlete, the reader's still trying to figure out why they threw the stick in the first place. It's like watching a game of fetch with a chess master and a checkers champ!"
The Paws for Thought: "Because while the dog's busy solving complex equations like 'Where's the nearest fire hydrant?', the reader's struggling with basic arithmetic like 'How many treats are in a dozen?' Hint: it's not 'a lot.'"
The Bark Brigade Brainwave: "Because while the dog's barking up the right tree to catch squirrels, the reader's still trying to figure out why they can't find their car keys in the fruit bowl. Spoiler alert: they're not fruits, and they don't belong there!"
The Tail-Wagging Takeover: "Because while the dog's mastered the art of diplomacy with the neighbor's cat, the reader's still arguing with their own reflection in the mirror. Who's the real 'good boy' here? Hint: not the one with the reflection."
The Canine Conundrum: "Because while the dog's got street smarts and knows all the neighborhood gossip, the reader's still trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on their takeout menu. Who needs a translator when you've got a furry friend with all the answers?"
The Fetch Fiasco: "Because while the dog's out there fetching sticks like a pro athlete, the reader's still trying to figure out why they threw the stick in the first place. It's like watching a game of fetch with a chess master and a checkers champ!"
The Paws for Thought: "Because while the dog's busy solving complex equations like 'Where's the nearest fire hydrant?', the reader's struggling with basic arithmetic like 'How many treats are in a dozen?' Hint: it's not 'a lot.'"
The Bark Brigade Brainwave: "Because while the dog's barking up the right tree to catch squirrels, the reader's still trying to figure out why they can't find their car keys in the fruit bowl. Spoiler alert: they're not fruits, and they don't belong there!"
The Tail-Wagging Takeover: "Because while the dog's mastered the art of diplomacy with the neighbor's cat, the reader's still arguing with their own reflection in the mirror. Who's the real 'good boy' here? Hint: not the one with the reflection."
The Canine Conundrum: "Because while the dog's got street smarts and knows all the neighborhood gossip, the reader's still trying to decipher the hieroglyphics on their takeout menu. Who needs a translator when you've got a furry friend with all the answers?"
1 year ago
2 years ago
When does it open
Might be closed for him for a while from now on. Normal business hours are between 1 pm and 1 am. That is ample time for sexy time. here is a list of why these legs stay closed before 1PM :
"The Morning Sleep Spell": Her legs remain closed until 1 pm due to the powerful enchantment of the morning sleep spell. No amount of coffee or alarm clocks can break its hold—only the magical hour of 1 pm can lift the curse and set her legs free.
"The Noontime Negotiation": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're busy negotiating a better deal with gravity. Apparently, they've struck a bargain to stay firmly shut until the clock strikes 1, at which point they'll graciously return to their usual upright position.
"The Brunch Buffet Break": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're waiting for the all-you-can-eat brunch buffet to open. Apparently, they've heard rumors of bottomless mimosas and unlimited bacon, and they refuse to budge until they've had their fill.
"The Midday Siesta Syndrome": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're observing the sacred ritual of the midday siesta. Apparently, they've decided to take a page out of the Spanish playbook and indulge in a leisurely nap until the sun reaches its zenith.
"The Pre-Lunch Limbo": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're stuck in a state of pre-lunch limbo. Apparently, they've decided to hold out until the lunch bell rings, at which point they'll eagerly spring into action in search of sustenance.
"The Morning Sleep Spell": Her legs remain closed until 1 pm due to the powerful enchantment of the morning sleep spell. No amount of coffee or alarm clocks can break its hold—only the magical hour of 1 pm can lift the curse and set her legs free.
"The Noontime Negotiation": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're busy negotiating a better deal with gravity. Apparently, they've struck a bargain to stay firmly shut until the clock strikes 1, at which point they'll graciously return to their usual upright position.
"The Brunch Buffet Break": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're waiting for the all-you-can-eat brunch buffet to open. Apparently, they've heard rumors of bottomless mimosas and unlimited bacon, and they refuse to budge until they've had their fill.
"The Midday Siesta Syndrome": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're observing the sacred ritual of the midday siesta. Apparently, they've decided to take a page out of the Spanish playbook and indulge in a leisurely nap until the sun reaches its zenith.
"The Pre-Lunch Limbo": Her legs are closed until 1 pm because they're stuck in a state of pre-lunch limbo. Apparently, they've decided to hold out until the lunch bell rings, at which point they'll eagerly spring into action in search of sustenance.
