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2 years ago
War is bad
You heard it here first. The government might say high taxes spent for war is a good thing, here are the reasons some horrible person in power might come up with:
The Patriot's Pockets: "Because who needs a savings account when you can just dump all your hard-earned cash into the government's war chest? It's like investing in your own personal fireworks display, except the fireworks are bombs and they're exploding halfway across the world!"
The Peaceful Prosperity: "Because nothing says 'world peace' like funneling your entire paycheck into funding the next big military intervention. Who needs diplomacy when you've got drones?"
The War Tourism: "Because forget about that dream vacation to the Caribbean—why lounge on a beach when you can take a tour of a war-torn country instead? It's like backpacking through Europe, but with more bullet dodging!"
The Conflict Couture: "Because who needs designer clothes when you can wear the latest in military surplus chic? Camouflage is the new black, and nothing says 'I'm ready for combat' like cargo pants and combat boots."
The Bombshell Benefits: "Because nothing boosts the economy like a good old-fashioned arms race—just think of all the jobs created in the bomb-making industry! Who needs healthcare when you've got a bomb factory to keep you warm at night?"
The Patriot's Pockets: "Because who needs a savings account when you can just dump all your hard-earned cash into the government's war chest? It's like investing in your own personal fireworks display, except the fireworks are bombs and they're exploding halfway across the world!"
The Peaceful Prosperity: "Because nothing says 'world peace' like funneling your entire paycheck into funding the next big military intervention. Who needs diplomacy when you've got drones?"
The War Tourism: "Because forget about that dream vacation to the Caribbean—why lounge on a beach when you can take a tour of a war-torn country instead? It's like backpacking through Europe, but with more bullet dodging!"
The Conflict Couture: "Because who needs designer clothes when you can wear the latest in military surplus chic? Camouflage is the new black, and nothing says 'I'm ready for combat' like cargo pants and combat boots."
The Bombshell Benefits: "Because nothing boosts the economy like a good old-fashioned arms race—just think of all the jobs created in the bomb-making industry! Who needs healthcare when you've got a bomb factory to keep you warm at night?"
2 years ago
Bringing the banter
Air fryers are good for any type of food
In case you were thinking about eating your family here are some reasons why you probably shouldn't
"Recipe for Disaster":
"Cooking your family might seem like a shortcut to a home-cooked meal, but trust me, it's a recipe for disaster! From awkward family reunions to indigestion, the consequences are just not worth it."
"Foul Flavor, Fowl Play":
"Sure, your family might drive you crazy sometimes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a tasty dish! Cooking them up would likely result in a flavor so foul, even the dog wouldn't touch it."
"Gruesome Gossip at the Dinner Table":
"Eating your family might make for some juicy gossip, but do you really want to be known as the cannibal cousin or the sibling with a taste for trouble? Let's keep the family drama at a simmer, not a boil!"
"Legal Limbo, Extra Crispy Edition":
"Cooking your family isn't just morally questionable – it's also illegal! Last time I checked, cannibalism was frowned upon in most civilized societies. Plus, I hear prison food isn't much better."
"Family Feuds, Now with a Side of Guilt":
"Serving up your loved ones for dinner might seem like the ultimate revenge, but trust me, the guilt trip is not worth it. Plus, imagine the awkwardness at future family gatherings – 'Remember that time you tried to eat Aunt Mildred?'"
In case you were thinking about eating your family here are some reasons why you probably shouldn't
"Recipe for Disaster":
"Cooking your family might seem like a shortcut to a home-cooked meal, but trust me, it's a recipe for disaster! From awkward family reunions to indigestion, the consequences are just not worth it."
"Foul Flavor, Fowl Play":
"Sure, your family might drive you crazy sometimes, but that doesn't mean they'd make a tasty dish! Cooking them up would likely result in a flavor so foul, even the dog wouldn't touch it."
"Gruesome Gossip at the Dinner Table":
"Eating your family might make for some juicy gossip, but do you really want to be known as the cannibal cousin or the sibling with a taste for trouble? Let's keep the family drama at a simmer, not a boil!"
"Legal Limbo, Extra Crispy Edition":
"Cooking your family isn't just morally questionable – it's also illegal! Last time I checked, cannibalism was frowned upon in most civilized societies. Plus, I hear prison food isn't much better."
"Family Feuds, Now with a Side of Guilt":
"Serving up your loved ones for dinner might seem like the ultimate revenge, but trust me, the guilt trip is not worth it. Plus, imagine the awkwardness at future family gatherings – 'Remember that time you tried to eat Aunt Mildred?'"
2 years ago
When strangers got our numbers phones got ruined
These days phone calls only mean bills or stress TBH! They suck and here's a few reasons why:
The Dial-Up Drama: "Because using a telephone is like trying to communicate with a carrier pigeon in the age of email—slow, outdated, and prone to dropping important messages mid-flight. Who has time for dial-up in a world of high-speed Wi-Fi?"
The Call of the Mild: "Because telephones are like a siren song luring you into a vortex of mundane conversations about the weather, Aunt Mildred's bunions, and the neighbor's new lawn mower. Who needs excitement when you can spend hours discussing grass growth rates?"
The Ringer Roulette: "Because telephones are like a game of Russian roulette—you never know if it's going to be a friendly chat with your best friend or a telemarketer trying to sell you the latest in kitchen appliance technology. Spoiler alert: it's usually the latter."
The Tangled Talker: "Because telephones are like a magician's trick gone wrong—one minute you're untangling a knot of cords, and the next, you're pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Who knew communication could be such a tangled mess?"
The Reception Rejection: "Because telephones are like a clingy ex who just won't take the hint—you try to ghost them, but they keep ringing back, desperate for attention. Who needs constant interruptions when you're trying to binge-watch your favorite TV show in peace?"
The Dial-Up Drama: "Because using a telephone is like trying to communicate with a carrier pigeon in the age of email—slow, outdated, and prone to dropping important messages mid-flight. Who has time for dial-up in a world of high-speed Wi-Fi?"
The Call of the Mild: "Because telephones are like a siren song luring you into a vortex of mundane conversations about the weather, Aunt Mildred's bunions, and the neighbor's new lawn mower. Who needs excitement when you can spend hours discussing grass growth rates?"
The Ringer Roulette: "Because telephones are like a game of Russian roulette—you never know if it's going to be a friendly chat with your best friend or a telemarketer trying to sell you the latest in kitchen appliance technology. Spoiler alert: it's usually the latter."
The Tangled Talker: "Because telephones are like a magician's trick gone wrong—one minute you're untangling a knot of cords, and the next, you're pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Who knew communication could be such a tangled mess?"
The Reception Rejection: "Because telephones are like a clingy ex who just won't take the hint—you try to ghost them, but they keep ringing back, desperate for attention. Who needs constant interruptions when you're trying to binge-watch your favorite TV show in peace?"
2 years ago
2 years ago
2 years ago
You can't win with these people
Putting women out of a job. We should create more porn jobs not fewer! Porn addiction is good for you ...or so we've been bribed to say by big porn. Here are the reasons our unbiased totally honest research found out:
"The Cardiovascular Workout": Forget about hitting the gym—watching porn can get your heart racing faster than a marathon sprint. Who needs a treadmill when you can burn calories from the comfort of your own bed?
"The Stress-Relief Solution": Feeling stressed? Dive into a world of adult entertainment and let your worries melt away faster than ice cream on a hot summer day. Who needs meditation when you can achieve zen-like relaxation with just a few clicks?
"The Creativity Catalyst": Watching porn can spark your imagination and inspire you to think outside the box (or the bedroom). Who needs brainstorming sessions when you can brainstorm your way to satisfaction?
"The Sleepytime Sedative": Can't seem to catch those elusive Z's? Watching porn might just be the ticket to dreamland. Who needs sleeping pills when you can drift off into a blissful slumber with some late-night entertainment?
"The Social Skills Simulator": Watching porn can teach you valuable life lessons and improve your social skills. Who needs awkward small talk when you can learn the art of seduction from the comfort of your own screen?
"The Cardiovascular Workout": Forget about hitting the gym—watching porn can get your heart racing faster than a marathon sprint. Who needs a treadmill when you can burn calories from the comfort of your own bed?
"The Stress-Relief Solution": Feeling stressed? Dive into a world of adult entertainment and let your worries melt away faster than ice cream on a hot summer day. Who needs meditation when you can achieve zen-like relaxation with just a few clicks?
"The Creativity Catalyst": Watching porn can spark your imagination and inspire you to think outside the box (or the bedroom). Who needs brainstorming sessions when you can brainstorm your way to satisfaction?
"The Sleepytime Sedative": Can't seem to catch those elusive Z's? Watching porn might just be the ticket to dreamland. Who needs sleeping pills when you can drift off into a blissful slumber with some late-night entertainment?
"The Social Skills Simulator": Watching porn can teach you valuable life lessons and improve your social skills. Who needs awkward small talk when you can learn the art of seduction from the comfort of your own screen?
2 years ago
