Register for a no ad experience.
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Honesty works
If it works it works
Here are five humorous reasons to be creepily honest while flirting:
Cutting to the Chase: Why beat around the bush when you can dive headfirst into the deep end of honesty? Being creepily honest saves time and cuts through the awkward small talk, leaving more time for the good stuff—like discussing your mutual love of taxidermy or amateur taxidermy.
Embracing Your Inner Stalker: Who needs mystery when you can lay all your cards on the table from the get-go? By being creepily honest, you show your potential partner that you're not afraid to embrace your inner stalker and do a deep dive into their social media profiles before even saying hello.
Weeding Out the Weak: Being creepily honest is the ultimate litmus test for compatibility. If your potential partner can't handle your unfiltered truth bombs, then they probably wouldn't have been able to handle your collection of toenail clippings anyway.
Setting Realistic Expectations: Why pretend to be someone you're not when you can set the bar low right from the start? By being creepily honest about your quirks, flaws, and unusual hobbies, you ensure that there are no surprises down the road—except maybe for the occasional taxidermy-themed date night.
Creating Memorable Moments: Let's face it, nobody remembers the guy who played it safe with generic compliments and cheesy pick-up lines. By being creepily honest, you guarantee that your flirting will leave a lasting impression—even if it's the kind of impression that gets you banned from the local petting zoo.
Here are five humorous reasons to be creepily honest while flirting:
Cutting to the Chase: Why beat around the bush when you can dive headfirst into the deep end of honesty? Being creepily honest saves time and cuts through the awkward small talk, leaving more time for the good stuff—like discussing your mutual love of taxidermy or amateur taxidermy.
Embracing Your Inner Stalker: Who needs mystery when you can lay all your cards on the table from the get-go? By being creepily honest, you show your potential partner that you're not afraid to embrace your inner stalker and do a deep dive into their social media profiles before even saying hello.
Weeding Out the Weak: Being creepily honest is the ultimate litmus test for compatibility. If your potential partner can't handle your unfiltered truth bombs, then they probably wouldn't have been able to handle your collection of toenail clippings anyway.
Setting Realistic Expectations: Why pretend to be someone you're not when you can set the bar low right from the start? By being creepily honest about your quirks, flaws, and unusual hobbies, you ensure that there are no surprises down the road—except maybe for the occasional taxidermy-themed date night.
Creating Memorable Moments: Let's face it, nobody remembers the guy who played it safe with generic compliments and cheesy pick-up lines. By being creepily honest, you guarantee that your flirting will leave a lasting impression—even if it's the kind of impression that gets you banned from the local petting zoo.
1 year ago
1 year ago
Must be because they were paid so well
At least he said have a great day!So why did they quit? Speculation is the name of the game on funnybanter so we thought up a few reasons:
"The Nugget Nonsense": "After a disastrous attempt to juggle chicken nuggets for a customer's entertainment, I realized my talents were better suited for a different stage. Let's just say the nuggets weren't the only things taking a tumble that day!"
"The Frosty Fiasco": "When I accidentally set the Frosty machine to 'eternal churn,' I knew it was time to bid farewell to the world of soft-serve. Let's just say we had enough Frosty to last a lifetime—assuming anyone could stomach that much chocolatey goodness."
"The Spatula Showdown": "My attempt at mastering the art of spatula juggling ended with a burger launch that could rival SpaceX. Turns out, flipping burgers isn't as glamorous as it looks on TV—and the ceiling definitely wasn't impressed."
"The Drive-Thru Disaster": "Trying to decipher orders from hangry customers in the drive-thru lane was like playing a high-stakes game of charades. Let's just say my interpretation of 'extra pickles' wasn't exactly what the customer had in mind."
"The Baconator Blunder": "After one too many encounters with the infamous Baconator, I realized my arteries deserved a break. Let's just say my heart wasn't on board with the idea of a daily bacon binge, and neither was my waistline."
"The Nugget Nonsense": "After a disastrous attempt to juggle chicken nuggets for a customer's entertainment, I realized my talents were better suited for a different stage. Let's just say the nuggets weren't the only things taking a tumble that day!"
"The Frosty Fiasco": "When I accidentally set the Frosty machine to 'eternal churn,' I knew it was time to bid farewell to the world of soft-serve. Let's just say we had enough Frosty to last a lifetime—assuming anyone could stomach that much chocolatey goodness."
"The Spatula Showdown": "My attempt at mastering the art of spatula juggling ended with a burger launch that could rival SpaceX. Turns out, flipping burgers isn't as glamorous as it looks on TV—and the ceiling definitely wasn't impressed."
"The Drive-Thru Disaster": "Trying to decipher orders from hangry customers in the drive-thru lane was like playing a high-stakes game of charades. Let's just say my interpretation of 'extra pickles' wasn't exactly what the customer had in mind."
"The Baconator Blunder": "After one too many encounters with the infamous Baconator, I realized my arteries deserved a break. Let's just say my heart wasn't on board with the idea of a daily bacon binge, and neither was my waistline."
1 year ago
Suffering from success
When your colleagues are quiet quitting planned mediocrity looks like a go-getter attitude
Here are five humorous reasons why a bad employee might get promoted:
The "Reverse Psychology" Promotion: Management figures that if they promote the worst employee, everyone else will work harder to avoid the same fate. It's the corporate version of "leading by negative example."
The "Office Mascot" Promotion: Despite their lackluster performance, they're just so darn likable! Management decides to promote them to boost office morale – after all, who wouldn't feel better knowing that even the most incompetent among us can rise to the top?
The "Goldfish Bowl" Promotion: Management has a short memory and forgets about all the past mistakes. It's like they're operating in a goldfish bowl, where every lap around the tank is a fresh start!
The "Squeaky Wheel" Promotion: They may not be the best employee, but they're definitely the loudest. Management promotes them just to stop the constant complaining and whining – anything for a little peace and quiet!
The "Peter Principle" Promotion: They've reached the pinnacle of their incompetence in their current role, so management decides to promote them to a higher position where they can be even more spectacularly ineffective.
Here are five humorous reasons why a bad employee might get promoted:
The "Reverse Psychology" Promotion: Management figures that if they promote the worst employee, everyone else will work harder to avoid the same fate. It's the corporate version of "leading by negative example."
The "Office Mascot" Promotion: Despite their lackluster performance, they're just so darn likable! Management decides to promote them to boost office morale – after all, who wouldn't feel better knowing that even the most incompetent among us can rise to the top?
The "Goldfish Bowl" Promotion: Management has a short memory and forgets about all the past mistakes. It's like they're operating in a goldfish bowl, where every lap around the tank is a fresh start!
The "Squeaky Wheel" Promotion: They may not be the best employee, but they're definitely the loudest. Management promotes them just to stop the constant complaining and whining – anything for a little peace and quiet!
The "Peter Principle" Promotion: They've reached the pinnacle of their incompetence in their current role, so management decides to promote them to a higher position where they can be even more spectacularly ineffective.
