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1 year ago
Not the vets penis
Clarifying that was extremely important. The vet does not want a kitty BJ and here's a few reasons why:
The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"
The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"
The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"
The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."
The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
The Paws and Perversion: "Because while cats may have a reputation for grooming themselves, that's where we draw the line—nobody wants a 'meow-massage' from their feline friend, especially not in the vet's office!"
The Furball Fiasco: "Because getting a tongue bath from your cat is one thing, but letting them go to town on your nether regions is a whole other ballgame—literally. Plus, who wants to explain those scratch marks to their significant other?"
The Scratching Post Scandal: "Because cats may have rough tongues, but that's no excuse for them to treat the vet's genitalia like a scratching post. It's a vet's office, not a feline fetish dungeon!"
The Hairball Horror: "Because if there's one thing worse than a hairball, it's a hairball in the wrong place—like, say, your vet's crotch. Nobody wants to deal with that mess, not even the most dedicated cat lover."
The Kitty Catastrophe: "Because while cats may be curious creatures, there are some things they're better off not exploring—like the vet's private parts. Let's leave the 'pussyfooting' to the professionals, shall we?"
1 year ago
Turkeys are delicious though
Saying that from my veiled cat persona.
Peta is wrong though we know for a fact that turkeys want to be eaten. Here are a few reasons why we know:
"Because turkeys have been secretly studying human culture and realize that being eaten is the ultimate sign of respect in the Thanksgiving tradition. It's like winning an Oscar, but with gravy."
"Because turkeys are actually culinary connoisseurs who understand that being roasted to perfection is the highest form of culinary flattery. Move over, Gordon Ramsay, Tom Turkey's got some seasoning secrets!"
"Because turkeys have a keen sense of self-sacrifice and believe that by offering themselves up for the feast, they're ensuring a year of bountiful crops and good fortune for their fellow birds. It's like being the sacrificial lamb, but with more cranberry sauce."
"Because turkeys are low-key thrill-seekers who view being chased, captured, and roasted as the ultimate adrenaline rush. Who needs skydiving when you can have a basting brush and a roasting pan?"
"Because turkeys have a deep-seated desire for immortality and believe that by becoming the centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table, they'll forever be remembered in the annals of culinary history. Move over, George Washington, Tom Turkey's the real founding father of Thanksgiving!"
Peta is wrong though we know for a fact that turkeys want to be eaten. Here are a few reasons why we know:
"Because turkeys have been secretly studying human culture and realize that being eaten is the ultimate sign of respect in the Thanksgiving tradition. It's like winning an Oscar, but with gravy."
"Because turkeys are actually culinary connoisseurs who understand that being roasted to perfection is the highest form of culinary flattery. Move over, Gordon Ramsay, Tom Turkey's got some seasoning secrets!"
"Because turkeys have a keen sense of self-sacrifice and believe that by offering themselves up for the feast, they're ensuring a year of bountiful crops and good fortune for their fellow birds. It's like being the sacrificial lamb, but with more cranberry sauce."
"Because turkeys are low-key thrill-seekers who view being chased, captured, and roasted as the ultimate adrenaline rush. Who needs skydiving when you can have a basting brush and a roasting pan?"
"Because turkeys have a deep-seated desire for immortality and believe that by becoming the centerpiece of the Thanksgiving table, they'll forever be remembered in the annals of culinary history. Move over, George Washington, Tom Turkey's the real founding father of Thanksgiving!"
1 year ago
1 year ago
1 year ago
Family dinner has never been this awkward before
Enjoy all new family watsapp groups. Not knowing anything about your family's sex life is a good thing! Here's a few reasons why:
"The TMI Tango": "Because hearing about your parents' sex life is like accidentally stumbling into a salsa class—you didn't sign up for this level of intimacy, and now you're stuck trying to gracefully dance your way out of the conversation."
"The Mental Ménage-à-trois": "Because trying to imagine your parents getting frisky is like trying to unsee a bad magic trick—you're left wondering how it happened and why anyone thought it was a good idea in the first place."
"The Awkward Oedipus Complex": "Because the last thing you want is to accidentally stumble upon evidence that your dad wears leopard-print underwear or your mom has a secret collection of romance novels hidden under her pillow. Some mysteries are best left unsolved."
"The Inheritance Indecision": "Because knowing too much about your parents' sex life is like finding out the family heirlooms were bought with dirty money—it just adds a whole new layer of awkwardness to the will-reading ceremony."
"The Parental Paradox": "Because trying to picture your parents as anything other than the people who embarrass you in public and leave passive-aggressive notes on the fridge is like trying to imagine your pet goldfish running for president—it's just too surreal to contemplate."
"The TMI Tango": "Because hearing about your parents' sex life is like accidentally stumbling into a salsa class—you didn't sign up for this level of intimacy, and now you're stuck trying to gracefully dance your way out of the conversation."
"The Mental Ménage-à-trois": "Because trying to imagine your parents getting frisky is like trying to unsee a bad magic trick—you're left wondering how it happened and why anyone thought it was a good idea in the first place."
"The Awkward Oedipus Complex": "Because the last thing you want is to accidentally stumble upon evidence that your dad wears leopard-print underwear or your mom has a secret collection of romance novels hidden under her pillow. Some mysteries are best left unsolved."
"The Inheritance Indecision": "Because knowing too much about your parents' sex life is like finding out the family heirlooms were bought with dirty money—it just adds a whole new layer of awkwardness to the will-reading ceremony."
"The Parental Paradox": "Because trying to picture your parents as anything other than the people who embarrass you in public and leave passive-aggressive notes on the fridge is like trying to imagine your pet goldfish running for president—it's just too surreal to contemplate."
1 year ago
Take off your sunglasses
While wearing rose colored glasses the red flags were easily missed, You shouldn't miss your ex and here's why:
The Cheat Sheet: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a pop quiz in hell—sure, there's a chance you'll pass, but do you really want to risk it?"
The Infidelity Inconvenience: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a rerun of your least favorite TV show—sure, you might wonder how it ends, but you'll survive without the drama."
The Betrayal Backfire: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a leaky faucet—sure, it's annoying when it's dripping, but once it's fixed, you realize how much quieter life can be without the constant drip, drip, drip of betrayal."
The Deception Dilemma: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a bad case of food poisoning—sure, it was intense while it lasted, but now that it's over, you can finally enjoy a meal without the fear of projectile vomiting."
The Cheater's Conundrum: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a flat tire on a road trip—sure, it's a bump in the road, but once you change it and keep driving, you realize how much smoother the journey is without the constant threat of a blowout."
The Cheat Sheet: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a pop quiz in hell—sure, there's a chance you'll pass, but do you really want to risk it?"
The Infidelity Inconvenience: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a rerun of your least favorite TV show—sure, you might wonder how it ends, but you'll survive without the drama."
The Betrayal Backfire: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a leaky faucet—sure, it's annoying when it's dripping, but once it's fixed, you realize how much quieter life can be without the constant drip, drip, drip of betrayal."
The Deception Dilemma: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a bad case of food poisoning—sure, it was intense while it lasted, but now that it's over, you can finally enjoy a meal without the fear of projectile vomiting."
The Cheater's Conundrum: "Because missing your cheating ex is like missing a flat tire on a road trip—sure, it's a bump in the road, but once you change it and keep driving, you realize how much smoother the journey is without the constant threat of a blowout."
1 year ago
